Things I will need in the past

Erin | 23 | New Mexico I'm not much into health food, I am into champagne

[thelostswede]

[kacccie]

[swarnpert]

male country artists: i love my truck and my beers

female country artists: i am going to kill my husband

[aguacatewhisperer-deactivated20]

This is so funny omfg

(from snugglebucky twitter acc)

[idiopathicsmile]

went to a househunters-watching party over the weekend; here’s my impression of the show

VOICEOVER: She wants a historically accurate thirteenth century castle in the heart of bustling downtown L.A. He has his heart set on living in a small metallic orb that would float over a bottomless gorge, beyond space and time. Can this pair of newlyweds see eye to eye???

WIFE: The location is nice but I don’t know about these staircases…I just had my heart set on an escalator made of sand and artisan brie.

HUSBAND: Well it’s definitely not a small floating metallic orb.

REALTOR: That…would defy several laws of physics.

WIFE (squinting): Do you have anything that is simultaneously larger, cheaper, newer, and more historic?

REALTOR: Um.

WIFE: And I need a big kitchen. I love to cook!

(Cut to footage of the wife in her current kitchen, wearing an apron and surrounded by pots and pans. She is hitting a banana with a hammer. On the counter next to her is a pile of doll hair.)

HUSBAND: Yeah, get her a nice kitchen. Of course, I won’t be spending any time in there, ha ha! (His laugh is loud but his eyes are so empty. They are empty all the way back.)

WIFE: And I need a room for my shoes. That is simply non-negotiable.

HUSBAND: Also, if we can swing it with our budget, I’d love a finished basement where I can really unwind and stew in my toxic masculinity and repressed emotion. And hardwood floors.

WIFE: And hardwood floors.

HUSBAND AND WIFE IN EERIE UNISON: Hardwood. Floors. (somehow it sounds like way more than two voices, more like the collective whisper of an army)

REALTOR: Okay, I will certainly, um. See what I can do? Anyway, this next house, it’s a metallic orb hanging on a sturdy cord near a ravine—

WIFE: Well it’s definitely not a genuine thirteenth century castle—

HUSBAND AND WIFE: (stare at each other in open contempt)

REALTOR: Heyyy so why don’t we take a look inside?

[cinemphatic]

Stranger Things The Vanishing of Will Byers (2016)

[calrisians]

    If you think this has a happy ending, you haven’t been paying attention.

[mulaneysbutt]

My parents had gone to the same college as Bill Clinton … and my mom tells me there was this sort of chivalrous policy on campus back then, where late at night, if female students were leaving the library unaccompanied, male students were encouraged to wait out in front and offer to walk them home.

That sounds good, right? [chuckles]

So my mom tells me that Bill Clinton would be out in front of the library every single night, just being like: [imitating Clinton] “Hey can I walk you home? Hey can I walk you home? Hey can I walk you home?”

[teamcoco]

WATCH: The Origin Of Aubrey Plaza’s Awkwardness

[jonswno]

He was no true stark, had never been one… but he could die like one.

[004d00]

me @ myself: ok bitch time to get over it

[thursday]

[daenerys-stormborn]

The wildfire was cleansing her, burning away all her rage and fear, filling her with resolve. “The flames are so pretty. I want to watch them for a while.”

[targaryensource]

3.01 → Arrival in Slaver’s Bay 6.10 → Departure from the Bay of Dragons

[kanjabeto-deactivated20180421]

They say that vampires’ hearts are cold and dead. Definitely dead… But I don’t know, I think I can still feel things inside it.

[firewhisky]

New Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them promo art

[iheartgot]

Has the Iron Islands ever had a queen before? No more than Westeros.