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The Stonewall Inn
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@theartofmadeline
shark vs the universe
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Jimmy Eat World
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roma★
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EXPECTATIONS
$LAYYYTER
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
ellievsbear
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
𓃗
Not today Justin
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@succulentrhizome
Theory that neurotypicals are the ones with "communication issues" actually. You're the one who can't communicate with ME, buckaroo
Neurotypicals will play four dimensional chess about asking you to wash the dishes and I don't believe this is my problem
A friend (I use the term loosely. More of a former acquaintance, really.), just sent me a message on FB. It was so long I had to copy-paste it into word and it took up 12 pages.
She got COVID-19 at the very start of the outbreak in the UK, and she’s been ill for months in the aftermath. Yesterday, her doctor asked her if she’s ever heard of Myalgic Encephalomyelitis, or as it’s more commonly known, “Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.” (Or “yuppie flu” to the vitriolic who also suffer from an unfortunate case of “head-in-ass” syndrome.)
They told her they’re seeing a lot of patients get sick with ME/CFS symptoms in the wake of COVID-19. They talked a lot to her about post-viral syndrome and how it might still go away, or how it might be permanent. They told her they just plain don’t have the answers. They gave her leaflets for cognitive behavioral therapy, for an illness that is increasingly being discovered has many, many physical causes (cranial instability and viral overload are just two examples) but has predominantly been treated with talky-therapy and general sweet fuck all else for years.
So she messaged me, the person she used to roll her eyes at when I said I was too sick to get out of bed some days. She apologized, at length, for all the times she said I was lazy, for all the times she rolled her eyes, and all the times she talked about me behind my back. She wrote, saying she’d heard from other friends that I’d gotten better recently, and she hopes I’m still doing better. And then she said, “I suppose this is what I get for being unkind,” and I had to take a moment to just breathe because however awful a friend she might have been to me in the past, chronic illnesses are not a curse.
They are not karma for bad things. They are not some sort of divine justice for not saying your prayers at night or not being a good person. There is no morality involved in health. There’s genetics, chance, environmental risk, and sometimes, just outright bad luck. It is not a judgment from on high. You/I/We did not do something wrong either in this life or in a past one to “deserve” anything like this.
Sickness happens. That is an unfortunate truth of being alive.
And the sooner we stop equating health with morality and strength of character, the better. I’m not alive because I’m a strong-willed, good person, I’m alive because I’m managed to hang on long enough to get (one of) my illness treated. That’s it. That’s the truth. Strength of moral character means sweet fuck all when the medical world has decided you don’t matter. It just leaves for a pretty epitaph.
tshirt that reads "I went to the doctor and all they tested was my patience"
Hey i have this cool new idea and its called “people with chronic illness shouldnt have to weed out all sugars glutens alcohol and non organic oxygen and lose 50 lbs and excercise 25 hours a day before theyre deemed deserving of help or have their pain taken seriously or are allowed to even just live their fucking lives and talk about their illness without snide comments from ableds who don’t exercise and would never give up their daily 15000 calorie frappe with enough caffine in it to kill a horse’
Let me be clear, this a call out for all abled people and that includes ableist af physicians who would rather make you jump through hoops for months than listen to what you have to say about your own goddamned pain
I don’t know if anyone still reads this blog but i wanted to make sure it was clear what kind of space this is.
In this space we want to abolish the police. It’s a centuries old institution built on the principle of enslaving and torturing black people so that white people could benefit.
After we abolish police, we move on to the rest of the carceral system, including CPS/CWS, and replace it with systems that support communities rather than criminalizing them for being poor and not white.
Defund, demilitarize, disband. We accept nothing less. Because black lives matter, and we will not let anyone treat them otherwise.
John Mulaney, a true ADHD icon
I love how he gave this bit at an autism benefit because it is also a heavy Autism Mood™
This is the most relatable thing I’ve ever seen.
TRANSCRIPT:
JOHN MULANEY: I normally don’t notice people. I zone out constantly. Have you ever zoned out for a few minutes? I’ve been zoned out since 2014.
AUDEINCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: I just - all day long, I wander into traffic walking like Charlie Chaplin, listening to a podcast while thinking about a different podcast.
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: I can zone out anywhere - I was at the doctor’s office, he was reading me the results of a blood test, it was important I listened, and I zoned out! I was like, “nah, I’m gonna stare at the wall and think my thoughts”.
AUDIENCE MEMBER WHOOPS
MULANEY: I was like, “huh. None of the Beatles had moustaches… but then one day, all of them had moustaches.”
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: “That’s weird, I can’t think of a time a group has done that”. Some people in my life don’t want me to zone out as much - they want me to focus, and they want me to be in the moment, and they want me to do this by meditating. I don’t know if you’ve ever tried meditating, but I’ve been trying it. This is how you meditate, okay? You sit on the floor with your back perfectly straight, which I hate more than ISIS -
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: I don’t like sitting up straight! Alright?! It’s never gonna happen! If meditating was sitting hunched over on the toilet with your elbow on your knee while kind of looking at your phone, I’d be the Dalai Lama.
AUDIENCE LAUGHS/APPLAUDS
MULANEY: I don’t like sitting up straight. So you sit up straight, and you breathe, and this helps you stay in the moment. Don’t bother! The moment is mediocre at best!
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: I mean, it’s fine. Let’s all try right now - let’s all be in the moment, in silence, right now. [A HALF-SECOND PAUSE] Sucked, right? Not fun at all!
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: That was boring! You gotta zone out! You have an imagination! You have a movie theatre in your brain that plays fake arguments that you win.
AUDIENCE LAUGHS/APPLAUDS
MULANEY: Have you ever just been sitting there thinking about something for twenty, twenty-five minutes, and all of a sudden you’re like “oh my god, I’m driving!” and you remember? You’re like -
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: “I’m going seventy-five miles an hour! I have been for a while! I could’ve changed so many lives!” Sometimes, my wife - I have this wife - she’ll be like, “are you watching the road?” and I’m always like, “I am looking through the windshield.”
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: “And I’m not gonna hit anyone, but no. I’m thinking about the Beatles.”
Hey @vulpeculavolans added a transcript to this AND THAT IS SO AWESOME THANK YOU SO MUCH!
“I’m gonna stare at the wall and think my thoughts.” Is my true ADHD/Autism experience lmaoooo
Oh I relate so hard
I relate to this so much. I’ve gained the nickname “space kadet” in my family. I space out so much.
You know that stage in the lifespan of a pair of headphones, where they still technically work, but you have to twist the chord in a very specific way and continually push on the edge of the jack, otherwise they’ll totally cut-out and cease to function?
That’s what it’s like for me making myself pay attention to literally anything.
*thinks about my trauma* i come with lore
I have a confession. I always read your asks and answers and sometimes your long answers I can't read bc my add won't let me but I like scan over every word and I can't even begin to comprehend the meaning or try and analyse because i literally can't read more than three words without you sending my brain's train of thought onto a roller coaster rail
DO YOU FEEL HER? MY LADY’S TOUCH? A GENTLE SCARRED HAND REACHING IN THROUGH YOUR SKULL TO MASSAGE YOUR TIRED MIND LET GO OF COMPREHENSION UNTHINK UNFEEL UNKNOW UNTIL THERE IS ONLY THE RAW AND BEAUTIFUL CHAOS OF THE WORLD ADRIFT IN YOU
“Let us be happy,” said the old lady, “and dart and spring about during the three hundred years that we have to live, which is really quite long enough…”
The original Little Mermaid by Hans Christian Andersen: http://hca.gilead.org.il/li_merma.html
Keep reading
Time blindness is the weirdest aspect of executive dysfunction and so weird as an experience to live with. It’s like you see the clock, the clock says 3pm, you look at the clock again and it’s 3:02, then 3:05, and then you look again and it’s 8pm and WHAT THE FUCK.
You don’t even need hyperfocus. But hyperfocus is like the Warp Speed:tm: version cause when that hits, it’s 3pm and then it’s the next day and why is the sun rising and when did i last eat and oh god i need to use the bathroom. And oh, also, you’re EXHAUSTED. The act of your brain tunnel visioning on something drains you (but that’s another topic).
Time blindness is…. having the general knowledge that today is Wednesday, and you need to do something on Thursday. Thursday is logically tomorrow, but the mysterious void of time is like ‘that’s like next week or something.’ It’s knowing you have to do something in three weeks on the 21st. And as the days creep closer, the 21st is stuck in a constant state of still being 3 weeks away, despite the fact it’s now tomorrow.
It’s wild. ADHD is literally living in a constant state of “There is Now. And there is Later.” and there’s no in between; no dates, no times; no hours, weeks, or months. It’s just Now and Later, and oh god why is is X o’clock already!?
Maybe I DO have ADHD….
god, no one’s ever succeeded at describing this for me before.
This post punched me in the throat every two sentences with how much I understand it
A very simplified overview over the 3 diagnosable types of ADHD. It’s highly likely that you have symptoms from across the spectrum and not exclusively “hyperactive” or “inattentive” - that’s why I see ADHD( and ADD) as one big family. Look up the DSM-V for the actual symptom list!
"Aren't you worried those medications will affect your brain?" my dude that is literally exactly why i am taking them
reassurance isn’t the same when you have to ask for it.
professionals: borderlines are just difficult and don’t want to get better
also professionals: (refuse to even try to see things from our perspective, only offers one way to recover with no accommodations or alternatives, talks down to us if we say we don’t feel better, gives up on us for having literally any difficulty with treatment)
Time blindness is the weirdest aspect of executive dysfunction and so weird as an experience to live with. It’s like you see the clock, the clock says 3pm, you look at the clock again and it’s 3:02, then 3:05, and then you look again and it’s 8pm and WHAT THE FUCK.
You don’t even need hyperfocus. But hyperfocus is like the Warp Speed:tm: version cause when that hits, it’s 3pm and then it’s the next day and why is the sun rising and when did i last eat and oh god i need to use the bathroom. And oh, also, you’re EXHAUSTED. The act of your brain tunnel visioning on something drains you (but that’s another topic).
Time blindness is…. having the general knowledge that today is Wednesday, and you need to do something on Thursday. Thursday is logically tomorrow, but the mysterious void of time is like ‘that’s like next week or something.’ It’s knowing you have to do something in three weeks on the 21st. And as the days creep closer, the 21st is stuck in a constant state of still being 3 weeks away, despite the fact it’s now tomorrow.
It’s wild. ADHD is literally living in a constant state of “There is Now. And there is Later.” and there’s no in between; no dates, no times; no hours, weeks, or months. It’s just Now and Later, and oh god why is is X o’clock already!?
Maybe I DO have ADHD….
god, no one’s ever succeeded at describing this for me before.
This post punched me in the throat every two sentences with how much I understand it
