I definitely fucked up big this time. It was only the beginning of the school year and everything that happened seems to be against my way. First, this person whom i treat as my best friend decided without my knowledge that he will enroll in the same University as i am now. You probably wonder: why don't you want to be in the same school as your best friend? That is your best friend, you should be happy.
Even I, also thought he was my best friend. But every time he looks at me with his dark brown eyes like I am the star he wished for, every time i hear his soothing voice, I can feel the butterflies in my stomach, my heart beats so loud, and my world begins to crumble as I realized I should not be seeing him this way. I tried tho. I tried so hard to stop myself to remove the idea of me and him being together romantically. It kills me inside whenever he hugs me so tightly, I want to melt between his cuddles but I need to remove myself because I will just fall deeper into him.
This leads me to a decision that I will enter a different University as he is when in the first place we already had a plan since high school that we will enroll in the same University. He chose the closest University in our town which is originally the plan and I decided to rent a dormitory with Winter and Summer and enrolled at Sapphire University.
"Rain! Rain! You there? You seemed occupied," Felix shakes me back to reality.
"Huh? I... Yeah... I'm just thinking about something."
"You know you can say anything to me. After all, that's my job as your best friend."
"Yeah of course. Just give me minute I'll just head to the bathroom." Yeah I'm definitely not going to spill what's on my mind with you.
Me and Felix attended same high school. We definitely didn't become friends moment we met. We belong to different group of friends. But one day, he heard me humming to the song called Little Star by Standing Egg while walking myself to home.
"Standing Egg's Little Star?" he asked.
"I heard you humming to that song and I really love that song. I'm just quite interested because only few knew them."
We converse all the way to our place until we realized we are in the same neighborhood. That was the moment we became friends. It was quite a shock for me because he is actually fan of Korean songs just like me. I never imagined him or any guy liking those type of songs because fans like me always get to called names and insults from other people. Stereotyping guys as gays or any racist remarks like ching chong.
Music became the door to our friendship but what strengthen us is that we had each other through hard times. I listened to every painful stories he shared with me which he told me he can't certainly say to his guy friends. He embraced all of my ugly cries into his chest throughout the night and sing me songs to comfort me. He knows all of my deepest secrets and he even said he could see right through me. Which is not true because he can't see my heart. He can't see that he is the only person who made me feel this way.
"Are you two dating?" one of his friends asked when he joined us on our way to our home. Felix and him needs to do some school project at Felix's residence.
"What?! We are best friends. Wait forget that, we are soulmates. You know, like someone destined for you to meet but not in a romantic way. It's like we aren't related but we are like brothers and sisters."
"Yeah! Of course... I mean... I always wanted to have an older bro and he's like a gift to me. I mean it's weird to imagine kissing your own brother, right? The idea just makes me wanna gag," what a great liar and the best actor, Rain.
The whole walk was me trying to fight against my tears and pretending to feel okay. It was a good thing his friend was there because they were both talking whole trip and me replying with some nods and casual reply of 'yes', 'of course' and 'i agree.' I never realised how far my home from the school was since that day. Time flies so fast when we are walking back home and I never want us to be apart even when our houses were just blocks away.
I cried so much when i got home. I remember all those sweet moments that we shared and realized how he didn't felt the same way i did. He told me he knows me so much, but how could he not know how much I loved him. A love that is not from your sister or friend. How could he not felt the same butterflies that I felt when our eyes meet? How could he not felt my heart was beating so fast whenever he hugs me so tightly? How could he? Why didn't he realise this all along?
After that day, dealing with him is not easy. I need to pretend everything was fine and that I am still the best friend he knows. I was also hoping that maybe after that day, he will realise that what he told his friend about our relationship was wrong. That I am not just a sister he would also call his soulmate. That I am actually the love of his life. That I am the star that shines the most among the other stars in the galaxy. I almost went crazy. I'm fighting the urge to scream at his face and tell him how much I love him but I can't. Probably because I still value our friendship. I don't want to ruin this thing that we have right now because of my stupid heart. The only thing I need to do in order for me to live is to move on. It's not and never easy but I need to.
"A while ago before you head to the bathroom I was telling you something but I think you didn't heard me. I was actually wondering if you can maybe help me prepare my first date with Summer," Felix said as soon as I got out from the bathroom.
"My help? I told you she likes you too and there is no way she will say no to you," i confirmed.
Second reason why the start of my school year is a shit is because both of valued friends are in love with each other. Or should I say the person I am inlove with is inlove with my treasured friend. Summer and Winter are my closest friends here in Sapphire University. Entering a University never felt easy but having them by my side helped me ease those hardships. And since we live in the same dormitory, they are the one I can talk to the same way I did with Felix. Never in my life I pictured myself in this position with this both beloved persons in my life. They are both deserve each other. I can totally understand why Summer loved Felix. He's a guy who shines in the dark. He's my sun.
"I'm just really nervous. I never felt this way before," so you really don't see me that way. I should have never assumed things. "Do you know this feeling? Just whenever i see her my heart beats so much and I don't know how to think." yeah totally because you are the one i felt those feelings duh.
Definitely a lucky guy to have her. She is the type of girl any guy would like her. She is pretty, every people that I know likes her personality, and also very good in class. A total girl next door. Complete package. The ideal type. That is why I don't have any doubts why he fell in love with Summer. They're going to be the perfect couple.
"Anyways, have you heard this song from Day6?" Felix asked.
"I'll remember is the title. I've been listening to this on repeat."
"Yeah! Of course I thought you're talking about the new one. B-side tracks of Day6 are gems."
"Here, let's listen to it while we walk. This just reminds me of our high school days," Felix pass me the right side of the earphones and listened to the song as we walk.
From a distance, I see this new guy from our school standing at the University garden. I think his name is Jacob. I always find him alone tho everyone seems to already know him. He sometimes creeps me out. There are news circulating on the net about messages from outer space or some threats from aliens. I kinda feel suspicious of this new guy like maybe he is an alien or something.
He suddenly looked towards our direction and our eyes meet. I suddenly felt chills all over my body. He didn't break the eye contact so I immediately remove my eyes away from his direction.
What if he heard my thoughts and gave me those piercing look to warn me? What if- Shocks! I need to stop thinking about him if he can hear my thoughts. Erase erase! Puppies! Kittens! Think of cute things!
"Hey this one's your favourite," Felix announced as the next song comes to play.
I gave him a smile as he still remember my favourite song. Good thing I have him and my favourite tunes to distract myself from thinking weird thoughts to that new guy.
Ps: I wrote this years ago for some story making relay. The last part was so random because I need to incorporate the story line to the previous story written lol.
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