LIKE A SHITTY DAREDEVIL

22 - he/they - incredibly normal about a variety of things

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i need to be bitching and moaning on a beach with a joint and a good ass sandwich and a cold as hell drink and a beautiful friend. im not meant for much else

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my grandfather started violently choking and throwing up today while i was visiting and like girl i am so AUGHHHHHHH

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oh my god this year has been so awful jesus christ. i need to go to the beach and take an edible and eat a hoagie while listening to music. or i'll die

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caught myself thinking "sometimes i wish i just remembered so i could Know who hurt me" and then i remembered how earlier this year i was remembering stuff and it made me Crazy. like the kind of crazy where my therapist is proud of me for not being an alcoholic rn. and its like well it would be easier in the whole aimless fear thing but aimed fear was actually worse than what we've got going on rn

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OFF THE FARM but watching for another family now. so im sunbathing with some chihuahuas and drinking sparkling water too expensive for me to rationally buy for myself. i scheduled today as my do nothing day but lowkey feel guilty for not working. but like what if this time it’s rational

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when i was a kid part of the reason i liked dogs so much is bc they were very clear with how they communicate. like they never say one thing and mean another. and ofc it led to me becoming very emotionally dependent on pets to the point it got really unhealthy but now i can leave the house so im still insane about dogs but in a way that isn’t as concerning

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also i have a soft spot for dogs that are mean or really shy for no reason. don’t interrogate that

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when i was a kid part of the reason i liked dogs so much is bc they were very clear with how they communicate. like they never say one thing and mean another. and ofc it led to me becoming very emotionally dependent on pets to the point it got really unhealthy but now i can leave the house so im still insane about dogs but in a way that isn’t as concerning

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lowkey nobody knows me and it’s my own fault. but they like me from the not knowing so it’s kind of worth it!!

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sometimes i blame myself for my dad being an alcoholic. like i should realize he was one before he even met my mom. but at the very least i didnt Help

[yuna-is-tired-sm]

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im neurotic and a bit fucked in the head but thats fine because everyone around me knows that and everybody is kind of just chill with it. like its part of the package deal and thats ok.

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everybody loves me and wants to give me five thousand dollars

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im neurotic and a bit fucked in the head but thats fine because everyone around me knows that and everybody is kind of just chill with it. like its part of the package deal and thats ok.

[9e978e]

via

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objectively i need to give up and understand that binary gender identity is a social construct and gender identity is also a social construct and i cannot pathologize myself out of my own internalized homophobia and transphobia and fucked up family. but the consequences of that are just horrifying ughhh

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truly a big part of my problem is that im horny and lonely and willing to abandon myself to feel some sort of connection. and also i live in fucking new jersey

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ive just always maintained the idea that if im ever Allowed to come out as trans it needs to be in an entirely binary identity so that i have the best opportunity to still be accepted by my family. and the problem is that im like Definitely nonbinary in a way that doesn't make any fucking sense and more likely than not makes me the stereotype of a pervert. bc i like dressing up as a girl sometimes but it is almost exclusively for sexual or other social manipulation purposes. and sometimes it makes me sick to my stomach but that's kind of the point. and i make a hot woman!!! i make a very hot woman!!! but i make a kind of ugly man. there's not a point to this once again i am Journaling