toxic!fwb!chris x toxic!reader
you werent supposed to be at this party. not because chris told you not to come, he didnt get that kind of say anymore. but because you told yourself you were done with him. again.
now you were standing in someone elses kitchen, holding a drink you didnt want, laughing at jokes you didnt hear, and doing everything in your soul to pretend you didnt feel his eyes on you from across the room. because of course he was there. and of course he was watching.
chris didnt approched you right away. he liked to wait until you thought he wasnt going to. until you were relaxed just enough, started smiling a little too easily, started talking to someone that wasnt him.
then he showed up and ruined it. it was always the same game. and you always played it for some reason.
so when he finally moved across the room, his steps slow and calculated, you didnt turn. you let him hover behind you, close enough to make your skin crawl. close enough for your pulse to trip over itself.
“you wear that for me?” he asked, voice low near your ear.
you took a sip of your drink, ignoring the way his words made no sense, you were wearing a black dress for fucks sake. “not everything is about you chris.”
he gave a humorless laugh. “couldve fooled me.”
you turned to face him, meeting his eyes. they were sharp. tired. a little too familiar. “why do you always do this.”
“because i know your thinking about me.”
you hated that he was right. he always was when it came to you. when it came to how easily you folded. but that didnt mean youd give him that satisfaction.
“you think i sit around just thinking about you.” you challenged, tilting your head.
he leaned in smirking. “you dont have to. you come running every time.” his eyes shifted to your lips.
you scoffed, stepping back “god, your exhausting.”
the words landed somewhere low in your stomach, heavy and hot. not because they hurt but because you wanted them to. you liked the way he provoked you. you hated that he knew that. exactly how to push you buttons.
you found yourself outside later, sitting on the edge of the stairs in the front of the house, cigarette in hand. you didnt smoke. not really. but it felt good. it felt reckless and wrong to match the night.
of course, chris followed. he never let you leave without finishing the argument.
he dropped down beside you not saying anything at first. just sat, legs spread, hoodie half unzipped, biting the inside of his cheek like he couldnt decide if you were worth the effort.
“you gonna sulk all night?” he finally said
you rolled your eyes “why do you just assume im unhappy just because im not with you.”
“because i know you and i know your fucking miserable right now.” his voice was loud but he wasnt shouting.
“yeah? and whos fault is that.”
he didnt deny. he didnt need to. you both already new the truth. silence again. the kind that felt heavy with everything unspoken.
“you kissed someone else last week”
it wasnt a question and it wasnt said with jealousy, it was said with venom. you blinked slowly “so did you.”
“yeah, but you were supposed to care.”
you laughed, shocked by his words “you always want me to feel things youd never give back.”
he turned towards you. face angred. “dont act like your so innocent. you let me do it. you want me like this.”
you stared at him. felt your jaw tighten. your heart racing. your eyes glance to his lips, maybe lingering to long.
“dont do that,” he sighs leaning his head back, his hands falling on his face. you just look at him not saying or doing anything. suddenly you feel his lips on yours.
hard. fast. sloppy. like a punishment or proof? his hand came to your thigh, grip tight, his fingers digging in like he needed something to hold on to. anything real from the mess you were both creating.
when you finally pulled back, breathless, lips swollen. you expexted him to look angry or smug. or maybe blank like he always did when you got to close.
but he didnt. he looked at you like he was stuck. trapped somewhere between stained glass.
“we shouldnt have done that,” your voice was shaky but sharp.
his gaze didnt move from your eyes. the deer in headlights type of look that made him loose his mind. “then why does it feel like it meant something.”
you didnt answer. his hand moves to your hair tucking a piece behind your ear. his touch was much softer compared to the kiss as his hand moves down your neck. thumb brushing over the pulse beating to fast beneath your skin.
“i need you so fucking bad,” he murmered, like it wasnt meant for you to hear.
you heart stuttered “dont say that if you dont mean it.”
his jaw clenched. he looked away for a second, like the words were to heavy in his mouth and he couldnt swallow them down. “i always mean it with you thats the fucking problem.”
you exhaled, shaky, eyes burning because you knew it was true. and that made everything worse. but still you leaned in. and so did he. not for another kiss, not yet. just to stay close. just to feel like maybe this time you wouldnt tear eachother apart.
even though you both knew you would.
if you couldnt tell this is my first fic but its just the intro bc i wanna see if it peaks anyones intrest. idrc if people read this i just want to try this as a hobby. i get my inspiration from @y3sterdaysproblem and someone else but i think her account was deactivated rip ceceblogs. pls lemme know if you like it or despise it i will happily do more if im asked but if not ill do everything in my own time im pretty fast w writing but again idk if this is even good so yur.
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