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once i master my adhd and stop believing that i’m waiting for my life to begin and accept what i cannot change and finish cleaning my room and stick to a productive schedule and drink enough water and meditate and organize all the important papers in the paper pile and start being consistent and say the nice things to myself and gain confidence its OVER for you bitches
Friendly reminder that you can talk to your brain like a beloved innocent little kid and it works probably better than you’d expect
“Wow this is pretty rough huh…let’s think of some good things instead! What are some things we’re looking forward to?”
“I have an idea, lets pretend we’re in slow-motion, even our breathing and blinking is slooowwww”
“Quick I need your help it’s really super important! Tell me every single [color/animal/etc] you can possibly think of”
“Hey buddy, do you maybe want your favorite snack? I bet you’re pretty tired huh…how about we have a little nap/go to bed early tonight”
Doesn’t always have to be for handling negative stuff either in fact doing it in neutral-positive situations will help you remember it’s even an option in times of distress. And in general it’s just very healing, promotes self-worth, etc.
(no specific source other than that one of my lifelong special interests has been How To Be Better In Every Way Because Everthing About Me Just Seems Wrong)
Unfortunately my nervous system cannot tell the difference between the idea of someone possibly politely declining me and a nuclear bombing at my location.
Attention, people with ADHD, autism, and anyone who has trouble with talking to people and keeping friends:
Hello! I'm one of you. When I was younger, I would have so much trouble having friends. I'm still not very good at it, but I will tell you what has made it better.
1. I learned the local sign language alphabet. When people are talking, my head fills up with things I want to say. I used to either interrupt people, or I would be so focused on not interrupting and waiting for my turn that I wouldn't actually listen to them.
Now, I use the sign alphabet to remember what I want to say. So if I want to talk about dolphins, I hold the D shape. I leave the remembering to my hand. This lets me listen to what the other person is saying. You could use a notepad or a phone, as long as you do it quickly.
2. I learned how to engage the other person. This is so hard. I want to ramble on and on! But people generally don't like that. They want to talk with you, not be talked at.
I would make pauses in my speech, so they could talk. I would ask questions. I wasn't very good at asking questions at first. I would say, "isn't that cool?" That doesn't give someone much to respond to. So...
3. I learned to ask open ended questions, like "What do you think about this character's choice?"
4. I learned that I needed to find common interests. I'm lucky because I can talk about a wide variety of topics. If you can't, I suggest you find clubs or forums for your special interest. You could also try to find something related to it. For example, if you like Steven Universe, and the other person is interested in gem stones, you could ask them about the real life properties of diamonds versus pearls and things.
As much as I want to talk all day about the show I just watched, I need to find someone who wants to hear it. If I'm with someone who doesn't like that kind of thing, I need to talk about something we both like. If I just met them, I can ask what their hobbies or favorite shows are, or I can ask them if they like my favorite stuff.
Sometimes I can get my friends into the stuff I'm into, but that's not always the case. And that's okay. I can open myself up to trying out things they're interested in.
can we talk about the shame that comes along with having ADHD?
the shame that hits you when you walk around your messy, cluttered room, knowing you don’t yet have the motivation or hyperfocus to clean it, even though you want to.
the shame that hits you when you retell a story for the thousandth time and the person you’re talking to gets bored or annoyed or confused by it, cuz you couldn’t remember you had told it before.
the shame that hits you when you ask someone to repeat what they’re saying multiple times because you keep forgetting or you just can’t hear them.
the shame that hits you when you forget something super important after you leave for a trip, and you ask to go back for it.
the shame that hits you when you know you’re overanalyzing something someone said to you, but it still hurts.
the shame that hits you when you snap at people who are just talking to you while you’re hyperfocused.
the shame that hits you when you realize you don’t remember jackshit about your life, you don’t have any memories, and you wonder what it was all like.
the shame that hits you when someone asks you to just shut up or sit still after you were just expressing your emotions, your happiness even, but were just a little too loud about it.
all the shame. over everything. we should talk about that all more.
i mean this in the most genuine way possible but why do neurotypicals seem to hate being told no so much
even when i’m being polite in it, they push and push and push to get me to say yes
minor example, i was eating some chocolates and my cousin asked if he could have one. i said “no sorry, i really like these chocolates and i’d like to eat them all” and he went NUTS
he kept asking “why can’t i have one? why won’t you let me have one? you have sooooo many!! you could just buy more!!”
and then my family chimed in.
“that’s not very sisterly!” (bonus points for transphobia here)
“that’s not nice!”
“sharing is caring!”
“let your cousin have one!”
“it’s only one chocolate!”
“don’t be so rude!”
excuse me??? they’re my fucking chocolates??? i’m allowed to give them to whoever i want, and i’m allowed to NOT give them to whoever i want. i want to eat all MY chocolates
what the fuck
i said no??? just accept that???
i’m so tired of neurotypicals
side note: i know people are allowed to be upset if they don’t get something they asked for. i know KIDS ESPECIALLY will be upset. it’s OKAY to be upset. i would be a little upset if someone was eating my favourite chocolates and didn’t give me one too. but i am not going to beg and beg and beg. i am going to ACCEPT that the person doesn’t want to give me a chocolate. i’ll be a little sad, but there will be opportunities for me to get chocolate too. it’s not the end of the world. THAT is what neurotypicals don’t seem to do. they push and push until they get their way. they don’t accept “no” for an answer. i’ve genuinely never met another neurodivergent person who can’t accept “no”. they just accept it and move on. i don’t fucking understand neurotypicals.
