every iota of romance ive felt over the past year has been immediately followed by total agony
first someone so incredibly charming that I meshed with, who was musically gifted and well-versed in a variety of subject, someone who gets it, and got it every time
then insecurity, classism. my lack of traveling, me missing the references, me not being able to invite him into my home. but we did our dance for months
he went silent. I tried. silence. I tried. silence.
then another opportunity. Neither of us were seeking it but damn did it click, almost instantly.
first day, you didn’t want to mess it up you said. and I said I hate it when people lie to spare my feelings. it all felt good. said a lot to get insecurities out of the way and you were sweet every moment. it helped that you were gorgeous, and I told you, and recognized there was so much more
plenty of sparks when we met, as we knew there would be. we planned the second date. between that, we talked, a lot. every day. so different from him, as all men are, I know, but it felt so much more comfortable.
then, I dumped a lot of things. oversharing, but you requested it. my reaction was to shut out because it was easy
“Lower your shield for me”
for you, I became vulnerable. I trusted you
the second date. perfection, we started planning for a third. I should have noticed your terseness through text. should should should. you should have said something to me in person. you shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN HONEST