I might talk about this within its context another time, but for now I just wanted to pull out this point and put slightly different words on it than those given in the film (Heartstopper Forever).
It's important for romantic relationships to be a choice. If someone feels like they can't be without you, they're not really choosing to be with you because there is no choice: there's no alternative. You deserve to choose, and you deserve to be chosen.
I don't know if this counts for or against my point, but I'm going with 'for' because this is an inconvenient way to take off a hoodie, especially if you're handing it to someone else to wear
The way Nick looks at Charlie after too, to see if he appreciated it, before he's even finished getting the hoodie off
I am Once Again [x] drowning in the infirmary scene in Heartstopper S1E4, and I don't know how to convey my thoughts. There are so many layers.
Charlie, who we’ve just seen wanting to prove himself to Nick via rugby and "failing" at it, apologises not for the rugby part but for not being able to contain how much he likes Nick. The impetus is Nick being caring towards Charlie and Charlie enjoying that. (!!!)
"I'm really sorry for being all clingy and annoying..." -> "I’m sorry I like you so much and you’re so nice to me that I can’t hide the way I feel about you well enough." (There are so many problems with this.) Whether he means to be saying it or not, he's also saying, "I’m sorry you like me so much that you can’t hide your feelings." (This too.)
Nick, meanwhile, is feeling like he's letting Charlie down.
(Charlie also feels like he's letting himself down.)
(Nick also feels like he's letting himself down.)
Admittedly, the last note of the scene is heavy with their disappointment and guilt, but things are already different between them than they were before. There's more of an understanding of each other and more trust that they both want something together. Charlie's apologising, but he gives Nick a chance to respond and he listens to the answer. Nick leaves in a hurry after they're caught out, but he says goodbye first.
This whole scene gets me... their body language, their choices, their actions, their reasons. What they're saying, why they're saying it, why they're saying it now, what they mean by what they're saying, what they don't realise they mean, what they're not saying. The scene's placement within the episode, within S1, within the whole show. Its demonstration of Nick and Charlie's internal conflicts and insecurities and how those affect their relationship. What that reveals about them as characters, i.e., how the underlying things will come into play in other ways across and throughout their lives. Their care for each other.
It's like this scene is the centre, where I started, and then there are concentric circles of thoughts rippling out from it until they encompass the whole. And, thus, here we are. Me shouting about it on the internet to you <3
Can we do a fanfic askme game? I'm really feeling like writing fanfic today, but I'm having trouble sticking to one, so please help me purposefully jump between them.
Below is the list of my WIPs (as they're named in my files, not their 'finished' titles. Added mystery!). Send me the name or the corresponding number of up to 3 of them in a reply to this post or in an ask, and I'll write and share 3 sentences for that fic(s).
(See the replies to this post for the sentences as I complete them.)
Nick yelling at Charlie post-clinic
The locker room's POV
Nick reflecting on 'forever' with Charlie
Tori and the tumblr post
Charlie's anorexia and maybe a proposal?
The morning of N&C's wedding day
Charlie loves naked cuddling
Nick and being held by and holding Charlie
Locked in
Truth or Dare(d to kiss Nick instead)
Domestic wet dream
Hickey
More context for the fics is below the cut if you want it. If you'd still like to know more before requesting sentences, feel free to ask that too.
1. Nick yelling at Charlie post-clinic: Nick's been really afraid for months and it finally comes out.
2. The locker room's POV: A crack fic, as they're affectionately known. The Truham locker room has noticed Nick and Charlie and it has designs on what it wants to see.
3. Nick reflecting on 'forever' with Charlie: This one's just what it sounds like. Spoiler alert: he's into the idea.
4. Tori and the tumblr post: Tori sees a tumblr post that changes her brain chemistry. It helps her to care more about herself (even if she does resent it).
5. Charlie's anorexia and maybe a proposal?: Charlie's struggling with his ED while he and Nick are out at a restaurant on a special date. Charlie may or may not be extra anxious because he's planning on proposing (I'll be real with you, I don't know yet. It's an option, but the fic isn't far enough along yet for me to know how it's going to go).
6. The morning of N&C's wedding day: Another one that's just what it sounds like. Sweet fluffiness.
7. Charlie loves naked cuddling: Again, what it says on the tin. He enjoys how it feels and tells Nick that.
8. Nick and being held by and holding Charlie: It turns out my file names are often self-explanatory. Nick thinks about holding and being held by Charlie. It's very sweet but his reflections include some tough things (mentioned in passing, not dwelt on).
9. Locked in: A 'what if?' fic exploring what might've happened if N&C did get locked in the music block at the end of S1E1.
10. Truth or Dare(d to kiss Nick instead): Another 'what if?' fic looking at what might've happened if Charlie had been dared to kiss Nick during the game of Truth or Dare at Tara's birthday party in S2E6.
Adding my disclaimer from the replies here: The origin of this fic is that I just wanted to see a version where Nick chooses to come out at Tara's party by making out with Charlie. I don't think that this would have happened at that point in canon -- in other words, I think if Charlie had actually been dared to kiss Nick, it would've gone down differently than it does in my fic -- so it's important to keep in mind that N&C are necessarily (and purposefully) at a slightly different point individually and as a couple to make the starting event happen, and then I tried to keep everything progressing from that point consistent with their in-fic characterisations
11. Domestic wet dream: N&C get to spend ~24 hours alone together in the Spring house. They have an ordinary time and love every minute of it.
12. Hickey: Nick asks Charlie to give him a hickey, but why?
One of the repeated lyrics in "Clearest Blue" by CHVRCHES that plays in Heartstopper S1E3 at Harry's birthday party when Nick is searching for Charlie is "meet me halfway", with the line at the climax – right when Tara and Darcy agree to kiss on the crowded dance floor – being "Will you meet me more than halfway up?" That concept has always struck me as a great description of Nick and Charlie and how they...are. By which I mean, how it's possible that they got together in the first place as well as how they continue to support and be there for one another.
I have a philosophy of relationships that I think about in similar terms.* Broadly speaking, I think it's important to take care of yourself and take care of others. Sometimes that means only being able to do a little, and sometimes that means being able to do more. Sometimes you'll have to meet someone closer to where they are, and sometimes they'll meet you closer to you. Sometimes you'll both be able to offer more than the halfway point and meet past it in both directions.
This doesn't always work. Sometimes people won't be able to meet because they can't offer enough to reach where the other person is at in that moment. And that's okay. If it's typical that they do meet, then the times when they don't are a blip, an aberration. Even if it's painful not to meet, they have the care and the experience of the other times to know that this was the unusual circumstance, that they are both trying, that they do both want this relationship and want it to be good, that they're making progress on that.
Bringing it back to Nick & Charlie, they have this...dance. I wouldn't describe it as "push and pull" or "give and take" because, to me, it's not a singular thing that's being moved back and forth. Instead, it's both of them reaching out. Sometimes one can only reach a little and the other reaches more; sometimes they both reach a lot. The point is that they both keep reaching, and they both keep meeting, often more than halfway.
Have a little illustration of this idea:
*Below the cut is a more detailed explanation of one of the aspects of relationships in which I think about "meeting more than halfway". (It's separated out because it's not necessarily demonstrated by Nick and Charlie in this exact way (though elements are certainly there), but it's included because I think it's a good further illustration of the point and because it's something that's helpful to me in relationships.)
Here's an example of when I think about "meeting more than halfway".
When there's something I or someone else needs or wants to work on in order for us to have a better relationship with each other, I want to know what I can do, what they can offer and what the leeway is. In other words, once we agree on a goal, I then like to agree on the approach to meeting that goal.
Let's take a hypothetical application of this. Someone close to me comes to me and says they don't like being interrupted when they're speaking, that I do it occasionally and that they'd like me not to. I want to respect that and want to work on not interrupting them. My goal is to never interrupt them (barring necessary circumstances), but I'm (very likely) not going to be perfect at it right away. What it looks like to reach that goal is something I would work out with the person. It could be something like this:
I commit to making every effort to notice when I'm about to cut them off and to stop myself. If I notice too late, I offer that I'll say a quick "sorry" so as to acknowledge and apologise for the behaviour but not pull even more focus from what they were saying. They might accept that or they might counter with preferring that I just stopped talking (or something else).
I ask them to accept that I'm trying and to try to be patient with me.
I ask if they can help – can they stop me when I interrupt them? I acknowledge to them that this is more effort for them for a behaviour that's causing a problem for them and that it's my responsibility to change.
We brainstorm what would suit us both. We decide that them just giving me A Look might be the lowest effort action for them that's effective while not derailing the conversation more. We agree that they could also say "hey" or something like "you're doing The Thing", or they could put a hand on my arm. Because we've agreed on these things, they have go-to recourses (including back-ups if I miss or don't understand one of them), and I'm (hopefully) not going to feel it harshly when they employ them.
They might ask that I help to prompt them with what they were saying in case my interruption disrupts their train of thought.
If I mess up, they'll try to be understanding. If they get annoyed, I'll try to be understanding.
If they think there might be other outcomes, such as that they get so annoyed that they want to stop the conversation entirely, we could discuss how to deal with those (e.g., would they like space, an apology (then or later or both), me to bring up the topic again later, me to wait for them to bring it up again, etc.).
Overall movement toward changing the behaviour and reaching the goal needs to happen – and another conversation may be needed if that's not happening in a way or on a timeline that's suiting everyone – but the point is that the process is embarked upon together.
Someone won't always have the bandwidth or desire to contribute. Sometimes people will need to set limits for ways in which they will or won't help, things they will or won't be upset about, things they do or don't want to change (or in which ways and to what extent they want to change them). The people involved need to be aware of their needs and boundaries and communicate those things in an ongoing way.
The vicissitudes of life mean that needs and means change. Balance in a relationship – for whatever that means for the people in it – is important for maintaining it.
The underlying goal, to me, of meeting more than halfway is to have a relationship in which both people feel loved and valued and wanted and supported. Do I need any more of a concluding statement than Nick and Charlie...?
I was wondering if you were going to be doing some more s3 analysis? I'm really new to fandom and have been enjoying the show pretty solitary, but it's been cool slowly reading people's metas, and I'm veeery excited for s4 (cmooon netflix) and how it addresses more of Nick's anxiety and Charlie's growing confidence
Welcome to fandom in general and this one in particular, Anon! I really love fandom for its ability to connect people in a range of specific to very broad ways. I'm glad you're finding ways to engage that suit you and I very much hope you'll enjoy the experience.
I'll definitely be doing more posts relating to S3, and I also have a big list of things from the other seasons and things that span seasons.
That said, to set expectations: Overall S3 to me feels pretty upfront (in a way that feels appropriate for it). Because of that, and because I typically try not to involve very much of the personal side in my analyses, I'm expecting most of my S3-specific posts to be relatively small in scope. [This could very well change -- It's very possible that I'm just still stuck in feelings about it (I do have many thoughts and feelings about S3) and the more 'objective' thoughts will emerge later.]
(P.S. Not to be dramatic: S4 is a need. C'mon, Netflix!)
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