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š
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Sade Olutola
taylor price
Noah Kahan
occasionally subtle
Not today Justin
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
d e v o n
Today's Document
sheepfilms
The Stonewall Inn
Sweet Seals For You, Always
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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
will byers stan first human second
Aqua Utopiaļ½ęµ·ć®åŗć§čØę¶ćē“”ć
cherry valley forever
tannertan36
seen from Malaysia
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seen from United States
seen from India
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Canada
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from China
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seen from United States
seen from TĆ¼rkiye
seen from Vietnam
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@strongsh17
Everytime my mom says, "bloom where you're planted" a little part of me dies inside. She's told me that a hundred times in about a hundred different ways and I feel like nothing is left. I get what she's trying to say. But if where I'm planted is killing me, what's the point of blooming.
What do I want out of this š I just want to learn and have fun... does life need a more fancy meaning than that?
I keep thinking what I should be doing? I'm not much different from before.
Finished Rookie Historian Goo Hae-Ryung
Oh god!! Iām in love with this drama! Marami akong words! But oddly enough, I canāt explain it. Maybe when Iāve thought about it some more.
Themes I loved:
- Truth and historical revisionism - Familial bonds - Knowledge and learning - Authority and power of tradition vs. growth and inclusivity
God! Thereās so much to say!
Post Hoc
21.09.28
So confused about many things. I went to sleep feeling bad last night. Going to sleep now feeling worse.
Right now what's on my mind is rookie historian goo hae-ryung. I love her. Love. Her. I'd write a whole essay about her and history.
I am worried about my dog.
I am worried about getting into UPOU
Worried about starting my teaching assistant job.
Worried about getting into Humber or Ryerson.
All these problems feel so far away from me. I am going to die anyway.
I hope you live a long life and be the owner of my heart.
Post hoc
21.09.24
Had 3 interviews today. Idt I'm getting any of them. I'll try applying for something else.
Don't drop the ball š
My kinds of Friday nights are sleeping early with a big blanket and surrounded by 5 pillows. It would've been perfect except it's hella loud here.
Post Hoc
21.09.19
I want to stop making excuses. I failed. I need to know where and how and I move on from there.
Stop making excuses.
My mornings are always weird.
I jack off and then cry. Even when I'm starving or if I have to finish something, I end up crying and staying in bed cold and lonely a bit longer.
ģģ¦ ė°ė¼ ģź°ģ“ ģ“ģķ“
Time is weird these days.
Being left is such a lonely feeling.
(via The Influence of Taoism in the Writing of Ursula K. Le Guin)
So true,,
I still have yet to come to terms with Eastern schools of thought being transformed and influenced by Western cultures. But I think, that just makes all of her works and words so much more endearing. Itās literally about balancing the two, and her very embodiment of it is finding Taosim between the letters of the alphabet on her books.
The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula K. Le Guin
I'm trying to finish this book. She is my favorite author but all her books are so difficult for me to binge. I have to take them in slowly. I have to savor the words. And sometimes, I'm a bit afraid to continue reading. It's unknown lands I tread and the things I might encounter terrify me. But they always astound me and leave me feeling like the blinds have lifted. The world looks infinitely more hopeful and more beautiful after reading her works.
The very intro to this book grips me. The meaning is so clear and yet when I try to pick it apart, I can't quite articulate what the book made me feel. I wish I had even half her gift of weaving words. The worlds.
I wonder and am in total awe and her work.
Post Hoc
21.08.20
Feeling kinda crappy today. Woke up feeling crappy. I dunno. I just felt like today wasnāt going to be a good one. I guess, objectively it was a good day. I think all my days are good, even when they arenāt. Because, letās be honest, thereās nothing bad about my life. But I always and still feel like Iām waiting for something. And today, it feels like I should give up waiting. And itās not the positive kind of give up waiting that goes,Ā āOh I should go out and search for it myself.ā
No. itās the,Ā āIām ready to die and move on to the next life.ā kind of give up. Nothing triggering, just woke up feeling it.
All my days are good but does that mean my life canāt be bad? I dunno. At this point Iām just being selfish. A selfish fool. A fool. Waiting though I already know the answer. Iām just tired and unwilling to strive for anything important. Nothing sounds important, anyway.
I always wonder what my friends would feel like if I died. Or my family. Would it be selfish to want that. I canāt be the only one feeling this way. But I wouldnāt know.
I really am just one person out of the billion on this planet. But maybe to my best friend, to my dog, to my brother, Iām the only one. And Iām still the only one. It feels unbearably lonely.
I feel rotten too. Like every foul thought on my mind has just exploded. My body was rotting, my soul was sour, I felt disgusting.
Ugh, so dramatic.
My dreams always seem so out of reach and I feel stuck in a rut. So it feels like itās shouting to give up. And I wonder if I ever had dreams to begin with.
I wonder why itās always,Ā āYou have to be in a position to help others and thatās why you have that giftā What if I donāt even feel like Iām in a place to help others. What if I donāt want to. because I am not good enough to help others. I just donāt want to dream anymore.
Aww... itās already obvious I failed the test. I guess thatās fine. I just need to toughen up.
But I still feel like giving up.
I feel like I'm going about this all wrong. But I also can't bring myself to hope anymore and fix anything. I feel so hopeless. I am paralyzed with fear and fatigue. And I want to stop feeling sorry for myself because I am not changing a single thing.
Post Hoc
21.08.10
A bit insecure. My friends have jobs or going to med. I didn't accomplish all the things I said I'd do. The day went by quickly.
I talked to my best friends. I'm a bit anxious. But I'd say it was a good day.
And all I said was I wanted to read today (which I didn't get to do.. tomorrow for sure)
I am reevaluating why I write. I don't really want to be famous but it would be nice if a lot of people liked my work and found comfort in reading them. But other than that, I just like seeing my world be the least bit tangible.