Stupid Empty Hope

This was a "TC blog" but I'm out of high school and not currently in college, so...

[stupid-empty-hope]

TFW you're 21 and your old high school band teacher - who you had a thing for in high school and who confessed to also having feelings for you after you graduated but you have a boyfriend and have moved on - invites you out for a drink and you kind of want to go because he's a decently cool human being but your boyfriend thinks he's a creepy-ass high school teacher and doesn't want you to go and you kind of sort of almost see where he's coming from but, eh?

[stupid-empty-hope]

Two (+) years after graduating and

I have completely cut contact with him after he drunkenly confessed affectionate feelings for me over Facebook. He deleted his profile just prior to this (completely unrelated, of course) so I am unaware of the state of his life currently. Sometimes I'm tempted to message him again; we were friends, after all, and on a lot of levels I still care about him. I even feel guilty as I was repeatedly warned by people close to me that our relationship may have been unbalanced in this way but I saw no reason to believe it.

I am long over any non-platonic feelings towards him and I do not think I made the wrong decision in cutting contact. Still, there is an occasional itch of regret and a sense of loss.

It's been months and I've yet to completely suspend my disbelief over this turn of events. It seems so wild. I feel like I've read an account of someone else's life rather than experienced it firsthand. I kind of wish that was the case.

[stupid-empty-hope]

Man 2 years after graduating, my high school wish came true and I'm fucking miserable about it.

[stupid-empty-hope]

yo I have a totally, 100% age-appropriate boyfriend and I like him very much who would've thought

[stupid-empty-hope]

When you get out of high school and into the workforce age is so largely irrelevant; you may find yourself joking about drugs and making dirty euphemisms with people twice your age - not necessarily in a flirtatious manner (or maybe so), but….

Every now and then I’ll be talking to a coworker and I’ll suddenly snap into the realization that I had teachers who are, even presently, younger than the person I’m conversing with. There would have been such a staggering social divide two years ago but now, due entirely to circumstance, we are peers by many standards. There are so few boundaries in comparison. And it’s just weird. It’s weird because it’s NOT really all that weird. No one thinks it’s weird, and that’s just kinda… weird?

[stupid-empty-hope]

Another 'life after high school' update.

1. I dog- and house-sat for Nemesis for about a week. Yes, I stayed at my ex-teacher's house. It was pretty weird at first but I got used to it, mostly. 2. I still have an incessant crush on my boss, which is honestly SO similar to the crushes I had on teachers except that, probably, I spend more time around him and we converse in a more casual tone most of the time so it's... again, pretty weird. But I'm equally as hopeless and subordinate as ever. 3. I might be dating a guy who's five years older (naturally) but tbh he still seems super young. Hahaha.

[stupid-empty-hope]

So I was at my ex-high school teacher's house with him alone; we chatted and he dropped the f-bomb a few times; adulthood is unexpectedly strange sometimes.

[stupid-empty-hope]

tfw you think you're actually into someone your own age but then you find out they're still eight years older than you.

[stupid-empty-hope]

Why aren't you going to college? If i may ask

I was a full-time student for a semester but then I started working full-time as well, which I wasn't anticipating, and I couldn't handle it. I will go back eventually!

[stupid-empty-hope]

I was reminded of this blog when people started reblogging my July challenge post (lol, that's kinda neat) so I thought I'd do a brief update. I graduated high school now officially over a year ago; I am still... acquainted? with Nemesis and talk to him occasionally over Facebook; meeting in person again is very loosely on the table, and I am completely 100% over my infatuation with any teacher although I still have a faint crush on my boss which seems to be similar in concept for several reasons.

[stupid-empty-hope]

I told Nemesis that probably the only reason I didn't quit band was because I liked him as a teacher and he evaded that point, he changed the subject SO FAST, I thought maybe I had gone too far and weirded him out but no because we were still chatting like normal; he just skipped over that detail and you know what? I KNOW THAT TACTIC. I THINK HE WAS EMBARRASSED. That is what I used to do If someone complimented me and I was embarrassed - like, flattered - I'd totally ignore it to try to seem... I don't know, humble. Just avoid reacting at all. Pretend you didn't catch that. Doesn't work, but anyway, hahahahaha.

[stupid-empty-hope]

tfw ur crush is married but they only ever speak about their spouse negatively:

❓❓❓❔⁉⁉‼❕❔❕❗❔❗❔❓❗❔⁉⁉❓⁉⁉❕❗❔❕❗❗❓❕❕❕‼

[stupid-empty-hope]

Apparently, since I have no teachers to inappropriately crush on anymore, I had to go and inappropriately like my boss instead. I NEVER STOP, do I?

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Nemesis sent me the file of the recommendation he wrote for my college applications (because he's trying to remind me of my "potential" or something AKA guilt me into going back to school). WOW, it was super kind and flattering as heck and I didn't know what to say. Like it probably actually did help me get accepted. I'm mad about it. I'm mad about how nice it is.

[stupid-empty-hope]

I also realized this blog is almost four years old and has been inactive for a while, the community here has changed a hell of a lot, and probably none of y'all know who I or Nemesis are. I'm old.

[stupid-empty-hope]

It's been, what, 6 months since I graduated and I'm way past the crush thing anyway but yesterday four of us ex-band students went to Nemesis' house and we hung out and chatted for over five hours. (Nemesis also said I could dogsit for him because I am enamored with his dog.) So yeah that's a thing, an unexpected but nice thing that I thought I'd mention. Life's weird.

[stupid-empty-hope]

Life after high school.

Man if you were to tell me two years ago that I'd be friends with Nemesis on facebook and he'd be inviting his recently graduated students to meet for lunch... And if you were to then tell me that I was calmly looking forward to it instead of freaking out in any manner... I'd have called you a liar, at least. But there it is.