Everyday I'm Strugglin'

Alex. 28. Female. Nashville.

[strugglefest101]

I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve it, but every time I receive just a taste of happiness and love in my personal life, it gets ripped away from me in the most violent and hurtful way. I am lost and lonely. I feel undeserving of love. I thought I’ve paid my karma dues, but I guess not. I ache and yearn and life pushes me down in return. 

Why don’t I get to be happy and in love? 

I guess I’m too boring and not enough. 

Through all the pain I keep my head up

But too many times pushed down is far too much.

I never tried to push

or be needy

or clingy

but not being crazy or dramatic or toxic

isn’t interesting.

I get a taste of what life could be like

of what could be

and be told all the most wonderful things a woman could hear

just for it to be pushed away for nothing.

Coward.

[strugglefest101]

I don’t have a clue what’s going on. I don’t know what it is you’re going through. All I know is I’m absolutely miserable and just completely devastated. I know you’d said you would get in touch but that’s too open ended for me at this point. I didn’t realize how strong my feelings for you were until you disappeared. Every day I’ve been getting a little more paranoid, hypersensitive, and over-analytical about everything. Ive had a couple of anxiety attacks. I’ve been replaying everything in my head: all the good and the bad. The Lauren thing. That you disappeared on me like this last month. Everything you’ve ever told me.

I am patient, chill and I don’t ask for much at all. I just asked for honesty, truth and communication. I feel like I’m not getting any of that nor any respect as a person who also has feelings. I feel like I’m being strung along in some game. Maybe I’m being tested. Who knows at this point. I sure don’t.

Clearly something is going on regardless of if you’re actually ghosting me or you do have something you need to take care of. I know you mentioned a couple of things but you have lied to me before. I am not going to wait around any longer for some form of communication from you. I mentally and emotionally can no longer handle this and if this “disappearing” thing is as common as it’s been so far (once a month), then I definitely can’t continue this. I’m an actual wreck and I have to think of my own needs and mental health. So I think it’s best if you do you and I do me for the moment. I want to stay friends - only if you do, too.

I wish you the world. I really really really really like you and miss you. I hope you work out what you need to.

[localstarboy]

You’re too young for me if you don’t remember this video

[lisaminnci]

SPIRITED AWAY 千と千尋の神隠し 2001 | dir. Hayao Miyazaki

[ruinedchildhood]

Reblog for Good luck🙏🏼

[stars-bean]

Mermaids (1990) dir. Richard Benjamin

[hustleinatrap]

[dialgaarchive-deactivated201812]

LMFDLAO VBNJKDFXVCG

[beans345-deactivated20211127]

Be seeing double before the beating even starts

[glowysweetfab]

😂😂😂😂😂

[kelleysroom-deactivated20180401]

[queennymeria]

[strugglefest101]

such a good show.

[xofemeraldstars]

[abigaillazaar]

Dark greetings of the night to all the members of the Vampiric Council, from all the continents, gathered here together on… Staten Island. O-On Staten Island.

[buffysummers]

I go for a look which I call “dead but delicious.” What We Do in the Shadows (2014) dir. Taika Waititi, Jemaine Clement

[i-was-today-years-old-when]

i learned that Kenya’s elephant population has doubled in the last three decades (x)

[i-was-today-years-old-when]

i learned that Indians brought marijuana to Jamaica and introduced the word “ganja” to Rastafarians (x)

[hexxagons-deactivated20140531]

[kunstbaby-deactivated20150808]

friends can break ur heart too

[daddyfuckedme]