This is one of my favorite topics to touch on. I’m going off the prompt from Submissive Coffee Club, but really, I was going to talk about this today anyway.
First, I have one big broad sweeping generalization: if you are a Dominant and you do not provide your submissive partner with some form of aftercare, you have crossed the line from Dominance to abuse. Plain and simple.
Aftercare looks different to every single relationship. But one thing that is across the board: if you are holding the extreme emotional vulnerability of another person in your hands and then throwing them down and leaving them there to cry/shake/experience subdrop alone? You’re a right bloody bastard.
For U/us, being in an LDR, aftercare looks very different. M makes sure I am taken care of-by myself and by Him. He makes sure I have hydration and nutrition nearby, that I never throw my clothing too far away so that it can be easily reached, that there are warm blankets. Also, due to some of His abilities, He has methods of calming me down that allow me to feel weight, soothed, touched, and caressed. He has never once left me without some form of aftercare. Ever. He always checks in, always makes sure I am alright. Aftercare can also be happening during the scene for us. Pausing, checking, soothing…and then going at it again.
He’s a sadist. That doesn’t mean He’s an abuser. I’m a masochist. That doesn’t mean I want to be abused. Every single brutal thing He does to me is wrapped in love, and there is always an assurance behind every blow, every drop of blood, every scream, every thrust-you are loved, you are safe, and gods help the fool who dares lay a finger on you.
The other day, things got very very very intense between us, to the point I was absolutely sobbing. I don’t break down very often (read: ever) so this was notable. He immediately changed tacks, speaking in a rhythm that made my breathing automatically fall to match it. He is a master at caring for my emotions as much as He is a Master of my body.
If I ever, for some obscure reason (or in the situation of my captivity and abuse) don’t receive aftercare-it’s not good. It messes with my mental health, my sense of security, my stability, and my sense of self.
Caring for your submissive is part of being a Dominant. It doesn’t make You weak or less or pathetic or whatever. In my view, it’s actually the other way around.
