GOONING: An Essay by Gooner Gob (MelbourneBator)
I am a batetard child of gooning. I look up to it like a horny art student does their teacher. Respect and desire entwined. The respect I have for it is boundless, mainly because I believe gooning is boundless. It is to me a practice. With practice it becomes an art. As an art it is a dimension and it is that dimensional aspect which is a tool for the pursuit of betterment. Wonderfully, that betterment brings with it a community.
This love letter to gooning is in celebration of the community spun by TGR, and on their 5th Birthday.
The sight jolted me. A video online of another man in the throes of passionate penis devotion. He was reduced to animalistic simplicity, drooling, his tongue wagging, his face contorted in stupidity. It was something higher than masturbation. This man was gooning. I thought, I want to do that. I did not yet understand that gooning is not learnt, it is innate. We are born gooners, closer to animals than human beings, but as we grow, learn language and customs, we develop this thing called “self.” A consciousness of who we are in the world.
Gooning runs counter to this idea of self. Gooning is a stripping away of all the ideas, shames, fears that are burdened upon us as we grow. As we pursue gooning, we become batetards, goontards, utterly un-self-conscious.
Years and years of layering cannot be stripped away easily. This is why when men ask, “How do I goon?” I say that is not the right question.
Devoted gooning is a pursuit of that special dimension where we are animal. Or we are simply sensation. Or reduced to ourselves, the conscious aspect layered on by society is removed. We no longer think about our lives, our jobs, our futures, our pasts. We are devoid of self. This is why men say that during gooning, they feel that they become one giant penis.
Gooning leads you into a temple where you are stripped of everything except pleasure. You are stupid. You have unlearned everything except devotion to the massive erection you have sprung between your legs. Call it spiritual. Call it meditative. Call is stupid. It is all of those things. It is also a dream state.
Bate on brothers. Goon out. Become one giant penis with me and each other. Drool. Wag your tongues. Squat like monkeys. We are gooners. We are goontards. Batespread. Batesquat. Stoopid penising masturbators. We are stoopid. Stoopid together. Penis. Bate. Penis. Penis. Penis. Bate your penis. You are a penis masturbator. I am a goontard masturbator. I am a penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Gooner. Fuck yeah gooner. Gooner. You gooner. Me gooner.
We become better people when we are gooners. Respect for your innate self and a devotion to pleasure should open you up to seeing other men as gooners gone astray too. We are all gooners, only some are more advanced in their devoted practice and art than others. Now, more so than ever, this world needs gooning.
The discovery of TGR for this fledgling gooner was a day of great joy for me. To reach out and say, “I goon,” and to get a response that was “I goon too,” was like a message from a world far away that was peopled by guys like me. Over time I have met other gooners in person and felt a profound sense of belonging as we exposed our goonselves to each other. We need to celebrate this community, encourage each other, for if we do that, we will become a better world.
Happy Birthday to the guys at TGR. We are all enhanced by you. ______ Another demonstration of how talented gooner Gob AKA MelbourneBator truly is. This was a complete course on “what/how/why” gooning. We are forever in awe of you. You are a real gooner superstar on your way to becoming a gooner god just like very few have become. We want you in our lives forever and so do our followers and readers. The world needs you shinning your light on gooning and teaching us more about it. We are flattered that you created a written piece just for TGR’s 5th Anniversary. That type of honor can never be forgotten. All we’ve done so far, we’ve done it for people like you: illuminated, talented, and special . We love you. Goon on, TGR Staff
