[stoplooking-at-me]

remember that time some girl ghosted you so you worked out and lost weight and never felt more anger in your life because she ghosted and then saw someone immediately after lol yeah i do too

[stoplooking-at-me]

College Essay Self Exploration (Breakdown)

I was in middle school. I spent most of my time home alone during middle school, not what I would recommend, but both of my parents needed to work and they couldn’t afford to send me anywhere else. At the time my dad had to take a job out of state where he would drive to Nevada on Sundays and then come back home that Friday. The house for the most part was just me and my mom. My mom hadn’t been the same since her mom died. She was depressed and you could see missing such an important part of her life. I didn’t know it could get worst, but then it did. I vividly remember this all. It was valentines day, I had the day off so I was sleeping in bed. I actually gotten excited because a movie with my favorite youtubers (Grace Helbig, Hannah Hart, and Mamrie Hart) had their movie released. I was watching the movie in my bed. When my mom came home, it was around noon. This was very unusual. She would usually come home around 6 or 7. She was on the phone I could hear her explaining it all. Something had happened. I actually didn’t want her to be home because that would mean that I would have to stop watching my movie. She kept repeating what had happened. Something had happened. I didn’t know at the time but I think this was the biggest thing that could have ever happened between my mom and I’s relationship. A type of argument had occurred at her work and in turn my mom nervous breakdown. My mom didn’t come back home the same that day. From that day on her memory wasn’t as good, she would stutter and mix up words more frequently, she felt to me numb, she became so depressed at times I wasn’t sure if I was going to still have a mother. Though the time was very hard for me, it really showed me how to have more patience for other. More empathy. I had to take on the role to doing some tasks for my mother because at times she was not in the right mindset or capable. I would understand that some days would be better than others but that was no reason to give up. She showed me that you can overcome it because today though she still might have her bad days she has truly grown since then, and so have I. I learned to make things fun for her to make sure she didn’t feel the worst. 

[stoplooking-at-me]

College Essay Self Exploration

I haven’t really put much thought into my childhood mostly because I don’t remember most. Then I was reading questions and one was when do you think your childhood ended. 1) That question to me seems so foreign I don’t even know what my childhood was. 2) As I begin to think more about it I start to feel sad and I don’t know why. I have put more thought into it and I think if I was to put an age on when my childhood ended it must have been around 7/8. My grandma wasn’t doing too well. She was more than my grandma though she was a wonderful women who gave birth to 10 children and took those 10 children with her across the Mexican border for a better life. Then had 32 grandchildren in total. She was in fact the only grandmother I ever got to know since both my parents’ parents died at a young age for them, besides my Nana. Though she was not doing well my dad got laid off due to the 2008 market crash. That changed everything for us. At my age I felt the stress both financially and due to my mother dealing with her sick mother. I was so scared that whenever we would go grocery shopping I would take my saving in case our card would get decline. I became to notice how much money we spent on every little thing. Having the following year my grandma pass. It was a whole devastation to my whole family. Things really began to change. 

[stoplooking-at-me]

a mess

I have a lot of thoughts in my mind, most of the time I don’t know what to do with them. It seems like the hardest of them all is to make a decision and I guess that’s why I like others to do them for me. It takes a lot of time to settle my thoughts down, more than I would ever like. More so that I would rather just be left alone and not bothered than to be waited on. But then maybe that’t why I do irrational things quickly, just to do something. It just seems like my mind is jumbled in constant state of questions and feelings that I can’t even write down. It’s just overflowing in my chest. I wish this wouldn’t be how it is, but that’s life and I am glad I am now at least a little aware of this. I wish I could be honest with people, but not saying I am a liar, but I just mean honest in the sense to be vulnerable, or to say what does bother me. I thought I had made progress towards this, but in reality I don’t think I have. It bothers me that I spent a year with my therapist and I never really went into the problems that I wanted to. I just sat there and said merely things that skimmed the ice, it made me feel like a fraud. Because each time she would say “anything else you want to talk about” I would answer no, even though knowing I did. I guess I could go back to her, I really think I should and maybe this time I will have the courage to say the reality, the truth. I don’t know why I wrote this, but it does feel nice to just let your feelings out. 

[reputing-deactivated20231019]

[thegoodvybe]

[silk101]

[zicadbagui]

[open]

[chokesngags]

Just some words of real shit -

Be careful who you have unprotected sex with.

Be careful who you vent to.

Be careful of how you use the word ‘love.’

Know when to let that shit go.

Be careful who you speak to about your finances. 

Calm down before making decisions in anger.

Some bridges need to be burned.

Know the difference between like, lust and love.

Trust your gut.

Write it down; you’re not gonna remember.

Find an outlet for your stress/anxiety. Run, yoga, drink/smoke in moderation, write, meditate. find something that works for you.

Once it’s on the internet, it’s nachos anymore.

Stop trying to please everyone. It is impossible. Someone will be offended. Someone will be unsatisfied. 

Drink more fucking water. 

Memorize important numbers by heart. Your phone may not always be available.

Love yourself. Learn to if you do not know how. If you put yourself first in all that you do, it will come to you soon. 

Stop caring so much about what people will think and say. Because fuck em. 

Stop lurking through his/her shit. Mind your got damn business and live.

Try to be considerate of how your actions or lack of can affect others. You never know what people may have going on. The inconvenience can cost time, energy and money.

Communication kills assumptions.

Cum often.

#kbye

[allgrungedup]

[lori-em]

She looks like a murderer but man that’s hot.

[recked]

[hotelcaiette]

do you ever just wanna sit next to someone and listen to everything they could possibly say about anything ever just because you like their face and their voice and their general existence 

[howtheyhypnotize]

[hplyrikz]

I think I fall in love a little bit with anyone who shows me their soul. This world is so guarded and fearful. I appreciate rawness so much.

Emery Allen  (via alunit)

[urbanharmony]