StrawberryMarcie

Hello! I am Marcie! I like to write. I am not the best, but I hope that with time I can get better.

[strawberrymarcie]

Sweet like candy

Long post ahead! ColdDays: Part 5

Sherry wasn't going to lose me. That afternoon's conversation played over and over again in my head. Attempting to shake it off, I listed out every item I needed to get for tonight. I just had to remember the essentials: cooking oil, popcorn powder, salmon, and apparently being a bad friend. How could I forget? She hates me, and I fucked everything up as usual.

The sun began to set over the many overcrossing buildings that made up the Chicago skyline. The few rays of sun peaking from their odd angles seemed to follow me like a spotlight. Each time the warm light hit me, my speed increased slightly. I had only been walking for a few minutes, but my heels began to hurt. I stopped to sit, and I looked back at the path I walked. In the short time of my walk, I made it about half a mile. Attempting to compose myself, I took in a few deep breaths. The cold of the approaching evening filled my lungs, but did little to calm the fire in my head.

“How could I have been such a bad person?” I muttered out loud. 

My legs began shaking. I am not a bad friend; this was just a bump in the road. This is a simple mistake, and I can make it up to her. I can help her by just showing her that I care about her. I am not a worthless piece of shit who leaves people behind intentionally because I am a monster. These thoughts racing across my mind did not help the increasing pressure in my chest. I could feel warm tears begin welling up in my eyes, their streams creating a comforting feeling across my cheeks. Quickly reaching into my bag, I grabbed a pair of large sunglasses that covered a fair portion of my face. I took in more deep breaths and stood back up to continue walking. 

Sherry is important to me, but I can't see her right now. Not like this. So, I took myself to the happiest place on earth… The Barny Sweet Shope. The outside of the shop was made up of a wonderful mix of brick and tasteful candy promotions. Hanging above the door was a sign that said “Candies from all over the world”. In one of the windows, you could peek into the building to see one of the many goods that they were making fresh that day. I quickly made my way in, and I was hit with a wonderful smell of sugar, bread, and caramel. Inside the building were multiple rows of tall shelves with many different candies. Each section was split into different nations, and candy was practically spilling out from it. Kids were darting around the shop, pulling on their parents' coats with a pleading look on their faces. Ignoring the many different happy families picking out sweet treats, I made my way to a back door labeled “Soda Bar” with a flppable sign that said, “open”. Inside the soda bar, the atmosphere was very different from the aniuque layout of the candy shop. It was styled as a 50’s diner, including those red and white booths, a jukebox near the door humming light tunes of love and dance, and black and white tiles spread across the floor. At the center of the room was a large circular bar with large beer taps that were labeled with different sodas. In the center, leaning back on her phone was Opal. Her red hair was up in a tight ponytail, and her work shirt was untucked from her pants. Her face was concentrated on her phone, and she did not initially acknowledge me when I walked inside. I stepped up to the bar, and in a calm voice I said:

“Hey, Opal! How's it going?”

She looked over at my with a slight look of confusion, which then turned into a bright smile. She stashed her phone in her back pocket, and came out from the bar with her arms stretched out.

“Luna! Oh my gosh, girl, it is so nice to see you! It has been so long, far too long!” She had a slight country accent, but you could hear the “Chicago” in her beginning to beat it out. 

I extended my arms out to accept Opal's embrace. She was much taller than I, around 6’1. This made hugs with her very awkward on her end, but very easy for me. Her strong sugary perfume was doubly enhanced by the equally strong smell of soda syrup that wafted inside the bar.

Not breaking out from the hug, I say, “Are you still open right now? I could really go for a float right now.”

Opal looked down at me with a look of good-intentioned pity. “Oh sugar, you know that even if it were half past midnight, I would be more than happy to open up for you! You go and take a seat, and I am going to go and change into something a bit more comfortable. I need to get this off me,” She let go of the hug and made her way out of an “Employees Only” door.

I took a seat closest to the taps that had Dr Pepper and Fanta labels on them. I rested my arms on the bar, and I looked over to the section with the tap with the Sprite label on it. Sherry loves Sprite. Every time we are at a place that serves it, I will always order her a “Sherry Temple,” which always got a laugh out of her. I reached over to the napkin dispenser, pulled out a few napkins. Some of them are used to wipe my eyes and nose, others are placed on the bar making coasters. After carefully placing some flimsy napkin coasters on the counter, Opal made her way back. She was now dressed in a black crop top that was tucked neatly into a pair of slightly faded high-rise jeans. She grabbed the sign at the front door of the bar and flipped it to “closed.” Making her way back behind the bar, she pulled out 6 soda glasses and placed it in the prep area of the bar. 

“Alright, Honey, how do you wanna start your evening? Dr Pepper?” Opal said, now with more of her country accent peaking through.

“You know me so well, Opal.” I said

“You haven't changed much in these past few years; no one really does.”

“Personally, I think you are a psychic for Soda. Even back when we first met, the first drink you made me unprompted was Dr Pepper! How do you do it?” “I am not at liberty to say what abilities I may possess, other than a strong memory for good folk. Also know, of course, that trans women love their Dr Pepper.” Opal said, while also giving me a playful wink.

Opal began pouring two large glasses of good old Dr P. She placed one of the cups in front of me while starting to drink from the other cup. The glass was cold in my hands, and I unconsciously rolled it in my palms, trying to get an even spread of temperature across them.

“The stereotype always sticks… Anyway, how has work been treating you? I know it's been a while since I last came back here. I have just been so busy at work these past few weeks, it feels like I have no free time.” I said “Well, I am sorry to hear that honey. Work here on the other hand, has been just fine. But that's not saying much, I am always glad to be back here behind the bar. The only thing I can really complain about is the occasional kid who is past his sugar limit, but I can usually herd him out the building.”

I laughed, “Herd? What are these kids doing? Raging like a bull?” “Worse than a bull, they are like-” Opal leaned down to my eye level, but before she could continue her sentence, a look of deep concern fell over her face. “Luna, your eyes are really red honey. What happened?”

The sudden acknowledgement of my eyes made a lump appear in my throat. It took everything in me not to burst into tears. I quickly put my head down on the bar, trying to contain the light stream of water coming from my eyes. I needed to say something so I let out a light, “It has been a rough day, Opal,” before I began trying to scoop my emotions back up.

“Oh gosh, Luna, I am so sorry. Is there anything that I can do for you, honey? You know that I am always here to listen to you. If it's someone who hurt you, then I will go over and fucking hit them with my truck. I don't care about the legal implications of said action.” Sherry said.

It took me a minute before I could respond. Pathetically, I said, “I think that Sherry hates me.”

“No! No way, Luna!” Opal said, shocked and slightly dismissive.

“I really fucked up everything this time. I know that I am a fuck up, but I don't fuck up this bad usually!”

I could feel a gentle hand placed on my head. My heart began to race at the light touch, as Opal began lightly petting my head and talking. “First of all, you are not a fuck up. You are a very smart and capable young woman. Second of all, Sherry does not hate you. When it comes to her vocabulary, ‘Hate’ and ‘Luna’ belong nowhere near each other.”

I lifted my head to look her in the eyes, her hand still gently and rhythmically running across my head. “Thank you Opal, but I think this one was a long time coming.”

“Luna. Honey. Darling. You are making a lot of assumptions and are giving me no details. Let's work through this together instead of making some assumptions.” Opal removed her hand from my head and pulled up her bar chair to sit down in front of me.

“Okay, but nothing leaves this building. I need a full promise. I know you two are really good friends, and I can't bar my soul if I know this is going to make its way back to her.” I said.

Opal extended her pinky out to me. “I pinky promise.” I extend out mine, and we lock fingers. As we release, I take in a deep breath and start talking. “So, apparently, she thinks that I am leaving her for Zoey. She thinks that I am going to throw away our relationship because I like this girl. Which I would never do! But this means that she has probably felt like this for a while. So that must mean that she hates me, because I have been treating her like shit since day one!” 

Opal stopped me before I could continue. “Whoa there, girl. Alright, so we got some important stuff here. She felt like she was being ignored, right?”

I nodded, not saying anything in response.

Opal continued, “And so she talked about it, and properly expressed her feelings, right?”

“Yeah, she did, but it wasn't just that. She said that she didn't know what her life was without me. That is scary. I have never had such a big impact on a person before. She said it like her life was empty without me, and I know what that feeling is like. I still know what that feeling is like! I imagine that she hates me for it. I probably manipulated her into having her life focused around me.” I said, in a dejected voice.

Opal interjected once again. “I don't think that is what Sherry means, Luna… I think you truly underestimate how much impact you had on her.” Opal pours herself another tall glass of soda. “I have talked to her about you two a lot, and she really loves you.”

“I know she loves me! I love her too; she is my best friend. But I don't want to ruin this any more than I already have.” I said

“You haven't ruined anything honey! You just gotta be honest with each other, and walk this path together.”

“Maybe, but what if I mess it all up again? I don't want to keep repeating a pattern of me being bad to her.”

“You won't mess it up, you just have to keep talking. Communication is key, but you can also do something to show her that you care about her. Something that shows off the strength of your years of friendship together.” “Like what?” I said in a desperate voice.

“For starters, you can buy her some candy here with my employee discount.” “How much should I get?” “Spend as much as you were willing to spend before you got my discount. I have a list…” “I don't need it, I know what she likes. Thank you again, Opal. ”

Opal makes her way out from the bar and next to me, and together we head back to the main store. The sounds of children have died down, which feels like a weight off my shoulders. I grab a bright red shopping bag and begin looking through the selection. Sparing no expense, I grabbed. Pop rocks, gummy worms, and a large assortment of other hard candies. After my bag was overflowing with many different candies, and the weight was almost too much to handle, Opal approached me with a large bag filled with a colorful assortment of saltwater taffy.

“Alright, sugar, you take all of this. I put it on your tab already, so don't ring it up again.” “Thanks, Opal, I really appreciate it.” “Anytime, darling, anytime.”

I reach out for a hug, and Opal accepts with an equally warm embrace. My heart jumps again during the hug. It's nice.

I make my way up to the counter. An old man in a slightly run-down uniform sits politely behind it. He smiles at me as I place my bag on the table, and it's spilling out of it. He rings up my purchase, then I make my way back out into the cold evening. I pull out my phone to check my shopping list.

“Popcorn, oil, Popcorn powder, cheese, ground beef…” I repeat the list over and over to myself as I make my way to the closest store. Stepping into the medium-sized brownstone, I centered myself, looking for the optimal path to get everything I needed. I quickly made my way into the produce section, but was entranced by the selection. So many of the fruits looked fresh and bright, and my gaze lingered on a beautiful bag of grapes. As I unconsciously made my way to them, I felt myself bump into someone. I quickly looked up and apologized. My face began heating up as I looked at the tall woman who was now in front of me. I was only able to pathetically squeak out one thing before melting into embarrassment.

“Hi Zoey…”

[strawberrymarcie]

A Start to an Amazing Adventure

Mayday Mandy part 1.

Working in a spaceport is anything but quiet. People sometimes hear a light drilling noise or the slight tap of a hammer in their cabin. But that noise is nothing compared to working in the lower docks of a spaceport. Mandy found comfort in that noise. Noise meant work, work meant money, and money meant another day of lackluster food. Mandy didn't care; a day of hard manual labor was better than her life back on Hypoxia. So when Mandy woke up in the morning, she did it with a smile. Her room was more put together than the normal cobbled-together work homes found within the depths of Solium Station. It had the basic amenities that all workers were allowed: A bed, a bathroom, and a small table. Each piece of furniture was worn down, and a light layer of dust would cover it no matter how many times it was cleaned. Mandy would always make sure to dust the most important pieces of her own collection daily. These included her large spaces recruitment posters and her many trickents crafted by kids she would meet. Something that Mandy kept an extra eye on was a photo of her when she was 12 years old, posing with some of the older dockworkers at Solium. Mandy's room did have something that no one else had, this being a nice Flinx couch and a medium-sized holo projector that would always be playing something from the one network she had available. Multiple workers would come to admire the new “luxury” pieces of furniture, and Mandy was always happy to host. 

This week was no different than any other. Mandy was in her room, looking over the week's jobs, when a sharp sound made her tense up. It was a painful sound, like someone tuning up the drag of chalk across a chalkboard. Many could identify that sound; it was the sound of drilling. A laser drill. A failing laser drill, cutting into one of the ships that Mandy had claimed the night before. Acting quickly, Mandy grabbed the plasma caster from underneath her pillow. It glowed a deep green as bright liquid swirled in the ammo flask at the caster's edge. Mandy quietly made her way to her door and peered outside. She could see a large figure draped in heavy welding-protection clothing that obscured any potentially revealing details. In her head, Mandy started to take note of all its definable features. The person was around 6’ 3”, and they were holding a large commercial laser drill with two hands. The clothes were not branded by any company, and they showed a few years of wear and tear. Mandy pointed her caster toward the back of its head, her hand trembling while holding its cold grip. 

“As the rightful contractor of SAG eight three nine seven zero, I have a right to protect the ship and its inhabitants.” 

The large person dropped their laser pistol and slowly put their hands in the air.

Many continued, “Alright, now slowly turn around.”

No more discernible features could be inferred from the front of the person. They had a large welding helmet on that obscured any facial features. The figure moved their hand up to the mask, which made Mandy’s finger wrap around the trigger. The light blue sights were aiming right toward the figure's head as they finally revealed their face. Behind the mask was a small rat person.

Mandy thought Gwar Taka was an interesting character. They were one of the best mechanics on the entire dock floor of Solium Station, beside some of the elders. But what made Gwar stand out to Mandy most of all was his cybernetic enhancements. Calling it an enhancement was an understatement; Gwar was a small rat piloting a human-sized mech suit. He would commonly change out the clothes and build of the suit depending on the mood he found himself in that day. Today, he had chosen to be an intimidating 6’ 3 contract-stealing rat.

The reveal of Gwar's disheveled fur coat made Mandy lower her caster and instead launch a verbal assault on the poor beast. “Gwar! I can't believe that you, of all people, would be trying to lift material off my contract.”

Gwar put up his tiny hands in a defensive position. His voice sounded like an old smoker trying to do a New York impersonation. “No, listen! Mandy! It's not like that!”

“That's what it is, then? You just assumed that this was someone else named Mandy's Dock?”

“Listen, Mandy! I am here to relieve you of your duty for now. Pura wants to see you.” “What for? I thought she would be too busy posting jobs instead of having actual human interaction.”

“I am just here as the messenger, while also giving you a break on your current contract.” Gwar attempted to look confident. 

“Oh, please with you behind the drill, it's a liability, not a break.” Many said sarcastically while heading into her room to grab her pack.

“Oh yeah? You think that's funny? I will have you know, sweetheart, that I am one of the best fuckin ranked mechanics this side of the system!” Gwar shouted

“Who rated you? Amnesiac commoners in their 80s?!” Mandy shouted back.

When inside her room, Mandy packed the essentials. Snacks to last her for the day, her rail-bound and collapsible hover cart, and her portable set of tools and bits. She also put on her working clothes, which consisted of a black shirt and gray dockworker overalls. She also discreetly grabbed a set of pirate-themed earrings and stashed them in her back pocket. As she stepped back outside, Mandy threw a small set of keys at Gwar. He attempted to grab them with his hands, but they soared over his mechanical frame before landing on the floor behind him. 

“Listen, Gwar, if you are gonna work on my contract, then you are gonna use my tools. I won't allow you to work with a backfiring laser drill with my clients. If I find any of my tools missing, I will be charging you heavily at the chow hall tonight. Got it?” Many said in a harsh, disciplinary tone.

“My tools work better, but it's your funeral. If it ends up looking like a shit job its not my fuckin fault.” Gwar turned away from Mandy and headed toward a large supply crate sitting adjacent to Mandy's room.

The dock that Mandy worked in was a large and segmented warehouse in the lower levels of the space station. Each dockworker got their own segment of said warehouse to host their own shop in. Some dockworkers would come together to run larger conglomerate feeling shops. Mandy, Gwar, and other people that Mandy worked with decided to be independent. Instead of having a large company, each person could be hired for their respective talents, depending on the job. This would normally lead to dry periods at a low-traffic station, but on Solium, it couldn't be more different. 

Mandy stepped out of the employee door, which was juxtaposed to the large bay door made for larger class starships. The main port was busy. Multiple ships were being hauled to their respective ports by large roaming platforms following a light blue track. The guiding track hummed with unpredictable energy, which seemed to stabilize as Mandy called a larger hover cart to her station. The cart resembled an old-fashioned mine cart with two rows of seats and a small storage space in the back. In the middle of the front row was a small blue control panel. Mandy climbed into the front and buckled into the large safety belt that spanned the entire seat. She excitedly typed in “Freelancer Office” into the console and hit enter. The cart began surging forward with incredible and unpredictable speed. The wind blew across her face so fast that she had to duck down to the level of the seats to shield herself from the power. She quickly popped open a small panel below the control panel, and a smaller, yet more detailed screen appeared. This was filled with automation settings, track configuration settings, and most importantly, speed settings. Lowering the speed values, Mandy could feel the cart beginning to slow down before it entered a light pace. Looking around the access panel, Mandy could see a brightly colored sticker of a rat with their thumbs up. Below him was the caption, “You just got Gwared.” Mandy sighed as the cart slowly made its way to its destination.

The outside of Pura’s office building was clean. Too clean. No matter what time of day it was, there would always be a window cleaner who would be working away on one of the several floors that made up her office. Getting out of the cart, Mandy straightened up her clothes and brushed away any debris that had gotten on her during the tumultuous journey. She made her way to the front doors, took in a deep breath, and confidently stepped through the automatic doors. As they closed behind her, the ever-present sounds of working and machinery were muted and replaced with a pleasant tune coming from the speakers dotted around the lobby. The lobby is stuffed with people, and a small team of receptionists guides everyone to their respective destinations. Mandy steps into the long, yet fast-moving line. As she waits for her turn at the front, she takes out a small and lightly rusted fidget toy. She plays with it as she reaches the front and takes a moment to realise that it is her turn. The receptionist is an aquatic creature who resides in a large water tank behind the desk. Mandy could almost hear the receptionist in the back of her head like an intrusive thought. No real words were spoken, but Mandy knew exactly where to go after that echo stopped. A little confused, she made her way to one of the many elevators and took it to the top floor. 

Pura’s office was very nice, but artificial. All the surfaces were coated with a thin layer of holographic material, which made them shimmer whenever you moved. To Mandy, this was headache-inducing. Pura was sitting in her chair, her posture was composed and strict. She was as still as a statue as Mandy approached her desk and sat in one of the two chairs in front of it.

“Pura, why are you calling me during my time off. You know that I have a script nap time right after designated meal hours!” Many said in a serious tone.

As Mandy spoke, Pura’s posture softened a bit. She pulled out a small tablet and placed it on the desk.

“Mandy, you know that I never call people up here for no good reason. This meeting is no exception.” Pura said as she turned on the tablet in front of her. 

“So what is so important about… All of this?” Mandy gestured to the tablet.

“It's a contract for the Solium merchants guild. They are looking to expand outside the small footprint that they have now. They need a few capable workers to go on extended tours with them to establish merchant hubs.” Mandy's breath began to quicken with excitement, and her body began to shake. She quickly blurted out, “I am in! I am so in!”

“Wait, Mandy, I haven't even told you about all the contracts that are available to you.” “I don't care where you assign me, I just want to go out. I have been waiting for one of these contracts for years!”

“Alright Mandy, just wait,” Pura said as she clicked away on the tablet. Mandy's communicator began filling with many contracts. “You have been working here for a long time, and I feel that you are young enough to go on some of these longer contracts. So look it over and think about it.” Mandy quickly started browsing the jobs and bookmarked a few that complemented her skillset. 

“Thank you so much Pura, I really mean it,” Mandy said

Pura nodded. “Just don't forget about us here at Solium. Your ship station will be taken care of while you are gone. You always have a home here with us, Mandy.” Mandy looked to Pura with her hand extended for a handshake. Pura grabbed it firmly and gave it a few good shakes. Mandy began strolling back to her station, intermittently skipping when she could. This was the first page of Mandy's Journey, and she was ready to take it headfirst.

[strawberrymarcie]

A home dream.

Something that I always dreamed of having was a house. I wanted it so I could invite my friends over to hang out. I always dreamed of having a place where friends would randomly visit sometimes. This dream was forged mainly out of my love of old 90's sitcoms. No matter what problem someone had in the A plot, the MC's friend was always a drive away. So the MC would drive over to talk. Then, after they resolve the problem, they hang out. Sometimes they would get food, watch something, or just continue talking. I want that connection, that freedom. The ability to have that feels so unreal at this point in my life. Though I can always hope to have a space that others can call home.

[strawberrymarcie]

Romantic Intermission.

Long post ahead! ColdDays: Part 4

The morning sun crested over the many buildings of my neighborhood, creating long vertical slices of light across my room. It had already been a day since I last saw Zoey, but my body was filled with glee as I woke up. My hair was a mess since I forgot to put my hair in a bonnet the night before. Making my way to the bathroom, I dreaded the many tangles that inevitably filled the end of my hair. As the brush raced across my hair, sometimes snagging on a chaotic tangle, I thought about last night. What was Zoey’s angle last night? In romance books, usually the main love interest tries to play hard to get. The love interest also represents a goal or a path for the main character's life in the story. There is also a very troubling cliche that if the main character is a woman, she usually disregards her friends in order to fall for the love interest. Despite my hate for this cliché, I tried to examine Zoey and I’s relationship for the matching romantic pathway we would pursue. She was wealthy, hot, and funny, but it felt strangely artificial. There was nothing in the books for that. Back in college, she was more… Eclectic. 

Zoey and I took game design classes together, which was a really fun time! She wanted to be an artist and do story boarding for game companies. I always admired her work ethic; there was an abundance of procrastinators in college, but she was never one of those. No matter the deadline, she would finish her work days before it. I, on the other hand, was a procrastinator, but after I met her, I slacked off a lot less. Zoey helped me through many things in my life, so I owed it to her to help her with what she needed.

As I applied the last bit of product to my hair, I pulled out my phone to find Zoey’s social media. I enjoy scrolling through it in the morning as I wait for all my products to set in. It was a weekend, so I was ready to watch the sea of posts she made on her story documenting her morning routine. When I clicked on her page, I found that she had no story. I quickly went to check her other accounts, and they were equally devoid of it. I felt my heart rate beginning to speed up; this was strange for her. Had I messed something up? Maybe it was something I said, or something that I did? I raced through the memories of the night before, but I could not think of anything that I had done. While in a panic, I quickly pulled up her contact. I tried to think of a non-creepy way to ask if I had messed up her whole evening and morning, but the more I tried, the more unhinged the messages became. Before I could send out a text to her, a notification from her private Snapchat story popped up from the top of my phone. I clicked on it and breathed a heavy sigh of relief. The post was of her in bed, with the simple caption of #sloshed, #got a little tipsy #girls be drinking. I took a deep breath in, disaster was avoided, all systems are clear. I sent a text over to Zoey, “Thank you for talking with my last night, I hope that we can spend some more time together when you are free.” Thinking that I wouldn't hear back for a while, I went to put my phone away, but I was surprised when I got a quick text back. “Hello Luna, it's great to hear from you. I would also love to spend some time with you to catch up. I am sorry about last night. I did some pre-gaming, and I feel like I made an ass of myself. Let me make it up to you. How about dinner?”

Dinner? DINNER? This was the big moment! The moment in the book where the MC gets taken out to dinner, and they have a romantically charged evening. Of course, the MC does not acknowledge this tension; in fact, she is not supposed to even believe that she wants to get into a relationship at all. The main character is also not supposed to respond immediately to create allure, or something like that. So I decided to wait to respond, and instead I decided to reward my success with a tall glass of orange juice. I was surprised when I walked into the kitchen and did not see Sherry. Usually on Saturday mornings, she would sit on the couch and put on Sailor Moon. Back when we were in high school, some TV networks would show reruns of anime really early in the morning. So Sherry and I would get up as early as possible on Saturdays so we could catch an episode of Sailor Moon or Dragon Ball. We did have access to streaming services and backdoor websites to watch it, but nothing could beat the feeling of watching it live, and in a terrible resolution.

Seeing that Sherry was absent from the living room, I decided to go see if she was alright. The door to her room was amazingly decorated; she had hung up a cork-board on the front where she put the many pins that she collected over the years. It was filled with pins from many different franchises, but was mainly populated by old anime and cartoon series. I knocked on her door lightly and waited for a response, but I heard nothing. I knocked again, and I got back a soft, muffled “come in”. As I opened the door, I saw Sherry, who was curled up on her bean bag in the corner of the room. Her eyes were red and puffy. She was sniffling as she looked up at me. In her hands was a large polar bear stuffed animal that I had gotten her from Ikea when we were first shopping for the apartment. 

“Sherry? What's wrong, Hon?” I asked in a soft voice, slowly approaching her.

“It's nothing Luna, I think I just had a hard time last night.” Sherry responded while wiping her heavy eyes.

“What happened? Did someone say something bad to you? If so, they are going to get a fucking piece of my mind.”

“No, nothing like that. I think I am just dealing with some feelings that I have been having for a while now.” 

“What kind of feelings? You know that you can talk to me. I have, and will always be here for you.” A strange feeling in my gut started to form. It was so… strange to see Sherry cry. In the many years of our friendship, the only time I would see Sherry cry was when she was in physical pain. She would also cry when we would watch devastatingly sad movies, but it was never to this degree. 

“I'm just, I don't know, I feel like I lost my goal in life. Last night I realised that I have been working toward a goal that I can never attain.” She let go of her stuffed animal and moved over so that I could sit beside her on the bean bag.

“Don't sell yourself so short, Sherry! You are one of the most badass women that I have ever met! So if you have a goal, then you are not only going to achieve it, you are also going to exceed that goal tenfold!” 

Sherry chuckled to herself, and a smile started to lightly appear on her face before it fell back into a sad frown. “Luna, you don't get it. This is not something that I have control over. Sometimes things just don't work out the way that you want.”

“Oh? Like what?” I asked.

“Like when one of your best friends moves across the country, and you don't get to see her for a long time...”

When I heard that, the strange feeling in my stomach grew. I felt light nausea, and I was starting to shake lightly. “I did not have a choice in that; I had to do that so I could get out of my parents' house.”

“Exactly, if I had the choice, I would have had you live with me so that we could have spent those years together. Ever since then, I feel like I have been playing catch-up with your life. You have these new friends, these new stories, and you barely have enough time for me as it is. Now with Zoey in the picture…”

“Zoey? What does Zoey have to do with this? I barely see her at all.”

“I just feel like I am being left behind. We used to do everything together, and now with your job and the new life, I don't get to see you. Zoey is a big contributing factor to that.” “I would never spend less time with you because of her!” I said with a tightness in my throat, it hurt to hear that I was causing her so much pain.

“You are already spending less time with me these days; you didn't even tell me that you were going out to a party last night. I had to wrestle that information out of you as you were heading out the door. You were trying to sneak past me. In high school, you used to always invite me out.” Sherry said in a lightly accusatory tone I stood up. “I didn't mean to hold that from you. I was just so excited, I did not have the time to tell you. I was sneaking past you because I didn't want you to judge me. You mean everything to me, and I did not want your image of me to be tainted.”

“Tainted? How could I ever think less of you? You are one of the best people in the world, and I could never think less of you.”

“Then what is the problem? Why are you crying over this? I am your best friend!” “I know, I know, it's just that…” “What is it, Sherry? Just tell me!” “I DON'T KNOW WHAT MY LIFE IS WITHOUT YOU!”

I took a step back; her shout was so powerful that I almost fell down. No matter how much I tried, I couldn't respond. Every time I tried to say something, the words got stuck in my throat, and tears began streaming down my face. After a while of me standing still, Sherry began talking in a softer tone. “When you left for New York, I felt aimless. You had become my world, and with you gone, I was nothing. I spent those years trying to find a replacement for you, but nothing was the same. It wasn't until I opened my shop that I started to feel normal again. I had finally been really happy with my choices I had made since you left. It was when I moved in with you that I realised just how much I missed you. I don't want to lose you to Zoey, I just got you back for Christ's sake.”

I didn't know how to respond. This was the first time that someone other than my parents shouted at me. Sherry had meant a lot to me, but I never really processed how much I meant to her. She was always so cool and composed. I felt like I was just a visitor in her life just like I was with everyone. I just pass through and give people what they need, then I go on.

“Sherry… I am so sorry if I made you feel this way. I-I don't really know how to respond right now.” “I don't need you to say anything, Luna. I said my piece. If you leave me for Zoey, I understand. I will be sad, but I just want you to be happy. I would never keep you here if it made you unhappy”

Hearing that made me very upset. “Why do you think I can't spend time with both of you equally? Why is it that in life, one woman has to be shafted for another? That is utter fucking bullshit! You know what, Sherry?” I took out my phone and pulled up Zoey’s text messages. Her invite on the screen still made me very happy, but Zoey will always be there. Sherry needs me now. So I told Zoey that I could not make it today, but that Sherry, her, and I should all get together to get food next weekend. I turned the phone over to show Sherry. “See? I like Zoey a lot, but I am not going to sacrifice our relationship to pursue one with her. You are far too important to me to ever let something like that happen. So suck it up, you are going to be in my life for the long haul. You better fucking get used to it.”

Sherry looked up; she was still crying. Despite that, she stood up and wrapped her arms around me in a tight embrace. “I love you Luna.” “I love you too Sherry.” Love is an interesting word. I think it sucks that it is reserved for people in romantic relationships. We should be able to tell anyone that we love that we love them. My love for Sherry is very deep, and I don't mind going on a romantic intermission for her.

[strawberrymarcie]

Just girls being girls.

Long post ahead! ColdDays: Part 3

When I first discovered that I did not fit in with my assigned gender at birth, I had a major freak-out. It was in High School during freshman year, and I just moved away from the city where all my friends were. There was no specific moment that I knew I was trans; it was just a slow realization over the course of a few months. Finding help was something I did not know how to do. The internet was filled with a lot of hot topic opinions, along with a slew of anti-trans and anti-woke messaging, which made me forgo that way of gaining information. Looking at literature at the time also resulted in dwindling results; my high school was not stocked with the academic content that I would want. So instead of really exploring my gender, I just kind of shut down for a few months. Things became harder, and I felt like I was constantly moving through my life without reason. My school was progressive, and they gave a good amount of funding to our school's GSA. It would take me a while to go into the classroom physically, but I would always peer into the class during my final period right before I went home. The room was also used for an art class, so the massive amount of rainbow decorations fit in with the other hand-created art pieces. What really stuck out to me was a mural painted on the southern wall of the classroom. It was multiple people holding hands, of many different genders and identities. At its center were four words: “We are all human.” Something about that really inspired me to make progress with my gender journey. 

The school held an after-school club for GSA members and any visitors wanting to learn more, so I lied to my mom and said that I was touring a new sports club while secretly going to the GSA. Looking back, this was not an amazing lie. Sports were never a big part of my life, even though my father would have loved for that to be the case. Lie or not, my mother let me stay after school, and I decided to join my first club meeting.

It was strange being in a room with other gay/queer students. We were a pretty big school, and it was pretty easy for the 8 total gay kids who attended to get lost in the shuffle. When I walked in, I saw a row of smiles appear on multiple of the other students' faces. It looked like they were hungry, and I was their next meal who flew into their spider web. My body tensed up immediately, and I struggled to take another step into the classroom. Alarm bells were ringing in my head. I thought that did not belong there; I thought I was not queer enough, and everyone was gonna make fun of me, and that I'd better run before they threw a slew of precise insults to cut me down to a million pieces. I turned away from the classroom to run out, but in my pure shock, my senses were disabled, and I did not notice another student walking into the classroom right behind me. With a quick turn and the preparation for a full sprint, my full body crashed into them, quickly knocking us both to the ground. This quick physical jolt was enough to reset all my systems back to their basic functions, which allowed me to perceive the girl in front of me on the floor.

She was blonde, with that classic hot-topic goth look that was popular in the mid to late 2010’s. A classic oversized band tee draped over the buttons of her ripped jeans; she had a black backpack covered in different anime and band patches/stickers. It looked like she was ready to pull anyone apart who got in her way, and I just knocked her down to the floor. I shuffled back up into a stiff upright position and started apologizing immediately. “Oh my god, I am so sorry! My brain was in a full glitch mode, and I didn't even know you were behind me! If there is anything that I can do to make it up to you, just tell me. I will do anything. Sorry.” The girl was still on the floor, regaining her bearings of the situation while I continued to spill out an endless stream of “Sorry” and “Dear God, I am sorry”. She looked up at me with a look of confusion that eventually turned into recognition, and that recognition turned into a strange look of joy. She started laughing while still on the floor, which made me take a small step back. Worried, I asked, “Why are you laughing? Are you okay? Do I need to take you to the nurse's office?” 

She responded with a light amount of glee, “No, not at all, I actually have never been better. You have a strong push. I have never been sent flying like that in forever, it felt really good! Though if you want to earn some sort of forgiveness, then you can help pull me up.” She reached out her hand, and I reached out mine to pull her up to my level. She promptly introduced herself. “My name is Sherry. What's yours?” “I-I, um, good question? I have been really trying to figure that out lately, I guess? That's why I am here, to like, get all the answers. I tried to get it out of a book, but there is a shocking lack of lgbt literature in the library here.” “Well, I need to call you something. I can't go around calling you ‘The person that ran into me at GSA’. So I guess I can just give you a nickname for now.” Sherry picked up her backpack and pulled out a small pinboard covered in very detailed pins from different franchises. “Pick a character from here randomly, and that will be your nickname. Before you get too excited, just know that everyone here has a nickname based on one of these pins.” I looked over at the other kids in the class and noticed that they had pins either on their clothing or, more commonly, their backpacks. Looking at the large number of pins, I did not recognize any of the characters besides some of the cartoon characters. So, going out of my comfort zone, I decided to pick something that spoke to the heart. I pointed my finger at a very cute cat with a crescent-shaped moon on its head, and confidently said, “That, she looks like the perfect cat, so she must contain the perfect nickname”.

Sherry quickly removed the pin from the board and placed it in my hand. “From now on, I will call you Luna!” She said with a childlike zest. “Okay, but what if I pick a name later that's better or fits me more? I will say that I have taken many Quotev quizzes, and I have gotten a variety of promising results.” I said to her while grasping the pin and looking for a location on my bag for it. “Too late, them’s the rules, I don't make 'em, I just play 'em.” “Alright then, I will play by your ‘rules’ for now, but I will find a loophole in this verbal contract that will one day make you rue the day you signed it!” “Oh, I am sooooo scared, you can't even take me to court, this is not legally binding. We are not 18 yet.” Sherry said

“You would be surprised at what legal things apply to us at this age, let me tell you the presidents that have been set over the course of the 2000’s will shock you!” “Shock me?” Sherry said in an over-dramatic tone. “Nothing can get past this mental shell. You'd better prepare something that will shock me after the club, then.” “Oh, I will, get your shell ready…” It was in that moment that I realized that I was indeed in a club, and I had questions. Many questions.

Everyone in that club was able to help me with the questions that I had, but no one helped me more than Sherry. After that day, we spent nearly every moment together. She gave me the courage and the safety to be who I am. Sherry always gave me space to make many mistakes and was always there to comfort me. I needed that comfort now. Zoey sent me into a spiral. I thought that meeting her would have been an amazing moment of re-connection, but instead, I looked like a god damn idiot in front of her. Deciding against going out into the cold and putting myself into a cryogenic sleep until spring, I headed upstairs to find Sherry so we could get out of there.

I was able to be downstairs long enough to get nice and warm, just to be shocked by the cold when I rose up to the rooftop. The party really started to take off while I was gone. There were some fun outdoor games set up on medium-sized glass tables. There was Jenga, Connect 4, a giant ring toss, and an oversized chessboard. The current Chess game was set up where black could take the game in two moves, but I avoided the urge to go over and tell the player about the moves that would propel them to victory. Instead, I made my way over to the bar with Barley. “Hey, Barley, it has been a little while! Could you set me up wiiiiith, oh man. Wait, what do you got back there?” I said Barley's voice had really deepened since I last saw them, so I was lightly shocked when he started naming off the many different spirits and normal sodas that were hidden behind the bar in a deeper baritone. “For you, we got everything, Luna. Soda, Water, Limes, and an assortment of teas.” “I guess I will take a Sherly temple, I need something hard to make me forget about the fumble of the century,” I said Barely looked considered and asked, “Fumble? Are you okay, Miss Floor GSA?” “Oh ha, ha, ha” I responded sarcastically. “Yes, I am fine, just a light amount of social embarrassment after seeing a friend. That's why I am asking you to make me such a hard drink. I need to fizz away these feelings.” “I was starting to wonder why you were asking for something so intense. Try not to drink too much, or else I am gonna have to cut you off as I did at lavender graduation.” A deep amount of petty fake rage began filling me like a shaken-up can of soda. I pointed my finger at them while saying, “First of all! I think it is perfectly normal to drink 4 cans of Sprite during a graduation. Second, that means nothing coming from someone who was making hard drinks during said graduation!” Barley looked at me, offended, “Okay, little miss, you did not just have ‘4 cans of Sprite’. You had 4 cans of Sprite, 2 cans of Ginger Ale, a Coke, a Coke Zero, 2 Shirley Temples, which is like another 4 Sprites, and a Tiki Soda! I still have the Polaroid to prove it, too. Also, I only served hard drinks to those I knew could handle it, and those who asked.” “I am just a girl, okay! I was a new girl who just got her 3-year being a woman pin. I was both celebrating my femininity and dreading the idea of being a woman in a male-dominated tech field!” Barley just looked at me while gathering the ingredients for my drink. During the silence, I responded. “Okay, maybe I went a little overboard, but I tipped you well!”

“Luna, you were the only person who tipped me, and you were one of the best tippers I have ever had to this day.” Barley responded.

“Well, I don't think you get tipped enough for your line of work; you have to memorize a lot of drinks that have a bunch of different cultural changes depending on the city. You had to research it, and that means you deserve a wage near the 6-figure mark. Anything that requires a lot of cultural research should be paid as such. Speaking of,” I pulled out two 20-dollar bills from my purse and put them in a nicely decorated tip jar. 

“Well, thank you, Miss Floor. I appreciate it.” “Anytime Barley, anytime… Have you seen Sherry around?” 

Barley pointed out to a small group gathered around a fire, but I couldn't make out Sherry from where I was. “She is somewhere over there. Anna pulled her over to talk to her about something.” “Thanks, Barley, try to stay warm.” I began to make my way over to the rather large group of people that were gathered around a nice-looking fire pit. On the north side of the group was Anna, making conversation with a small group of people about her recent trip to California to do A/V work with some musicians. On the East side was Sherry, who was talking with Zoey..?

Curious to know what they were talking about, I sat in a chair nearby where I could see and hear them, but they could not do the same for me without some effort.

Sherry said, “Yeah, and that was how I got my shop here in the city. I was lucky that the lease on my previous place was coming up when I got the call from Luna to move up here. I was already looking for a new direction, and she gave me that chance.” Zoey responded, “That is so sweet of you to do. I remember when she would always speak about you during our classes together. She talked all about the… amazing qualities you possessed.” Zoey spoke in a low, soft voice while running her finger down from Sherry's shoulder to her wrist. Though it seemed like Sherry did not notice due to the thick leather of her jacket. “Luna talked a lot about me in college?” I could see Sherry start to blush slightly. Zoey had that way about her; she made everyone around her blush. “What kind of things did she say about me? Anything bad?” “Oh no, nothing bad at all. She talked about how cool you were. About how reliable you were. That you were the whole package, and anyone would be lucky to date you.” After Zoey said that, Sherry took a whole step back, seemingly in shock. “She said that I was the whole package!?!? Wait, how long has she been saying this for?” “Luna has been talking about you for a long time, that's why I have taken such an interest in your… work. I have a few tattoos that have already started to fade out, and I need someone skilled to fill them back in. Would you be interested in having another client? My schedule can be a bit of a hassle, but I have no problem fitting you in.” Sherry, still in shock over what I think is Zoe’s presence, shakes her head a bit and responds. “Oh yeah, I have a ton of availability. In fact, if you could spread my name around, I would really appreciate it. I like having a diverse clientele.” “I would be more than happy to spread you around my dear, how about you take my phone number and call me with your… availability. See you soon, Sherry.” Zoey gave Sherry a personal business card and walked off to join the party of friends she was with before. 

Sherry looked stunned. She was leaning on a wall, and her eyes were pointed up to the sky. They were not searching for anything, but instead, her eyes looked like they were seeing something else. She always gets like this when she gets overwhelmed with information sometimes, and she spirals down the many different hypothetical paths of her life. Seeing my friend in need, I ditched all the emotions that I was holding. I quickly got up from my chair, and I headed toward her. Slowly, I get into her line of sight, so she can see me coming. When she looked down, I could see her eyes beginning to calm down a bit. A light shade of pink was still highlighting her cheeks, and they almost seemed to darken as I made my way to her. Just as practiced, I engaged the three steps engraved in my mind to calm her down. Step one: I stand to her left and grab her left hand with my right hand. Step two: I squeeze it gently and rhythmically to apply pressure every 10 seconds until I can hear her breathing stabilize. Step three: I pull her into a hug, where I can apply pressure to the middle of her chest until she says to stop.

After about a minute into the hug, she taps my arm twice to signal that she is done. Sherry takes a deep breath in and a deep breath out. After a while of standing together, I decided to cut the silence.

“So Zoey, huh? She really has a way of sending women into shock by just being her.” Sherry responded, “She is cool, but she feels very corporate, I guess?” “That's the thing, she is always dripping with elegant and mature energy. She makes women go insane!” I exclaim Sherry whispers, “Okay, I get it, she is hot, but it is not to the extent that I would develop a limmerance level crush on her.”

“Are you kidding me?!?!?! How can you not see the perfection that she is!” “I guess I have been spoiled. I find other qualities a lot more desirable in the women I date.” Sherry sighs

“Listen, I know your type is nerdy girls who look like a combination of Ramona Flowers and academia, but you gotta at least admit that she is really hot.” Sherry looks at me and sighs, “Okay, she is super fucking hot, and yeah, I get it. She is not my perfect match, but she is way out of my league. She's not out of your league, though. You should definitely go for it. How about this, I will help you.” “Do you really think so, Sherry? I mean, I feel like I don't hold a candle up to her. It's gonna take a lot of convincing that I am the whole deal. The full meal, even.”

“First off, don't call yourself the ‘full meal’. Second off, you are literally the most perfect girl in the world, so she doesn't need convincing; you just need to talk to her more! I just got her number, so we are friends now, so I can hype you up, and we can do like a trio hangout or something.”

“Stooooop, you are too good to me Sherry, you really are. You are the best-est friend I could have ever had. You are everything to me.” Sherry looked both happy and sad when I said that, but I know she is feeling a lot of things. I am just glad I could help her. I have never had a girl trio friend group before. I mainly just had endless sleepovers with Sherry during high school, and some minor friend groups in college. This can be my first classic girl experience! Just three girls being girls.

Thank you for reading! If you liked it, please let me know!

[strawberrymarcie]

Good Luck, Babe!

Long post ahead! ColdDays: Part 2 It's fine, it's cool, it's totally okay that you are standing outside the door to a pointless party.

Sometimes I wonder just what Greek gods I pissed off in order to deserve the blatant curse placed upon me when it comes to life! I have done nothing but good in this world, and I get paid back by being forced to attend a stupid party while the temperatures crash to near zero. Who even throws a roof top party in the winter season? Psychos that’s who! Before my cold demeanor has a chance to freeze over the sidewalk, I feel a warmth drape over my body. “See, I told you, it's cold.” Said Sherry, looking at me like some sort of lost cat. “I put it in the back seat with the seat warmers on. My wonderful Chevy gave you a nice heated sweater, that means she loves you.” Sarcastically I respond with, “Oh thank you great and heavenly Chevy! I shall bow down to your chrome exterior and provide you with my first born during the winter solstice!” Sherry chuckles, revealing a wide and sincere smile you only get to have before the world has an opportunity to rip away your whimsy. It's nice. “My Chevy deserves no sacrifice, it only wants to keep you safe and warm” Sherry replies while rustling my hair. “Now I will drive you home, I don’t care about that. Though I think you will enjoy it, its a chill scene and no one is gonna make you do anything that you don’t want.” In my hesitance I responded, “I remember our old high school parties where it was mandatory to drink. I never liked alcohol back then, wine is fine, but the scientists back in those days were crafting devious alchemical solutions. I won't be forced to drink?” “If anyone forces my girl to drink against her will, I will kick the shit out of them myself. Besides, a lot of people here don’t actually drink so you will be fine.” Sherry assured me “Alright fine, I will take a peak in, shake some hands, and see what the board game selection is like.” “That’s the spirit! You are gonna get so fucked up on all the board games, I am gonna have to carry you to the car!” Sherry exclaims.

She places her hand on my back firmly, yet softly, as she guides me into the house. While I call any living place a house/home this place was actually one of those fun apartment houses. It looks like a normal house was placed inside of a hydraulic press and squished into a perfect size. The front door had a hand written sign saying “Just walk up the stairs to the right!”. So heading the rules placed by the sign, as I stepped into the house I made my way up the stairs. The walls were lined with pictures of Anna with many different artists and musicians that she had worked with over the years. I wondered if I could earn a place on the wall of fame because I programmed her website. Following that logic, I met the artists as well because they reached out to her via my code!

The music began growing louder as we made our way up to the fifth floor. I could identify the Jazz from a mile away, and I was actually surprised at the lack of modern pop songs. As I made my way through the roof door, horror filled my soul. Everyone was dressed to the nerdy nines! People were dressed in some of the best cardigan and pants combos I have seen. Some people were lightly drinking red wine from fancy glasses, while the majority were drinking from different types of coffee and tea mugs. Sherry had not only saved me from the cold, but also from looking like a cozy party poser. As the door shut behind me, I noticed Anna making her way to me. Anna was dressed in jeans along with a large cardigan with patches of different musical instruments dotting along the arms before crashing into a sprawling musical nova on the back of it. Anna opened one of her arms for a gentle hug.

“Oh my gosh Luna! I am so glad you were able to make it! You looks so nice, I love that sweater.” Sherry smiled while interjecting, “Thank you, I actually picked it out.”

“Well you always had an impeccable eye for style Sherry. I am glad you were able to make it as well, I am sorry I never sent you an invite. I tried to reach out to your shop on Wednesday but you were closed!” “I always try to keep the shop closed on Wednesday, Luna sent me this video talking about the psychological relief we can get if we take a mid-week break.” Hearing my trigger phrase of “Luna” and “Psychological,” I quickly interjected, “It has been shown that if we take two days off like Saturday and Wednesday, it gives you a better recharge than a two-day weekend! It would be better if we could just get Wednesday off while keeping the weekend, but Americans will never give in to efficiency like that. Giving the common woman a break? As if!” Looking over at the lightly tuned-out Anna, I quickly end my verbal run-on sentence. “So yeah! Thank you for letting me come!” “Of course, Luna, Sherry, is there anything that I could get you? My friend Barley makes amazing teas, and they can also pour a healthy glass of wine.” Anna says while pointing over to the bar manned by a rather tall bartender wearing a gray beanie and a long-sleeved navy shirt. “Oh shit, Barley?” Sherry looked over in an astonished stare. “I haven’t seen them since I tatted up their sleeve. I gotta talk to them! Luna, are you going to be okay on your own? Do you need to go to the Oblongs?” Oblongs was the name of a restaurant that was only a few blocks away from our high school. We made it a point to go every single Friday, then go over to my house to have a sleepover at my house. She came up with an idea to have a code word that translated to “Please get me the fuck out of here”. So we landed on Oblongs after a long night of debate over the code word. It was probably obvious it was code for something, but I was glad to have it. It always makes me feel so safe. Not everyone in life gets a secret code word along with their kick ass best friend willing to do anything to get them out of any situation. “No, I don’t need to go rn, but we should go soon!” I said “Roger, Roger,” Sherry responded as she made her way over to the bar. “So Luna, any drink thoughts?” Anna said “Oh, do you have any juice? Like apple or orange juice. That would go so hard right now.” I responded excitedly “I don’t have any up here, but you can go into my kitchen on the third floor to grab a glass. I trust you.” Anna says. The kitchen was very ornate. It was filled with many futuristic-looking appliances that you usually don't see in older homes in downtown Chicago. Opening the door of the fridge, I was greeted by a beautifully organized array of food and drink, which included the nectar of the gods, apple juice. I decided to pour myself a healthy amount into a wine glass. When you are presented with a wine glass filled with a drink not normally found in it, you must treat your drinking experience like a true sommelier. So I took a few deep breaths, swirled it around, sniffed, and drank just enough to let the apple flavor profile wash over my tongue. It was a divine drink, and I would have placed its worth in the peak amounts of about 10-15 bucks. I stood alone in the kitchen when I heard some people walking in from the first floor, making idle conversation.

“So there I am at my desk, when I saw the opportunity to dash for the elevator. Let me tell you, I have never run so fast in my life! They don't pay me enough to stay overtime on a Friday! Anyway, I hope I don't stand out too much. I had no time to go home and change out of my financial attire.”

​I knew that voice. It was as smooth and mature as a fine aged wine. It had the confidence of the gravitational constant of our planet. Every word asked you to get closer, until your face was able to get so close that you could feel their soft breath brush across your cheek. It was perfect, it was Zoey.

Desperately trying to look cool, I decided to lean up against the kitchen door frame. Not in a dorky way, but in a fun 90’s movie siren way. Like I both did not care about where I was, while also looking super fucking hot. Then the lights around me would shine, and the main character from the movie would fall in love with me at that moment. I tried not to look directly at her as I saw Zoey climb the stairs to the third floor. In fact, I looked away, lightly sipping my fine apple juice. Then I heard her beginning to climb the fourth set of stairs, and alarm bells started ringing in my head. How could she not see me? The beautiful vixen ominously yet intriguingly leaning against the door! Before I had time to come up with a casual way to draw attention to her, I shouted out, “He-Hey Zoey! How's it hanging girrrrrrrrrl” FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK NO. WRONG RESPONSE.

“Hey, Luna! Oh my gosh, long time no see! How have you been?” Zoey said, her words covered in beautiful ivy. 

She looked stunning as usual. She was wearing a black long-sleeve top with a white collar. Along with a dark knee-length pencil skirt and a pair of black sheer tights. All of it tied together with a pair of black high-heeled pumps, a beautiful shade of lipstick, and some thin-framed glasses. She was beautiful, and her speaking to me made my cheeks blush a bright pink. Good news, I was no longer cold. Bad news, I can barely talk.

​“I have been a totally amazing girl! I-I-I have been hitting the town, settling in, and now I am here drinking some fine wine!” I blurted out in a mess of words.

“Oh yeah? What have you been drinking?” Zoey turned to the girls she came in with and said, “Go upstairs and save me a spot somewhere warm. I'll be up soon.”

Zoey approached me at the door frame, and I could smell her amazing perfume. It had a light floral scent, perfectly enhancing her entire vibe. Unconsciously, I leaned slightly forward to smell more as she passed me and headed into the kitchen to grab herself a glass.

“So, Luna, where is the glass? I know with your smart head, you picked out the best wine here.”

As she opened the fridge, I responded.

“Well, um, that's um, actually a funny story, I am not drinking wine. I am drinking some apple juice.” I cringed at myself as I tried to come up with a non-childish excuse for having a giant glass full of apple juice. “Before I start to drink, I-I like to have something more substantial that's not alcohol. When I saw it in the fridge, I just could not resist.”

Zoey opened the fridge, pulled out the partially empty bottle of apple juice, and poured a small amount into her glass. I could feel my body tense up, almost like a cramp, my body desperately trying to contain the joy and dread that I felt as I watched her pour herself a glass.

“So, Luna, what have you been up to while I have been away?”

“Mainly just taking on some i-indie jobs around before I find a place I want to settle in career-wise. What about you?”

Zoey sighed deeply, “Oh, same shit, different day. My boss wants me to work as long as humanly possible while giving me virtually no work to do. Seriously, at the beginning of the day, I have nothing to do, and it stays like that until after lunch. At that point, my boss drops the equivalent of two days of work on my desk and wants me to finish it by EOD. Who has time for that? Not me, I will tell you that.”

“Yeah, you don't deserve that! It sounds like your boss has been jorking it all day, then after he remembers that he has a job, he gives it all to you. Men are gross.”

Zoey laughs while placing her hand on my shoulder, “Oh God, Luna, yeah, that's probably right. You are such a breath of fresh air. I don't think I have heard the term ‘Jorking it’ since I moved here.”

“I bring a classic hometown charm wherever I go, that's why I have so many job prospects. I put that right on top of my skill set, right alongside professional rollerblading, and high-stakes gaming.”

Zoey's face lights up with recognition, “OH MY GOD YOUR ROLLERBLADING. Do you remember how we used to go sometimes, and that weird guy giving out the skates would try to hit on us?”

“Oh my gosh, yeah! He really thinks that he had all that while working minimum wage at a rollerblading rink.” I responded

“Well, to be fair, we were two smoking-hot single girls out on the town, everyone had to try to see if they could get into the gates of heaven.”

“Is that some kind of innuendo? Also, men do not deserve to hit on us in public; it is a burden placed upon us via a long-standing patriarchal norm that we should be fighting. Now if a woman tried to hit on me, that's a different story…”

“Yes, it is an innuendo, and you are right, I would love for girls to hit on me more directly. Instead, they stand awkwardly in door frames trying to look like a hot commodity…"

I froze. My body began to lightly shake; it felt like when your leg falls asleep, and you get a stabbing sensation, but I felt it all the way to my core. I tried to think of a response. God, I tried to blurt out any response, but I just couldn't.

Zoey laughed again, “Don't worry, I am kidding! I know you don't look at me that way, I am just teasing you. Though, who did you think I was when I walked up the stairs? Did you think I was Sherry? When will I finally get to meet her?” Zoey said teasingly

A pit began forming in my stomach, and I felt a physical response to the thought. Not of disgust, but of a deep sense of anxiety. “God no, I don't like her! I mean, no. I don't… Listen, she is great, but I have known her since we were kids basically. She has been one of my greatest support systems. I mean, she agreed to move out here with me. Besides, she has some better prospects, and she is the whole package. But I like someone else, who I actually really, really, like.”

Zoe's eyes began to light up. “Ooooo, who is the lucky girl who has caught the attention of the super genius computer scientist? I bet she is one real lucky woman to catch your eyes.”

How can a person say something so flirtatiously, while also not flirting with them? Neurotypical people give me an insane amount of anxiety. I wish I could read her mind and tell exactly what she means when she says it. Along the way, I would love to learn how to be the perfect woman for her.

I laughed nervously, “Oh, I am sure we will get to that! But you were asking about Sherry, right? She is actually upstairs! Look out for the blonde goth girl, and you will have found her. I think she is the only one of her kind within a ten-mile radius.” My breathing intervals began shrinking slightly, and I tried to anchor myself to this plane of reality long enough to get through talking to this insanely hot woman.

“Alright, well, I will leave you to your fine wine, and I will go look out for Sherry. I love your coat, by the way. Very smart.” Zoey began walking out of the kitchen and up the stairs.

As soon as she was out of view, I leaned back against a wall and began slowly sliding down until I was in a nice, comfy ball on the floor. Being in the same room as Zoey never used to be this hard, but a female crush has a way of rooting deep into your soul after a while. Sometimes I wonder who decided to make queer love such a painful and yearning experience. They really cranked up the difficulty; queer women would have ruled the world at this point.

​I took a few 10-count breaths while pulling out my phone and my corded headphones. I popped both of them in while shuffling my favorite playlist, “Songs for Yearning (Luna Beware)”. The first song being Good Luck, Babe! By Chappell Roan did not help. Thank you for reading! If you liked it, please let me know!

[strawberrymarcie]

I never thought it would get this cold.

Long post ahead! Original Story.

ColdDays: Part 1

When it comes to rooftop parties, I was told to wear extra layers to protect myself from the cold. These warnings fell on deaf ears when I heard that Zoey was going to be there. I would not allow myself to be seen wearing an amalgam of warm and comforting clothing by her. My attire had to be perfect, snug, ‘elegant’, and proper. She needed to see me, I needed to see her, and I can't allow myself to be anything less than perfect.

As per usual, my closet did not contain the stunning outfits that I imagined myself in on the metro ride back from work. Improvisation has always been my strong suit, and I was ready to flex that muscle as I tore through my bland closet. First, I decided to start with my brown docs. I will never be caught in the middle of the night without my two gals. Rummaging through my closet, I found a very flattering short-sleeve white shirt along with some lacy long sleeves to go under that. Those matched perfectly with my old black plaid skirt that I had not thought about since my June semester. All of this, combined with the powers of a flattering black belt and tights, meant I was ready for the challenge of a rooftop party!

I knew I could not escape my home without judgment, but stupidly I thought if I snuck to the front door I could leave without being noticed by…

“Wow, someone is looking awfully spiffy today,” Sherry said while sprawled out on the couch, eating a bowl of Raisin Bran. 

Sherry was still wearing her normal clothes from work. Her blonde hair contrasted the goth, emo, punk aesthetic that she seemed to strive for, no matter the time or the place. 

“Before you decide to cast judgment on me from your ivy tower, I will let you know that I was invited to a rather prestigious party,” I said, while inching my way toward the front door.

“Yeah, right, I bet a ‘party' for you is going out to another board game night with your college friends.”

“Quite the opposite!” I said confidently. “I was invited to a rooftop party. There's going to be things like, um, beer! Music! And dancing! My famous meter is about to go up like a million times just by being there.”

Sherry looked at me with the most confused look I have ever seen in my three years of living with her. “You are going to a party. An honest-to-God, balls-to-the-walls rager. The one time you go out on the town, is the one day YOU DONT INVITE ME?!?!”

I jump at the sudden power and volume increase in her voice. “It's not my choice! I got an invite from someone, and they said no plus ones, because they don't want it to ‘be a drag’. ” “Who is hosting it? Tell me right now. Give me their first and last name, and their Instagram handle, and their social security number for good measure.” Sherry starts approaching me like one of those eager salespeople at the mall.

“Their name is Anna Bower; she is one of my old work friends.” I quickly pull out my phone and pull up her Instagram page. “This is her Instagram, but I doubt you know her.”

Sherry scanned the phone quickly while typing the handle on her phone.

“I KNOW HER! YES!” Sherry quickly messages Anna, and not 10 seconds later, I hear a ping coming from her phone. “I got invited, let's go.”

“What? How do you know her? How did you get invited so fast?” I didn't even have time to question before Sherry quickly grabbed her keys off the wall and started dragging me out the door. “She is one of my clients! So she owes me many favors, including the discount that I gave her on her snakebites.”

“Okay, fine! Just try not to get too trashed tonight if we are taking your car, I don't want to have to drive it back here, your Chevy hates me!” “First of all, my Chevy does not hate you. Second of all, I will not be trashed at all. Tonight is going to be a clean night for me!” “Well, that's a shocker,” I said with an exasperated tone.

“I will be the one driving you home after you get trashed,” Sherry said

“What makes you assume that I will be trashed?”

Sherry looks at me with her eyebrow raised high, “The most I have ever seen you drink is in the light amount that gets infused into chicken when you cook it.”

“Actually, fun fact. When I cook with wine, most of it gets burned away, so it barely has any effect on those who consume it!” I say with a wide smile on my face.

Sherry pats my head while saying, “I know, Luna, I know. Also, are you really going in that? It's going to be cold tonight.”

“I'm fine, besides my body is very resistant to the cold, and I have been told that alcohol makes you warm, so I won't need anything else.”

A long silence is held while Sherry stares me in the eyes.

“I am bringing your jacket whether you like it or not,” She says, while grabbing my massive winter coat from the jacket hook.

And so, I can play the passenger princess in Sherry's car. This allows me to engage in my favorite tradition of watching an endless string of TikToks in an attempt to ward off anxiety. It helps. Using this time, I decided to check out Zoey’s Instagram page; she is always posting, and I want to be prepared to see how bad I was gonna look in comparison to her. Her story was filled to the brim with posts talking about her day at the office. A quick coffee in the break room, a stack of papers at her desk, a mid-day stunning fit check, and an endless stream of thoughts that she has throughout the day. Most people skip past those, but I don't. Zoey's thoughts are always so compelling and beautiful. I could sit and read what she writes for days on end. Her last post showed her in a meeting room with the caption “Looks like I am staying late, and to think I wanted to party. Smh, can't have shit. Check back in to see my boss be a bitch throughout the night.” “Fuck” I said in a monotone voice as I stepped out of the car, approaching the party. “What's wrong?” Sherry said. “I don't want to be here… Can you drive me home?”

I never thought it would get this cold. Thank you for reading! If you liked it, please let me know!

[peanitsgang]

Pt2 of pt1

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[peanitsgang]

Pt1 of pt 1 of my peppermarcie comic since tumblr won’t let me have more than 10 photos 😾

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