Stoned|benotƧ

My God, I am thinking thy thoughts after Thee!

[stonedbenots]

Mirror Clown

That's me summed up.

The things you don’t want me to see.

But sometimes I make me laugh.

Never the same as I left me —

always familiar.

Sometimes dirty, sometimes clean.

Only still for as long as me.

What a trip. What a treat.

Monkey see, monkey do.

Sometimes utter disgust;

other times halos of glory.

Always me.

Always me.

[stonedbenots]

Bee, My Meadow!

We all want it.

A place to call our own.

A plot of land, buzzing with pollinators and promise.

Bees softly buzzing, stocking up for winter.

Butterflies gently teasing one another.

Maybe a spider or two, safely out of sight.

An herb garden stocked with sage and thyme and mint.

Wild clovers in the grass beneath your feet.

The warmth of the sun is yours; no predators or disease.

It's primal, not easy.

It requires mowing, planting, weeding.

Understanding.

I'll maybe abandon the dream,

Trade bees for pixels,

And order Uber Eats.

[stonedbenots]

DVCK DVCK GHOST

I sit by the lake

in my dreams—

in waking life, two ponds

smashed together.

A mallard and his hen sift for treats

in the muck, and a crane

brings up the rear.

Haggard beak on stilts—

I’m rooting for you.

The fog lies heavy on my fretted skin.

I exhale with practiced ease,

tar and ash and other things

that soothe my dis-ease.

An impish peace drifts over me;

I command these winged afflictions—

abandonment, loyalty—

wild, flitting things

that never learn to perch.

One last glance.

I stow my butt and lift my chest;

a second, final gaze—

the crane is gone.

No thunder of wings.

Was it ever there?

Who cares.

Goosebumps rise;

I cackle

and take to wing.

[stonedbenots]

It's a shame

That I could be for so long

And still suck

[stonedbenots]

Life in the Shadows

I wish you could see me then

Now.

Blurred lines have become me.

Dancing on the edge:

Where pigments and illumination follow no rules.

I'm ready now

Then

No one can see me.

That's how I like it.

How you like it too.

It's all the same.

Always has been.

Yet it never was.

Only is.

[stonedbenots]

Rare Bird

Hello (bird).

I see you.

Flitting through the leaves.

Do you see me?

I reckon you do.

Your size and yellow breast

must make you quite a tasty sight

for predators.

You too must be an avoidant.

I see myself in you but

doubt that's a two way street.

I've never seen you in threes.

Come to think of it,

you must be new.

Trying to find your flock I suppose.

Or maybe a loner like me.

Perhaps you never had one.

Never quite felt at home or safe.

Maybe you're the last of your kind;

divining which way to go via traffic patterns.

Communing with the breeze and herds of apes.

Couldn't quite find the time for a nest or bride.

Too busy interpreting dreams and tending to others' needs.

I bet you've been to places others only see in sleep

(and quickly forget) by morning coffee.

I'm sorry the bird feeder's run dry.

It'd be nice if you keep coming by.

I guess we both know how it goes.

Goodbye (bird).

[stonedbenots]

Soul Dog

Am I sleeping when Im with you

Or dreaming when i leave.

You're all the same

As me:

Avoidant, unresponsive, but so genuinely pleased

When we reunite.

The realest thing

Is lounging in our living room

At your feet

At ease.

Ill hound you

As much as you do me.

When I need

Let me lie

In your lap asleep.

[stonedbenots]

Unsense

I have a lot of feelings. Most of them are useless. Same with my thoughts. Without both I'd die. With both I am an author, a poet, a god.

The remnants of her past meal dribbled from the side of her lip.

I brought a carrot to a rabbit. It didnt move. I dont know if it's grief or rabies. I left the carrot.

I cry a lot. Mostly because of pain. For myself and for others. I groan and howl and croak. I tamp the ground and aid the spirits.

Sometimes I feel my antlers. I imagine myself gaunt and lanky; hungry. Usually baring it. Sometimes giving in to it. Resolutely eating, blood from nose to chest.

The difference between a horn and a thorn is the cross.

[stonedbenots]

No Disciples

No ones cup of tea

Oasitic outposts of sprawl

Civility

God acknowledging God

Tell me who you want to be

Then tell me who you are

We want to be healed

We can get on with our life

We already see you saw

A machine misunderstanding its circuitry

Both sides fall short

Seemingly so narrow

The second letter forgotten

[stonedbenots]

Sunbathe

It feels like I dont remember you at all. A tear appeared and fell in an instant in a moment as I wrote it as I realized I've been living wrong.

Not by a large degree but just enough for the air to gain a chill as the sun sets behind the mountain. Enough for a ship to sail off to the East Indies to discover the West.

I always knew I didn't belong. I never did. And then I did. I know you feel the same. Felt. True now for us both.

This jigsaw took forever and a day. Fixing doesn't work unless you break but thats a lot of extra steps to take.

I remember when they said they'd take you away. Your cold forehead made me nauseous. I cried. I cried before that actually. And after. Not because it was over but because it was done. I hated crying every night. Until I didn't.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will learn where I belong.

Probably inverting a cycle of decay hugging a wook. You'd hate to see me now and I love that I know deep down you'd be proud. Like that time you said the way I smoked fags made me look gay. We both knew I'm cool as fuck. Or at least pretty funny anyways.

I'm close So close To finding my song. I'll play it in the silence. I never learned another way. i am Smiling by a river Watching beautiful dirty animals sunbathe. They smile back.

[stonedbenots]

Of the Wasps

The wasps and I made peace yesterday.

They began to shew me their dance. Without warning, I am the ocean

And no longer need to eat.

Plants need light and dark. It evens things out.

A profound wave of peace washes over me and I have become bare.

Grandly affected. Capable of enduring.

Aware of no harm; no veins of which to speak.

There is no "and yet" Behind a stinger which sleeps.

[stonedbenots]

Becoming

I like to sit

and smoke

and watch the stars fall into place

and take shape.

I hear a call

thrice - it's not

for me

so I stay.

I am

both time and space.

I watched these things

become

now

I am

becoming.

[stonedbenots]

Inukshuk

It no longer drips.

It sprays.

Like a hose left in the sun.

Like a branch quivering in the current.

Like puff unfurling from lung.

Like a vision quest never returned from.

Red dirt and verdant earth,

You anticipate my return less than I.

Part your maw for me and I would dive

Straight in with a shimmy and a smile.

You have placed in me a seed

And I now know what to do with those. Or rather where they go.

The force of love is overwhelming.

It no longer drips.

It sprays.

Like a sun bleached skull

Like a herd moving as one

Like a whoop and thromb of drum

Like a blink of the eyes and it's done

[stonedbenots]

A Mess

I've been

many a night a mess

Recently.

Maybe always.

Remembering

how much I dont fit in.

Pulled this way and that

on the rack

Stretched thin

Simultaneously

passenger

and at the helm (steady)

Of one of those fischer price carts

I think I wanted one

But never got it.

We couldnt afford the flashy plastic odor.

My feet graced the perfectly engineered pedals once - I realized how much I was and would be missing out. I was an urchin!

I had to strike it from the annals of the ol' pain machine.

I remember screaming in the everglades for my father.

I don't remember him screaming back at me.

I sometimes wish I did.

It's for the best, I know,

alone

just really suits me.

You start to realize you're the architect, the builder, and the man in the limousine.

Maybe also his company.

I used to wish I could disappear. That was the hope and dream.

I still do.

Disappear.

I just don't wish it anymore. Hiding deep in wisdom and philosophy was always the dream.

Now I just feel tired.

How to sort out these faces from the dark

kiss them until they're black and blue.

They writhe in defeat.

One day, I will grow so massive or so between that I simply am not.

Then I wont have to clean.

[stonedbenots]

Portrait of a Stone Giant

A crew of gnome workmen

Down the scaffold hole

Working, contructing, knowing

The shadows that know their place

Beneath my feet

And the warmth of the sun

Two wolves, prancing, pouncing, peaceful

but ready for war

This is living

Seeing the two

And painting the one

[stonedbenots]

Why, oh you!

Two clowns orbiting

Like hands around the clock

They are telling the same joke

The same worn out number

In rythymic anecdotes and

Splendid color

Reds, whites, blues

Inhabiting every moment for millenia

Stroke the balloon dog,

Itll all work out eventually

I've been considering quitting my jobs and devoting myself

To taking pictures of the moon

Every night

Shrouded by those clouds that

Waft around like thinning blankets

Lumpy old and sagging

Tight and almost bulging

Hung and full of something

Orange, yellow, white

It's always the same joke

Something something slapdash,

Soaked by daffodils and covered in cream

🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

[stonedbenots]

GLASS HEART

The right scent for you. Care to try a sample?

A tough buy and sell: an enigma.

What does each vial capture?

The full mixture; the product, the promise, the essence, the hope, the fantasy too.

Glass and crystal still hold value.

Of prim craftsmanship,

fine angles with a certain luminessance. Catching the light, holding the eye

promising a fingerprint.

Give it a try, why not?

A spritz. A waft.

Such a ritual. A tease.

And then, a taste. A sense and a knowing. A grand unveiling.

So, what do you think?

Smash the box and smother me with lilacs and cotton sheets from home.

I'll take two. Make it four. Whenever you stock more, I'll take it all and the whole shop. Sell it to no other, this is mine, my aroma.

This is what I'm made of - matchsticks and caramel and makeup and sea salt.

To think I spent my whole life without.

A smile, pleasure from the pleasure of the patron getting mist.

I would be remade as your vessel, pour your oil of myrhh into me,

to protect and preserve this irreplaceable part of my purpose

and identity.

To treasure it within and imbibe it as I please.

Please.