I’m sorry if this question has already been asked. I’ve been really wanting to experiment with being submissive. But I’m just not that “sub” socially. Generally I’m confident, independent, and prefer making my own choices (and maybe a little stubborn lol). I think that’s where I’m running into issues. Is the submission part a sexual thing or do people who fill that role actually think of themselves as lesser than the dom? Or is it more of a role play? Thanks, Overthinking in Orlando
Hey Overthinking in Orlando,
I quite like that you gave yourself a cute identity for the letter. I feellike a real kinky advice giver. Also, don’t worry about re-asking readers.Tumblr is by its nature transitory and fixated on the new. It’s difficult tocreate a body of work that’s searchable. Have a seat on my kinky chaise loungeand let’s chat.
Statement: I’m just not that “sub” socially. Generally, I’m confident,independent, and prefer making my own choices (and maybe a little stubbornlol). I think that’s where I’m running into issues.
Comment: I’ve met a lot of folks who are not particularly submissive outsideof the bedroom who practically put the leash to the collar into your hands assoon as the door closes. There are lots of subs who are even in charge at workand can perform their job and duties but when they come home, they’re EXHAUSTEDby giving orders and need to ease back into their submissive nature.
Question: Is the submission part a sexual thing or do people who fill thatrole actually think of themselves as lesser than the dom? Or is it more of arole play?
Answer: The aspect that you reference of “feeling less than” that’s aspecific kink, and it even has two different sources: Humiliation and/ordegradation. As a result, like any kink, not every sub feels that way. My boyfor example in NO way feels less than me. As for whether those subs feel thatway? Yeah, some of them do. Some of them need to. It’s just how they work andwhat they need. The degree to which any of them consider it just roleplayvaries from person to person.
Support: The obvious question then is, “Do YOU need to feel that way?” No.You don’t. I’ve never been in subspace but it is an interesting space toobserve and hear recounted back. You may find, should you pursue your sub side,that you feel in a bit of awe of the Dominant Man/Men that you serve. That’s areally common experience among subs and one that I think gets translated intothe concept of a “Superior Man” because that’s what is part of the culturalerotic imagination.
You know, you said in your question above that you’re confident andindependent in your day to day life. I just want to make sure that youunderstand that submissives are not weak. It takes a lot of strength to give upcontrol to a Man that you’d want to play with. It’s really scary too. Subsdon’t give up because they’re weak, they give up because they know themselvesso well that they know this is needed. Now for some, giving up that controlmakes them FEEL weak and they derive erotic pleasure from it. But there’s apoint where once a submissive gets himself to the point where he’s with adominant, where he can truly let go, and he just kind of collapses into thatMan’s arms.
I’d advise you to explore that submission with someone. I’d also advise youto set some high standards for that someone. There are actually a lot ofkinksters in Florida. Not that it’s close, but there’s the Tampa Leatherman’sclub and I know Orlando is also a major city so there may be otheropportunities there. When you submit, have a safe word, if you don’t likewhat’s happening, remember no matter how you feel you can always walk away froma person or a scene. And during the scene? If he feels like the right guy? Tryon the persona of the sub who roleplays weak. Just to see how it feels. Eitherway you’ll get some important insight into yourself and your needs.Unfortunately, I can no longer link you to my tumblr writing on selecting a Sirbut I’ll include instructions at the bottom of this. Lastly, people who aren’tsubmissives don’t enjoy submitting. If you try this, if you find that you do ordon’t enjoy it, both possibilities are useful information. It is ALWAYS betterto know yourself a little bit better. And hey, if you have more questions, orneed more pep talk? Hit me up. I’ll answer them.
To find my article on @thegayboybible log in via a PC/Mac. Go to thearchives. Sort the archives by text. Look for “Table of contents”. 23 is themost recent, but any of them should do. “What to look for in a Sir” is thetitle of the article. You can search visually or with the search function.
Confused on the difference between a switch and a sub? Not sure if there’sany truth to what you see in porn? Ask me anything!
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