cool

lea // anonl on ao3 i have absolutely no idea what to do here

[stormbori]

My love for Eremika is so great, it defies even the author himself

I just saw this and i agree 🫠

who cares what he thinks haha, we can have our AUs where they have a happier ending <3

[stormbori]

You were always right about isayama’s mistreatment of eren and mikasa. You were also right about wanting to convey how jean and mikasa wouldn’t be happy in that marriage. Its sad because we understand them and cherish them but not everyone is looking that hard into them. He could have made everything so much better without changing the plot yet he chose not to. I am just gonna enjoy eremika in my bubble, the rest of the fandom sucks.

i feel like the best way to experience fandom is to find your little corner of it and just stick to that! especially in a fandom as volatile as this one.

isayama is very much a plot/themes-over-characters writer and i feel like that shows in the ending he gave mikasa. i'm not against people moving on and finding new relationships, at all, but mikasa's love for and devotion to eren was such a key part of her character that giving her a 'moving on (kinda)' ending just feels super awkward, especially with her last words to eren being "see you later". it comes off as inorganic to me because the vibe i get is isayama trying to wrap everything up 'neatly' and unsubtly portray the theme of moving on/finding meaning after loss, when what i -- and probably like 90% of fandom in general? -- would have expected from mikasa would be for her to end up the single mother of adopted children.

it's one of many writing choices that i do not enjoy at all lol. if he was going to write an ending like that for mikasa, i wish he would have just... tweaked her character or something, so that it would feel more like something she actually would have wanted?

[stormbori]

I think you've said you don't care much for AOT canon anymore, but it's basically been confirmed that Mikasa got married and had kids with Jean, through some audio guide thing (I can't send links here). I see a bunch of people saying it's misogynistic to be upset about it, but I just wanted Eren and Mikasa to only be with each other and no one else. I feel silly for caring about this so much, but it does make me sad. Sorry for sending such a dumb message, I know this is kinda irrelevant to you.

man, i love how i have the tumblr app on my phone and it never tells me when i get messages

no need to apologize, i totally get your feelings. i'm quite over aot but my stomach still dropped when i read this. i didn't spend that long looking into it but... it's so disappointing. just another layer of disappointment lol.

it's also absolutely not 'misogynistic' to be upset about it lmfao that's such a lazy accusation and it makes me so mad. i have, admittedly, seen some questionable takes, but it's not inherently misogynistic to want your OTP to only be with each other when you have strong feelings for a ship! it's not misogynistic to not want a female character to move on and find a new relationship when you're invested in the ship that the series actually developed, especially when the other character is portrayed as the love of her life. it's certainly not fucking misogynistic to be upset about the male writer of a series deciding that the best endgame for his female protagonist was to end up ~married with children~ to a dude she was always written to be completely uninterested in. j*ankasa gets no development on mikasa's end and it as an endgame basically rewards jean for having a one-sided crush on an uninterested woman for over 10 fucking years.

i'm sorry you were feeling so down about this. ): i hope you were able to find some good em fic to cheer you up

[stormbori]

Hey, hope you're doing well. I just wanted to say I love a second chance, it's one of my favorite fanfics of all time. I hope you continue it and it's not abandoned, but you've said you don't have much motivation to continue, so if it's too stressful, I think you should stop writing it if that's what you want. Thank you for the amazing fic <3

hey, thank you so much for this message! i'm trying to get back to this little internet identity of mine and it was very, very nice to have such an understanding and supportive message at the top of my inbox.

it's not even that the story is necessarily all that stressful to write, it's just that my motivation is... completely nonexistent right now, and i'm in such a depressive state that trying to force things doesn't really work. i want to get asc done so that i can stop feeling guilty for basically abandoning it, but i can't seem to force the writing to happen.

the current state of the united states has me in a constant state of depression and anxiety. these days, the internet doesn't work as a fun distraction like it did several years ago because, well, sorry to sound like an old person on the internet, but i truly do feel that this current era of the internet, with all its AI and bots and data-stealing and algorithms, is significantly worse than before.

in the past... i don't know, year or so? it's felt like the only happiness i've really felt has been, somehow, hazbin hotel season 2, and a petsite that i've been on for over half my life. in the beginning of this year, i've deleted all my remaining social media, i've gotten back into drawing my dumb OCs, and now i'm trying to ease myself back into writing with some minimal success. (the writing so far has been about OCs, though, i'm afraid.)

but, ah, yeah, i guess what i am trying to say is that, while i'm reluctant to fully abandon things, fanfiction is going to remain lower on my priority list, because i think right now i need to try to focus on things that bring me some real spots of happiness if i'm going to continue to feel like life is even worth living. that sounds so dramatic but it's how i feel. thanks, depression.

so, yes, anyway, thank you very, very much for this supportive and understanding message, it means a lot. <3

[stormbori]

I really want to see eren and mikasa buying their own house, eren earning enough money for them and having kids 😭😭😭 there is so much to see 🥹

i've been debating on how to answer this, hahhh. i appreciate your interest and investment, ahhh, and i don't want to like... let expectations be too high. ;;

so, uh, to be honest, i've been kind of picturing that mikasa would end up pregnant toward the end of asc, with future kid(s) being left up to reader imagination. i'm not 100% sure if that will indeed be the case, but it's what i lean toward the most, especially now that i'm struggling a lot more with writing it.

i'm in an awkward spot with asc where i feel like i've already largely told the story that i wanted to tell, because what i wanted from asc was to work through my issues with canon and give eremika a more hopeful ending. frankly i think i'll always partly regret not ending on chapter 25 and then having an epilogue featuring EMA reunion, but. well. it's a bit too late.

i'm pretty positive at this point that if i try to force myself to write out everything i once thought i needed to include in the story to make it 'complete', i'll be dragging things out for an ungodly amount of time, and the chance of me giving up and abandoning ship will be a lot higher. i don't want to do that. i really don't want asc to end up as another unfinished and abandoned work, but i'm not someone that can really make themself write without inspiration. it just never really pans out for me no matter how much i try - the most i can manage is forcing a paragraph or two.

anyway, this isn't to say that the fic is going to end in 2 chapters or anything! i estimate another 8 or more. i just want to kind of give an idea for what to expect, since there's a good chance that some parts of their future might be a bit more open. it'll be up to everyone to decide for themselves how many kids eremika have

[stormbori]

https://www.tumblr.com/stormbori/790697324921978880/can-i-ask-how-much-of-the-next-asc-chapter-is-left

Yess pleasee 🥳

snippet

It’s peaceful and boring outside. The weather in the area has been decent, if a little too dry. It feels weird to be taking such a long break, but at the same time it’s kind of nice to be outside for something other than work.

“What’s that?” Mikasa asks, pointing at something ahead of them.

There’s a little animal walking in the grass nearby. It’s mostly covered by what looks like armored plates that aren’t very similar to the Armored Titan’s but make him think of Reiner anyway, and it has ears that stick up like a rabbit’s and a long tail. He’s never seen anything like it on Paradis but the animal tugs at some memory still buried within him, some pointless knowledge he’s somehow retained from his time holding the Founding Titan.

“That’s an armor…” He frowns, the name on the tip of his tongue. “Arma…dillo.”

Mikasa pauses so he stops too and they watch it scurry forward on its short legs, seeming to pay them no mind at this distance.

“It’s cute,” she comments.

Eren’s face screws up a little. It seems kind of goofy-looking to him. “I guess.”

They end up following it until they come to a creek. The armadillo shuffles around near the water’s edge, foraging around for… whatever it is that it eats. He has no idea.

“I guess this is a good spot,” he says. The area reminds him of their date in the forest back on Paradis.

“It is,” she agrees, finally turning her attention away from the animal.

They set up and start to eat. It’s nostalgic, and Mikasa looks happier than he can remember seeing her these past few weeks. It bothers Eren to realize, dredging up all those concerns and doubts over uprooting her life.

He’s still working up to saying something about it when she exclaims: “Oh! It can swim!”

He turns to look and, after a moment, he manages to see the little armadillo swimming across the creek, head just barely staying out of the water. What a weird animal.

“How can it swim with its armor?” she wonders.

“Maybe it’s not that heavy,” Eren says, trying not to seem as disinterested as he feels. “You seem to really like that thing.”

Her cheeks go pink. “I’ve never seen an animal like that before.”

“It’s cute,” he says, then clarifies: “You liking it is cute, I mean.”

She still seems a bit embarrassed, but her lips are tilting into a slight smile now. Her eyes go back to the creek after a moment and disappointment crosses her face. “Oh, it’s gone.”

“I bet we’ll see more,” he says.

“I hope so.”

Maybe Mikasa would like it if they got another pet. They had talked about getting a dog, but that was more him… There’s just so much that they need to do.

[stormbori]

ASC now has over 3K kudos, 500 bookmarks and 150K hits! Girl, what you did is insane!!! 🤯

oh man, those sure are numbers! it's kind of intimidating, haha. people are just out there reading my fanfic... crazy to think about.

[stormbori]

What fun things do you usually do with your friends? Hope your life is filled with happiness and joy!

aha, well, i'm one of those 'wow, i sure do love being in my house and not around a bunch of people!' types, so... i'd have to say games. board games are always kind of hit-or-miss for me (i have a short attention span and am kind of picky about them) but i like ttrpgs -- i'm not a huge fan of improv but i do like the idea of basically making characters and stories with people. i also haven't played a ton of them but i really love what i've experienced with playing cooperative multiplayer video games with people, especially valheim. more competitive games can be nice too, but i think it's super fun to work together with friends. i like feeling like we're all on a little adventure together.

[stormbori]

https://www.tumblr.com/stormbori/792808028003090432/sorry-for-another-absence-i-ended-up-pretty-busy

Pls don’t let writing become a burden for you, it’s your hobby, your comfort place and you are anonymous here so if you want to rant about whatever that bothers you, don’t hesitate. Sending you love ❤️❤️

thank you so much for the message. ❤️ you're totally right and this is making me think about how i need to try to reframe the way i view writing asc. see, writing in general isn't really an issue for me lately, the problem is that i'm not really inspired to write for aot; i've been more focused on writing about my original characters. the funny thing is that the OCs i'm focused on are pretty asc!eremika-coded in some ways, so it's like... okay, this kind of codependent dynamic with themes of redemption and loving someone despite their sins still clearly appeals to me a lot...?

i think i keep getting wrapped up in, well, having an audience for asc, and getting in my head about that. there are a couple of other things, but i've fallen into this habit of thinking of asc as more of an obligation and burden lately, something for other people, when... it shouldn't be. i still care about asc eremika and i still want to get them to a better ending place, and even if i feel pressured to write more for them due to the story having an audience, i still want that for me, too. even if aot canon isn't for me anymore, asc eremika are still my babies, dammit, and i want them to get through the adjustment period that they're currently in. man, i was already talking about this with someone else on discord earlier, but for some reason it's, like, clicking harder for me now haha.

anyway, thanks again for the supportive message. :)

[stormbori]

Hey Lea, please don’t let depression get the better of you. I once told you that your fanfiction helped me get through a difficult time, because the way you wrote Eren’s anxiety and depression was so similar to what I experienced at a certain point in my life! (Of course, unlike him, I wasn’t burdened with the guilt of wiping out 80% of humanity, lol.) For a long time, I couldn’t bring myself to meet up with close friends—I shut myself away, just like Eren in ASC who couldn’t face others.

Reading your story felt like a way to re-examine my own experiences, and I truly hope you’ll choose to give yourself a happier life too! Recently, I finished watching “Parasyte”, and I found its idea that “life will always find its own way” very meaningful. The fact that we’re able to keep on living is already something precious, so please don’t give up on your hope to keep going. We don’t want to lose someone like you—witty, insightful, and truly one of a kind!

thanks! this is a very kind message and i appreciate it a lot. yeah, i'm trying to truck along through it, it's just pretty overwhelming right now. i'm sorry for your struggles with depression, but also so, so glad that my writing resonated and helped you through it.

i'm definitely trying to work toward feeling happier, and don't worry, the chance of me giving up is pretty low! i always feel awkward talking about my suicidal ideation because i don't think i could ever actually do anything to hurt myself because the idea of my death hurting the people in my life makes me feel so guilty, but.. at the same time, it's pretty mentally taxing to constantly feel that way.

oh! parasyte! i love parasyte! thank you for reminding me of it. honestly, it's probably my favorite anime that i've seen so far, i just haven't watched it more than a couple of times. maybe i should rewatch it sometime soon...

[stormbori]

Hey Lea！Have you watched the recent TV series“ The Assassin? ”？This line of dialogue is pretty interesting.

i'm pretty much physically incapable of watching liveaction things without having them recommended to me at least 600 times first so i had no idea about this!

there's something so surreal to me about seeing characters in this kind of show bring up an anime character haha. that's so interesting though! kind of cool that aot got brought up.

[stormbori]

Hello, Lea!

I’m so honored to have read your fanfiction A Second Chance right after finishing the Aot. I was extremely upset with the ending of the series, but reading your fanfic moved me deeply and made me feel like a great relief. I could praise you a hundred times over! Your writing is smooth, your prose is beautiful, and your portrayal of the characters perfectly in line with how they were in the canon. It feels as though you’ve cleaned up all the mess Isayama left behind in Chapter 139. Your fanfic could even be said to make the entire series feel complete! My friends and I can’t help but joke that Isayama should really take lessons from you on how to treat his own characters, haha. I might be a little biased, but I honestly haven’t seen any post-Rumbling fanfic that comes close to ASC. Personally, I’ve already accepted ASC as the true continuation of the story (I must be crazy, I know).

I’m a reader from China, and by chance I came across your work. Out of personal interest, I’ve translated some chapters of your fanfic into Chinese for a few friends to read. However, I would never post the Chinese version online without your permission. That said, I sincerely hope more readers will have the chance to enjoy your fanfic. Therefore, I’m writing to formally request your authorization to create and share a full Chinese translation of ASC. If you allow it, I would post the Chinese version on Chinese platforms such as Weibo and Lofter, and also keep a record on AO3 for you to check anytime. In the translated version, I would clearly credit you as the original author and include the link to the original text. (I remember seeing in the ASC comment section that a couple of Chinese readers asked you for translation permission about three years ago, but I’ve never seen a Chinese version of ASC online, so I thought—why not let me do it, haha.)

By the way, I usually spend several hours translating just one chapter, so I can’t even imagine how much time and effort it takes for you to write each one. You truly are an angel to us readers! Thank you so much for all your hard work.

I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been gradually letting go of the Aot, though I understand how you feel. I also dislike the fandom, as it often feels like it’s full of endless arguments, and I’ve grown tired of that—especially when Isayama himself doesn’t seem to treat his own work seriously. These days, I mostly stick to enjoying the art and fanfics I like. Reading your tweets and your replies in the ASC comments has been incredibly inspiring, and I can tell you have a very deep understanding of Eren as a character.

Sorry for rambling so much—I imagine it’s been a while since you’ve received such a long message, haha. I once spent hours reading through your comment section conversations with other readers, and it made my head spin (in a good way), LOL. Sadly, that was all years ago. If you grant me permission to translate ASC into Chinese, I would be beyond honored. Once again, thank you for your dedication and hard work, and I wish you all the best in both life and work!

hello! thank you so much for the praise. i'm glad that asc is cathartic for you. i feel like people saying that they feel the story has 'fixed' the ending is always the highest compliment i could ever get. yes, i think a lot of us really wish that isayama treated his characters as kindly as many of us in fandom like to… hehe. that's so flattering. thank you so much.

i'm perfectly fine with you translating the fic! thank you for asking. :) i'm flattered you like it enough to want to translate!

writing so much has certainly been a labor of love! and yes, the constant arguing in the fandom soured things for me, especially with how intense and dismissive the arguments tend to be. the arguments felt so inescapable that, between that and some of my other issues, i just sort of stopped engaging with fandom in general.

part of me wishes i had been better able to hold on to my positive feelings for aot since it would certainly make it easier for me to regain momentum with writing asc, but overall it's been very nice to no longer be so fixated on a series that i have so many problems with. i feel like it's better for my mental health to let go, haha. i have too many big feelings when it comes to fictional characters and i used to get very upset about aot very easily!

eren was my favorite fictional character for a good eight years or more and sometimes i feel like my view on him is less 'popular' compared to some of the, uh, edgier takes on the character, so i'm always very relieved when people feel that i have a good understanding of him. :)

no need to apologize for the long message! i love reading longer messages, i'm just not always great at responding to them adequately. also, i'm weirdly flattered you spent hours just reading through the comment section? thank you for letting me know that. and thank you for such a kind, respectful, and positive message, i'll certainly treasure this ask!

[stormbori]

sorry for another absence! i ended up pretty busy prior to leaving for my trip, and then my laptop charger died while i was on my little vacation because the world is truly a cruel place. :') i've been home for a few days and busy with work and other IRL things, which i'm currently trying to focus on for the sake of my mental health.

i believe i've talked before about how a lot of the narration for the more depressing parts of asc draws on my own experiences with major depression. these past several months have seen a significant increase in suicidal ideation for me and the thoughts have been becoming much more active than passive lately, so i want to work on improving some things in real life before things get any worse.

anyway, while i'm trying to prioritize IRL, one of my goals for this week is to answer asks and post a snippet for the next chapter of asc. thank you all for your patience with me. ❤️

[stormbori]

can i ask how much of the next asc chapter is left to write? ❤️

i have one scene left to finish, which i have been fairly stuck on. i'll likely have to just start over with the dialogue i'm having issues with.

i'm unlikely to finish the chapter within the next couple of weeks due to a combination of a recent loss irl, which i would rather not get into but felt i should vaguely mention, and having plans to visit a friend next week.

i can probably post a little snippet if that would make the wait less annoying.

[stormbori]

congrats to 3K kudos!!! 🥳🥳🥳

oh, shit, really? thanks! man, when i was first mustering up the bravery to post baby's first fanfic, i never would have imagined getting above, like, 100 lol..

[stormbori]

This is so em coded

this is really cute ;; would love to see some art of em like this

[stormbori]

have u seen squid game? what do u think about the ending?

i've seen several episodes and i thought they were incredibly well-done, but i have a lot i still need to watch when i am... more in the mood for that kind of story. intense media with a lot of brutal darker themes hasn't really been something i've been in the mood for lately. :')