This has been somewhat on my mind for the past few days so I feel like it’s important enough to articulate on the dash. I’m sure there’s other posts about this but I wanted to take a moment to talk about GUILT TRIPPING and what that means.
Guilt tripping is emotional manipulation. You partake in it when you use your emotions to urge someone to do something they may not want to do. They feel strong armed into doing the action because if not, you’ll get upset. The use of your possible negative reaction then becomes a threat.
“If you don’t reply, I’ll cry/block/get mad at you.” (It doesn’t have to be said, it can just be implied. It doesn’t invite a person to WANT to reply. It makes them feel like it is an OBLIGATION which it is NOT).
“Why haven’t you replied to me yet?” (You are not ENTITLED to a reply. No one on this site is entitled to a reply. We are all here by CHOICE).
“You replied to others but not me.”
“You don’t reply fast enough.”
“No one wants to ship with me.”
It doesn’t have to be overt. And I’m not saying the disappointment isn’t valid, because it is. And I’ve felt it. But there are proper ways of depicting your disappointment and sharing your emotions. Some positive examples are as follows, because I know communicating with people is very difficult. Especially online.
“I feel upset that I’m not getting replied to, but I want to understand why you haven’t.” (It stops being an attack, and instead a discussion).
“Is there something I could do? Is it personal? Or is it just that our writing doesn’t click?”
“I feel disappointed because I think you’re an amazing writer and look up to you.”
I would also recommend asking yourself if you’re already upset about something else, and how that may be affecting your emotional state.
At the end of the day, your feelings are valid! You are allowed to feel disappointed! But it doesn’t make it okay to force your emotions onto a person. People have their reasons for not replying quickly or replying to other first. And ultimately, they don’t need to explain themselves. Most people do, because they are being polite. FOR THOSE FEELING GUILT TRIPPED: YOU ARE ALLOWED TO SAY NO! IT DOES NOT MAKE YOU AN ASSHOLE! YOU HAVE A SAY IN HOW YOU RUN YOU BLOG BECAUSE IT IS JUST THAT: YOURS.
But it may be real life, it may be muse is slow, it may be that muse is being fickle and particular, or maybe they just don’t want to! It isn’t something that needs to be taken that to heart. It isn’t a comment on your worth as a person, or your success as a writer. You’re allowed to be passionate, of course. But there is a world outside of roleplay. And sometimes when in the midst of our own insecurities, we forget.
You are worth being befriended! I promise! (I struggle with believing that, too). It is just a happenstance when you collide random people online. Just like in real life, you may wish well towards someone, but you just may not click. Just like you may not click as writers.
But you are beautiful! And I love you! Don’t give up. Because you’re going to find people that are stoked to write with you, that I can promise you for sure. <3
