[str8upbitchin]

I am so sad right now.

I’m in need of a super dramatic cry session.

I don’t know what triggered this.

I spent most of my day feeling neutral.

[str8upbitchin]

It’s so weird to think about breaking up with someone.

It’s so strange to think about how to initiate a break up.

It’s bizarre to have spent so much of life believing I’d never come to be loved or in love with someone, having it happen and wanting to move on.

It’s unsettling to think about causing heartbreak, but it’s more arrogant to believe I need to protect someone else’s feelings because of pity I may feel.

It’s crazy to think only extreme scenarios would lead me to want to break up. Betrayal, deception and hurt but in the end nothing of the sort, I just don’t know how to appreciate the love you show me nor do I know how to do the same for you.

As weird, bizarre, unsettling and crazy as it may be it is time to let go. I’m not fully in it anymore and you deserve someone who will be.

I’m sorry it is this way.

[str8upbitchin]

I wish I weren’t so caught up in being skinny

it’s what I lack so I go on feeling unpretty

Few more rolls and a few more chins

Convince me that in Love for me there’ll be no wins

Countless times I scream aloud

Honey you are beautiful, full of reason to be proud

But silent thoughts of too big and not at all small

Fill up every room and echoes through the walls

Thick thighs and teary eyes

Love handles complete with lies

That to be enough there should be less of me

from this mindset I wait for the day to be set free

As a hypocrite I tell others & I, love yourself

You won’t find peace in anyone else

Yet no matter how hard I preach & scream

Toxic thoughts keep hanging by the strings

[str8upbitchin]

It was only my own but

Now we are two

hearts beating,

Inside one single being

growing into the cosmos...

But please don’t rush

Let the feeling sink

May this journey be lived

And forever treasured

In our two beating hearts

That for now are in one

But very soon ahead will become

Me and

you.

[str8upbitchin]

You

I like a lot

What a scary thought

Are a reminder of things I forgot

Leave my stomach tied in a knot

But I don’t want it to stop

[str8upbitchin]

Happy Bitchin

Just to cut the string of heartbroken word vomit let me put out some good vibes out here.

Last year was TOUGH af, I was at the peak of mental instability, I'm regaining perspective, learning to allow myself to feel negative feelings in order to grow and live life to the fullest.

Sometimes it's hard and that nasty mindset creeps in the corner of my mind and it's okay, I acknowledge it but try not to engage.

Honestly I feel like after all that I can deal with whatever comes my way so here's a quick reminder you can too!

Having said all that, fuck who hurt you & shout out to you for wanting to grow and keep doing you!

[str8upbitchin]

Unrequited

Love me love me won’t you say that you do?

I hate how it feels when I’m this vulnerable

you stand on that pedestal

I built just for you

In shame, my pride hides out

The fuck am I going through?

it’s funny how things work out

I thought I knew without a doubt

I’d never be the one

To let any son of gun

Do me as you did

But it is what it is

[str8upbitchin]

I’ve started seeing this therapist and unlike previous experiences I feel empathy and understanding from her side which is so refreshing.

[str8upbitchin]

Here's to the better days that are on the way

[str8upbitchin]

“We were never friends” he insists

[str8upbitchin]

Some say “When looking for love Find someone who makes your heart sing” I say Some hearts must be mute Cause mine never spoke a word

[str8upbitchin]

On being a romantic

I've always been in denial, but recently I've become more accepting of the fact that I'm a romantic. 

I over react, I over saturate myself with amplified emotions and  I overthink.

I'm trying to learn how to remain myself, given my "newly" discovered traits without falling into a pattern of self scrutiny and doubt. 

I've come to peace with the fact that I am not as independent as I thought I was. I need support, as I find other people balance out my over bearing tendencies.

I think that's why every now and again the thought of having children feels like warm spring day, as I imagine people whose existence I will forever be grateful and I know, no matter how they turn out I will love beyond my days, for no real specific reason other than the fact that they'll be my kids.

It scares me unconditional love yet it's something I crave and I am fearful that I wont be able to open myself up enough to love someone else in that fashion. And who wants to miss out on love?

[str8upbitchin]

Spring cleaning

Take a second Take a breath

Get the negativity On its way, to its death

Step back Close your eyes Fall free from the disguise.

In this empty space Now free from lies

Let spring flourish in And let the sunrise fill your skies.

[str8upbitchin]

How will you love me tomorrow

If I don’t love me today

Constantly drowning in all this sorrow

That refuses to go away

Give me all your loving

Give me all your might

Sing to me while we’re spooning

Help me fall asleep tonight

[str8upbitchin]

Me: Gets emotionally attached too quick and ends getting their feelings hurt

[str8upbitchin]

Just like waves It comes and goes

Just like waves It crashes at shore

Periodically feeling high

Doesn’t always make up for feeling low

[str8upbitchin]

There's too many of them All around They keep trying to suffocate me Overwhelming tendencies Self destructive frequencies Loath filled and completely distorted From reality Try again You'll make it through Keep going Follow me We'll make it me and you