Matt and Trevor my favorite duo :3
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
Sade Olutola
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
KIROKAZE
No title available
No title available
d e v o n
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
Jules of Nature

No title available

pixel skylines

tannertan36
DEAR READER

Love Begins
wallacepolsom
Cosmic Funnies
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
Sweet Seals For You, Always

seen from Australia
seen from United States

seen from Malaysia

seen from Germany
seen from United States
seen from Germany

seen from Germany

seen from Bangladesh

seen from Bangladesh

seen from Singapore
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
@sturniolhoe
Matt and Trevor my favorite duo :3
Billie eillish is INSANE FOR THIS ALBUM 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 dare I say her best?????
Quiet 12
P1 P2 P3 P4 P5 P6 P7 P8 P9 P10 P11
pairing: y/n and Matt sturniolo
summary: a girl with a lot of baggage and a boy with even more try to help put each others pieces back together one by one. A story about a girl who’s broken and a boy who doesn’t talk
warnings: mentions of drinking, suggestive, mentions of being drunk
-------------------------------------------------------
"Wednesday" I stated. Matt glanced up at me hesitantly. I shifted next to him. "I upset you" I breathed. He looked back down. I tilted my head to look at his face. His eyes glanced over at me reluctantly, like he didn’t want to look at me.
"Can you tell me why?" I whispered. He took in a breath and looked away from me. "Chris made it pretty clear, I upset you" I spoke again remembering the way he screamed at me in the parking lot. I swallowed.
Matt looked down.
"Tell me Matt" I pleaded desperate to get an answer out of him. His face twisted and he opened his mouth and closed it along with his eyes. He softly shook his head.
I sighed of defeat and turned away from him. Matt looked over at me.
I just glanced down at my book, forgoing the entire conversation. I can't be sorry if I didn't know what I did. Matt wouldn't even tell me.
He reached over and wrote on his notebook. I looked over.
You and Jake, are you guys together?
I stared down at the sentence. Matt didn't look up at me. All he did was stare at the sentence that he wrote. I licked my lips and looked down at the page.
"I don't know Matt. He-" I took in a breath. "I don't know what we are" I mumbled. He looked up to me, I stared back down at my book. He pursed his lips and wrote again on the page.
for someone who doesn't know, he sure does like to kiss you a lot
I looked down at the words before I looked up at Matt. He stared at me. I smacked my lips before turning back to my book.
"Before you ask" I spoke. "That's all we did--kiss." I spoke honestly. It's all that happened. Just a lot of kissing. Matt stared at me before going back to the page.
I wasn't going to ask
I blinked down at the words and I just turned.
"He's nicer than you think you know. He's...." I set down my book. Matt had his eyes trained on me.
"He's not like his friends" I shook my head. Matt sighed and looked down before writing one last thing.
I'll have to take your word for it
I bit my lip and turned away wanting this conversation to end. I tapped my finger against the book over and over, reading none of the words on the page.
"So the party..." I whispered without looking up. He glanced over to me. "Are you gonna come?" I asked raising my head.
I could have sworn when the words left my mouth he looked sick to his stomach. Like a million thoughts filled behind his eyes. He pulled his bottom lip into his mouth and he looked down at his page.
"You don't have to---" I shook my head. "I can just..." I sighed. "Come over after" I suggested. He looked up at me and closed his eyes.
He shook his head.
I stared at him and he glared down at his page before shaking his head again. It only took a few seconds before he grabbed his things and stood up and left.
-
I pulled my skirt down feeling as if my legs were too much on display. I'd stared myself in the mirror for what felt like an hour. Attempting to find my nicest clothes that would match what everyone else might be wearing at the party.
Here I was at 17 and I had no idea what people wore to parties. I'd never been to one before. I wrapped my arms around myself.
I wondered what my mom would think in these moments. If she'd be proud of me for putting myself out there. For going to party. With a boy. I chuckled to myself.
I nodded in the mirror.
You look fine Y/n. You look pretty.
My mom's voice came through and I smiled and that was enough to grab my stuff and walk out the door to the party. If even Matt wasn't coming with me. I could do this. Still I paused before reaching for the doorknob. I shook my head.
And I walked in.
I took in a breath as I attempting to move out of the way of people. I ducked and turned apologizing as I walked through the room trying to find a familiar face. So far I saw no one.
Until I felt someone wrap their arm around my waist over my exposed stomach. Their face was pressed into my neck, kissing softly.
"You made it"
I chuckled and turned until we faced each other. Jake's eyelids were drooped and he held one arm out that held his drink.
"Hi" I whispered. "Hi" He breathed back pressing his lips to mine. I kissed him softly before parting from him. He pulled at my side.
"Come on, everyone's over here" He said motioning behind me. I nodded as he replaced his grip on my side, to my hand and dragged me through the crowd.
People glanced at us. I met some of their eyes. Some whispered, some people's eyes widened. I ducked my head down and squeezed Jake's hand tighter. We finally made it into the living room before I saw everyone sitting looking around.
I smiled and waved as I stood next to Jake.
"Jake I was wondering where you ran off too" Tyler turned to look at us. Jake looked down at me.
"Sit with me" He mumbled down to me. I nodded as I looked up at him. We moved to the couch before I sat down next to him.
He smiled and his hand found it's place on the inside of my leg, pulling it towards him. I closed my legs quickly so that I wasn't exposed to those sitting around us. I felt my face heaten.
"You look cute"
I turned and met Lacey's stare. She was sitting on Gavin's lap. I averted my eyes from widening. She wasn't smiling, she just stared as she sipped from her drink.
"Thank you" I breathed straighting out my top. Her eyes glanced down to Jake's hand on my leg. She pursed her lip and dropped her drink from her lips.
"You drink?" She asked.
I blinked at her before shaking my head. She stared and her eyes glanced over me. Jake leaned in me.
"Do you want me to get you a drink Y/n?" He said softly. I looked over at him.
"No, I'm okay right now" I smiled softly. He nodded and shifted his shoulder behind mine so that I was leaning against his chest slightly. I sighed.
"I wanna play a game" Lacey stood from her seat on Gavin. Gavin groaned. "You always wanna play a game, come back and sit" He reached for her. She ripped from his touch. I swallowed and closed my eyes.
Nadia sat up from where she sat.
"Game! Yay! Tyler game" She reached and pulled Tyler's attention. Tyler slowly turned to Nadia, blinking slowly. Jake sighed and leaned against me.
"They're all wasted. Don't pay attention" He mumbled into my ear. I turned and looked at him. "Are you?" I whispered. "Drunk?” I glanced over his eyes.
“—Or wasted I mean" I stumbled over my words. He sighed and set down his drink.
"I've had a few drink, I'm fine" He smiled pressing his lips against my face. I let out a breath and nodded feeling a sickening feeing in my stomach. I don’t know what I was thinking.
"Game. You in skinny?" Lacey tilted her head at me. My gut clenched. Nadia hit her. "You promised" She snapped glaring at her. I looked between them feeling frozen in my skin.
"It was a joke" She chuckled. "You knew it was a joke right?" She turned to me and raised her eyebrows. Everyone turned to me. I forced a smile.
Friends, Friends, Friends.
"Y-Yeah" I nodded. Lacey nodded and turned back to the table. Jake took in a breathed and gripped my leg.
"Yeah-Yeah Lacey stop being such a cunt and play the game huh?" He snapped at her. She glared up at him. They stared at each other for a minute.
"Fine, hand me the deck" She glared at Jake, holding her hand out for Gavin. Gavin sighed and bend down before handing her a deck of cards.
"What game is this?" I asked turning to Jake. Jake kept glaring at Lacey. Lacey slapped down the deck of cards.
"Easy" Lacey snapped my attention. "Grab a card, read what it says, do it or drink" She smiled. I blinked at her before snapping out of it and nodding.
"Ladies go first" She slid the deck to me. I blinked up at Jake and he just looked at me, as everyone did. I swallowed as I reached down and picked up the first one on top.
My eyes glanced over it.
"Tell a secret, or drink."
I felt sick. I looked up at Lacey. She smiled and raised her eyebrows. I looked over at Jake as I set down the card. "Well?" Lacey crossed her arms over her chest. I looked at the ground.
"Um.." I thought. A secret? I looked up at the drinks layed against the table in front of us. Each one looking less appetizing than the next.
"It doesn't have to be a huge one, Y/n" Jake leaned into me. I tapped my foot and nodded.
"I--" I shook my head. "I--accidently killed my hamspter when I was 7" I nodded remembering the first thing I could. They blinked at me. Lacey shook her head and Nadia chuckled.
"Damn" Tyler chuckled. "Boring" Lacey announced before picking up at card herself and sighing as her eyes glanced over the words.
"Kiss someone you've previously hooked up with or drink" She read. Her eyes looked up at mine. She smiled before she stood and walked over to where I was sitting. My eyes widened before she leaned down and then I realized who she was going for.
"Lace-" Jake mumbled before she pressed her lips to his, while his hand still rested on my legs. My eyes widened and I felt my heart start to beat as I stared at their lips connected.
Jake?
They’d hooked up?
I looked away from them as she parted and chuckled.
Jake looked down at me. I didn't look up at him suddenly feeling sick to my stomach. I looked up at Nadia who looked sadly at me. I pulled my leg from his touch and Jake sighed.
"Y/n" He breathed trying to get my attention.
I’d knew Lacey had just done it to embarrass me, and it worked. I just don’t know why Jake never mentioned it before.
"Who's next?" Lacey smiled. Nadia leaned forward before taking a card.
The game went on like this. Jake stopped trying to get my attention and I just listened and watched as Nadia gave Tyler a lap dance, Jake downed a shot, and Tyler and Gavin wrestled on the ground.
"Your turn" Lacey pushed the card towards me. I sighed before picking up another card. I clenched my jaw as I started to read the card.
"Take off your shirt or drink" I read. Tyler leaned back. "This should be good" He chuckled. Jake glared at him. I pursed my lips as Lacey held back a laugh. I placed the card down before reaching for the bottle in front of me.
"Cop-out" Lacey mumbled. I glared at her before bringing the bottle up to my lips. At first it didn't taste like anything as I drank it like water, it going down so easily.
"Not----that much" Jake grabbed the bottle from me.
Then it burned.
I coughed as the foul tasted hit me like a ton of bricks. I leaned forward as my hand came to my throat, attempting to wipe away the burning from the outside.
Jake put his hand on my back.
"Are you okay?" He breathed. I sat up and looked at everyone'e eyes on me. "I'm fine" I snapped. He sighed and took his hand off my back.
Lacey wasn't winning. I wasn't going to let her. She could try to embarrass me with this cards all night, but I was just going to drink every time.
-
I was smiling. Genuinely smiling. It felt so good. I giggled as Jake leaned over me as I layed against the couch.
Everyone forgot about the game a few minutes ago.Lacey pre-occupied with Gavin and Nadia with Tyler, their conversations drowing out through everyone else in the house.
"There are a lot of people in your house" I giggled. He nodded and smiled. "There is" He smiled and nodded. I sighed and closed my eyes. Everything felt like it was fuzzing, like the muscles under my skin were bubbling, keeping me warm.
"Are you okay?" His hand came over my hip. I nodded and smiled, my eyes still closed.
"'M happy" I chuckled blinking my eyes open. "Your happy?" He asked chuckling. I nodded as I looked up at him.
"I couldn't stop thinking about you today" Jake breathed as he looked down at me. I smiled and pointed to myself. "Me?" I chuckled. He nodded and closed his eyes. I sighed and looked off.
“I wish Matt was here, he would like feeling this--I feel free" I said as I spread my arms out. Jake pursed his lips and looked down at me.
"You know he's into you right?"
I looked up at him. "Matt?" I asked my eyes widening. He nodded. I shook my head and giggled. Everything just felt funny.
"No-Matt he's....not into anything" I chuckled shaking my head. Jake stared down at me.
"He's into you. I can see it in the way he glares at me" He chuckled. I shook my head furrowing my eyebrows. "I would know Jake. He-He would have told me" I chuckled, leaning into Jake's arm. Jake's gaze just followed me.
"Alright, no more drinks for you" He brushed hair behind my ear. I rolled my eyes and pushed his arm. He smiled as he leaned over me and pressed his lips to mine softly. I smiled as I kissed him back.
"Do you wanna go upstairs? It's quieter up there, somewhere for you to lay down" He mumbled against my lips. I smiled and nodded. He smiled before leaning up and helping me up off the couch. I leaned into him as he held me up as we walked out of the room.
I felt like my body was as light as a feather. I couldn’t stop smiling. This was great. Jake was great.
I chuckled as we made it to the stairs. He held my hand as we walked up the steps. I stumbled missing one of the steps. My hand grasped the rail. Has stairs always been this hard?
"Are you okay?" He laughed pulling me up. I nodded as we continued to walk. He pulled me into this room before he closed the door.
His hands came to my waist and his lips came down on me. I kissed him back and smiled as I wrapped my arms around his neck. His hands came over my hips, gripping my skirt.
As I kissed him back, my hands coming over his hands. I knew my skirt was riding up, and I didn’t want to be on full display.
He released his grip and his hand came under my skin and he guided me towards his bed continuing to kiss me.
I laid down before he crawled over me. He smiled as he pushed his tonuge in my mouth sloppily. His hand pulled my leg up before his hand grazed my knee and trailed down my leg.
He moved his lips to my neck. I looked up at the ceiling.
"D-Did you really hook up with Lacey?" I breathed as I remembered the events from earlier. He lifted for a moment.
"It was a long time ago" He mumbled before he pressed his lips harder agaisnt my neck. I blinked at the ceiling.
"Why didn't you tell me about it?" My eyebrows furrowed. He sighed and he looked up at me. "It wasn't relevant. We weren't ever together" He explained his hand gripping my chin. I looked up at him.
"Okay?" he breathed. I nodded. His lips returned to my neck and he bit down. I swallowed as pictures of Matt's face flushed through my mind. The way his eyes looked over my neck.
He let out a hard breath before he leaned over and tightened the strings to my hoodie to conceal my neck and tapped to his own neck. The same place where a mark laid on my own neck. As if to say:
Hide your hickeys better, I can see them.
"D-Don't give me hickeys" I quickly spoke. Jake lifted his head and his hands pushed throught my hair. "Why?" He questioned staring down at me.
I don't want Matt to see them.
"My-My dad. I don't want him--to see” I shook my head and closed my eyes. He sighed before he pressed his lips back to mine. I kissed him back trying to shut off my mind. I was drunk. I didn't know what drunk felt like, but this had to be it. The room was spinning. My mind was racing.
His hands came over both my legs before he pushed up my shirt and his hand trailed under my bra. I shifted under him, just trying to focus on kissing him back. He bit down on my lip.
"You’re so.." He mumbled and his hand came over my breast. I shuttered uncomfortably under his touch. No one had ever touched me like this before. “Hot” he finished squeezing down on me. I felt my body freeze.
His hand trailed the bottom of my skirt and passed under it.
I tore my lips from his. “Jake, wait” I breathed looking up at him. He stared down at me. “Let me make you feel good” He responded shortly before kissing the side of my face. I felt my breath quicken as his hands went back behind my bra, attempting to unclip it.
"Jake" I pushed his hand away. His hand came out from under my shirt. I sat up and looked down as he climbed off me.
"What?" He asked from behind me. I swallowed and pulled my skirt down suddenly feeling sick to my stomach.
"What?" He asked again. I bit my lip and looked down shaking my head. Why am I freaking out? I was freaking out. I couldn’t do this. I was drunk. I was drunk. I was drunk.
He took in a hard breath.
"I just feel--I feel like--" I was choking on my words scared to even look back up at him. "It's a little fast for me. I-I-" Find your words. Find your words, Y/n. Don’t freak out.
"I've just drank and we shouldn't--"
"Why does that matter? Are you not not into me?" He spoke from behind me. I closed my eyes. I felt like my skin burned where he had touched me.
Plane rides, quiet nights, sleep
"I just-It's a little fast don't you think? I mean are we even together? I don’t know when we switched from friends to—" I stuttered turning and looking at him. He gapped at me and shook his head.
"We're having this conversation now?" He asked shaking his head.
"Well-I dont know? I’ve never done this. I don’t know what I’m doing” I shook my head.
"We're hooking up? Was that not what you wanted?" He said glaring at me. I could feel him start to get angry and my heart beat against my chest.
I looked down and my eyes watered. "I don't know what I want right now. I—" I shook my head. He took in a breath.
Reading, books, being sober.
"Are you kidding me?” I snapped. “Not what you want?” He snapped. “Y/n, it’s not that big of a deal” He shook his head. I just stared at the ground, unable to speak
"Is it that stupid mute kid? Is that what this is about? Did he get into your head?" He threw his hands up. I shook my head.
"Matt he's--"
"I gave you an in y/n. An in to my group--to a good highschool social life, you should thank me. Now you're sick of it? Now it’s too much?" He snapped. I swallowed and shook my head.
"I didn't realize--"
"What? Did you think I just liked hearing you talk?" He snapped. I closed my eyes and my hands came over my face. Disappear, Disappear.
"Do you know how many girl want to be in your postion right now? Do you know who I am to these people?" I stayed silent as I tried to swallow the lump in my throat.
“Jake I’m sorry” I whispered quietly. He took in a breath. “I didn’t mean to make you think-“ I turned to him.
"Come back or get out" He said. I looked up at him. He stared at me with a straight face. I opened my mouth before looking back down at my shoes.
I shook my head as I stood up off the bed and held in my emotions before I shut the door and walked down the stairs. I felt my eyes fill with tears as the loud music came back over my ears.
I swallowed as I blink just trying to focus, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t focus. I couldn’t even walk down the steps without gripping the railing. I closed my eyes. Why did I do this to myself?
I pushed off the railing.
“You’re fine you’re fine” I whispered shaking my head. I pushed through people. Outside, just get outside.
I stumbled against the door harshly as I ripped it open.
Jake’s words played in my mind. The way he gripped me.
And I threw up.
-
I don't know how I got here but I did. It's like my feet knew where I was going before I did. I cried most of the way here. I knew my mascara had to be running. The walk was shorter that I remembered. But I didn’t remember most of the walking itself.
It was zigzagged and blurry.
You could have told me I teleported here and I would have believed you. Everything was still fuzzy. I hope Matt wouldn’t be mad that I was here.
Would be mad?
Tears sprung to my eyes.
Matt mad.
I knocked on the door softly. I stood back and wiped my nose as I stared at the door. My ears still buzzing from the loudness of the party I was just at. I couldn’t think. I barely had a strain of thoughts.
I knew Matt didn’t want me to come here after the party. But I couldn’t go home. I just couldn’t. I stared at the door. No one was coming. I looked down.
I couldn’t walk all the way home now, there’s no way I would make it. I knocked again, harder.
“Please Matt” I whispered. Nothing. I bit my lip and sat down leaning against the door. I sighed as I brought my hands up to my face.
Don’t cry. Don’t cry.
Why did you ever go to that party without Matt? What were you thinking? You didn’t know those people? Matt was right. God Matt was so right it hurt.
A few seconds later I felt the door open the door opened, I fell back before I looked up
Matt looked down at me, his eyes and mouth wide. I quickly sat up and stumbled up to my feet. Matt reached out and steadied me. I blinked up at him, humiliation all over my face.
I looked down.
“Please don’t be mad at me” My eyes filled with tears. He sighed and dropped his hands from me as I reached up and wiped my tears.
I looked up at him.
“I didn’t have fun at the party” I shook my head. He closed his eyes as sadness filled his face. I walked forward before pressing my head against his chest and hugging him.
He froze against me as I tried to take in a deep breath. His arms finally rested around me. He sighed as he leaned his head over mine. His hands rubbing my back.
“Matt, I’m so stupid.” I mumbled against him. He pulled me back before looking down at me. I turned away from him.
“I don’t look—-pretty right now. Don’t look at me” I said reaching up and wiping my tears. He grabbed my hands before pushing them down and his thumbs came under my eyes before wiping away the tears, replacing my owns I just looked up at him. His eyes met mine and he gave a sad smile.
I sighed and he grabbed my arm before pulling me into the house. I stumbled slightly and I reached up for his arm.
“Matt I—I don’t feel good” I whispered. His eyes widened and he held me up.
“I’m sorry” I apologized as I leaned into him. "Please tell me Chris isn't-" I hiccuped. "--Here, he'll yell. I'm tired of....yelling" I sighed as we walked through the hallway. Matt furrowed his eyebrows and looked down at me.
Matt pulled me into his room before he let me go, I fell down onto my knees and whined, like I couldn’t hold up my own body weight. Matt bent down with wide eyes before pushing my face up. His eyes scanned my face, as if checking for any injuries.
"Please don't be mad" I said closing my eyes. "I'm really--" I swallowed. "Drunk" I sighed as I laid against the floor. I blinked up at him and he took in a breath, closing his eyes as he sat down on the floor next to me.
I stared up at the ceiling. His hand came over my head as he moved the hair from my face. I swallowed as I turned and looked at him. He smiled softly. I leaned into his hand.
“I don’t know why you like me so much” I whispered. He just bit his lip. “I’m sorry for being a bad friend” I whispered. He lifted his hand from me before grabbing my arms and pulling me to a sitting position.
"I want you to talk to me" I breathed staring up at him. He just stared at me. "I just want to hear your voice Matt. I-" I felt my eyes fill up with tears.
"Just please tell me you're not mad at me." I whined. He stood up before grabbing my arms and pulling me up to my feet. I fell against him and his arms came around my waist. I sighed as I looked up at him. He stared down at me.
"I know you didn't want me to come over, but I--" I bit my lip. “I didn’t have anywhere else to go” I whispered.
"I don't like Jake anymore" I whispered shaking my head. He just looked at me. "He's not..." I closed my eyes. "He's not nice" I laid my head against him. I let out a breath.
"He's not like you" I whispered. He froze against me breifly, I barely felt it with the room going in out a focus. I groaned against him. He grabbed my waist before walking me over to his bed, I fell against the sheet.
He moved to unlace my shoes and I just watched him as the threw them on the floor. He pulled the covers over my body and looked down at me. His hand slightly went to brush the hair out of my face, but he froze.
I reached up and grabbed his hand before pressing it to my face and leaning against his warmth. He just watched me as if he was suprised from my action.
“You know what’s werid…” I whispered. He raised his eyebrows as he looked down at me. “Jake said that you were into me” I swallowed. I felt Matt’s hand freeze.
“I told him that he was crazy because—-I would know right?” I looked up at him. He didn’t react. “I feel like I would know. Because you put all your emotions on your face” I looked up at him. He turned away his cheeks pinkening.
"Do you like being my friend?" I whispered. He looked down at me for a second before nodding. I leaned against the pillow, dropping his hand from my face, but still holding it.
"He said he didn't like hearing me talk" I mumbled. Matt watched me. I closed my eyes. "He didn't want me to talk" I breathed. Matt's eyebrows furrowed.
"Do you feel that way too? Do I talk too much?" I asked my eyes filling with tears. He shook his head instantly before kneeling beside the bed. I looked at him and shook his head more. I sighed.
"Your eyes are blue" I smiled as I looked over his eyes. He smiled and shook his head.
"Sometimes when I looked at Jake's eyes--I'd imagine your eyes instead. Isn't that insane?" I asked glancing over at him. He stared blankly at me his mouth slightly parted and his eyes glanced over mine.
Our faces were inches apart. I swallowed as I stared at him feeling bubbling in my stomach. I swallowed.
"Is that insane?" I asked softer. He shook his head his eyes not leaving mine. Silence filled the room around us. I felt my heart beating hard against my chest and I felt our hands more than I should.
We just looked at each other. Like the other person was the only other one in the world. I glanced down his face. From his glasses to the tip of his nose, to his parted lips.
I just watched him and before I knew it I leaned forward slightly. As if my body was begging me to close the few inches left between us.
I felt his lips graze mine, his slightly brushing against my own. Then before they actually touched, they were gone. I froze. I blinked my eyes open. He swallowed as he pulled his hand from mine and sat back.
He pulled back. He pulled away.
We just stared at each other, like the other was as equally shocked at the others movements. His eyes wide as he looked at me. He closed his eyes and looked down as guilt filled his face.
I felt embarrassment wash over me like a truck. I felt sick to my stomach.
He pulled back from connecting our lips.
I'd tried to kiss him and he pulled back.
He hadn't wanted to kiss me.
I sat up and looked down wrapping my arms around myself, unable to look at him. I felt like I was gonna throw up again.
"I'm so sorry. I-I don't know why I did that" I shook my head turning away from him so he didn't see the tears lining my eyes. The shear embarrassment that was radiating off my face.
For a second there was silence I could feel him looking at me. I closed my eyes wanting to disappear, wanting to punch myself in the face for everything I’ve done tonight. I felt like an idiot.
He stood up before taking in a breath.
He leaned over before writing something. He set it down next to me. I avoided looking at it as he walked out of the room.
I stared down at my hands as I felt a tear fall down the bridge of my nose as I heard the door shut. I reached up and wiped it.
I finally glanced at the paper sitting there once I knew he wasn't coming back.
get some sleep y/n
I closed my eyes and turned over hugging the covers too me, hoping this night would erase from my memory by the morning as I drifted off into sleep with Matt's scent surrounding me. As I slept in his bed, under his covers, without him.
Quiet 11
P1 P2 P3 P4 P5 P6 P7 P8 P9 P10
pairing: y/n and Matt sturniolo
summary: a girl with a lot of baggage and a boy with even more try to help put each others pieces back together one by one. A story about a girl who’s broken and a boy who doesn’t talk
warnings: mentions of being skinny/not eating, mentions of a drunk parent, fighting
---------------------------------------------------------
The worst part about hanging out with Matt was when I had to go home. I hated going home. Even with Matt being mad at me, it distracted me from what was going on at home. It gave me something else to worry about.
I shouldn't have to worry about it. I shouldn't have to worry about food on the table or if my dad would be living and breathing when I walked through the door. Everyday. And I was too scared to say anything.
I bent down and picked up Sparkle who was waiting at the front door for me like she always does. I keep her outside when I leave so my dad wouldn't know i'm now homing a cat. I tugged her to my chest as I pushed the door open. Immediately relief washing over me from her comfort.
My dad was already walking towards me.
" 'M going out" He mumbled as he placed his hand against the door frame. I just looked up at him. His eyes wobbled, like he was looking through me. My heart clenched and I held Sparkle closer.
"Fuck is that a cat?" He mumbled looking down at me. I looked down at the cat before placing her on the ground. "Yeah, it was outside and--"
"I don't want a fucking cat in my house Y/n. Get rid of it" He snapped down at me as he reached for the door handle. I blinked at him and my mouth spoke before my mind could catch up.
"Where are you going? It's late, dad" I mumbled. He turned and looked back at me as he opened the door. "I'm going out" He didn't clarify. I swallowed and looked down at Sparkle who looked up at me.
"Are you safe to go out? I-I don't think--"
"There's a bar just down the street i'll be f-fine" He grumbled. I swallowed and looked down at my feet.
"Is the job search going anywhere? I can help you look---"
"I don't need you to question me. I'm your father, you do not question me" He snapped making me close my eyes and step back. Silence came between us. I nodded and wrapped my arm around myself as I felt Sparkle rub against my leg.
I don’t know why I thought I should ask. My mouth always getting me into trouble.
"Did you pick up groceries?" I whispered. He sighed and looked down at Sparkle.
"I want that cat gone before I get back" He snapped looking down at the cat. I looked down at Sparkle. "Dad" I breathed feeling my heart clench. "I mean it Y/n" He stared down at me.
"Dad, I'm hungry" I whispered looking at him as my hands came down my arms. He blinked at me before taking in a breath.
"I'm going to the store tomorrow Y/n. There's something I need to take care of tonight I-I got people waiting on me" He shook his head. I nodded and looked down.
"Okay" I breathed thinking it was best not to push it, at least not right now. He sighed before he slammed the door. I looked down at Sparkle who looked up at me. I leaned against the cabnits before running my hand down her back.
"I'm sorry Sparkle. I can't keep you" I whispered at her. She just looked up at me. I sighed before laying my head against my knees.
When everything starts to feel okay again. There's another reminder waiting that it isn't, okay.
I stood up before picking up Sparkle and setting her back outside. She tilted her head in confusion. I stared down at the small kitten and her head went towards the bowl of water I’d left out for her.
It was empty.
I sighed before I swallowed and looked off towards the street.
-
I pushed the door open before Nick looked up at me. I smiled and set down his phone.
"Hey, Y/n" He sat up and smiled at me. The smile already making my heart pound in the worst way possible. I swallowed as I walked up and leaned against the counter to look at him.
"Come to steal something again?" He chuckled. I felt my stomach twist, and I didn't smile as I looked at him. His smiled altered from my lack of reaction as he stared back at me.
I felt horrible.
"You did?" He mumbled quieter. I sighed and hung my head and I tugged on my sweatshirt uncomfortably.
"Listen--I just need some cat food okay? I don't have any and I can't afford it. There’s this cat she’s—starving." I whispered as I looked down avoiding his eyes.
Silence came between and it let the feeling sink in of how horrible and humiliating this genuinely felt.
Nick stared at me blankly for a second before letting out a breath. I wanted to cry. To burst out into tears pathtically. But I couldn't get the look Sparkle gave me as I shut the door. She was starving. She was probably as hungry as I was.
No living thing deserved to be hungry.
"You'll steal food for a cat but not yourself?" He sighed. I didn't respond as I tucked my hands into my sweatshirt. I swallowed as he waited for an answer.
"I wouldn't do this if I wasn't desperate" I whispered as tears lined my eyes. Nick blinked at me and let out a breath. He sat up from the counter he was sitting behind and turned away.
"I'm going on break for about 10 minutes" He annoucned to me. Only then, did I look up at him. He glanced back at me.
"Please--" I spoke. He paused. "--don't tell Matt about this" I shook my head. The thought of the look on his face was enough to make me want to puke. Nick pursed his lips as he studied me. He looked down before speaking again.
"In the back--" He looked up. "There are some pre-made meals" He motioned to the back wall. "I won't say anything about this if you take something for yourself too" He breathed, his eyes scanning over my body. I felt the need to cover up.
I just nodded and then he gave me once last look before walking into the back of the store. I let out a breath as I walked down the aisles feeling sick to my stomach.
I found the cat food before grabbing as many cans as I could before shoving them into the pockets of my sweatshirt. I shoved in almost a weeks worth before I walked down where Nick pointed.
My eyes scanned the shelves before I picked up the first meal that seemed appetizing and put it under my sweatshirt, holding it to my body.
I felt my heart beat out of my chest as I walked towards the front doors of the stores. I hated doing this. I absolutely hated it.
It made me feel dirty. Like the scum of the earth. Like a dirty thief. I swallowed the lump forming in my throat. I guess that’s what I was.
The doors were in sight before someone walked through making me pause.
He looked up at me his eyebrows furrowing.
"Y/n?"
I froze my eyes widening. Chris walked towards me and I stood frozen. "What are you doing here?" He asked slightly glaring at me. I looked down avoiding his eyes.
"Just....walking around. I don't know" Lame excuse, but I was nervous. I didn’t know what else to say. He stared at me and I glanced up at him.
"What are you doing?" I fired back. He looked off towards the counter.
"I visit Nick sometimes when I'm bored" He pointed off to where Nick is normally perched. I looked off and nodded. He narrowed his eyes at me. "Didn't you just leave my house?" He asked staring down at me.
"Yeah I just---came to look around" I mumbled shifting on my feet. He walked up to me and I looked up at him.
"You're not a good liar" He said staring down at me. My face lost color. "Matt sees it too, he just doesn't say anything about it--but he can see it" He stated. “—When you lie” He spoke. I looked off and bit down on my lip.
"You know Chris" I whispered. "You really can't make me feel more like shit, than I already make myself feel.” I said staring up at him. His eyes softened and I shook my head before pushing away from him and walking out the doors of the store.
-
I leaned down and opened up a can before placing it in front of Sparkle. Her eyes wideneded and she immediatly went to devour it. I sighed as I leaned against my door and put my hand behind her ears. I closed my eyes as I felt tears start to run down my cheeks.
-
I let out a small half-laugh as I pushed the notebook back towards Matt. He smiled and added a small little hat to the figure I attempted to draw. It was suppose to be a cow but it came out looking more like a donkey.
I smiled over at him as he detailed in the hat, making my cow-donkey looking like shit. He pushed the notebook back over to me.
I sighed and I tapped my pencil against the page.
"Hey"
I looked up as Jake sat down next to me. I felt Matt stiffen beside me. I looked over as Nadia and Lacey sat down across from us. I looked up at Matt who seemed to have gone frozen, staring at them.
I closed my eyes mentally preparing for the damage.
"H-Hey what are you doing?" I whispered since we were in the library. He smiled and he wrapped his arms around my waist pulling me into him.
"What? I can't come say hi to you?"
And he kissed me.
Right in front of Matt. I froze as he pulled back. I didn't dare to look over at Matt's reaction. I let out a breath and looked down at the table trying to not show how much that shook me.
"No you can" I shook my head staring down at the notebook, not wanting to dissmiss him. Nadia leaned forward.
"You picked out what you're wearing on Friday?" She asked smiling at me. I subconsciously glanced over at Matt who watched me uncomfortably.
"N-No not yet" I shook my head staring down at the page as if it was the most interesting thing in the room. I felt Matt's gaze and I had a feeling he was going to bolt any second.
"What? You probably have a million things to wear" She said raising her eyesbrows.
"Yeah she's stick thin, she can probably wear anything" Lacey mumbled. I looked up at her and felt it like a shot to the gut. Matt shifted next to me and he fixed his eyes on Lacey.
"I just haven't looked yet" I mumbled as I picked up my pencil.
"Did you ask....him?" Jake leaned forward and looked at Matt. Matt turned to him and I looked between them. "No--I" I breathed. Lacey leaned forward.
"Friday. Jake's house. Party. You in quiet boy or not?" Lacey tilted her head at him. I realized how rude the words sounded coming from her lips. Quiet boy. A diss. To his face.
Matt opened his mouth before closing it and then just shrugged.
"He'll--think about it" I placed my hand on his shoulder. Lacey glanced over to me. "Do you always speak for him?" She asked raising her eyebrows. Matt looked down, defeat filing his face.
"No"
"Yeah whatever, kid doesn't talk. Listen, come to my car after the game tonight okay?" Jake shifted his attention to me as he stood up. I looked up at him.
"I--um okay" I breathed nodding. He smiled before leaning down and pressing his lips to my cheek and walking off, Nadia and Lacey following him.
"Please, text me what you're wearing" Nadia breathed looking down at me. I nodded up at her before she walked off with them.
I let go of a breath I was holding and I looked down at the page, but my pencil was frozen against the page.
Matt looked down at me. I closed my eyes.
"I'm sorry.....that they were rude" I swallowed not looking up at him, feeling as if those comments were my fault.
I knew it probably didn't feel good to be pointed out as being the kid who didn't speak more than once in a singular conversation. He smacked his lips and took in a breath.
He picked up his pen and wrote in my line of vision.
I stared at the page.
I didn't like the fact they commented on your weight.
I looked up at him and he stared at me, like he wasn't joking. I gave a sad smile and looked down at the words. Out of everything thrown at him in that conversation, Lacey's comment on my weight it was what stuck with him.
I shook my head as I smiled. I leaned over and leaned my head against his shoulder as I reached over and started to draw a bunny coming over the hat that was on the donkey-cow. He smiled as he watched me.
-
I didn't push Matt on the hockey game tonight after he said no. He didn't seem in the mood to be pushed today. It was a quick no and discomfort filled his face. That was that.
So I decided to go alone. Soon after I got to the rink, I realized why.
We were playing Sommervile. I froze when I saw Chris and Nick with "Sturniolo" plastered across their backs. Matt probably didn't want to watch his old team skate without him. He didn't want to be recongized.
I felt my stomach tug from the thought of Matt being home alone right now. I looked off towards the ice before seeing Jake. He smiled before skating to the side of the ice. I smiled and walked up to him.
"You made it" He smiled. I nodded and smiled. I looked behind him seeing Chris looking over at me, speaking with Nick, causing Nick to also look in my direction. I swallowed and directed my attention back to Jake.
"I hope you win" I smiled leaning on my arm. He chuckled and nodded. "Yeah, well that's the goal" He smiled.
"Hey, I'm sorry if I offended you today with the comment about Mark--"
"Matt" I stared. He blinked. "Fuck--right. I'm sorry. I knew it didn't sit right with you. I shouldn't have said it" He shook his head. I sighed and nodded.
"It's okay, just....don't pry with him" I mumbled. He nodded and gripped his stick. “Okay” he breathed. And that was that.
He leaned forward before pressing his lips to mine. My eyes went wide. Still getting used to it.
"Come over after the game" He mumbled an inch from my face. I smiled and looked down.
"I'll think about it" I smiled.
"Andrews!"
He turned. "Fuck, I gotta go--" He pointed behind him. I nodded and waved him off before he skated off towards the rest of his team. I wrapped my arms over myself as I made my way to the bleachers so I could watch.
I sighed as I sat down and they started to skate. I watched as they fought for the puck. Over and over, slamming each other into the ice. I forced back a yawn. I wouldn't have come if I hadn't promised Jake.
I still think hockey is quite boring. I glanced over to the empty seat next to me. It was more fun when Matt came with me. I didn’t like sitting alone.
I watched as Nick and Chris skated. They were good. It made me wonder if Matt was as good as they are, if not better. I smiled to myself, but it fell when I realized why he stopped playing. I sighed and looked back up at the game.
I saw as Chris glanced up to me. I stared back at him. He held my gaze for a second before he looked back towards the game. I didn't have a good feeling in my stomach. I watched him as he started to skate.
Jake pushed one of the Sommervile players to take the puck. One second he was skating, the next he was slammed so harshly onto the ground--the entire bleachers full of people gasped.
The whistle blew.
I stood from the hit. It was harsh. Jake was against the ice, unable to get up. I pressed my hand to my chest as I watched him, my heart beating out of my chest. Nick reached over and pulled Chris's shoulder. Only then did I realized that Chris took that blow to Jake.
And it was intentional.
The ref’s shoved Chris back, yelling at him something I couldn't understand. Chris looked back up at me and I just looked at him, my mouth parted in shock. He turned back before he skated off the ice completely, ignoring the ref and his coach just to take the penalty.
I looked at Jake who was already receiving medical attention. He groaned against the ground. I clenched my jaw as I watched the door Chris had just walked through. I took in a breath as I rushed off the bleachers.
-
"Chris!"
"What?" He snapped turning around with his bag over his shoulder as he walked through the parking lot. I glared at him shaking my head as I approached him.
"What the fuck was that?" I screamed at him. He clenched his jaw as he looked away. I stopped in front of him. "You could have killed him!" I screamed. Chris looked down at me, he stepped forward making me stumbled back.
"He's fucking fine Y/n. I could have done alot more damage" He spoke harshly. I took in a breath. "I’m so sick and tired of you always giving me such--" I started as I grew more and more angry.
"Do you know Nick lost his job because of you?"
I froze as I looked up at Chris. He looked anything but sorry. I opened my mouth and shook my head.
"What-"
"His boss noticed the inventory didn't match the money in the register and he watched the security tapes. He saw him let you steal and he fired him. He had to pay back what you stole" He spat down at me.
Guilt rose in my stomach and I looked down at my feet, swallowing I didn't know--"
"Of course you didn't know Y/n. You only ever think about yourself" He shook his head. I felt my heart clench at the words. I shook my head. "
That's—That’s not true Chris" I whispered as tears lined my eyes. He scoffed.
"At least I don't go around fucking assulting people for no reason!" I spat back, growing angry again. He rolled his eyes. "At least i'm not a fucking thief" He snapped back. I glared at him.
"Why? What possessed you to do that? What did Jake do to you?" I asked throwing my arms up, my ears basically fuming. I had enough of his sly remarks, his bad attitude, and his utter rudeness.
I was about to explode
"I did what Matt couldn't" He breathed looking down at me. I dropped my arms and blinked at him. He stared down at me with a hard glare. I opened my mouth and shook my head.
"What are you talking about?" I breathed shaking my head. He let out a breath and licked his lips.
"Do you know what he said to me when he came home the other day?" Chris spoke harshly. I just watched him as he spoke.
"He said, Maybe If I was like him--" He pointed towards the gym we just exited. I knew he was talking about Jake. "Maybe if I was like him she would--"
"Chris"
We both turned. Nick stomped towards us. I felt the guilt rise in me again as he looked at me. He looked back at Chris.
"What the fuck man? You costed us the game" He shook his head. Chris looked down in silence.
"Nick" I breathed. He looked over at me. I shook my head. "Nick, I'm so sorry" I whispered. Nick looked over at Chris and then looked back at me.
"It's fine, Y/n. It's not that big of a deal" He mumbled as he walked up to Chris.
"No it actually is, try our only source of income" Chris glared down at me. Nick pushed him.
"You can get a job you hateful fuck" Nick snapped at his brother, his aggression clearly built up from the loss of the game.
"Our parent’s money is enough, I had the job for extra cash. It's fine" Nick shook his head. I felt my stomach twist. I stepped forward.
"I'll pay you back, I swear" I swallowed shaking my head. Nick sighed and closed his eyes. "I said it was fine Y/n. Just leave it alone” He mumbled as he grabbed Chris's arm and drug him towards the car.
Neither of them looked back at me as I stood there in the parking lot, alone.
Quiet 10
pairing: y/n and Matt sturniolo
summary: a girl with a lot of baggage and a boy with even more try to help put each others pieces back together one by one. A story about a girl who’s broken and a boy who doesn’t talk
warnings: mentions of family death and trauma
matt pov
Tears flooded my eyes as I walked away clutching my book to my chest. I tried my best to fight them off but I knew I wouldn't be able to. I closed my eyes in case anyone passing by would see me. I didn’t want them to stare more than they already do.
I knew if I didn’t get up and walk away I would have cried right there in front of her, and I’d rather jump in front of a moving vehicle than do that and that’s saying a lot.
Even if she already thought I was weak, I didn't want to prove it to her. I swallowed the lump in my throat as I pushed the doors of the school open. I couldn’t do it. Not today. I couldn’t sit there and know that his lips have been on her. If not just her neck.
God, I was going to puke at the thought of it, his lips against her skin, hard enough to leave marks. The cold air hit me, I was finally out. I looked up briefly, silently thanking her for not following me like she always did. I didn't want her to see me, not like this.
I looked down at my feet as I walked home.
“It was my curling iron”
My stomach twisted. I was pathetic. I wiped the tears that came to the tip of my nose under my glasses. I liked one girl and they kissed someone else, and I was in tears. Maybe it wasn’t just that. Maybe it was everything else. I knew it wasn’t. I shook my head as I gasped for a breath, that came out more like a strangled sob.
I was the definition of pathetic.
I wasn't meant for this. To like a girl. It wasn't in the cards for me. I wish it had never happened.
There was nothing I could do to stop her from liking him, from kissing him, from touching him, from—-
I closed my eyes and shook my head as I tried to breathe, trying not to picture it.
She hadn’t even tried to hide it. Like she’d never gotten one before. She had her hood up, but that was it. I was looking at her, like I always do. It was hard to miss.
Staring at me from the inside of her neck. Taunting me. Like he branded himself in her skin. Her silk soft skin. My stomach dropped. I licked my lips and shook my head. She can kiss people Matt, I tried to convince myself.
But him?
My lip shook and I bit down on it. I’m not weak. I’m not a baby. Babies cry. I don’t cry.
It's not like she would choose to kiss you anyway, get over yourself.
“What’s wrong?” Chris immediately asked when I walked into the house. I looked up at him and that was it.
Everything I’d been carrying inside me, every rude comment, every insensitive look, every emotion thats happened to me in the past year came crashing down.
And I broke.
-
y/n pov
Jake slipped his hand into mine, before I could even register that he was there. I looked up at him slightly shocked from the action and flexed my hand against his. He smiled down at me as he matched my walking speed.
“Where were you yesterday?” He asked looking down at me. I looked down at our hands and then back up at his eyes. “Oh uh—“ I cleared my throat.
“My dad was sick, had to take care of him” I said shaking my head. Which was half true. He came home, stumbling. Puked everywhere. I spent an hour, crying, cleaning it up.
I swallowed at the memory. Yesterday could have gone down as the worst day of my life.
“Oh well, are you coming to my hockey game? Tomorrow? 9pm?” He tilted his head as he pulled me to stop against the lockers with him. I opened my mouth to speak as he grabbed my other hand interlocking both our hands, pulling me against him.
“Uh—“ I glanced down the hallway. Third period and still no signs of Matt today. I had an uneasy feeling in my stomach from his absence. It didn't feel right. I looked back at Jake who was waiting for an answer.
“Yeah maybe, I’ll see what Matt’s doing” I replied. Bringing our hands down. His eyebrows furrowed. “Who's Matt?" He asked unimpressed. I blinked at him.
"Matt" I stated. He shrugged. "Matt, my friend? From the hockey game?" I mumbled towards him. Jake narrowed his eyes before he remembered.
"Ah right. The kid that doesn't speak" He chuckled. I swallowed and unhooked our hands. "Don't be.....mean, Jake" I whispered as I crossed my arms over myself. He stood up from leaning.
"Sorry, it's just...he doesn't talk does he? It's just weird to me. He just kind of stares and---"
"Jake, please" I shook my head, the last thing I needed right now was this. He looked down at me and shook his head.
"Hey, no. I'm sorry okay--i'm sorry" He said before wrapping his arm around my shoulder and kissing the top of my head.
I swallowed.
“Game, tomorrow. Please?” He breathed before looking down at me. I sighed and looked at my feet. “Yeah okay” I swallowed. He smiled.
“Good, I’ll see you then” He breathed before walking off. I just watched him as he walked away feeling a horrible feeling in my stomach. I closed my eyes and looked down at my feet.
-
Matt didn’t show up all day. Not at lunch. Not to walk home. None of it. He was gone as if he never existed. It gave me chills. It let me uneasy.
I sat with Jake and his friends at lunch. I hadn't had anything to eat, i've noticed the past two weeks my weight loss and I hated it. The way the bones in my cheeks thinned and my hip bones protruded. I swallowed.
Lacey's gaze definitely didn't help her concept that I had an eating disorder. I guess in their world it would be better to pretend to have an eating disorder rather than to admit I was just too poor to eat.
Tears brimmed at my eyes.
"Are you okay?" Jake leaned down and whispered, making the entire table's vision shift to me. I looked up at Jake and met everyone's eyes. I nodded and forced a smile. So much it hurt. I glanced over to the empty table Matt and I sit at usually.
This didn't feel right. I hated this. I should be over there. Matt should be there. But he wasn't. I felt my stomach twist. What if he was hurt? What if something happened? What if he was so angry with me he couldn't face me?
"Y/n"
I blinked up at him. He chuckled. "Is that a yes?" He asked moving his hand over my knee. I blinked at me. "Is what a yes?" I asked softly realizing I completely spaced out the conversation.
"Party" He leaned down and pressed his lips to my cheek. "My house" Kissed the other cheek. I looked up at him. "this weekend" He kissed me, in front of everyone. I felt Lacey's eyes specifically burn into me from across the table, and Nadia jab her with her elbow.
"Uh--" I swallowed as I stared up at him. “Y/n, please come” Nadia said from across from me. "Yes, sounds fun" I smiled and looked down at the table.
"Have you even been to a party before?"
I turned meeting Lacey's gaze. "I--" I started.
"A real party, not a birthday party" She smiled before chuckling. My face whitened. I looked down and played with my hands to look away from her.
"I wasn't gonna say a birthday party" I mumbled. She laughed to herself.
"You've been to a party before right?" Jake mumbled down to me. I peered up at him. "Y-Yeah" I nodded. I hadn't. Never been invited to one before. I swallowed. He smiled placing his hand back on my leg, his palm coming over my knee.
"Good" He smiled. I took in a breath wanting to hide my face in my hands. I hadn't realized how quickly the switch of wanting to be his friend to his new arm candy had been. We kissed two days ago, now I felt like I was on display. Like I was standing on a stage and half of the audience wanted to throw tomatoes at me. Right now, I wanted to throw tomatoes at myself.
Disappear. Disappear. Disappear.
My mind started to replay my favorite things. Sparkle, walking, Matt, Matt, Matt.
"Can Matt come?" I turned to him quickly. Even though by this point I didn't even know if Matt was alive, I still wanted him to come. Even if he was mad. Jake looked down at me, before shifting his gaze to his friends.
"He might not want to--It's just-" I shook my head. I looked down. "It’d be nice to invite him" I mumbled feeling less confident due to the look on his face. He sighed before he nodded.
"Yeah, invite whoever you want" He smiled briefly before starting another conversation with Tyler and Gavin about the game tomorrow. I wasn't listening, I couldn't hear anything. I couldn't focus on anything, not with the way I left things off with Matt.
I turned to the empty table. I had a really bad feeling.
And fuck I missed him.
-
Chris opened the door and stared down at me. He started to close the door. I held my arm out. "Chris--" I protested. He groaned and opened it slightly, but not enough for me to come in.
"He doesn't want to see you"
"Did he tell you that?"
He stared down at me.
"I don't want you to see him" He corrected himself. I sighed and looked down. "Okay Chris, you don't get to make those calls. I just...want to make sure he's okay" I said crossing my arm over my chest.
If looks could kill I'd be dead. His eyes trailed down to my neck. I'd done a better job of covering it up today. I made a point to. Still, he stared.
He turned around to look into the house and then looked back at me. "You're not gonna leave until I let you in are you?" He sighed. I shuffled on my feet.
"I need to make sure he's okay" I repeated myself. He pursed his lips before he opened the door for me to come in. "Fine" He spat and turned away from me. I swallowed before I walked into the house.
I walked down the hallway to Matt's room before knocking softly. No answer. No movement inside the room. I sighed and leaned against the door frame. I knocked again.
"Matt?" I breathed. Silence. I knocked again, panic coming through my body. "Matt, open the door" I spoke. Nothing. I stepped back feeing my heart beating. I stared at the door and I felt myself start to panic.
"Matt, please" I whispered. I heard the lock turn before the door cracked open. He stared down at me. I looked up at him, letting out a breath of relief that he was standing in front of me again. His hair was shaggy, but his eyes were still the same ocean blue.
I forced a small smile.
"You're alive" I breathed. Blank stare down at me.
"You weren't at school....I thought something happened" I swallowed. He looked down at his feet. Silence filled the air between us.
"There's something I wanna tell you" I spoke and his eyes came up to connect with mine. "Can I come in?" I breathed. He took in a breath looking down, as if he was contemplating it. He looked up at me before opening the door to let me.
I sighed of relief as I walked into his room.
He closed the door behind me before walking over to his bed and sitting on the edge of it, looking up to me. I didn't move to sit next to him. I just stood in front of him. He stared at me, like he was waiting for me to talk.
"I hated not being around you" I admitted dropping my arms. He looked down. "Maybe the reason you're acting like this has to do with me, maybe it doesn't---" I swallowed.
"Maybe I'm a self-centered bitch who thinks the world revolves around her" I looked down shaking my head. It's definitely what I felt like. I swallowed and I couldn't help but the tears weld at my eyes.
"This might sound stupid and you might thing I'm being ridiculous--" I shook my head looking away from him. He just watched me. I met his eyes and swallowed.
"You remind me a lot of my mom" I breathed. He didn't look at me like I was crazy, or stupid, or that I was talking out of my ass. He just listened.
"My mom was my best friend" I shook my head, a smile coming across my face. "She knew me better than anyone and it's like she--" I took in a breath.
"It's like she knew exactly what to say and do to calm me down, or make me forget about whatever was going on" I explained.
"When she got sick, she never let me know what she was feeling. She never let the sickeness come between our relationship. She always waited until I was asleep until she cried. She hid the details of her sickness. She didn't even--" I swallowed as tears brimmed at my eyes.
"She didn't even tell me she was dying until she was.." Breathe. Breathe. "Gone" My voice broke as I remembered the last moments with my mother, trying to piece together every last moment. Sometimes the lines and conversations blurred together.
"But she was my only friend" I shook my head. "She never made me feel like a loser or dumb for it" I said looking down at Matt. His eyes trained on me. "She was the best friend anyone could ever have. She was..the best" I shook my head.
"It's sounds stupid but my internal voice when I think or get stressed, it's---her" I smiled softly. "Like she's the one talking to me" I nodded. "Maybe that's stupid or insane but--" I shook my head.
"Sometimes when I look at you I can't help but see her because--" I sighed. "You have the same heart, the same kindness. The same...gentleness" I breathed.
"You don't look at me like the girl who doesn't have anything, the girl whose 'skin and bones', or even as the girl who lost her mom." I shook my head. "You look at me like i'm.....me" I whispered looking down at him.
"So kinda like when I was with my mom--when i'm with you I don't feel--" I swallowed. "As alone" I looked down as the words left my lips realizing how pathetic they sounded. My eyes filled with tears.
"Maybe that is pathetic and maybe I am--but--but--"
He stood and stepped forward before pulling me into him. I held back a cry as his arms came around me, his chin against my head. I sighed as I hugged him back. He sighed as he pulled against him.
"I didn't mean to cry, I’m sorry" I whispered.
He chuckled. Chuckled.
My eyes widened and I pulled back and he looked down at me with his mouth parted. I smiled through my tears. He closed his eyes and let out a breath. He looked off to his desk. I watched him.
He grabbed my shoulders and set me down on the bed. I just looked up at him. For a second he just stared down at me as he towered over me. His eyes scaling my face. I felt my heart start to beat. Before I could feel anything else he walked away.
He walked over to his desk before he sat down and pulled a notebook towards him. I just watched him as he put as he pulled out a pencil and tapped it against the page. He turned and looked at me before taking in a breath and started to write.
And he wrote and wrote and wrote. And I just watched him as he paused every now and then.
I don't know how long I sat there but by the time he walked over to me there were pages full of words.
He took in a breath once he stood in front of me, holding the page. He sat down next to me and handed me the paper.
I just looked at him and he motioned to the paper. I swallowed before I looked down at the page.
About a year ago is when it happened. Everything was pretty perfect in my life, which now is weird to think about. I guess I never really appriecated it until it was taken away from me. I went to Sommervile with Nick and Chris. We were all on the hockey team.
It was just another game. Another Tuesday. Nothing special. It was just suppose to be another game. I was stressed because I couldn't wrap my hocket stick right. I kept tearing off the tape. Over and Over. I must have done it 20 times before my mom came in.
She walked in an offered to do it for me. I slammed my stick down and left the room. I was so frustrated with the stupid fucking stick and all she did was offer to help.
I walked to the car and got in. My dad, Chris, and Nick were all waiting on me. We were already late to the game. That made me even more mad because if your late, coach would make you stay back and do drills to make up the time you missed.
My mom came in the car a few minutes later with my stick and I was still upset. I don't know why I cared so much about the stupid stick. I was stressed because I knew this game would make or break our season and If I didn't get there soon to mentally prepare, I wouldn't perform well. I didn't want that.
Dad rarely ever got off work too watch us play, so knowing he was going to be there added even more pressure that I didn't want to handle.
About 10 minutes into the car ride Chris started pushing me because he knew I was mad. We got into an argument and I shoved him. My mom turned around to yell at us and didn't see the car that was running a red light.
My heart stopped.
They slammed into us and caused us to go into a tail spin into a streetlamp. I remember the buzzing in my ear when it was over. Sometimes I still hear it. It was so loud but so quiet. Like the world was still.
I remember looking over at Chris, he was knocked out cold. Nick was awake. He sat up and grabbed my arm to pull me up.
I looked up to my mom and dad and I remember knowing in that very second they were gone and that my entire life would be different. I pushed off Nick and went to Chris. I shook him awake. I couldn't breathe. The debris was too much. The air was so thick.
I tried to scream for Chris but I couldn't speak. I couldn't. When he finally opened his eyes I pulled him into me and cried and cried.
Nick pulled us out of the car. He was the least injured because he was in the very back of the car. I just remember the pain shooting through my leg and shoulder. I didn't know then, but my leg was shattered from the knee down. I didn't know then that I'd never play hockey again.
I laid against the pavement of the intersection and just cried. When the paramedics arrived they spoke to Nick and Chris because I was in hysteria. I couldn't look at them, because i knew the crash was my fault.
When Nick and Chris came over to me, I knew both of them had died on impact.
The police asked me questions and I refused to answer. I refused to talk to Chris or Nick about it. I didn't want them to look at me how I looked at myself. The guilt ate me alive. It was all I could think about. The fact if I had just shut up and stopped being so angry that my parents would still be alive.
Nick and Chris would still have parents.
I didn't want to talk about it because I didn't know what to say. So I didn't talk at all. Chris and Nick fought and fought and fought over what to do with me. I would be in bed and I could hear them fighting through the walls. I felt like I had turned my brothers against each other.
My heart clenched.
I didn’t want to go back to Somerville because I knew that everyone would stare. More than they do at heights. I didn’t want to be know as the triplet brother that doesn’t talk. I didn’t want to stand next to my brothers and let everyone know that I was different. So I didn’t go back.
They finally decided to put me into therapy after a month of me not speaking. A part of me didn't want to speak, the other part didn't know if I could. What I'd say. So I thought it would be better to not say anything at all.
When I refused to go into therapy they started sending Cassie over, she's an at-home therapist. We meet every Monday. I didn't want you to come over because I didn't want you to see her. I didn't know what you'd think. I didn't want you to think I was as fucked up as I am. I still don't.
I understand when you say that I remind you of your mom, because you remind me of my own. She was kind, you are kind. She is forgiving, you are forgiving. She didn't judge, you don't judge.
I should have told you this earlier, but I was scared. I'm still scared. I don't know how beneficial it is for you to be friends with someone who doesn't speak to you. I'm not sure the benefits are that high, but you keep coming around. My mom would have done the same thing.
I'm sorry i'm quiet. I'm sorry i'm distant. I'm sorry i'm confusing. I don't know how not to be any of those things. You deserve friends who aren't any of those things. I freaked out and I shouldn't have.
I’m really good at not feeling emotions. I’ve mastered turning them off and on whenever I want. And you’re really the only person who has made me feel them these past few weeks and it scared me. I hide from my emotions so I hid from you.
I'm sorry If I scared you. You're really the only person who I like being around.
I dropped the paper and looked up at him. I don't know when the tears started to fall, but they fell and fell. He sighed as he looked at me. I dropped the paper before pulling him into me.
"You're the only person I like being around too" I cried into him. He hesitantly wrapped his arms around me as he hugged me back.
“Thank you for being my friend and thank you for sharing this with me” I breathed into him. He didn’t respond he just continued to hug me.
I pulled back.
“I can’t imagine what you’ve gone through” I whispered. He looked down and shrugged. “I don’t want you to have to hide your emotions in front of me” I shook my head. He looked up at me.
“Please, don’t” I whispered shaking my head. He just blinked at me and then nodded softly. I smiled before sighing and leaning my head against his shoulder.
“I think not talking to you has been the worst 24 hours of my life” I whispered. He peered down at me before he leaned his head against mine and let out a breath, almost to agree with me.
Fuck.
Chris core <3
Lowkey more matt than Chris
New username 🤭🤭🤭
I was reading a story called limitless having both Chris and matt and I lost it...now I can't find it IM SO MAD
oh my god.. breathe .. breathe what a fucking tease
LMAOOOOOOO
You don't know me 30
P1 P3 P4 P5 P6 P7 P8 P9 P10 P11 P12 P13 P14 P15 P16 P17 P18 P19 P20 P21 P22 P23 P24 P25 P26 P27 P28 P29
pairing: y/n and chris sturniolo
summary: you and chris came from two different sides of the spectrum when it came to the social scale. You had the perfect life, the perfect boyfriend, the perfect parents, but when you start to peal back that layers things got messy. Your life was set and stone, your future was set and stone. That was until he comes and changes everything.
warnings: family drama, sad
This was awkward.
No this wasn't awkward. This was painful.
I chewed the food slowly in my mouth as I kept glancing from my plate to my mother.
"Thank you, you can go" My father said to Moria, our kitchen staff, as she set down the rest of the brie. She looked up at him before nodding and walking out of the dining room. I just watched her as she left.
Silence again.
There wasn't even awkward small talk between my parents. Just silence. I smacked my lips.
"Another family dinner.” I hummed looking at my plate. The second one of…my entire life? “If you're not careful I'll be expecting family vacations soon" I chuckled and looked up at Scott. He didn't laugh, nor smile.
I bit my tonuge, the effort to lighten the mood did not work. I looked up at my mother who picked up her wine glass and brought it up to her lips. I looked back down at my plate.
"You've been at the house quite a lot these past few days" Scott stated. I looked up at him. I opened my mouth and looked back down. "Yeah" I agreed with a small nod.
He looked down at his food, scrapping his fork against the plate.
"You're not seeing that Sturniolo boy anymore?" He asked. I glanced up at him. We held eye contact.
I didn't know if I should question the fact on why he knows about Chris and I, or if I should just answer the question.
"Um" I looked down, his gaze being too much. "I am, he's just in Boston right now visiting family" I mumbled. Scott hummed. Why was I nervous? I knew he wasn't curious on the status of Chris and I. There had to be something else, another motive in him asking.
"Are you still seeing Max then?" He asked dropping his fork all together. My fork stilled against my plate. I looked up at my mother to see if she had any indication on what he was on about. Her face didn't wavor and she looked to the side.
Her face screaming: I'm not interfering, I want to stay out of this.
"Uh, No. We broke up remember?" I glanced up at him. He nodded and looked to the side. "Yes, I remember. Just because you two broke up, doesn't mean that you stopped seeing him. I was just clarifying" He stated. I furrowed my eyebrows and leaned back in my chair.
"No, I think that's exactly what breaking up means. You stop seeing each other" I looked at Scott. He looked at me before nodding.
"Yes, usually that's what that means, but as I know now, you didn't take being together as what that means. You saw other people. I wasn't sure if you planned on following what 'breaking up' means" He said coldly. I looked up at my mother. She just looked at me.
"You spoke to Max" I breathed looking back down. There would be no other indication on how he knew that I had cheated on Max. My mother wouldn’t have told him, she knew I would spill her secrets too if she did.
"I saw him, yes" Scott replied. I clenched my jaw. "There's two side to every story, father" I snapped looking up at him. He licked his lips as he looked at me. "So i've heard" He nodded. I tore my gaze away from him.
I'm not about to be guilt tripped into feeling bad about what happened. I went through my stage of guilt. I was past it. I moved on. I wasn't going to sit here and relive it so Scott can throw daggers at me to try and make me feel bad.
I was done feeling bad for what I wanted. What I deserved.
I shoved my fork in my mouth to stop non-dinner-appropriate words from falling out.
"You mentioned that boy was in Boston" He spoke again. I took in a breath. Here we go again. I placed my fork down and leaned back, staring at him straight in the face. He now has my full attention, because whatever stunt he was pulling? I wanted to get it over with.
I wasn't scared of him anymore.
Now, I dared him to try me.
"Am I correct?" He raised his eyebrows from my shift. "You're correct. Chris--" He has a name. "--Is in Boston" I finished. He hummed looking down at his plate.
I've lived with this man for 18 years, he doesn't just make conversation. He has a purpose for bringing this up, because I knew he didn't give a fuck about Chris visitng his family in Boston.
"You know, I went to Boston once" He glanced up at me. I just looked at him. Where are you going with this Scott? He looked up, fake confusion crossing his brain. I just watched him as he put on his show.
"Wait, no. It wasn't Boston" He shook his head. Fake clarity washed over him as he lifted his finger. "It was New York" He nodded looking at me, before he snapped his head over to my mother with a smile.
"Do you remember when I visited New York, Clara?" He asked softly, but there were venom behind his words. Her whole body stiffened as she paused the sip she was going to take from her wine.
Her eyes shifted slowly over to Scott, she lowered her glass and cleared her throat.
"Yes" She stated calmly. I looked between them. I felt like I was looking through someone's underwear drawer right now. Whatever was going down, I wasn't suppose to be watching.
What the fuck was going on?
Scott tore his eyes from my mother and picked up his fork and stabbed a piece of chicken. My mother and I were no longer eating, our eyes were trained on him.
"New York was so lovely at the time." He smiled as he chewed. I felt like if I moved even half and inch, I was going to be in danger. I swallowed. He was smiling, but nothing behind the smile seemed joyful.
"I was young, about to graduate college a year early. I made connections to people in New York that I still have today, those people brought me to where I am today. The empire I've build today" His smile continued to fall as he spoke as he spoke sharply. I glanced at my mom, but she looked just as frozen as me.
One hand on the spine of her glass, the other frozen against her fork.
"I would say that I've taken care of this family pretty well. Haven't I Clara?" He asked looking up at her. You could see the panic on her face. She didn't respond for a second before she finally blinked.
"Y-Yes honey, of course you have. You've done tremendous things for this family. Don't you think so Y/n?" My mother looked at me. I opened my mouth to speak but my father cut me off.
"Do you remember the time frame of when I was in New York?" He asked, his gaze still stuck on my mother. I closed my mouth from when I was going to answer my mother's question. My mother's eyes slowly shifted back over to him and away from me.
She blinked and looked down at her plate. "No. I don't remember the exact days you were there. It was like 20 years ago" She shook her head as she scrapped her fork agaisnt the plate.
"18 years ago" He snapped. My face dropped as I looked at Scott. My mother took in a breath and swallowed.
"You may not remember the exact days I was in New York, but do you remember what you were doing?" He tilted his head. My mother opened her mouth before she shook it softy. Scott hummed and looked down, nodding.
I felt my blood run cold and my heart start to beat out of my chest.
"You know, the biggest moment of my entire life happened a few months after that New York trip.." His fork hitting the plate rang throughout the room as he dropped it against his plate. My mother's eyes were trained on the table as she just listened to him speak.
"It's when we found out we we're having you" He turned his head and his eyes connected with mine. My eyes went wide as I looked at him. I shook off my fear, even though I knew it was radiating off my face. I smiled and nodded.
Once I smiled back, he looked down at his plate, picking his fork back up. The only sound in the room was his fork moving. Not mine or my mother's just his as he slowly ate his food. I almost thought whatever game he was playing was over, until he spoke again.
"But then"
I took in a breath. "You know--" Scott chuckled, but I'm sure he wasn't finding humor out of anything he was saying. "I started doing some math" He sat back in his chair. My mother's eyes clicked up to his.
"You know math was one of my strongest suits, I got an A in Advanced Calculous my senior year of college" He placed his hand across the table. My mother didn't look at his hands, but kept eye contact with his face.
"And I was like--" He shook his head. "The last time would have been able to conceive would have been a month before that, because I was cramming for exams and you had started your period" He pointed to my mother. I watched as the color drained in my mother's face.
"After all, you were only 12 weeks when we figured out" He nodded. My mother cleared her throat. "You know the science, not all of that is completely exact on timing and everything" My mother spoke for the first time in a few minutes.
"It wouldn't have been a month unexact" He snapped quickly, which shut my mother up. She looked down. I glanced between them as he stared at her and her eyes glued to her lap.
"I'm gonna--" I started to stand
"You'll stay right there in your seat, young lady" His eyes snapped to mine and I froze. I looked at my plate as I took in a breath. I felt like I was running, sprinting. I couldn't breathe. If anything, I was scared. Not for myself but for my mother.
"I let it go, you know" His voice softened. He shook his head and chuckled. "I thought, I must have been crazy. I was shocked by the news and I was just overthinking. I did a study, it said every young parent goes through questioning and denial. So I wrote it off as that." He breathed shaking his head.
My mother swallowed.
"Then we had the baby" He breathed. I felt my heart clench when he didn't saw my name. He refered to me as 'the baby'.
"It who else did it look exact like other than...the boy you told me 'was just your study partner'" He said. I took in a breath and my mother turned her head, but I saw tears starting to form.
"The boy who 'just walked you to class' or just 'needed to borrow your notes'" He went on and my mother's face shook.
"I thought I was delusional, that I was forcing myself to see something that wasn't there. That I was just in shock that I was barley 21 years old and was taking on a new born" He shook his head.
"By the time she turned one, I'd completely forgotten about the name James Doe" He hit his fork against the plate.
My mother closed her eyes at the mention of his name. I just watched frantically not knowing how this was going to play out.
"But then she had his hair color, by the time when she was three. She had his love for the stars, by the time she turned 10." My mother winced with every word.
"Scott"
"--And who do I see sitting with our daughter yesterday inside of the resturant on 18th street?" He asked softly looking at her. My mother winced.
"James...Doe"
My face fell. He'd finally reached his breaking point, the finalized decison, because of me? I felt the color leave my face. My mother looked up at me in confusion.
"I-" I shook my head getting ready to explain myself, to defend myself, to even say that I was on date with my brother and just meeting his father--just to save my mother for whatever was about that happen.
My father raised his hand to face. I shut my mouth and bit my tonuge. His gaze remained on my mother.
"I'm gonna give you a choice, Clara." He folded his napkin in his lap. I swallowed as I looked between them and fear crossed my mother’s face.
"--but first, I want to hear you say it" He stated blankly staring at her with his jaw clenched. Her eyes widened.
"Wh-What--" She said softly.
"Look me in the eyes and tell me who her father is" He pointed at me. I looked between them. My mother looked from him to me. I looked down at my plate, her gaze being too much.
"Tell me how you let a low-life fuck you and get you pregnant" He snapped. My eyes widened from the curse leaving Scott's mouth. I'd never heard him speak in such a way.
Also the term he used 'low-life' rang in my head like dynamite. The same terminology Max used.
I clenched my fists. That's my father he was speaking about.
"He's not a low-life" I stated.
You could hear a pin drop the way the room went silent. Slowly, Scott's head turned and he looked at me. His jaw was clenched and his eyes bore into mine.
Not the fucking time Y/n, can you read social cues?
"He's kind and....."
Shut the fuck up.
"Cares--"
"James is her father" My mother spoke. Scott's gaze looked towards her. She let out a breath and tears welded at her eyes. "I-I wanted it to be yours Scott. You have to believe me, I really did and I'm so so--"
He held up his hand, she stopped speaking but I could still hear her breathing sporadically. She swallowed as Scott closed his eyes.
"I'm gonna give you two choice's Clara" He breathed. My heart was pounding against her chest.
"One, you can pack your shit and get out of my house" He spoke softly as if he was just having a normal conversation. My mother's eyes widened as she began to shake her head.
"Because after all, I make the income. You just sit there and look pretty" He snapped, but he wasn't complementing her. He was degrading her worth.
"So your absence wouldn't hurt me at all finnacally speaking. If anything I'd save money--and lose a tainted wife" He snapped. My mother's lip quievered.
"I won't make a big deal. I'll divorce you, it'll be quiet. No gossip would spread around town about it. I know how to make things seal tight, unlike you." He glared at her.
"Surely, you'll have to go back to your family--I'm sure your father would love that wouldn't he? You'll have no income, no house, nothing. Not even your dignity" He tilted her head at her. She closed her eyes as tears fell down her cheeks.
"What's the second option?" Her voice broke. His shifted over to me. I couldn't feel my legs at this point and I felt my eyes start to water.
"She's a Doe. She's should live like a Doe" He stated looking at my mother. I sat up as her eyes opened.
"What--?" I said quickly. "You're kicking me out?" I snapped looking between them. My father picked up his fork. "I'm not kicking you out" He shook his head. He lifted his fork and pointing at my mother.
"It's Clara's choice" He stated. "You can love a Labraut" He pointed to himself. "Or you can love a Doe" He pointed his fork towards me. My mother's lip quivered. My mouth fell open.
What?
"Because I refuse to have one piece of anything connected to that man living in my house." He snapped making my mother flinch.
"What? Mom---" Tears fell out of my eyes as I looked at my mom pleadingly. She wasn't looking at me, she stared at Scott. She took in a breath.
"Mom, please. Where am I suppose to go---I don't have anywhere to--" I choked on my words as I begged my mother to look at me.
"Mom" I cried. She closed her eyes and took in a breath. Scott chewed his food as if he wasn't putting an ultimatum up that could change my entire life.
The only sounds in the room were my father eating and me trying to hold back the tears.
She glanced up at me. I shook my head mouthing “Please” as the panic started to rise in me. She swallowed and looked down at her lap.
"Thomas" My mother's voice yelled. My eyes snapped towards the door as I heard Thomas, one of my father's assistants enter the room. I looked back at my mom. She reached up and wiped a stray tear from her face as she cleared her throat.
"Have Y/n things packed within the hour please" She said looking at him.
I stared at my mother. My mouth falling open as I watched everything that was once my life crumble into pieces at the dinner table.
3 minutes and one decision. One conversation. And my entire life was going to be different. Tears ran down my face. This isn’t happening.
Thomas glanced to me as I shook my head. He looked back towards my mother.
"You're dismissed" She breathed looking back down at her plate. She picked up her fork. I looked between Scott and my mother as they picked at their food.
"Mom?" I cried, it was barley audioble. She swallowed as her chin quivered, but she didn't respond. She didn’t even look up at me.
I took in a breath as I looked over at Scott.
"You can't do this. This--This is child abandonment" I shook my head looking at him. His fork hit the plate.
"You're 18, it's not child abandonment, and you're also not my child" He spat looking at me. Silence again. I shook my head as my mother refused to look at me.
“But—“ Tears ran down my face. They didn’t say anything as I sat there in tears, they just continued to eat. “I’m your child” I whispered. Nothing. Just the clenched jaw of my mother chewing her food.
I picked up my napkin before roughly scooting my chair out and slamming the napkin down on the table. They didn't look up at me.
"You're insecure" I snapped at Scott. He glanced up at me with my eyebrows raised. "You-You're insecure because you know that James is a better man than you'll ever---"
"Finish that sentence and I'll pull Dan's file by tomorrow morning" He spoke calmly. I looked down at my feet before taking in a breath that came in more like a sob. I looked at my mother, she stopped eating but her eyes were still strained on the table.
"You're a coward" I cried before pushing off my feet and out of the dining room. I brought my hand up to my face as I muffled a sob and walked up the stairs to my room.
I walked in before seeing Thomas packing my things into various suitcases. He looked up at me, with a look of pity all over his face. He stood up straight.
"Is-Is there anything specific you would like me to pack for you Ms. Labraut?" He asked calmly. I wiped my nose before walking in and grabbing a sweatshirt.
"Just the stars off the ceiling, and if it's a designer brand, leave it here" I mumbled before pushing off my feet and making my way back towards the door. He went back to packing and I paused looking back at him.
"And it’s Ms. Doe" I spoke, he just blinked at me before I pushed out of my room
You don't know me 29
P1 P3 P4 P5 P6 P7 P8 P9 P10 P11 P12 P13 P14 P15 P16 P17 P18 P19 P20 P21 P22 P23 P24 P25 P26 P27 P28
pairing: y/n and chris sturniolo
summary: you and chris came from two different sides of the spectrum when it came to the social scale. You had the perfect life, the perfect boyfriend, the perfect parents, but when you start to peal back that layers things got messy. Your life was set and stone, your future was set and stone. That was until he comes and changes everything.
warnings:
I'll call you later tonight.
Chris's words through the phone rang in my head as I stared up at my ceiling.
"Six, seven, eight....." I counted the stars across my ceiling since they weren't actual constellations. It was easier to count them over and over than to stare at my phone and wait for a call that didn't seem like it was coming.
"Twelve" I finished.
I glanced down at my phone.
11:59 pm
One minute until 'tonight' was offically over. I swallowed as I put the phone down and looked back up at my ceiling. There’s probably a reason he’s not calling you. He didn’t forget. Maybe he was busy right now. He still loves you.
"One, two..." I trailed off and sighed closing my eyes. This was ridiculous. Pathetic.
I took in a breath, my eyes still closed. The breeze from the door of my balcony being open almost felt like the one outside from Chris and I's last date. I swallowed.
He laid against the blanket and opened his arms. I smiled before I laid against his chest and his arms closed around me. I blinked up towards the sky, before seeing the stars laid out before me.
I opened my eyes. There wasn't a breeze. Chris's arms weren't around me and I wasn't looking at the stars. The sky outside was cloudy, you couldn't see them. I already checked.
I took in a breath.
"Three, four....."
My phone buzz. I sat up and grabbed my phone
from: syd
how'd brunch with your dad go? Is he mentally stable? A serect serial killer? Criminal mastermind?
I sighed as my eyes trailed up to the time.
12:01 am
I looked off to the balcony before pushing off my bed and pushing the door closed and locking it and turning back to my phone.
to: syd
it was one brunch, how would i be able to tell if he was a serial killer?
I laid back down against my pillows.
Why did he forget to call?
Chris pov
It was quiet. It was dark here. I didn't like it. It was eerie this time of night, but the last time I came during the day and stayed for hours, a groundskeeper kicked me out. Not so gracefully after I cussed him out.
I stared down at tombstone.
Amelia Rose Smith 4-23-03 -- 7-03-19 a beloved daughter, a soul too sweet for this world gone too soon.
I swallowed. I placed new flowers beside it, but they would die soon. I didn't know if it was the first time flowers were left here since I left, or if the flowers were only empty for a few days.
Her parents moved to Flordia after her death to be closer to the rest of their family, so I don't know if anyone kept up in replenishing her flowers.
I didn't blame them for moving. In times of greif, you cling to your loved ones. The only problem was when she passed, and my greif came, the only 'loved one' I wanted to cling too was the one buried six feet in the ground.
When she first passed, I didn't leave her side. Even after the funeral, her parents left before I did. I didn't say anything. I just sat there and stared at the freshly grounded dirt, until the sun came up the next morning. That freshly grounded dirt was now overgrown with grass.
My parents didn't question me, they didn't even try to pull me away when I didn't leave the funeral.
They just let me sit here.
Like I am now.
"Chris"
"Chris." My dad shook my arm. I blinked. It was real. This was really happening. I swallowed as I glanced around the room and saw everyone staring at me. All eyes on me.
"They called your name, it's time to give your dedication" My father whispered down at me. I looked up at him. I felt like a child again. Like my dad was dropping me off at kindergarten for the first time.
I wanted to shake my head and cling to his side. But this wasn't kindergarten. This was a funeral filled with people, relatives, friends, all staring at me and they knew exactly who I was.
The boy who lost his girlfriend.
I stood up from the pew and it was silent. The only sound was the clicking of my feet as the preacher moved aside so I could stand in front of the podem.
I swallowed as my eyes glanced over the casket. The closed casket. I'm glad it was closed, I didn't know how I would have reacted if I had seen her laying there, lifeless. My gut clenched and I forced my eyes to tear away from the casket.
I turned and my eyes scanned over the filled church. Some people crying. Some not. Some looked sad, some didn't.
"Um" I cleared my throat as I stared down at my piece of paper, my hands shaking so much I couldn't even read the words. I swallowed and looked up meeting the eyes of Rose's mom.
I wanted to apologize, but I didn't know what to say. I wanted to say something along the lines of "I'm sorry I couldn't save her" but I couldn't even get the words out. I looked back down.
A tear rolled down the bridge of my nose. I quickly wiped it.
"Thank you for coming today. I know it would have meant a lot to--" My voice broke. I paused closing my eyes. I was strong. I could do this. I forced the paper still.
"Amelia was---" I paused. "Rose-" I corrected myself. It didn't feel right calling her by something I never called her before today. "She was the kindest soul in the world" I whispered, but it projected anyway. I swallowed the lump in my throat.
"She was the light in my day." I said. I glanced up meeting the eyes of my parents who nodded me forward. I stifened. I set the paper down and looked up at the faces of everyone.
"I've been trying to figure out how to deal with this" I said honestly. I shook my head. "I don't know how---" I swallowed. Don't cry Chris, everyone is looking at you. I stopped taking in a breath.
"The only conclusion i've been able to come to, was that she was too good for this world, so she just went on to the next" I nodded. "She went somewhere better than this place. To a place where she wasn't struggling--where she wasn't in pain and wasn't sad" The lump in my throat kept coming back up no matter how much I kept it down.
"Selfishly, I didn't want her to go. I--I wanted her to stay here with me. I've battled with myself for days over--" I closed my eyes. I couldn’t do this.
"I'm sorry" I shook my head, I hated the way everyone was looking at me. I hated the pressure. I hated the pity looks. I hated all of it.
I didn't know how to talk about this in front of a group of people that I didn't even know or Rose never even mentioned.
I grabbed the side of the podium to keep myself standing. I looked over to her parents.
"I don't know what to say" I shook my head. Rose's mother's eyes watered and she shook her head. "If I could replace myself with your daughter in that casket, I would" I said looking at her. Her eyes closed as she took in a breath.
I hung my head as tears ran down my face. "Trust me, I would" I cried. I looked up. Everyone was staring at me, this was too much.
"I'm sorry that I couldn't---That I didn't--"
Everyone was staring at me.
I pushed off the podium before walking down the aisle and rapidly wiped my face as I pushed out of the church doors.
I felt a rain drop on my face. I looked up. It wasn't raining. I pressed my hand to my face. "Fuck" I whispered. I wiped my eyes that had produced the water. I glanced down to the dirt.
"Sorry, I know you don't like when I curse" I whispered. No response. But there was one inside me, as if she were still sitting next to me now.
It's okay Chris. It's okay to feel things, sometimes it necessary.
I took in a breath.
"I don't understand why you left me. You ruined my life. I'm mad at you, I'm mad at the---dead" I whispered the last part. Was it disrespectful to be angry with the dead? I didn't know. I was. I've been angry for a while, it's just be clouded by sadness. I just hadn't noticed.
"I got a tattoo for you" I whispered. No response. I stared at the grave. "I don't know if you would have like it. You never really liked tattoos....but I just thought---" I paused. I closed my eyes. "I thought that you might have like it if it was mine" I swallowed the lump in my throat.
This was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. I hung my head in between my legs. "God Rose. I just......" I swallowed.
"I miss you." I whispered. I wiped my nose and looked up at her gravestone. "I feel guilty" I stated. The only sounds between me and the gravestone were the sounds of crickets chirping.
"I've battled back and forth with myself over falling in love again" I whispered. I placed my head against my knee. "I'm so scared she's going to leave me like you did. You messed me up----so bad" I swallowed.
"I heard there were stages to grief" I played with the grass inbetween my fingers. "First, Sadness. Then anger" I breathed. I looked at the stone.
"It wasn't fair for the anger to hit right as I made it to Michigan. It was suppose to be a new beginning, but I did some things I’m not proud of. I was mean. You hated mean people, Rose. You wouldn't have been proud of me" I shook my head.
I wiped my eyes and let out a long breath. I turned away from the stone.
I heard the cracking of sticks behind me. I turned quickly, getting ready to stand up and fight off another groundskeeper, but I met a pair of blue eyes that looked like mine.
I sighed and relaxed.
"I thought I'd find you out here" My dad's voice rang. I didn't say anything and stared at the stone. He groaned as he went to sit down next to me. I didn't say anything, I just kept my arms around my legs and stared down.
"You know" My dad said looking over at me. "Your mother doesn't like it when she finds your bed empty at 2 am, especially after the blow up at dinner" He spoke softly. I didn't react.
It's because I hate being here. I hate being in Boston without Rose it didn't feel right, it didn't feel like Boston.
"I didn't meant to scare her" I mumbled. He shook his head. "She's just on edge about you being home. She forgets you would do this weekly" He sighed. I furrowed my eyebrows. Why is he making me feel guilty about coming to see Rose? I shouldn't have to feel guilty.
"I like it out here better. Out here someone actually listens to me" I grumped under my breath. My dad let out a sigh.
"I don't mean to come across like I don't listen to you Chris" He turned his head to look at me. I looked up at him. "Come across? You shipped me out to Michigan when it got hard for you" I spat staring at him. He closed his eyes.
"You needed a fresh start"
"I needed parents who could comfort me"
"You didn't let us" He snapped. I glared at him. He shook his head, bringing down his tone. Silence came between us. I felt a verge of guilt come up my throat.
"I didn't mean it" I whispered. He looked over at me. I felt the guilt of my own words wash over me. I shook my head. "I was angry, I was hurting--I still am-but" I swallowed. I didn't want to cry in front of him. I never wanted to.
I usually waited until everyone was out of sight before I allowed my emotions to hit me. I was not going to cry in front of him. I took in a breath trying to contain myself.
"I love you and mom, I never wanted you think that I didn't" I whispered. I felt the power of my father's gaze.
"We never thought that, even when you said it" His arm came over my shoulders. I looked up at him with furrowed eyebrows. "We're you're parents. Parents take everything their child says with a grain of salt" He breathed. I sighed. That didn't make me feel any better for what I said.
"Why did you come home Chris?" He asked softly. I blinked down. "You wanted me to" I stated softly. He shook his head. "That's not why you came" He breathed. I took in a breath as I looked at the grave.
He knew me too well, it hurt.
"I have to move on" I stated blankly not looking up at my dad. He just watched and listened. "For years I’ve held Rose's death with me" I shook my head looking at her name engraved in the stone.
"And I don't want to forget about it--I never want to forget about it--her." I shook my head afraid of the misconception. I swallowed. "I just want to move on from it. I want to start breathing again" I whispered.
It's true. It's why I came home. Not for my parents, not because my father wanted me to, not because I wanted to move back here---I didn't. I guess I just didn't know that until I stepped onto Boston ground. It hit me like a load of bricks, the realization.
"You're allowed to want to move on Chris, it doesn't mean you have to forget" He breathed. I didn't move as my eyes glanced over the stone.
"I met someone" I whispered. At this point I didn't know If I was talking to Rose or to my father. Neither replied.
"I think meeting her, made every emotions I've pushed down the last 3 years come up to the surface" I whispered. My father let out a breath.
"It sounds like this girl did you a favor" He stated. I swallowed, right now it didn't feel like it.
"I'm in love with her" I stated blankly before looking up at my father. Suprise crossed his face and he blinked at me. He opened his mouth and closed it. I turned away from him. I'm not crying in front of him.
"And she's nothing like Rose" I whispered. My father shifted.
"You have to stop blaming yourself for what happened to Rose and how you process it. Chris you're allowed to move on, you're allowed to fall in love, you're allowed to live" He shook his head at me.
I swallowed the lump in my throat and closed my eyes finally reeling in my emotions.
I looked up at my dad. His eyes were tired. I feel like that's what I did to people. Sucked the life out of them. I saw it in his eyes, my mother's eyes, Dan's eyes, Nate's eyes. I would die If i ever saw that look in Y/n's eyes.
"What's her name?" My father spoke and I blinked almost swearing it was Rose's voice I was hearing, not my father's. I looked down at the grave.
"Y/n" I stated. He smiled. "That's a pretty name" He whispered making me smile. "Yeah" I whispered. My father shifted before he picked up the flowers set beside the grave.
"Lilies" He smiled running his hands over the flowers. "They were her favorite flowers" I explained smiling slightly as I looked at them.
"It's funny because I would always joke that her favorite flowers were lilies, because it doesn't make sense because you know her name---" My voice tore at the last word, as I stared at the stone.
And I broke.
My body tensed at the unfinished sentence and a sob came out of my throat as uncontrollable tears came pouring out of my eyes as I cried. My body curled as I cried into my hands.
"It's okay. You're gonna be okay Chris" My dad grabbed my arms and pulled me into him. I couldn't fight him. I had no strength left in my body. I shook against his arms as I cried into his chest.
Other side of him
I wrote another fluff/smut for you guys. it’s nothing much but I just wanted to post something out. Hope u like it thooo. some parts were @fullweaselbandithero ‘s idea. Thank you bb! <3
19. “God, you are so fucking cute.”
32. “No one has a romantic bone in their body anymore! What happened to playing songs outside windows, glitter and sparkles on handmade Valentine’s cards, dancing in the rain!? What happened?!”
gif not mine. credits to the owner
Arón x reader
Standing in front of the mirror, your hands run from the curves of your waist to your hips, you wore a simple black strappy straight neck bodycon dress, examining yourself, quite undecided weather to wear this or the one hanging on the side of the mirror.
“Which one do you like?” you asked your boyfriend who’s about to lose his shit, growing impatient. You can tell by the way his leg bounced up and down, looking at you sternly while you get dressed. He was supposed to pick you up at 7pm to attend his friend’s party. It was now 7:15pm and you haven’t decided what to wear yet.
“Arón?” waving at him holding the spare dress on your other hand.
He hummed. Confused look plastered across his face, not a single clue on what you calling him out for.
“This one?” you pointed on the one you’re already wearing. “or this one?” you waved the dress you were holding.
He didn’t answer. He just kept on looking at you with his chin on top of his fist and his elbow rests on his knee.
You laughed a little. What is up with this idiot. “Baby, if you don’t help me choose, by the time we get to the club, all your friends would be drunk as fuck”
He then stood up and walked closer to you. his gaze never leaving you. “Try this one. Let’s see what it would look like on you” he pointed to the dress hanging on your hand.
You let out a small “okay” as you turn around to face the mirror again, hanging up the spare dress just to take off the one you’re currently wearing. Your innocence never once questioned his reasons even the looks he was giving you until you grab the hem of your dress and pull it up over your head. Exposing your black lacy underwear. You then saw Arón from the reflection on the mirror, bit his lower lip trying to stop a smile.
“You little shit!” you exclaimed as it all hit you. The silence and the looks he was giving you had a reason. You turned back around to face him and threw the dress you just took off right on his face. He wanted you to try the other dress just so he can see you naked.
He burst out laughing now. Unable to control the laughter he’s been holding the second you grabbed the hem of your dress.
“hmm. I like this better” he was still laughing but the look on his eyes gave it away. Your boy is horny. Again. He walked closer to you and pulled you to him by the waist. You were pressed against his body now. You weren’t wearing a bra and you were lying if you say the feeling of your boobs touching directly against his shirt didn’t turn you on because it definitely did specially if you can feel his cold silver chain necklace hanging around his neck against your skin.
“Umm Piper, just in case you forgot, we have a party to attend” you cleared your throat. Getting nervous as the tension built up not that you didn’t want to fuck him. You do, but you’re also dying to get some alcohol down your system. You then pushed him off of you and proceed to wear the black dress you were wearing moments ago. You liked it anyways.
“Such a tease” he murmured while smirking.
Keep reading
Mmhmmmmmm.
I need him.
DIVERGENT (2014) Theo James as 'Four' | dir. Neil Burger
MEOWWWWWWWWWWW
i think of matt every time i listen to this song
Same.
Lacey 🎀 — Matt Sturniolo x Fem!Reader PT2
PT 1 <- Read this one first lovelies
Word Count: 3k
Contains: Pregnancy, mentions of sex, Matt being a pervert, A very emotional
woman
Remember when I said I wasn't writing pregnancy?? | lied....
PS: If you like pistachio ice cream you're getting flamed... sorry not sorry
Matt tells you too often to let him do his job, but you don’t listen to him. Maybe you will after a long work shift, but night after night, you wake up to his daughter crying, mumble an “I’ll get it,” and hush the girl back to sleep, clad in your boyfriend's shirt.
The routine you two had mirrored that of a married couple. Matt wanted it to be his job entirely, but you’d convinced him that whoever gets up first puts Lacey back to sleep. Matt never gets up first.
You walk back into Matt’s room holding your shirt. “She threw up on me.” You purse your lips, peering down at the spit stain with a sour look on your face. Matt laughs. “She wouldn’t have thrown up on you if you let me get her.”
You sigh, peeling off your (Matt’s) shirt and grabbing another from his drawer. “I like getting her,” you hum, sinking into bed again. Matt pulls his arms around your torso, resting his head in the crook of your neck. “You won't like it after another year of it.” Butterflies fill your stomach.
Another year. Another year with Matt.
…
The grocery store was the last thing on Matt’s long to-do list for the weekend.
In the morning, before you realized how many things Matt planned for you to do, you agreed to walk. You regretted that deviation now after nearly footing yourself across the city and back. Your temper was short, and your feet were sore.
Matt presses a kiss to your cheek, noticing your tired eyes. “We just have to get baby food, then we’ll go home,” he mutters. You hum, mumbling out a “fine” and entering the supermarket.
The first thing you notice is how long the checkout lines are, and you groan. Matt notices this and laughs. “You get in line, and I’ll go get the food,” he says. You nod, letting out a moody sigh and taking steer of Lacey's stroller, heading to the checkout line.
You stay put in line, rocking Lacey's stroller back and forth, trying to keep the bustling ambiance of the store from waking her up. You fail, but continue to rock her stroller, this time in an attempt to put her back to sleep.
“You shouldn’t rock her like that. Babies get motion sickness too easily,” an old lady, presumably in her late forties, interjects, approaching you.
You shoot her a pursed smile, slowly halting the stroller rocking. “She likes it when I do it,” you quip.
She peeks at Lacey, who rests her head against the stroller's side, a small string of drool escaping her mouth while she clutches the stuffed bear you’d bought for her.
“She’s adorable, how old is she?”
“One and a half,” you reply curtly, not generally enjoying your conversation with the lady because it always leads to you awkwardly confessing you're not her mother and that you're not married to her father. Not to mention, this woman seems particularly judgy.
The lady nods, encouraging you to go further into detail about Lacey, something you don’t particularly want to do.
Matt approaches from the infant aisle to your ease, clutching Lacey's food. “Hey babe,” he smiles.
You let out a sigh of relief as he approached. If there’s one thing he’s good at, it's making excuses to get out of conversing with others. You wave him over, “Hey,” you hum, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek. His eyes dart between you and the woman, asking who she is with his gaze. “This is her father?” She asks, returning to Matt. You nod, pursing your lips into a smile. You clutch the bar of Lacey’s stroller and start forward, trying to avoid questions you know are coming:
“How long have you been married?”
“Was the pregnancy terrible?”
“How’d you choose her name?”
All questions you’d gotten—all questions you couldn’t answer.
“It was nice to meet you, ma’am,” you smile. Her eyes glance at your hands as you grip the stroller bar, your left hand specifically. She was looking for a ring. She was looking for a ring and didn’t find one because you weren’t married to Matt nor were you Lacey's mother. The lady's face soured; she paused lightly, pointing to your bare ring finger. “You two aren’t married?”
You sigh awkwardly, stopping dead in your tracks and biting your lip. Who does this lady think she is? “No, we—“
Matt interrupts you, snaking an arm over your shoulder. “Our rings are at the cleaners,” he bites, “The rings are being cleaned because me and my wife have obviously been married for a long time.” He gestures to Lacey as he says this. You flush at Matt’s statement but hold eye contact with the lady, who is now also flustered. She grudgingly spits out an apology. Once she’s out of earshot, you laugh and turn to Matt.
“So, Matthew, when were you going to tell me we’re married?” You smile, and Matt shakes his head. “I have never in my life met a bitchier fifty-year-old woman,” he jeers. You laugh, and then your expression fades to a serious one. “No swearing in front of Lacey!” You chide, raising a finger to his lips. Matt bites his lip playfully, “She’s not sleeping?” You shake your head in response, “She woke up when you went to get the eggs.” Matt leans over the stroller and looks at a very awake Lacey. Once she realizes his attention is on her, she smiles and holds her teddy out to him. “Hi, baby,” he coos, ruffling her thin hair.
You and Matt move up in line, close to the section where last-minute candies are displayed in the store's desperate attempts to drain consumers' money. Fortunately for the business, you are one of those consumers. Matt watches you as you pull a chocolate bar out of the display box, then another, and another, and another.
“Can you buy me these?” You ask, holding the sweets up to him. Matt laughs. “Yes, I’ll buy you those.”
…
“You know, that woman in line was so rude!” You pout, bringing up the incident for the sixth time as you reach Matt's door. Matt laughs, “Why are you letting her get to you this much baby?”
You frown. “I don’t know…” You pause for a second before continuing your rant. “She could’ve just kept her mouth shut! There was no reason she had to ask so many questions about our personal lives,” you huff, “And her perfume smelled bad.”
Matt chuckles at your pettiness and keys open his apartment door. “You have the perfume she was wearing,” he grins, creaking the door open. You step inside.
“No, I don’t. That perfume smelled horrid.”
“It’s the second one to the right on your perfume shelf. You wore it on our first date.”
You blink at his persistence but shake your head. No way you’d wear a perfume that pungent. “Come here,” Matt says, walking to your shared room. You follow behind him, and he points to a small vanilla bottle. “That’s the perfume that lady was wearing,” he points with a smirk on his face. You grab the perfume and spray it on the ball of your wrist. When you bring your arm up to smell it, your eyes widen. It was the perfume the lady was wearing, and the smell made you want to hurl.
You gulp back the contents of your stomach and push Matt to the hall. “Go get Lacey; she’s still in her stroller,” you blurt.
Matt nods and leaves the room. Once he’s out of sight, you make a beeline for the bathroom and empty your guts into the toilet.
You grip the toilet's edges and throw up your breakfast and lunch… to the smell of vanilla.
You stand and flush the toilet, contemplating what the hell just happened. You find the sink and wash your hands and wrists, making sure the soap erased all of the vanilla scent.
You stare at yourself in the mirror. That perfume was one of your signature scents; you wore vanilla and daisy perfume. You’d been leaning into newer scents lately, but there was no way the smell of vanilla would ever make you hurl.
Your train of thought is interrupted by an energetic Lacey. She stomps into the bathroom and grabs your damp hand, leaving you to forget what you were thinking about.
“Show time! Show time!” Lacey repeats, pulling you out of the room with as much force as she can muster. You laugh and walk out with her, and Matt smiles from the sofa when he sees you tread into the room. “We’re watching Tangled,” he announces, patting the spot next to him for you to sit. He pulls Lacey into his lap, and you nestle your head into the crook of his shoulder.
“Whose choice was it?” You joke. Matt smiles, pressing a kiss to your temple, then one to Lacey's. “It was the choice of this little princess,” he smiles, wrapping his arms around Lacey's torso and hugging her close to him.
Lacey falls asleep after the second musical number. That’s when you and Matt stop watching the movie, given it was Lacey’s favorite and you’d seen it several times.
Matt moves Lacey to her crib and meets you in your shared room. Too tired to shower, you peel your shirt off, ready to switch into a nightshirt but pause. “Matt… look at me,” you say, turning to face him.
Matt immediately raises a brow. “Not like that!” You huff, “Stop being perverted!”
Matt raises his hands in innocence. “You're standing there without a shirt on telling me to look at you, and I’m the perverted one?”
You feel your cheeks flushing and bite your lip. “No, like— do you notice anything different?”
“You look beautiful, Y/N.”
”Yeah, but—“
Matt cuts you off. “Your body is perfect exactly like that.”
Your face scrunches in annoyance. “No—Matt! Do my boobs look bigger?!” You exclaim.
Matt's eyes widen at your outburst. He takes the opportunity to study your chest (for far too long) before nodding, “Yeah, they do look bigger.”
He approaches behind you and cups your tits with his palms, giving them a slight squeeze. You wince at his motion, sucking your teeth. “Fuck. Sorry! Did that hurt?” Matt immediately drops his hands.
You shake your head, “No, I don’t know why I did that,” you fabricate, lying through your teeth.
Matt pecks butterfly kisses down your neck. “Let's go to bed.”
…
Lacey rarely disagrees with you. She disagrees with Matt plenty, but when it comes to you, you're her biggest role model.
She does not want to leave the park. You don’t know how to get her to leave the park without putting your foot down, and something you're incapable of doing is being stern with Lacey.
“Lace, c’mon, let's go to daddy.”
“No.” Lacey crosses her arms. ”Hunny, it's time to go home.” You try.
“No.”
“Lacey—“ The toddler ignores you, and your lip starts to tremble. Where is this flood of emotion coming from?
You try one more time before Lacey’s constant rebuffs break you, and crocodile tears start streaming down your face.
“Y/N?”
Matt's hand is on your shoulder, urging you to get up from your crouching position. You stand up and attempt to wipe your tears away with the back of your hand.
“What’s wrong, baby?” He questions, picking Lacey up to hold her at his hip. You sniffle. “She wont listen to me.”
Lacey protests loudly as Matt picks her up, babbling little “no’s” repeatedly. “Lace, do you want ice cream?” Matt coos, effectively pacifying the toddler who loudly babbles in response.
Matt is confused, judging by how many chocolate bars you’d purchased earlier, he guessed you were on your period, but he heavily doubted anything Lacey said or did would make you this emotional period or not.
“Y/N, is everything at work okay?”
You nod, urging him that everything is fine. It’s the truth. Matt doesn’t quite believe you, skepticism laced in his eyes.
“Do both of my girls need ice cream?” He asks. You nod.
Pistachio ice cream is disgusting. This was something you and Matt both agreed on: If you order pistachio ice cream, you're over the age of fifty or you have broken taste buds.
So when you lean over the counter and ask the clerk behind the glass for a large pistachio ice cream, Matt stares at you with a mix of confusion and amusement but follows in ordering Lacey a kiddie-sized vanilla.
“You ordered pistachio ice cream,” Matt teases, bopping Lacey's nose with his finger, and she laughs. “She ordered pistachio ice cream, Lace, isn’t that weird.”
It’s obvious Lacey doesn’t know what he’s saying, but she still giggles at her father's antics. You cross your arms playfully, “shut up.” You huff, spooning the ice cream into your mouth.
You and Matt walk slowly out of the park because Lacey’s on foot. You're halfway done with your ice cream when you stop abruptly, and the pieces finally connect in your mind.
You’d been moody - period moody but weren’t on your period. You threw up at one of your favorite scents and ordered pistachio ice cream for god sake.
Holy shit.
“Matt, I think I’m pregnant,” you blurt.
Matt stops dead in his tracks when your words process in his head. His mouth falls into a slight ‘o’ shape, and he grips Lacey's hand slightly tighter.
You look at him and wince at his initial reaction, starting to feel a lump form in your throat. “I-is that bad?” You ask.
Matt swallows harshly. “No-no, baby it's not bad, I just wasn’t expecting that.”
He picks up Lacey, who’s looking back and forth between the two of you in confusion, and buckles her in her stroller, gripping the handlebar with one hand to give his full attention to you.
He studied your face; your eyes were reddish as you looked up at him. You breathed, waiting for Matt to break the silence.
“Let’s stop by the pharmacy on the way home, yeah?” Matt grips your hand, giving you an encouraging squeeze. You nod, knowing your voice will betray you if you try to speak.
You hesitate at the pharmacy’s entrance once you get there. Matt takes quick notice of this. “You stay here with Lacey; I’ll go in - I’ll be thirty seconds.”
“Ok.” You smile lightly at him and take a turn with the stroller.
…
You subconsciously lock yourself in the bathroom when you get home. You didn’t mean to lock Matt out, but you didn’t have the courage to do this with him.
You’re internally freaking out and trying to ground yourself by telling yourself “It’s just peeing on a stick.” This does the opposite of calming your heart rate.
You view the test. Two lines - positive. You freeze in place for a moment before Matt creaks the door open, “Baby, you’ve been in here forty min…”
Silence stifles his words once he sees the positive test in your grasp. “You're pregnant,” he smiles.
Your mind is overwhelmed with new information, and your mouth runs dry, unable to speak. You hug Matt tightly, clinging to him, knowing that's what you need to calm yourself down. “I won't be a good mother,” you mutter into his chest.
Matt's look hardens. “Have you seen yourself with Lacey? You’re a natural. You put her to sleep, feed her, you have the most controlled temper I’ve ever seen, and she loves you, Y/N.”
You frown. “Are you forgetting I’m here?” Matt continues, “I was a single dad for a year; you're going to have a support baby.” He presses a kiss to your forehead. “I'm going to take care of you.”
A small smile creeps onto your face with Matt's encouragement. Matt notices your change in face and smiles, “We're going to have a baby.”
The realization sinks in, and you laugh, repeating Matt’s words. “We're going to have a baby.”
Matt ushers you to the bed where you sit down. There’s a bottle of Gatorade on the bed stand and one of your chocolate bars. “Electrolytes,” Matt smiles, handing you the drink which you steadily down.
You sit for a moment in content silence before you speak up, “Where’s Lacey?”
”The sitter came and picked her up, thought we needed some alone time.”
You laugh, “Alone time is good.” Matt nods, leaning down to whisper in your ear, “It’s my fault… the shit I said at the hotel.”
You can tell he’s too nervous to admit what he said and smirk, “You mean when you said you wanted to breed me and then begged to come inside of me… yeah, I think this is your fault,” you tease.
Matt laughs wholeheartedly and presses a kiss to your lips, pecking you twice. Then he pecks your forehead, above your brow, and both of your cheeks before he’s back to your lips in a full-on make-out session.
“I love you.” He presses a hand to your stomach.
Matt nudges his nose against yours, tilting his head to get better access to your lips. His lips taste minty from his ice cream sample. You take his scent in, the mix of his shampoo and Lacey's baby powder.
His stubble grazes your face as he leans over you. You laugh lightly into his mouth as the stubble tickles your cheeks. He feels wonderful.
Your hands move from his neck to his cheeks, cupping them. Your stomach felt fuzzy - your head felt fuzzy - and he didn’t stop moving his lips against yours. His hands roam your back and send goosebumps up your spine. When you pull away gasping for oxygen Matt pecks your neck. An innocent action coming from him. His hands prod your waist, sliding from your back to your stomach. He gently squeezes your sides and grips your waist lightly.
“I love you.” He presses a kiss behind your ear. “I love you.” He repeats. Another kiss followed.
You smile, you love it when he’s sappy. You cup his cheeks and press a chaste kiss to his forehead. “I love you too Matt.”
“Since I got you pregnant do you think we should get married?”
You play along, raising an eyebrow. “Get me a ring and I’ll think about it.”
Lacey 🎀 - Matt Sturniolo x Fem!Reader
Word Count: 3,000
Content Warnings: explicit language, SMUT! (With plot), Matt w/ a breeding kink
For my anons who requested DAD!Matt. Hope you love <3
PT2 <-
You knock on Matt’s door, suitcase in tow, damp from the rain. He’s at there in seconds, shirtless, Lacey cooing at his hip. You sigh.
“They told me they were starting the renovations this month; I didn’t think they meant the first of the month.”
Matt laughs, lugging your suitcase inside. “Trade ya,” you coo, holding your arms out for Lacey. Matt complies, letting his one-year-old fall into your arms. She grips your hair carefully looping it around her fingers, a habit she picked up at six months. “And why aren’t you asleep, Ms?” You coo. Lacey rests her head above your chest, wrapping her short legs as far as she can around your torso. “Da-da” she babbles, raising a finger to Matt. You laugh.
“Oh, so this is your fault.” You joke. Matt raises his hands pleading innocent. “She took a three-hour-long nap and now refuses to sleep!” He laughs.
“I’ll put her down, go put a shirt on.” You smile. Carrying Lacey to her nursery.