Metal Dad

This is what Ferris does. Most of it, anyway.

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I WROTE POETRY! I applied for a writing assignment, and they sent me back this insane writing test, a series of ten prompts for POEMS. I'm almost positive it was a meta-test, and if you complete it, they know you're insane. I took ten minutes and banged out some answers anyway.

INSTRUCTIONS Please only take 3-5 minutes on each prompt. This will demonstrate your ability to write on the spot. 

PROMPTS 1. Use the following words in a poem of any style: forest, needle, eat, closet, match. 2. Open the nearest book and pick a sentence from the middle of the page. From this sentence, write a poem in any style. 3. Write a haiku from the perspective of a cloud. 4. Write an acrostic poem for the name Annabelle. (Yes, just like in elementary school!) 5. Use the following words in a poem of any style: exquisite, visit, glisten. 6. Write a poem about the color turquoise, but never mention the color itself. 7. Write a poem where one of the four seasons is personified. 8. Write a poem about a particular toy you had as a child. 9. Write a poem in the form of a shopping list, a horoscope, or a recipe. 10. Write a poem about three wishes. 

MY RESPONSES

1. Use the following words in a poem of any style: forest, needle, eat, closet, match. 

Forest don’t got The needle don’t got The closet don’t got This don’t match what a sane person would do to audition for this writing assignment

2. Open the nearest book and pick a sentence from the middle of the page. From this sentence, write a poem in any style. 

Wham Bam All up in this jam

3. Write a haiku from the perspective of a cloud. What they do down there Me I’m up above it now Why watch cloud deadline

4. Write an acrostic poem for the name Annabelle. (Yes, just like in elementary school!) An’ I want N’ I need N’ I love Animal By Def Leppard Established 1977 Livin’ Lovin’ Elle, Annab is just a woman

5. Use the following words in a poem of any style: exquisite, visit, glisten.

Glistening, visiting, existing, exquisite Not for nothing Is she king 6. Write a poem about the color turquoise, but never mention the color itself.

The color is greenish Or maybe blue What is the color I never knew 

7. Write a poem where one of the four seasons is personified. 

Summer be illin’ But I be chillin’ Here in my A.C.*

* Air conditioning

8. Write a poem about a particular toy you had as a child.

Batman was my favorite doll A memory from me to you I meant action figure If you say I played with dolls I will sue

9. Write a poem in the form of a shopping list, a horoscope, or a recipe.

There’s no way I could match or top “Danzig’s Grocery List,” in which Forest Gabbitch wrote, “Box of Saltines / Can of Sardines”

10. Write a poem about three wishes.

First wish made it wrong Second made it worse Third sent it back Monkey paw, yo

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What can I do for you?

Here, friends, is my super power:

I can create an entire book — a good one — quickly, with very little help.

You want a book with your name on it. I can make that happen.

Maybe you typed up a draft, and you’re not sure where to go next.

I can take it from here.

And anything smaller than that will be cheaper and faster.

Get on the schedule while you can.

Following are more details about me and my work.

Follow are links to different things D.X. Ferris makes & does. 

I am D.X. Ferris.

I grew up obsessed with music and reading. I went to school for writing. At the time, I thought I couldn’t create things. I didn’t know it yet, but I was wrong. I tried to quit. Writing wouldn’t let me. It kept pulling me back in. 

Once I figured out how to do what I wanted to do, I made up for lost time. Now I’ve covered a Rock & Roll Hall of Fame induction for Rolling Stone. I endured a career-ending injury. I’ve been to the Pentagon on business. I’ve written books with & about some of my iconic heroes. Communication is my business, and business is good.

I do a lot of different things. 

I am an award-winning writer, editor, manager, publisher, teacher, speaker, cartoonist, maker, co-author, ghost writer, and overall communications professional. To me, those various & sundry processes are all part of the same sphere — and here’s the common thread: Communication is the art of organizing information. That, friend, is what I do. I can do it for you. And we can make some money together.

I have written/co-written nine books. My personal record is four new books in 16 months.

I cut my teeth as a rock & roll journalist. Then I successfully transitioned to hard news. Lately, I’ve been creating motivational literature and self-help books. I write very effective press releases & promo material. I write & storyboard short videos. I’m writer for a documentary I can’t talk about yet.

I get around. I teach college. My CV includes work for dozens of publications, including Rolling Stone and Alternative Press (America’s two top rock & culture magazines). I’ve also written for leading outlets such as The A.V. Club and Decibel. I write and stage communication seminars. 

I have been to the Pentagon and National Air & Space Museum on business. I have been backstage at the Vans Warped Tour on business. My body of work includes book-length oral histories. 

I have collaborated with certified Grand Masters, civilians, and high-profile musical & Hollywood creative types. I have had Almost Famous moments on the side of the stage at European festivals. I wake up so early it hurts. I make money for my partners.

I am a 33 1/3 author. An Ohio Society of Professional Journalists Reporter of the Year. And a third-degree black belt (in Taekwondo). Also a 32° two-time WM/PM.

Let’s do some good work — and then let’s do some good with what comes from it.

Click the following links for my...

Good Professional Wrestling: Full Contact Life Lessons From the Pinnacle Performance Art The Good Advice From... series is now officially a franchise. Volume II features a foreword by Diamond Dallas Page, motivational icon, founder of health & wellness movement DDP Yoga, and WWE Hall of Famer. Professional wrestling is the toughest business. It is a form of competition built on collaboration and cooperation. Every successful wrestler has a diverse skill set that can help you get over too, no matter what your business or lifestyle. Filled with short chapters and useful advice, this browsable motivational manual features inspirational quotes from dozens of wrestling icons. Each is followed by easy-to-read analysis and actionable tips that can turn a life around.

I collaborated with Darren Paltrowitz on this one-of-a-kind positivity handbook. It breaks down the habits, skills, and strategies that your favorite superstars practice — and you can too, starting today.

Good Advice From Goodfellas: Positive Life Lessons from the Best Mob Movie It’s the last — or maybe first —  motivational manual and self-help guide you’ll ever need. 320 pages, paperback; Kindle ebook also available, cheap. At 145 short chapters, it’s the perfect airport/travel book. This unique meditation & reading finds teachable moments in all your favorite and quotes and scenes from this beloved, seminal movie. If you know what to look for, Goodfellas covers all the same evergreen topics as your favorite business podcasts and startup seminars... but it’s a lot more fun. No, seriously.

Co-author of motivational/how-to Masonic leadership manual

Co-author of parents’ motivational guide to kids’ martial arts

I am the most prominent, prolific non-marquee contributor the music-writing/music journalism textbook How to Write About Music, from the brain trust running Bloomsbury/Continuum’s 33 1/3 series. TECHNICALLY, I AM ON THE SAME LABEL AS NEIL GAIMAN. This is one of two or three books on this topic. Note to self: Write your own.

Wrote the official book with Donnie Iris and the Cruisers For my money, Donnie Iris & the Cruisers are the best-kept secret from 80s rock radio. That had not one, but seven hot 100 hits. The bandleader/songer penned an enduring disco hit. AND he worked with three Rock Hall of Fame artists. The band have a continuous near-40-year run. During this epic tale, they work with a young Trent Reznor, Kiss, Breathless, Cinderella, Sam Kinison, Gamble & Huff, the Jaggerz, Wolfman Jack, and bunch of others. The book is a painstakingly researched oral history that plays like a mix of the four-hour Tom Petty documentary, the movie That Thing You Do!, and the American Hardcore book. Coffee-table book, 464 pages, 102 images, 308 endnotes, 8.5x11″.

Wrote two books about thrash-metal icons Slayer

One is part of 33 1/3, the vanguard series of music-related writing.

One is an exhaustively researched full-length biography featuring 33 images and over 400 endnotes.

Publisher of 6623 Press, home to creator-owned, useful, reasonably priced, unconventional books about popular culture, success, and other cool stuff. People like them.

Full-service, full-contact indie publishing. I write, co-write, ghost-write, edit, and publish books. Quickly.

Do you have book in you? We’ll get it out.

Worked for Rolling Stone, the no. 1 music & culture magazine ever.

I’ve been writing for Alternative Press — America’s no. 2 music magazine — off & on since 2002. More recent pieces are here. Older material is here.

Wrote for alternative newsweekly Cleveland Scene, in various capacities, for 8 years. Won numerous awards for news reporting, business reporting, arts reporting, commentary, feature writing, personality profiling, and sports reporting. Click here for profiles, business features, columns, reviews, and more.

I think this piece about Cleveland’s LeBron James banner won me the Ohio Society of Professional Journalists’ Best Reporter award: Literally the entire city was looking at an iconic, massive piece of public art/advertising — and I was the one person who looked behind the scenes. For alt-weekly Cleveland Scene.

https://www.clevescene.com/64-and-counting/archives/2010/08/05/goodbye-lebron-banner-hello-sunshine-workers-behind-the-banner-speak

For Rolling Stone, I interviewed a band and created unofficial liner notes for a classic album:

https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-news/they-might-be-giants-flood-track-by-track-guide-to-the-geek-chic-breakthrough-82345/

This kind of piece is a specialty. For Alternative Press, I interviewed an infamous punk musician about his friendship with the late, great Anthony Bourdain. I supplied many conversation prompts, transcribed it, then edited his answers into one continuous narrative, while I remained invisible in the piece. If it looks like I didn’t do much, then that was the entire point.

https://www.altpress.com/features/anthony-bourdain-harley-flanagan-cro-mags-tribute/

I visit a business, describe the experience, and research how a controversial industry works. For Cleveland Scene.

https://www.clevescene.com/cleveland/game-of-chance/Content?oid=2183398

While the rest of the rock-journalism world were writing SOPA stories (Summarizing Other People’s Articles) about a developing story, I dug deep, excavated some court records, and wrote an informed summary. For Metal Sucks — for my money, the best metal news & views site.

https://www.metalsucks.net/2019/06/11/how-many-more-misfits-reunion-shows-will-there-be-according-to-legal-documents-probably-just-one/

A friendly multi-person Q&A and sidebar, stitched together from three different interviews from different media. For Alt Press.

https://www.altpress.com/features/punk-goes-fearless-records-interview/

Cover story/feature profile of the president of a local university — and how his work has helped shape the city. It’s pretty whitebread and dry, but I can work in that style when I’m not writing about raging hellions. For Cleveland Magazine, the city’s upstanding guide to what’s happening and who’s doing it.

https://clevelandmagazine.com/in-the-cle/the-read/articles/city-mission

News interview with Dan Gilbert, owner of the Cavaliers and Quicken Loans. For Scene.

https://www.clevescene.com/cleveland/enhanced-interrogation-dan-gilbert/Content?oid=1678536

Excerpt from Good Advice From Goodfellas, my self-improvement book that draws positive life lessons from the greatest gangster movie:

https://6623press.tumblr.com/post/181078213342/the-new-self-helpmotivational-manual-good-help

Christmas Sevenfold: Metal Dad, Compendium Two  My second comic-strip compilation collects seven years of Christmas & fall holiday stripes, with new art, a foreword, and an essay about why the kind of guy who wrote two books about Slayer still loves Xmas. 180 pages, oversized 8.5 x 11″ paperback.

Suburban Metal Dad, Compendium One: Raging Bullshit. The first compilation book for my webcomic. It collects Years III and IV of the comic, with 172 strips, 8 previously unreleased demo strips, an updated FAQ, and a true-life, all-text real-life metal dad story (so there’s something to really read). 180 pages, oversized 8.5 x 11″ paperback.

Individual strips of Suburban Metal Dad, an online comic that has run twice weekly since 2010.

I am totally into the Misfits/Danzig/Samhain, and wrote a bunch of stuff about this record-setting continuum of ground-breaking musicians

I wrote things for Metal Sucks

Guest on heavy metal podcasts, and bloggage about it all

Guest on assorted TV and superhero-show podcasts

Guest host on rock podcast Lost Together

Annotated both versions of “Once Bitten, Twice Shy” at Genius

Random bloggage about stuff that isn’t necessarily metal... mostly movies and holiday stuff like a survey of Christmas imagery in True Detective season 1

Tweet too much, but it’s healthier than taking cigarette breaks.

The Pentagrammarian: I take note of writing, grammar, usage, and the business thereof. I am one of very few professional writers who can list the four parts of a well-rounded profile or break down the constituent parts of a sentence, in correct technical grammar terms.

The goat had it comin’. I swear.  

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Powerhouse Hughes on Wrestling Motivational Book

Longtime wrestler and columnist Bill “Powerhouse” Hughes wrote about Good Advice From Professional Wrestling in his weekly column. 

Hughes is the mastermind behind the Championship Wrestling Federation.  Ferris designed its print program for two years before he was dragged out of Pittsburgh, kicking and screaming. If you looked close, you saw Powerhouse on some WWF Pittsburgh tapings back in the day.

Read it here:

https://www.heraldstandard.com/sports/columnists/bill_hughes/cal-u-grad-writes-pro-wrestling-book/article_f729647e-638f-11e9-bfd4-97e93369baf9.html?fbclid=IwAR1CyOmhrzgc_PIFzLtfTul8VWwrXj1MOgYF4YLsFzYJ5IE8WYxxvFeUvuM

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We’re #1! You like us! We LOVE you.

6623 Press’ newest book, Good Advice From Professional Wrestling, is off to a good start. Co-authors Positive Darren Paltrowitz and D.X. “The Best Man” Ferris are 6623′s reigning heavyweight tag team champions. The book runs 160 pages and clocks in at 51 short, readable chapters. Each and every one is a pocket-sized can of inspiration and education. Need some good vibes to get through the day? Ask yourself: What Would Batista Do? Check it out here...

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=d.x.+ferris%2C+good+advice+from&ref=nb_sb_noss

THANK YOU for reading.

[suburbanmetaldad]

My top summer jams, beta version

Comin' up with a list of my favorite summertime albums, maybe bands.

Fun Lovin' Criminals, #1. 

Sublime, #2. 

#3 Beach House, Crazy for you. 

#4 Blackalicous, Nia.

#5, Beastie Boys instrumental comp, In Sound From Way Out, but really I made an expanded version.

#6, Terrrence Blanchard, A Tale Of God's Will (A Requiem For Katrina)

#7 Marvin Gaye, Trouble Man

#8 Sinatra

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My Favorite 10 (ish) Albums

Without overthinking it, my fav ten albums, all in one spot.

Kinda surprised that Non-Prophets is the only rap album, and it’s up that high, so while PE’s Nation of Millions and BDP’s Necessary and The Chronic are probably my fav hip-hop albums, Sage is the one I reach for more these days.

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NEW BOOK BY ME

“THE STORY OF DONNIE IRIS AND THE CRUISERS”

AN OFFICIAL ROCK BIOGRAPHY BY D.X. FERRIS

SIMPLE TITLE. LONG STORY. TOTALLY UNDERRATED BAND. SERIOUSLY.

“Donnie Iris and the Cruisers were always clever dudes who made great records and had great, great songs. It was a working man’s rock band with undeniable hooks and melodies.” — Jason Pettigrew, editor-in-chief, Alternative Press

DONNIE IRIS AND THE CRUISERS is one of those bands. Every cool city has one: Tommy Conwell in Philadelphia. Southside Johnny in Jersey. Mother’s Finest in Atlanta. The Nighthawks in DC. Willie Nile in Buffalo. Michael Stanley in Cleveland. They’re beloved in their home town. But three hours away, they’re obscure, possibly unknown. The Cruisers is one of those bands. But none of those bands has a career — or story — like Donnie and the Cruisers.

The Cruisers are the best-kept secret from the early ’80s golden age of FM radio, when a band suspended between classic rock, album-oriented rock, and new wave was at home on the airwaves next to the Police, Elvis Costello and Van Halen. Donnie is best known for his string of MCA/Carousel Records albums, which are best remembered for his signature song, “Ah! Leah!”

Music snobs will look at the video, snicker, and dismiss him as a one-hit wonder; in fact, the band had three Top 40 hits and seven Hot 100 singles, including the MTV hit “Love Is Like a Rock.” But there’s more to the story, before and after.

Iconic in Pittsburgh and beloved in Cleveland, Donnie Iris has a career that spans over 50 years in the show-business middle class. He was a singer before the Beatles, but the ’60s baby-boomer rock explosion led to his first big group, the Jaggerz.

The Jaggerz recorded an album with Gamble and Huff, but only graduated from colleges and supper clubs to arenas after the breakout success of their single hit, “The Rapper,” a novelty song that went to No. 1 (Record World) and No. 2 (Billboard) witha push from Kama Sutra/Buddha Records. That was Donnie’s last hit for a full decade, though.

Donnie stayed in the game. Hungry for a gig, he signed on to play with a fading Wild Cherry, who were coming down from the smash hit “Play That Funky Music.” In Wild Cherry, Donnie met keyboardist Mark Avsec, a multi-talented Cleveland up-and-comer who cut his teeth with Jonah Koslen’s Breathless. The two liked each other, so they drafted a band, hit the studio, and recorded the 1980 album Back on the Streets, which launched “Ah! Leah!” on to the Billboard charts.

What follows — as documented in this painstakingly researched oral history and official band bio — is a winding story that plays like a cross between the four-hour Tom Petty & Grateful Dead documentaries and beloved music movie That Thing You Do!: The Cruisers score a record deal (sort of). They make some albums. The have more hit singles than most bands. When the hits stop coming, Donnie faces some difficult decisions. 

The Cruisers splinter, refocus, reform, reunite, and get day jobs — Donnie as a mortgage broker, Mark as an internationally respected attorney, Kevin Valentine as drummer for bands including Kiss. But they never break up. And when their career hits a commercial low, Donnie’s hometown rediscovers the band.

The Cruisers kept gigging and recording, selling out county fairs (for a while), then finding their footing in sold-out clubs and theaters. (Donnie celebrates his 75th birthday in February, with two sold-out concerts in Greensburg’s 1600-seat Palace Theater, and a third about to go on sale). Unbeknownst to many fans, they continued scoring impressive musical credits: Bandleader/co-songwriter Mark Avsec played with Joe Walsh in James Gang reunions and wrote tunes for two Rock & Roll Hall of Fame acts (Bon Jovi and Carlos Santana). After a stint playing with comedian Sam Kinison’s band, Valentine’s experience producing led to sound mixing in top-tier TV shows like The Good Wife, Legion and Better Call Saul. And the band keep on playing. And it’s good.

Features colorful, never-before-told scenes from days of yesteryear, from the Jaggerz’ supper-club showband era to the Cruisers’ arena-rocking glory years opening for Ted Nugent, Hall & Oates, and Loverboy. Lots of Pittsburgh & Cleveland stuff.

It’s big and long, but accessible and illustrated: 75 chapters are fully indexed, easy to read, and packed with vintage and newly discovered photos by veterans Anastasios Pantsios and Richard Kelly. Design by Cruisers guitars Marty Lee Hoenes. 

Foreword by Pittsburgh hero Jim Krenn, who featured Donnie in landmark skits on WDVE’s DVE Morning Show, which are recounted in one of the longer chapters. The band, friends, witnesses, critics and fans recount how it all happened and what it means.

Ferris is an Ohio Society of Professional Journalists Reporter of the Year. He writing credits include Rolling Stone, The AV Club, Alternative Press, Decibel, and Cleveland Scene. This is his sixth book. Previous volumes include two about Slayer, one of which is part of the prestigious 33 1/3 series. He’s a Pittsburgh native who worked in Cleveland, so he knows his ish. He has a lot to say about Donnie, rock journalism, metal, natural xylitol gum, independent publishing, and good music to listen to while you write.

Published by the Cruisers’ Primary Records Group 

National release March 2, 2018 via Amazon

Coffee table paperback $39.99 • 8.5x11” • 475 pages (220,000 words)

105 photos and images • full index • ISBN 978-0-692-99746-8 (paperback) • Music/Biography

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Some of my Favorite 80s Non-Metal Music

This started as a list of five of my favorite 80s pop albums, and it got out of hand. I mean, where do you draw the line between “pop” and “popular”?!

Billy Idol, Duran Duran, and “Luka” get their own category.

BILLBOARD HOT 100 ROCK

Journey “Don’t Stop Believin’ ”

INXS “Don’t Change the Earth”

Donnie Iris “Ah! Leah!”

Simple Minds “Don’t You Forget About Me”

Huey Lewis “Heart and Soul”

120 MINUTES/COLLEGE ROCK

Sigue Sigue Sputnik “Love Missle F1-11”

March Violets “Turn to the Sky”

New Order, “True Faith”

Belfegore “All That I Wanted”

Husker Du “Don’t Wanna Know”

Church, “Under the Milky Way”

SLOW JAMS

Spandau Ballet “True”

Madonna “Crazy For You”

Thompson Twins “Hold Me Now”

Crue, “Without You”

Cyndi Lauper “Time After Time”

RAD WOMEN

Lita Ford “Kiss Me Deadly”

Bonnie Tyler “Total Eclipse of the Heart”

Fuzzbox "Love is the Slug"

Madonna “Live to Tell”

Pretenders “Back on the Chain Gang”

Tina Turner “What’s Love Got to Do With It”

ONE HIT ONEDERS

Outfield “Your Love”

Buckner & Garcia “Pac Man Fever”

Frida, “Something Going on”

Devo, “Whip It”

Big Country, “In a Big Country”

Dream Academy “Life in a Northern Town”

ROCK ASSED ROCK

Blue Oyster Cult “Burnin’ for You”

Leppard, any Pyromania single but I’ll go with “Photograph”

Bon Jovi, “In & Out of Love”

Red Rider, “Lunatic Fringe”

38 Special, “What If I’d Been the One?”

GERMANS

After the Fire, “Don’t Turn Around”

Nena, “99 Luftballoons”

Falco, “Rock Me Amadeus”

Scorpions, “No One Like You”

Tom Schilling, “Major Tom”

Helloween, “I Want Out”

ADULT CONTEMPORARY

Chris Cross “The Best That You Can Do (Arthur’s Theme)”

Alan Parsons Project, “Don’t Answer Me”

Glorian Estefan, “Don’t Wanna Lose You Now”

Dan Fogelberg, “Same Old Lang Syne”

Sheena Easton, “For Your Eyes Only”

Grayson Hugh “Talk It Over”

MADONNA

“Live to Tell”

“Crazy for You”

“Holiday”

“Lucky Star”

“Like a Virgin”

FICTIONAL MOVIE BANDS

Craig Wedren F. Amy Miles “Heart Attack Love”

Eddie & the Cruisers “Season in Hell (Fire Suite)”

Spinal Tap “Hell Hole”

Barbusters, “Light of Day”

Cherry Bomb, “Howard the Duck”

NOT WHITE PEOPLE

Dazz Band, “Let It Whip”

Public Enemy “Bring the Noise”

LL Cool J, “Goin’ Back to Cali”

BDP “My Philosophy”

Everything Yo! MTV Raps played

But hip-hop ain’t really pop

Not gonna lie: I didn’t like Prince at the time, but do now.

FAV OVERALL80s-ASSED TUNES

Spandau Ballet “True”

March Violets “Turn to the Sky”

Fuzzbox “Love is the Slug”

Belfegore “All That I Wanted”

INXS “Don’t Change”

That’s it for now; don’t get me started...

[suburbanmetaldad]

WELL AWAITS: SLAYER WORKOUT/YOGA MIX

^^ Image from unrelated article, which is a good read.

Hey, listeners. It's your pal Ferris here. I dropped 40 pounds over the last year* by doing cardio yoga — specifically, DDP Yoga, which is a great low-impact workout. Unlike every other workout I’ve ever done**, at the end of it, I feel charged up, not drained and sore. It's good, and it's good for you.

* And, knock on wood, I’m keeping it off.

** I put on all my size doing pushups, and I’m a black belt (Taekwondo). 

Granted: sometimes the long workouts can feel... long. So here's a special soundtrack to make the time fly and get your blood pumping.

My playlist "Slaytanic Yoga: Well Awaits" runs about 65 minutes, and it cycles through a dynamic range:

- 10 minute warmup - 10 minutes moderately quick - 5 minutes hella fast- 5 minutes moderate - 5 minutes hella fast - 6 minutes on the light side of moderate - 5 minutes cooldown - 4 minutes intense - 10 on the light side of moderate - 5 minutes cooldown

Consult your doctor before thrashing like a beast.

Long story short, just do what the music dictates. If it's fast, go fast. If it speeds up, go faster. If it's slow, go slow. (If you’re doing DDP Yoga, this mix fits with the Double Black Diamond workout; or do Mixtape twice.

Be well. As Ian MacKaye said, "Thanks a lot, friends!" Enjoy.

Click here for the mix:

https://open.spotify.com/user/dxferris/playlist/0S9Ma6NVnTAsXQIvX7PLcw

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CHRISTMAS CORNUCOPIA OF CARTOONS & PODCASTS & A CAROL & OTHER CRAP. SOMETHING FOR EVERYBODY:

Here’s a bunch of Christmas stuff I was gonna tweet about, centralized. Scan the list, and you’ll find something to induce/enhance your Xmas spirit, guaranteed, no matter what your tastes & mood are. Holiday entertainment, a dozen options, in four sections:

PART I: CHRISTMAS PODCASTS

Here’s four Christmas podcasts, some informational, some NSFW, some suitable & appropriate for family listening.

Christmas scholar Joanna Wilson discusses her favorite Xmage showz on the TV Guidance Counselor Christmas podcast episode:

http://www.christmastvhistory.com/2016/11/tv-guidance-counselor-christmas-podcast.html

As long as we’re at it, here’s her discussing various sci-fi/fantasy Christmas specials on the late great Galactic Watercooler podcast. Two parts:

http://galacticwatercooler.com/2011/12/18/302-christmas-2011/

http://galacticwatercooler.com/2011/12/24/303-christmas-part-ii/

Gilbert Gottfried welcomes the hyper Christmas superfan Mario Cantone, and they reflect & reenact on some holiday classics & obscurities, movie and TV, including the Rankin-Bass specials. NOT for family listening, but infectious and sincere. This is also a two-parter; part 2 covers Xmas novelty songs:

http://www.gilbertpodcast.com/mini-episode-90-christmas-novelty-songs-mario-cantone/

http://www.gilbertpodcast.com/mario-cantone/

The awesome Charlie Brown podcast The Peanuts Gallery discusses A Charlie Brown Christmas and two excellent stage adaptations of it. Man, i wish I coulda seen these. I love this show. Maybe one day:

https://peanutsgallery.simplecast.fm/8

PART II: RAYMOND BRIGGS’ MELANCHOLY CHRISTMAS CARTOONS

Raymond Briggs is a brilliant writer/artist. He first came to my attention with one of my favorite picture books, The Elephant and the Bad Baby (find a hardcover copy if you can; the colors pop so much more than the recent paperback printings.

Anyhow, Briggs is probably best known for the UK Xmas phenomenon The Snowman. The color and artwork is some of my favorite visual material ever, both the book and the TV adaptation. Here’s the cartoon, which exists in three versions.

1. Classic intro with the aged boy in the woods: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZE9KpobX9J8

2. Short-lived version with the worthy David Bowie as the intro narrator: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HHCZhUZXhZU

I just learned there’s also a sequel. If you thought the first one was a downer, don’t come near this with a thirty-foot North pole. I’d list the title, but it might suck you into watching it:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yPfj4ioJQlg

3. HD version, missing intro, but it’s the best-looking version:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5A3THighARU&t=112s

All the other specials are in the same visual style.

Apparently, Briggs’ The Bear is also a big deal in the UK. It is similarly magically melancholy. Spoiler: The ending is happy:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VbG_UjhniI4

His Father Christmas special isn’t nearly such a bummer. Santa poops, goes to France, and poops a lot more. This is probably where Christmas Vacation’s “The shitter’s full!” came from:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nhRc6JhpZhw&t=1251s

PART III: XMAS MUSIC

My annual Christmas music mix. This year is “DXmas 22: Murray Christmas, Everybody.” The Spotify edit features classics, standards, and offbeat holiday tunes, some of which are featured in Bill Murrary’s perfect Netflix variety special A Very Murray Christmas:

https://open.spotify.com/user/dxferris/playlist/48ZyyZmUbjFWQ3hNd4gCx3

A Spotify playlist I quite enjoy, the accurately titled “Christmas Peaceful Piano”:

https://open.spotify.com/user/spotify/playlist/76EmNg3KPQoEr0izybtuCN

The Donnie Iris & the Cruisers Christmas album is the Sgt. Pepper of holiday music. It is a true tour-de-force of favorites & obscure nuggets. Accept it into your heart:

https://open.spotify.com/album/0HAV7Jv9k0SYUrdMU4qHdC

PART IV: SANDMAN CREATOR GETS SCROOGED

Neil Gaiman reads Charles Dickens’ Immortal Classic Scrooge (I know, “A Christmas Carol.”).

“Now more than ever, it is important to remember the true spirit of Christmas — your life might just depend on it!”

https://www.nypl.org/blog/2014/12/19/podcast-neil-gaiman-christmas

PART V: MY CHRISTMAS COMIC STRIPS:

Here’s my Christmas/holidays comic strip story arc for 2016. The site is having some technical problems right now, so if you click this after December 2016, you might get different strips:

Suburban Metal Dad starts every Christmas season cursing loudly. And by the end of it, sometimes he chills or submits.

http://popdose.com/category/webcomics/

Merry DXmas!

xoxo

— Ferris

[gameraboy]

A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965)

[thecharliebrownphilosophy]

Hey guys!! I’m so, so, SO sorry I haven’t been posting in such a long time, because life happened. But I’ll be back to it regularly very soon. Just wanted to take a sec and let you know that “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown” will be airing tonight on ABC @ 8pm/pst, if you weren’t already aware, of course. It’ll be on after the debate so it may run into it a bit, depending on how long that nonsense lasts. Sorry for the late notice but I’ll be sure to give more of a heads up as the holiday season rolls in. Welcome to the new followers and hello to the old👋! Hope you all have a great day😄

[halloweenhorrorsqueen]

[suburbanmetaldad]

Weird Science, b/w John Hughes Still Rules

Contains photos, plus something to read about Hughes. For the readin’ material, jump to the end or click the first graff.

John Hughes movies are my favorite stuff ever. Still. 30 years later. They speak to me. And his life is an inspiration. He died too soon.

As an entertainment writer, I always felt my whole career was building to the point where I’d have a chance to talk to Hughes. It didn’t happen. Looking back, him dying coincides with me starting to lose interesting in entertainment journalism. 

I had a decent run: I’ve been writing about my favorite musicians for 17 years. And, unlike many broadcasters/writers, I don’t have a single picture of me awkwardly posing with some minor celebrities, my arm around them, faking like we shared a moment and we’re tight now.

But everyone has a point where they’ll compromise. I hit mine recently, when the three leads from Weird Science reunited for the first time, at the Pittsburgh comix con Steel City Con. SCC always stages great, creative appearances. They’re a collective class act, and they run a swell con.

Anyhow, the chance to get pics with all three leads from a John Hughes flick, it was a once-in-a-lifetime chance. And I took it.

Weird Science, by the way, is every bit as good as Hughes’ much-ballyhooed “holy trilogy” of Breakfast Club-16 Candles-Ferris Bueller. At various points in my life, I have totally related to Gary and Wyatt.

Kelly LeBrock was first. She was very nice. She made sure I got a pic I was happy with. Which was a challenge, cuz I look like Mongo the Ape Man. Maybe, as a model, she’s sensitive to the issue of unflattering photos. It was a brief transaction, but meeting Lisa was electrifying. 

By the way, she has amazing comic timing in the movie, ESPECIALLY considering the fact that she stepped in at the last minute, after another actress didn’t work in the role; it’s a shame she didn’t act more. But she had other things she wanted to do, and I can respect that.

Ilan Mitchell-Smith, another class act. Good guy. Very nice. He’s a doctor of medieval studies now, which my dad specialized in. So we talked about that for a minute.

Ditto Anthony Michael Hall. After making my gorilla face with LeBrock, I overscowled in my pic with him. I wasn’t trying to look like a hardass. The John Bender in my came out, you know? He’s been a favorite my whole life, from Vacation through Community.

The actors held a Q & A panel for a packed audience. Watching it, I realized: I’ve been lucky to not only meet a lot of my favorite artists, but to engage them in long conversations. I see why people do this meet-and-greet, grip-and-grin stuff. 

For the pro-shot pic with all three of three of them, I pulled in my reluctant kid. Hall was super kind: talked to her, looked her in the eye. (Group photo by Froggy’s Photos, froggysphotos.com.) [They were all nice, but Hall was the ringleader of the group throughout, acting as the host, keeping the conversations going, working the room, etc.]

Despite feeling like Wyatt & Gary early in my high school career, later on in my life, I was a total dick to my little brother (which I still carry serious guilt about). And my brother’s friends called me “Chet,” after Wyatt’s asshole older brother. So, technically, this photo is Gary, Wyatt, Lisa, and Chet.

Hughes’ work really shaped my life, in many ways, including my personal branding. People started calling me “Ferris” — as opposed to “Dave” — in Kindergarten. But once Ferris Bueller’s Day Off hit (when I was in 8th grade), the cachet behind “Ferris” rose suddenly and dramatically. To this day, 99% of the people I like call me “Ferris,” including my wife. And I seldom get that “Huh, Ferris wheel, huh huh” shit I used to before FBDO dropped.

Anyhow...

Hughes and his work mean a lot to me. I’m really glad I took the time to get the pics and autographs.

Hughes was, for many, the definitive chronicler of young America’s 1980s emotional landscape. As many have noted, he was a baby boomer. Some posit that makes his work inauthentic. I think it’s a testimony to how universal & elemental his themes are. Yeah, his main characters tend to be wealthy. I could still relate. So can my older kid now, all these years later. As I get older, different films and characters resonate more with me. I wish he would have put more mature characters out there. Which isn’t to say he didn’t create memorable adults. Speaking of which...

Here’s a link to one of my favorite things I ever wrote. It’s a long meditation/reflection on John Hughes’ life and career. I wrote it when he died. The thing started as list of my ten favorite moments from his catalog. And it grew into a cover story for the newspaper I worked for. I made a couple incorrect suppositions about his personal life and arc... but the bulk of it works.

Enjoy.

http://galacticwatercooler.com/2010/08/26/john-hughes-the-movies-never-end-or-we-are-the-breakfast-club/

ps. If you’re a Hughes fan, you definitely want Kurt Honeycutt’s John Hughes: A Life in Film. It’s likely the best biography of him we’ll ever get. It’s a hardback coffee table book with a lot of images.

https://www.amazon.com/John-Hughes-Genius-Bueller-Breakfast/dp/1631060228/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1473104971&sr=8-1-fkmr0&keywords=john+hughes%2C+curt+honeycutt

[suburbanmetaldad]

Sumner Ferris, Chaucer Scholar and Medievalist

Sumner J. Ferris was an internationally ranked Chaucer scholar. He was an accomplished medievalist, career professor, and sometimes-administrator. He was also my dad.

Ferris spent most of his academic career at an obscure Pennsylvania state school called California University of Pennsylvania (formerly California State College; he was instrumental in completing the paperwork and planning to upgrade from college to university). He was not a doctor, and he never tried to leave for a bigger school where he’d be less comfortable. Once I asked him why he never went through the formality of being certified as a Ph.D. He smirked and said, “Who would question ME?”

Dad could list all the monarchs of England in order. Not because he had memorized them. He had simply pieced it together over the course of his studies. He was the kind of professor who helped students accomplish things they once thought impossible, and one told me she named a child after him. 

The spotlight moment of pops’ career took place in 1977/1978, when he noted numerous acts of unattributed quotation/paraphrasing by English-major icon John Gardener, author of novel Grendel and manifesto On Moral Fiction. Newsweek wrote a story about it. (Click HERE for a larger version.)

Dad graduated from Harvard the same year as John Updike, who was one of my dad’s favorites, though they weren’t friends.

Sumner J. Ferris died in 1997.

Following is a list of dad’s publications and such, from his CV. When I get a minute, I will pull them together into a book one day. (6623 Press needs interns, if you’d like to work on it.) In the meantime, if you’re into this kind of thing, maybe take a look at his life’s work and see if there’s something you could use.

Please pardon the incomplete formatting; dad would not approve. I will fix it later, if time permits. But I’m working on something I need to finish. And, as a quote attributed to my him prescribes, “No work is more important than one’s own.” This is what pops accomplished in his career. And I want to make sure it’s out there.

SUMNER FERRIS PROFESSIONAL PUBLICATIONS AND RELATED ACTIVITIES

Review of Derek Pearsall, The Life of Geoffrey Chaucer: A Critical Biography (1992).  Forthcoming in Studies in the Age of Chaucer.

"Venus and the Virgin: The Proem to Book III of Chaucer's Troilus and Criseyde as a Model for the Prologue to the Prioress's Tale."  Chaucer Review 27 (1993): 252-59.

Contributing Bibliographer, "Annotated [Annual] Bibliography of Chaucer Studies," 1979-1990, Studies in the Age of Chaucer 3-14 (1981-1992); and thus to Lorrayne Baird-Lange and Hildegard Schnuttgen, A Bibliography of Chaucer, 1974-1985 (1988).

Co-editor, The People of Southwestern Pennsylvania.  California, PA: California University of Pennsylvania, 1991.

Review of Chris Given-Wilson, The Royal Household and the King's Affinity (1986).  Studies in the Age of Chaucer 10 (1988): 150-52.

"The Wilton Diptych and the Absolutism of Richard II."  Journal of the Rocky Mountain Medieval and Renaissance Association  8 (1987): 33-66.  Delivered, in briefer version, to the Medieval Colloquium of the Lehigh Valley, Cedar Crest College, Allentown, Pennsylvania, March 12, 1984; and, in somewhat different form, as "Painting and Politics in the Fourteenth Century: The Wilton Diptych: An Illustrated Lecture" to the Faculty Forum, California University of Pennsylvania, April 28  1988.

Review of Lorrayne Baird-Lange and Hildegard Schnuttgen, A Bibliography of Chaucer, 1974-1985 (1988).  Literary Research 12 (1987 [sic]): 215-18.

"Toponyms, Surnames, Titles and Cognomens: With Special Reference to John of Gaunt and Henry of Lancaster."  Chaucer Newsletter 9 (1987): 1, 4.

Review of John Leyerle and Anne Quick, Chaucer: A Bibliographical Introduction (1986).  Literary Research 11 (1986): 65-67.

Co-editor, Southwestern Pennsylvania, Nos. 1-6.  California, PA: California University of Pennsylvania, 1981-1986.

"John Stow and the Tomb of the Duchess Blanche." Chaucer Review 18 (1983): 92-93.

"'His barge ycleped was The Maudelayne': Canterbury Tales A 410."  Names: Journal of the American Name Society 31 (1983): 207-10.

Review of  J. J. N. Palmer (ed.), Froissart: Historian (1981).  Studies in the Age of Chaucer 5 (1983): 183-87.

"The Prioress's Tale as a Painting."   Paper delivered at "Chaucer at Albany II," State University of New York at Albany, November 6, 1982.

Review of Joseph Gibaldi (ed.), Approaches to Teaching Chaucer's "Canterbury Tales" (1980).  Literary Research Newsletter 7 (1982): 170-71.

"The Mariology of the Prioress's Tale."  American Benedictine Review 32 (1981): 232-54.

"Chaucer at Lincoln (1387): The Prioress's Tale as a Political Poem." Chaucer Review 15 (1981): 295-321.

Review of Charles R. Young, The Royal Forests of Medieval England (1979).  Studies in the Age of Chaucer 3 (1981): 185-88.

"Chronicle, Chivalric Biography, and Family Tradition in Fourteenth-Century England."  In Chivalric Literature: Essays On the Relations Between Literature and Life in the Later Middle Ages, ed. Larry D. Benson and John Leyerle.  Toronto: University of Toronto Press, 1980: 25-38, 153-55. [Also in the series, Studies in Medieval Culture, XIV, Kalamazoo, MI: Medieval Institute of America, Western Michigan University.]  Delivered at Conference on Medieval Studies, the Medieval Institute of America, Kalamazoo, May 4, 1976.  

"A Hissing Stanza in Chaucer's Prioress's Tale."  Neuphilologische  Mitteilungen (Helsingfors) 80 (1979): 164-68.

Distinguished Faculty Award, Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, 1979.

Review of John Gardner, The Life and Times of Chaucer (1976).  Speculum 52 (1977): 970-74.  [See Peter S. Prescott, "Theft or 'Paraphrase'?" Newsweek, April 10, 1978, p. 94; cited in Richard D. Altick, The Art of Literary Research, 3d ed. (1981), p. 270.]

Note on a modern analogue of Chaucer's Pardoner's Tale.  Chaucer Review 10 (1976): 170.

Fellow, National Endowment for the Humanities, Summer Seminar, Harvard University, Cambridge, Mass., "The Realism of Romance," Larry D. Benson director, 1975.

"Chaucer, Richard II, Henry IV and 13 October."  In Chaucer and Medieval  Studies in Honour of Rossell Hope Robbins, ed. Beverly Rowland.  London: Allen & Unwin; Kent, OH: Kent State University Press, 1974: 210-17.

"'Gunsell' and 'Gooseberry Lay' in Dashiell Hammett."  American Notes and Queries 10 (1972): 70-71.

"The Sources of The Maltese Falcon."  American Notes and Queries 9 (1971): 88.

"'Wades Boot': Canterbury Tales E 1424 and 1684." American Notes and Queries  4 (1970): 71-72.

Review of Beryl Rowland (ed.), Companion to Chaucer Studies (1968).  American Notes and Queries 7 (1969): 77-78.

"The Date of Chaucer's Final Annuity and of the 'Complaint to His Empty Purse.'" Modern Philology 65 (1967): 469-76.   [See Andrew Finnell, Chaucer Review 8 (1973): 147-58, citing this as a "masterpiece of research and deduction," and on this and the article in the Robbins Festschrift of 1974 listed above, see A. C. Baugh in A Companion to Chaucer Studies,  ed. Beryl Rowland, 2nd ed. (1978), p. 16.  Regarded as authoritative.]

"The Iconography of the Wilton Diptych."  Minnesota Review 7 (1967): 342-47.

"Piers Plowman."  In Evidence for Authorship: Essays on Problems of Attribution, ed. Ephim G. Fogel and David Erdman.  Ithaca: Cornell University Press, 1966: 408-415.

Co-author, The Minnesota English Test.  Minneapolis: Testing Bureau, University of Minnesota, 1963.  [A standardized test for college English placement.]

"The Outside and the Inside: Flannery O'Connor's The Violent Bear It Away."  Critique 3 (1960): 11-19.  Reprinted in Contemporary Literary Criticism 21, ed. Sharon R. Gunton  (Detroit: Gale, 1982): 150-52; and in Critical Essays on Flannery O'Connor, ed. Melvin J. Friedman and Beverly Lyon Clark  (Boston: G.K. Hall & Co., 1985): 85-91.

"Middlemarch: George Eliot's Masterpiece."  In From Jane Austen to Joseph Conrad, ed. Robert Rathburn and Martin Steinmann, Jr.  Minneapolis: University of Minnesota Press, 1958: 194-207.  [Reprinted, paperback, 1968.]

Co-author, Themes and Exercises.  Edited, with others.  Minneapolis: Department of English, University of Minnesota.  3 editions, 1957-59.  [A textbook.] _______________

Charter Member, New Chaucer Society Member, Bibliographical Society (London) Donor, Middle English Dictionary, New Chaucer Society Referee, Speculum, Studies in the Age of Chaucer, National Endowment for the Humanities

BORN:  Boston, Massachusetts, July 27,  1933

EDUCATED:

Boston Latin School Harvard College: B.A., magna cum laude (English), 1954 Graduate study: University of Minnesota (English), 1954-1960

TEACHING AND ADMINISTRATIVE POSITIONS:

Graduate assistant and instructor (English), University of Minnesota, 1954-60 Instructor (English), Cornell University, 1960-64 Associate professor of English, California University of Pennsylvania, 1964- Associate vice-president for Academic Affairs (acting), 1983-84 Interim associate dean of Liberal Arts, 1986-87

[suburbanmetaldad]

PUNISHER = METAL DAD

His family massacred, hellbent on vengeance, the Punisher is one helluva metal dad. And he also delivers an amazingly touching moment in episode four of Daredevil, season 2. I talk about it with my friends from the Legends of SHIELD podcast:

https://www.gonnageek.com/2016/07/legends-of-s-h-i-e-l-d-135-daredevil-penny-and-dime-a-marvel-comic-universe-podcast/

[suburbanmetaldad]

Podcast: Talking Bollockz II: The Revenge

It was a pleasure to return to Talking Bollocks, one of the UK’s top metal podcasts. Host Howard “H” Smith is funny, smart guy who’s always great to rap with. We cover metal, but we mostly talk about comics, DIY media, and why not all entertainment should even TRY to appeal to all people.

http://allabouttherock.co.uk/podcast-episode-31-guy-davis-reuben-freeze-atlantic-slayer-expert-across-atlantic-dx-ferris/