hi love. its you from the future. do you know how much i want to reach over and hold your face in my hands? i wish i could.
you have so much coming for you. its all going to feel like too much at times. but oh, darling, life gets so good sometimes. im so excited for you to see it.
you learn so much about who you are and who you have been. you overcome so much in such a short period of time and you are so proud of yourself.
you find the best friends in the whole wide world. you'll wonder how you were ever living without them. that girl with the striking highlighter and tons of hoodies? pay attention to her, she's very important. and the girl you were paired with for that tap dance when you were 11? shes so special, youll see.
you'll fall out with a few people but thats alright. theres a couple people you swear youll never speak to again that will become some of your closest friends once more. those drives to dunkin donuts will be so worth the times where you're angry with her, i promise.
you're gay! you are a lesbian! youre gonna question yourself so so so much, but oh dear, finally finding an identity that fits will be worth every night you spend crying. mom and dad eventually find out, and youll have a panic attack, but i promise youll survive it. youre not wrong for who you love. even if sometimes it feels like theres no way you'll accept yourself.
on the note of being gay, you dated a girl from school and that was.... a time. but it made you better. you'll see. and youll feel real love a few months later because:
you have a girlfriend! theyre lovely. pink hair and all. you write so many letters and journal entries about them. you're gonna hold hands and youre never gonna be able to squish those butterflies you feel. they have the prettiest eyes youve ever seen and you write hearts around their name in your journal, the 10th journal youve had in 7 years.
you write constantly. you love it. english is your favorite subject and it shows. you fill journals upon journals, and fill boxes full of letters that you dont intend on delivering yet. your handwriting has improved by leaps and bounds all because you decided you wanted it to be pretty when you were in 10th grade. mom compliments it every time she sees it.
you have your license and a car named after one of your favorite songs! you cried when you recieved the car, youve spilled cherry slushies in it, put purple flowers in the dash vents, and screamed along to Dancing Queen by ABBA in it. its yours.
you'll be clara in the nutcracker freshman year, and youll be marzipan lead your senior year. all those hours at the studio pay off in their own ways. dont give up so easily when you get frustrated at dance, okay?
you got braces and you get them off before senior year starts and youve never felt so beautiful. your confidence shoots through the roof when you see yourself without them for the first time.
you cut your hair on your own and it turns out pretty good, even if mom didnt like it. and then you get a real haircut and take it the shortest its ever been. to your chin! woah!
it hasnt all been sunshine and rainbows, obviously. you know that already. march of 2019 is gonna suck, but a funny youtube video shown to you by your best friend will save your life in a mellow mushroom restaurant. you save your friends life because you exist and youll find out a month later and your heart will shatter and also be glued together by it. youll experience a pandemic, for god's sake.
but. all of these happy things ive mentioned will make the bad things youll experience in the next 4 years worth it, even if you think theres no goddamn way you'll be able to heal from some of it. i promise you will, you can, and you have. you do. youre still healing. you never stop healing. youd never have it any other way.
some last bits of advice:
-play around with makeup more
-smile even if you hate your teeth
-let mom take pictures of you
-always take photos of pretty flowers
2087
jacobvanloon
areudirty
snowghoul
turnnoffyourmind
janainaart
prguitarman
stormborns
