a/n: PLEASE read the TW because this fic contains many triggers. also, i had a good idea for this fic but as i began writing this, it started becoming weird lol
**1-800-273-8255 - suicide hotline
**741-741 - crisis text number
genre: angst
pairing: hawks x reader
summary: through your depression, hawks tells you to give him a call when you need him. but what do you do when you needed him most and he doesn't answer?
word count: 2.1k
12.09.21
-
"keigo, can you stay home today? i don't feel very good..." you whimper as you grip onto his hero jacket, trying to convince him to stay. you felt shaky and extra fragile today as you built up all of your courage to ask your boyfriend to give one day to you.
hawks glances at you, worried yet guiltily, "i'm sorry, baby bird. i can't today," he answers and your lips shake as you jut your lips out into a pout, hoping to take away from the trembles.
he offers you a small smile as he turns to face you, cupping your wet cheeks with his soft leather gloves, "but if you need me, call me okay?"
he knew how your mental state hadn't been the greatest to you and he wanted to tend to you as much as he could to make sure you were okay. unfortunately, due to being the number 2 hero, there would be times he couldn't be there for you when you most needed it—like today.
"okay," you say quietly that hawks almost missed it. leaning forward, hawks presses a warm kiss onto your forehead before pulling back to glance at you, "hang in there, sweet girl."
it was quite disheartening that hawks couldn't be with you on a day like this where your depression was at its worst, but all you could do was nod and accept it. laying under the covers that hid you up to your cheeks, your tears streamed down your face as you tried to steady yourself.
you felt scared, very anxious even. it was lonely being in the large penthouse without hawks. he made you feel safe and secure, but now he had to make the world feel safe and secure, not just you.
you're a burden. were you really thinking about keeping hawks to yourself when japan needs him too? this is why nobody wants you, not even yourself.
it was hard trying to keep intrusive thoughts out of your mind, but slowly they were all that could comfort you.
cant you see that not even hawks wants you? he comes home from a long day of work just to babysit some useless girl who can't even take care of herself.
you were tired, so tired. mentally and physically.
it would be best if you left this world. it would take a load off of hawks shoulders. he can focus on himself and his hero work. he can become a better hero this way.
you knew you should be terrified—killing yourself isn't the answer. hawks would be so sad if you left.
but maybe those thoughts were right? he can't keep taking care of you forever, he's a hero and you're just a nobody. it would be okay to let yourself go and end this pain and suffering.
"if you need me, call me okay?"
you remember hawks' words from earlier that day. grabbing your phone, you dial hawks' personal number in hopes of reaching him. this was your last resort. if he picks up you stay, if he doesn't pick up-
you didn't want to finish that thought.
your hands shook as you held the phone to your ear, the ringing that seemed to never end. your heartbeat rang loudly in your ears as you nervously waited for fate's final decision.
and then you heard a voice.
"to leave a voice message, please-" you ended the call—hawks didn't pick up.
a sudden calm rushed through you as you stood up and walked into the kitchen. your emotions blank as the old streams of tears began to dry on your cheeks. opening up the kitchen cabinet where you and hawks stored all of your medicine, you grabbed a bottle of pills before sitting down on the floor.
there was an odd calm as you had accepted this as your fate. opening the pill bottle, your poured them into your hands and didn't look back.
-
there had finally been a break in hawks' busy day as a pro hero. even though it wasn't a long break, he appreciated all of the breaks he got.
hawks was at the drink vending machine, debating over some tea or coffee as his thoughts drifted to you. his heart twisted as he remembered that morning's event and how desperate you looked as you asked him to stay.
oh, how much he wished he could have stayed back with you, to protect you and to remind you how safe and loved you were.
but the commission doesn't believe in love.
his gut has been all over the place that day, butterflies swarming around and hawks couldn't shake off the bad feeling he was getting; he just hoped you were all right.
finally making up his mind, hawks pressed the button for a hot coffee when he felt a vibration in his pants pocket—his cell was ringing. before he could pull it out to check who it was, his assistant quickly called out his name, informing him that the meeting was just about to begin.
"i'll be right there," hawks smiles as he picks up his can of coffee, allowing the vibrations to cease. his smile faltered as he walked toward the meeting room, unaware of all of the troubles to come.
and it wasn't until the end of his long shift that hawks was able to check his phone and found your missed call. his lips curled downward seeing your missed call, but he dialed you right up and called you back. it rang and rang until it led him to voicemail.
"you've reached, (name). sorry i missed your call! leave me a message and i'll get back to you," your soft chirpy voice says as hawks waits for the beep.
"hey birdie, it's me. sorry, i missed your call, i had to run to a meeting. i was able to get tomorrow off, i hope that can make up for today. i love you more than anything in the whole world; see you soon."
as hawks flew himself home, his butterflies became more intense the closer he got. it was getting uncomfortable and he couldn't shake off this impending feeling that had been following him all day.
as he landed at the balcony in your bedroom, hawks glanced around the dark room to find you, but you weren't there. maybe you were in the kitchen making a snack, although he couldn't see the kitchen lights either.
sliding the doors open, he quickly shedded his jacket before making his way into the dark hallway, calling out for you as he flicked the light switches on "(name)? are you home?"
turning the corner into the kitchen, hawks vision was filled with horror. you were faced down on the kitchen floor, the now empty bottle of pills in your hand as another bottle had spilled on the floor beside you. he wanted to scream at the sight, his body frozen with fear, his wings shaken up and frazzled.
hawks threw himself on the floor beside you, gently lifting up your limp and cold body as he struggled to find a pulse. "come on, (name). please. please,"
he quickly dialed for the police as he began chest compressions in hopes of saving you, but even he knew he was too late.
-
"hey, remember that I'll always be here for you, bird brain," mirko says as she pulls away from the hug, hawks offering her a weak smile. "yeah, thanks. have a goodnight mirko," he says before shutting the door, leaving him all alone in his penthouse.
it had been a month since your passing and the pain was still fresh. the commission had given hawks a bit of time to take in everything that had happened, but that just made hawks dwell on your death even more.
stepping into the bedroom, hawks sits on the bed before his gaze lands on all of your stuff on the other side of the room, exactly the way you left it.
his shoulders slumped as his wings drooped down onto the floor—he missed you so much. if only he had answered that call, then maybe you would still be here.
guilt was eating him alive, knowing that he could have prevented this. you needed him, but he wasn't there for you. you died all alone, not to mention that you had been suffering from depression. and hawks wasn't there for you.
he wanted to stay on his bed and be sad, but he had work tomorrow and didn't want to be any more distracted than he was right now. throwing on a light jacket and a cap, hawks decided to go on a walk to visit your grave.
hawks enjoyed late night walks like this. as a hero, nothing really scared him—he'd seen it all. there were fewer people out, too, which meant he wouldn't be bombarded with fans.
sometimes he just needs a walk to clear his mind.
"excuse me, sir. you look like you have a lot on your mind," a voice says right beside his ear as hawks jumped away suddenly. his eyes were wide and sharp as he stared down his perpetrator, "who are you?" how did he not see them coming?
"could i offer you a fortune-telling?" she questions, curious but knowing as she holds out her palm, a small orb of light floating above her hand. "better yet, i could help your problems go away."
hawks narrowed his eyes at the suspicious lady standing in front of him. her hood resting over her head and shadowing her face mysteriously. hawks shooed her away with his hand before turning to walk away, "i'm not interested in getting scammed, lady. i got somewhere i need to be."
"i could give you the chance to bring back the person you love and lost."
hawks stopped in his tracks, "you can bring back the dead?" she chuckled at him before tilting her head, signaling him to follow her. "no, i do not bring back the dead. my quirk can allow you to go back in time."
though he was still suspicious, hawks followed the lady into her small shop. it was filled with your typical fortune-telling items, with deck of cards to crystal balls. "please sit." hawks complies and sits on the cushion in front of her as she sets her space up.
"so, what exactly is going to happen?" he asks and she begins swirling a glittery light around with her finger. was she a witch? "it's simple, really. I'll make a spell to let you go back into the past."
"that's it? what about the cons? this is too sketchy," hawks sighs, rubbing his face with his hand as the lady begins adding things to her small bowl of colorful and bright potion liquid?
"all you have to do is offer something very important to you up. and once you go back in time, the new future you had created will be altered to your decisions. like i said, it's simple."
hawks' sharp gaze focuses on the lady as she swirls the mixture before it shoots in the air and a bright blue glitter dusts the room, lighting it up magically. "so, mister number two? what do you say? have you thought of something to give up?"
her lip curled upward, one side higher than the other as she awaited his answer. hawks glanced downward, unsure. was he really just about to give everything up on an impulse decision to see you? to bring you back?
he just missed you so damn much.
"yes," hawks responds, eyes full of resolve as she brings her hand up towards the side of her face, ready to snap her fingers, "enjoy."
*snap*
your hands shook as you held the phone to your ear, the ringing that seemed to never end. your heartbeat rang loudly in your ears as you nervously waited for fate's final decision.
if he picks up you stay, if he doesn't pick up-
"birdie?" your eyes widen as you hear his voice—he picked up, "k-keigo?"
"are you okay? are you hurt?" he asks through the phone and you shake your head, "no, but i really need you home right now. i think...i think i'm going to hurt myself."
"be i'll be right there. hang tight, i love you." and he ended the call.
you held your phone into your chest as you brought your knees up to your chest, hiding your face against them as you waited for hawks to come home. your heart was beating rapidly as you tried to hold yourself together until he came home.
after what seemed like half an hour, the door to the penthouse opened and you heard footsteps head your way before they stopped in front of you. a gloved hand was placed on your knee, "dove."
lifting your head, your eyes widened at the sight. your heat louder than ever in your ears. "k-keigo, your wings!" hawks could only give you a smile, hand coming up to hold your cheek. blood dripped down his back and onto the kitchen floor as you stared in horror.
a/n: i have so much uni work to catchup on because I’ve been working and studying for the last month but luckily i’ll be doing uni full-time starting next tuesday!!!
KUROO
who needs pillows when he’s got your lap?
you’ll be reading a book or scrolling through your phone on the couch and he will just slide in on top of your legs and lay his head between/on your thighs
takes photos of his face squished between your thighs
he’ll hold one of your legs and cuddle with it just like kids hold a stuffed toy under their arm (i say kids but i’m literally 18 and still sleep with a stuffed toy)
you’ll rest your arms on his head with whatever it is your holding but he’ll push them off and instead try to get you to give him back scratches
ATSUMU
human heater
atsumu lies on his back wile you cuddle into his side, hand resting on his chest
a lot of forehead kisses in this position
he really likes the smell of your shampoo
if you put your hand under his shirt when you two are like this, his brain will malfunction
his one brain cell becomes zero
OIKAWA
he will melt if you play with his hair
just run your hands through his hair, maybe give it a few tugs here and there + a lot of head scratches and he’ll be putty in your hands
oikawa likes to be the one lying on top with his head on your chest and his arms on either side of your torso
gives you neck kisses while he lies on you but also be careful because he likes to bite ;)
random licking too? don’t ask
SAKUSA
sakusa is not the most touchy s/o
naps together are usually in bed with you two facing eachother but at a distance
if you’re lucky he’ll let your feet touch without pulling away - on the condition that they aren’t freezing cold
he likes to watch you peacefully sleep and mumble things while you’re out cold
he knows that being with him can be difficult sometimes because he doesn’t show his love physically so instead he will always fluff up your pillow for you and cover your body with a blanket when you’re chilly
part 2 | masterlist
a/n: i hope ya’ll are having a good day, i have some time this evening so i’ll try to get some more hcs ready!!!! i want to start writing for kuroko no basket <3
Song stuck in my head: Black Catcher - Vickeblanka
Amount of sleep: 3-5h
Lucky number: 7
Dream Job: I don't really have a dream job. But I like my current job.
Wearing: Leggins, pullover
Favourite song: Danger Line - Avenged Sevenfold
Favourite instrument: piano
Aesthetic: White/Black & Green
Favourite Author: Andreas Gruber & Sebastian Fitzek
Random: The relationship between my postman and me is... Complicated 🐥👀
@tsumue @dabiboy @sugawara-sweetheart @prismatales. And everybody else who enjoys filling it out! So feel free and I wish you all a wonderful day/night. 💚
WARNINGS— me talking about shirtless guys, mildly suggestive content but not really, characters are 18+ regardless
A/N— tumblr is fucking with the format of these so if they’re screwed up, i already know about it. enjoy <3
PLEASE REBLOG THIS IM SO TIRED
GRABS THE HEM OF THE SHIRT AND PULLS WITH BOTH HANDS; you’re able to watch as each individual pair of abs reveals itself, and if you’re lucky, you’ll have a moment in which you can stare, completely unabashed as the fabric passes over his head and obscures his view—
PULLS FROM OVER THE SHOULDER AND DUCKS HIS HEAD INTO THE SHIRT; your eyes trace over the revealed dips and exposed curvatures of his back, carved like stone while he untangles the fabric from his forearms and chest—
MOST LIKELY TO WEAR A BUTTON UP/BUTTON DOWN SHIRT; the faux show you get is slow and seemingly teasing, watching nimble fingers deftly undo each silly little button, shrugging the shirt off afterwards and letting it cascade down his shoulders, his back and his forearms—
MOST LIKELY TO RIP HIS SHIRT; the sound alerts you as if you weren’t already sneaking peeks, eyes wide while the seam rips, realizing that he tore through the fabric without a second thought. as if it were mere paper—
MOST LIKELY TO GET HIS SHIRT CAUGHT IN THEIR HOODIE WHEN TRYING TO TAKE IT OFF; frustrated and completely knowing that his upper body is bare before you, he untangles himself from the sweatshirt, uncaring as he takes one hand and slowly pulls the t-shirt down, eyes on you all the while—
all work belongs to @/wak4tosh1 copyright 2021. please do not copy, repost, steal my work on any platform without my explicit consent or i’ll curbstomp you. enjoy!
