Recently a certain person has come back into my life, at first I sceptical of it. I mean who wouldn’t be? an ex, returning as a friend… sure seems okay at first… because we were together since we were 15 we have so much chemistry and so much desire to be with each other again that we both couldn’t handle the events that were going to approach us. The first meeting was fine, I mean conversations were brought up that neither of us wanted to speak about but we had to, to clear the air, he’s changed, I’ve changed. It was inevitable that we would after 7/8 months of not seeing one another. I wanted so badly to go back to the way we were but it was obvious to me that he didn’t want that. I wanted to reach for his hand at the table and call him babe, when asking question or answering to my name. I realised that moment how much I truly missed him. Then it happened. I went round to his, just the two of us to watch films, chill have pizza and just be friends, I couldn’t help myself but flirt with him, I wanted to touch him as much as I could. I wanted to feel his lips on mine and how much I truly wanted to sleep with him again. I’d tease him, but i could feel the tension between us, so unbelievably strong that not even a the sharpest knife in the world could cut. At first I decided I wanted to sleep in a different bed to him to avoid the temptation of sex. It didn’t work. I wanted so badly to cuddle up to him in bed, to feel his warm skin on my face and his arm around me. We did sleep in the same bed. It was me that made the first move because lets face it, it had been 3 months and I had a half naked man next to me, bound to happen? We kissed. He bit me. We had sex. Awkward? A little.Â
Conversation flowed as normal via text, flirty, seemed like we were going to hook up again. Then Saturday happened. He promised me he would stop drinking because he turns into an ugly fucker. Which is relatively true but he also becomes a helpless, cute honest guy who I just fell in love with again. He kissed me. Told me I looked sexy. We flirted. I then asked whether he still loved me? He replied that he did. That he wished he never left me. I told him that I still love him. I couldn’t help myself from crying, it was like the amount of tears got built up from the past months of being alone just escaped from my eyes. Because he was pissed he kept pushing me away and then pulling me back in, I have never been so confused. Since then we haven’t really spoken. I am now more in love with him than I ever was. The awful thing is, I don’t think I will ever get him back. The one guy who can make me laugh, make me feel beautiful, I can be myself around, someone who I cherished and loved for almost 10 years. Just gone from me. He has never apologised for breaking my heart but I think his heart broke twice as hard to let me go. All I want to do is mend his with my broken pieces.Â
So here it is. I am still in love with my ex. I can’t help it. You wrote me poems, stories, songs….
I will always see her there
That it only causes my heart to beat
I feel her heart belonging to mine
She is as pretty as a bunch of flowers
And will never be depressed by sudden showers
I see the shine of her soul
Always glowing never dull
Her words are of sweet surrender
I love her with all my heart
And will never cease to start’Â
I was never good at writing poems so here we go. I wrote this when we broke up. I love you.
It’s what you do to me, it’s what you do to me.
A thousand miles, seems pretty far, but they’ve got planes and trains and cars, I’d walk to you if I had no other way.Â
Our friends will all make fun of us and we’ll just laugh along because we know that none of them have felt this way.Â
You be good and don’t you miss me, 2 more months and i’ll be done with school and you’ll be making history as you do. You know it’s all because of you, you know it’s true.Â
I’ve got so much left to say
If every simple song you wrote to me
Would take my breath away
you’d write it all
Even more in love with you i’d fall
It’s What you do to me <3Â
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