Hello! I am Sun, a newbie writer for Black Clover and plant enthusiast. I enjoy reading and writing fanfiction, as well as doing small edits!
My favourite thing are succulents and Original Characters (OCs), and I have quite a few of both. Never be afraid to pop into my inbox to introduce yours, I'd be happy to meet them!
Requests: [CLOSED]
[Updated 9th of June, 2022]
My Father Told Me - Part â ą
Solid x reader
Zora & Gauche
Yami x Charlotte
Captains bonding
Dorothy x Nozel
Zora x y/n
Home (Golden Dawn POV)
- At the moment, I only write for Black Clover. I write Canon Character x Canon Character, Canon Character x Original Character and reader fics.
- I don't generally write NSFW content, however, some works may have romantic content or implications.
- Most of the fics I write for requests are somewhere between 300 - 600 words. Sometimes they go over.
- I do not write for couples that have a significant age gap (more than 5 years).
Prompt List 1
Multichapter fics:
Where the Fire Lilies Grow [Masterlist]
Budding Roses [YamiChar Week Masterlist]
My Father Told Me [Masterlist]
Oneshots & headcanons:
All Captains
- Vacation in Raque
Adlai, Gauche
- Mirror Mirror on the Wall (Grey x Gauche)
- Indirect Confession (Grey x Gauche)
- Routine Morning (Grey x Gauche)
- Truth Untold (Grey x Gauche)
- Headcanons 1
Asta
- Home
Faust, Nacht
- Sunset (Nacht x OC)
Francis, Marx
- Headcanons 1
Enoteca, Vanessa
- Forest Encounter (Vanessa x Nozel)
- Sugar, Spice and... (Vanessa x Nozel)
- Beginnings in Five Conversations (Vanessa x Finral)
- Status: It's Complicated (Vanessa x Finral)
- Friends in Low Places (Vanessa x Yami)
Grey
- Mirror Mirror on the Wall (Grey x Gauche)
- Indirect Confession (Grey x Gauche)
- Routine Morning (Grey x Gauche)
- Truth Untold (Grey x Gauche)
- Relationship Headcanons
Grinberryall, Yuno
- Home
- The Way I feel About You (Yuno x OC)
Ideale, Zora
- Headcanons 1 2
Novachrono, Julius
- Bliss (Julius x OC)
- The Perfect Morning (Julius x gn!S/O)
- Relationship Headcanons
- Headcanons 1
Rhya
- The Place We Used to Know (Rhya x f!S/O)
Roselei, Charlotte
- The Confession, Heard (Yami x Charlotte)
- The Perfect Rose
Roulacase, Finral
- An Ache (Finral x gn!S/O)
- Beginnings in Five Conversations (Finral x Vanessa)
- Status: It's Complicated (Vanessa x Finral)
Silva, Nozel
- Forest Encounter (Vanessa x Nozel)
- Pipe Dream (Nozel x Dorothy)
- Sweet Anticipation (Nozel x Dorothy)
- Sugar, Spice and... (Nozel x Vanessa)
- To Rage Against the Dying Light
Sukehiro, Yami
- Coy Kisses (Yami x f!reader)
- Friends in Low Places (Vanessa x Yami)
- The Confession, Heard (Yami x Charlotte)
Swing, Magna
- Headcanons 1
Unsworth, Dorothy
- Pipe Dream (Dorothy x Nozel)
- Sweet Anticipation (Nozel x Dorothy)
Vangeance, William
- To Hold a Heart (William x gn!S/O)
Vermillion, Fuegoleon
- Goodbye (Fuegoleon x gn!S/O)
- Pragmatism or Passion? (Fuegoleon x gn!S/O)
- Headcanons 1
Vermillion, Mereoleona
- Summer Cuddles (Mereoleona x reader)
- Relationship Headcanons
- Headcanons 1
Zogratis, Zenon
- Companionship (Zenon x reader)
Additional Tags:
sun edits holds my ventures into editing.
writing tips holds my research into writing and reblogs of others' tips.
I quite love my OCs and I am ever excited to talk about them. I hope that I will be able to introduce them all properly through my stories!
Tani Chartreuse | Page | Tag | Card | Relationship Chart
- Where the Fire Lilies Grow (Multi-fic)
- Before the Date (Interaction with OC)
- Tani Meets Neva (Interaction with OC / written by lyra)
- Magic (what is magic for Tani?)
Icree Papillo | Page | Tag | Card |
- Dress Shopping (Interaction with OC / written by lyra)
- Magic (what is magic for Icree?)
Luka Diffidus | Page | Tag | Card |
- A Chance Meeting (Interaction with OC)
- Art Gallery (Interaction with OC / written jointly with lyra)
- Art Show (Interaction with OC / written by lyra)
- Drops of Future (Interaction with OCs)
- Luka meets Antessa (Interaction with OC / written jointly with laura)
Poe & Fen Ikida | Poe's Page | Fen's Page | Poe's Tag | Fen's Tag |
I messed up so much with this.
Couldnât pick good colors for this one and kept re-coloring everything⊠It looked so bad I had to do it in greyscale to save it.
And then I somehow merged all layers before saving and closing and had to work with it like that.
How do you write romantic tension? Iâm TRYING to flesh out a friendly sparing session in a short story Iâm writing and Iâm banging my head against the wall. It seems too boring and I have trouble describing exactly what Iâm picturing in my head. Help!
Writing Romantic Tension: Going Back to the Basics.
Iâve gotten this question before from @tembertrash, and I was planning to write a full post on it, but now that Iâm getting around to that, Iâve realized that I donât actually have very much to say. The best advice I can give is to treat it like you would any other form of plot and character-developing tension.Â
Tension is always produced by characters wanting things.
On some level these two characters want to be together, but the other things they want (or the consequences they want to avoid) are preventing that in some way. Just like with every point of character growth and plot development in a story, theyâll be thinking about these desires, feeling the physical and emotional effects of them, and then using that to decide what actions to take.
Youâll want to have all these stages (desire, feeling, action) throughout any scene with romantic tension.
You can repeat them and rearrange them however you need, to reach whatever key point the scene is meant to produce, but they should all be present and flow from one to the next, towards a specific point everything is leading up to.Â
(Even when you have little experience to go off of.)
@dominiquefourie asked:
So Iâm writing a story (as Iâm sure most of us are) and while itâs not a romance story there is a strong relationship thread thatâs needed to pull the story forward, only thing is, Iâve never strictly been in a relationship - tv/books have shown me what relationships looks like, but how can I write about one without knowing what it feels like?? Thanks
Hey, Dominique! I have to admit upfront, Iâve never âstrictlyâ been in a relationship either. But neither have I fought in a war, or raised a kid, or held clandestine negotiations with rebels, or built a brace for a paralyzed merperson, or ridden a dragon, or experienced the death of a best friend.Â
Lucky for us, the same techniques which help us understand and write a variety of things weâve never experienced before will generally work for romance as well:
Research. A good old internet search can be a great substitute for experience, especially if youâre dedicated to finding good sources.
Relate. Think of similar actions, emotions, and situations which you have experienced, and draw from those. Even if itâs not the exact circumstance youâre writing, there is always overlap.
Pseudo-Experience. Your imagination, combined with the human capacity for empathy, can give a lot more insight then you might think. Itâs still not the real thing, but after youâve done the research, the final step is to put yourself in the personâs shoes, at least in your mind.Â
You should certainly do your own digging into romance and relationships, but here are a few pointers to start withâŠ
Hello everyone! So iâm going ahead and starting my 400 event, I tried to give it a sort of âflowerâ theme and I hope you all enjoy it! I have Writing Prompts, Headcanons, and Moodboard options. You can make your own little âBouquetâ of flowers if youâd like a writing prompt (you can choose multiple options), or you can choose some Headcanons (you can choose 3 headcanons and 2 characters at a time), or a Moodboard (either random or for certain CCâs or for OCâs and even ships đ„°!).
Writing Prompts:
Lily of the Nile: Secret Love
Anemone: Forsaken
Ladyâs Seal: Be My Support
Love In a Mist: You Puzzle Me
Pink Cameilla: Longing for You
Red Catchfly: Youthful Love
Varigated Tulip: Beautiful Eyes
Orange Blossom: Eternal Love
Dark Crimson Rose: Mourning
Pink Rose: Perfect Happiness
Juniper: Protection
Lemon Geranium: Unexpected Meeting
Headcanon Prompts:
1. Their Worst Nightmare?
2. Who do they Bicker With the Most?
3. Favorite Kind of Weather?
4. What Makes them instantly Happy?
5. Their Ideal Date?
6. What Kind of Music do they Like?
7. How Would They Handle Betrayal?
8. Their Fondest Memory?
9. Who Are They Closest To?
10. If They Could Change a Moment in the Past Would They?
Moodboards:
Send me a character, OC, OCxCanon Character, Canon Character x Canon Character (If you send me an OC or OCxCC then send me some info on your OC/OC ship please đ„°!) or you can choose a random moodboard and Iâll give you the first 4 photos from my pinterest board đ!
Could you do one where he is in love with the reader and how Would he act?
Hope you have a great day!!â€ïžâ€ïžâ€ïžâ€ïž
Thank you so much, I'm very happy to hear that!! I hope you have also a great day! â€ïžâ€ïž
Solid Love [Headcanon]
Note: This is written with the idea that Solid grows during the relationship to a healthier direction than where he is now with the help of his family, friends and lover.Â
Solid is used to acting rashly and straightforwardly without giving a thought to what he says. He is somewhat self-righteous about that - he is a noble, he has the status to do that. A lot of how he acts is learnt from his environment, and hides behind a fear of being inferior and disliked. It is a messy soup of contradictory behaviour, as is common to human nature.Â
When Solid falls in love, he has to contend with this nature: he desires affection and closeness, but he has learnt the wrong way to ask for it. He tries too hard to prove that he is impressive according to the criteria that he has learnt. It takes him time - and persistent reminders - to realize that the subject of his love might have a different idea of what impressive is. This doesnât stop him from showing off whenever the person of his affection is present. Itâs not quite in the way a puppy might show off new tricks, but rather in an arrogant and cold wayâŠbut the thought counts, right? Solid sure hopes so. This trait of his might calm down the longer and healthier the relationship is, fortunately, but he is likely to still do small things to try to impress his love.Â
Solid can be a little clingy and jealous. He tries to rein it in, but he really canât help it sometimes. He will want to hang out a lot, whether it is through activities or just silently doing own tasks. The most important part is that the two of them are in the same room, blissfully aware that they can talk to each other if needed. He likes having at least one meal together if he lives together with his lover. Though he might pretend to not be affectionate, he is usually the one to initiate holding hands or pulling the other to lean on his shoulder. Even if he is just sitting near his lover, he might lean so that his arm touches the other, only withdrawing if it is made clear that such closeness is not wanted right now.Â
Holidays and seasons of gift-giving might be either a blissful or turbulent time, depending on Solidâs lover. He is slightly materialistic in his gifts, favouring expensive and perhaps generic gifts unless otherwise instructed. It can be hard to match. While he can be surprisingly sweet and romantic, at least in the beginning he has difficulties figuring out how to do these things, and seems to more follow a formula than spontaneously come up with things. He can also be slightly pushy, a trait that mellows down as he becomes more mature.Â
All in all, it can be difficult for Solid to first realize what his lover needs from him. Through mutual communication and understanding, he is sure to proudly pamper and love them, as long as he also gets lots of affection back.
hi! your stories are really amazing, i especially look forward to dorozel hehe i'm a really big shipper of them. so... if i may.. hahahađ may i request an au wherein dorothy is a worker in the house of silva? and nozel fell inlove with her deeply, they have a secret relationship that NOZEL himself wants to reveal but is contemplating about it because it's complicated?đ thank you so much!!!!!đ
Hello! I'm so glad you like the stories!! This story went a little sideways and a little longer than I meant to be but I hope you enjoy it as much as the previous one! đ„°đ„°
Sweet Anticipation
Words: 2644
Warning: Mentions of death (Acier Silva)
---
âArenât you excited to go to the marketplace?â an amused voice asked.
Young Nozel could only nod to his mother. The marketplace was a bustling centre of the capital city, with peddlers and store fronts eagerly tempting visitors. He looked around with interest, but his gaze wasnât at the items being sold. He was looking for a specific person. His mother insisted on holding his hand in the crowd, perhaps half aware that her precious son might run off if he found what he was looking for - even if she didnât know what it was. Unfortunately it was not until the end of their tour that Nozelâs eyes finally landed on a slightly younger girl with deep, glittering eyes and pastel-coloured cloak sitting on a bench. The young witch that he had been searching for was here! As if she had felt his gaze, her head turned towards him, and a large smile appeared instantly on her face. She hopped down from the bench and beelined her way to him.
âHi!â she cheerfully greeted, stretching out her hand towards him.Â
âGood day,â Nozel answered in a polite tone.
He shook her hand, feeling the other secretly push a candy to his palm. The corners of his mouth twitched upwards just slightly. He was still young and slightly mischievous. If his father had been here, he would have never dared to do this - but his mother overlooked this kind of inappropriateness.Â
âHow was the visit?â the girl asked happily.
Nozel stiffened a little, giving a warning glare. His eyes glanced just barely to his mother, who seemed to be looking at the meeting with great interest.Â
âIt was fine,â he said shortly, trying to signal to the girl to leave.
They couldnât hang out this time. His mother was impossible to send away, so they couldnât talk freely. Oftentimes, when Nozel came here with servants, he would tell them to go fetch him something, and then talk happily with the mysterious girl. She claimed to be a witch from the great forest, and at first refused to tell her name. Later, he learnt that she was called Dorothy. She always had sweet candy to give to him. He didnât know where she lived, only that she had a mother somewhere far away. When he asked if she lived on the streets, she laughed at him. Since she was so reticent with her answers, Nozel refused to also tell much of his own family. Unfortunately, the girl knew well enough that he was a noble. After that, it wasnât hard to figure out who he was. Either way, the two of them had formed somewhat of a friendship, and occasionally the little witch would even defy the royal courtyard to see him. It was dangerous, but perhaps that was part of the allure. Their friendship was an innocent and reckless one.
Seasons passed on, and so did the years. Their friendship endured it all, and eventually Nozel became mature enough to understand that Dorothy couldnât just live on the streets. She had to have a job, but she didnât. He could not straightforwardly help her, since he had his own position to look after, and his fatherâs teachings made him slightly colder towards the plight of non-aristocrats. He didnât know how to help. Her own attitude towards life had also changed from her cheerful childishness. Nowadays, he often found her sleeping or eyes half-closed, only smiling widely upon being woken up. He worried for her safety, but Dorothy always claimed she was the safest like that. She said her magic was that of dreams - nothing could hurt her as long as she was there. There was something deeply sad about that sentiment. Nozel couldnât quite put his finger on it, but he felt a sharp ache in his heart. He paid for their food that day silently, without rising an issue about it, but he still felt that Dorothy didnât quite appreciate his innocent wish to help. As he left, she placed a small candy to his hand nonetheless.Â
The more they grew up, the less the two of them could meet. Nozel was busy with his own schooling, while Dorothy acquired a working place. She refused to tell him where it was, but he was happy as long as they paid her. She assured him many times that she no longer slept on the streets, and had the money to take care of herself. So Nozel imagined that everything was fine - Dorothy had figured things out and could now earn her living. He mourned the fact that they couldnât see as often, but the two took to sending letters. Heâd address his letters to a specific inn, while she would sneak her letters somehow to the Silva residence. It was only much later that Nozel realized how exactly that was possible. That day, there was an accident while the food was being served for dinner. A dish was dropped, and many servants came to clean it all up, nervous under the cold gazes of the family. Nozel never paid much attention to the servants. He simply looked at his plate, trying to suppress a gurgling noise from his stomach. He had been reprimanded enough by father about not being graceful enough while eating. He glanced back at the servants, his gaze frigid due to his hunger. Yet a familiar sight made him forget it all: he could see strands of purple hair from underneath a servantâs headscarf, and radiant eyes met his for a moment. Nozelâs jaw dropped. Dorothyâs gaze fell down in an instant, and she seemed to be more concentrated on the cleaning suddenly. Nozel felt his heart thumping wildly in his chest. How could it be? He couldnât understand what Dorothy was doing here. Was it a ploy to get the letter in? But surely then the servants wouldnât treat her as one of them. Suddenly all the memories of the punishments the servants got for lazy work filled his mind, and for the first time in his life, he felt they might be undeserved. For the first time, he felt worried about them.Â
As soon as Nozel was able to, he drew Dorothy to a room alone.Â
âWhy did you come here?!â he hissed angrily.
The look on her face was not pleased at all. It was perhaps the first time in a while that he had seen her so indignant.Â
âWhere else was I supposed to go?â Dorothy asked with an angry smile. âNo one else would take me! I didnât have qualifications!â
âThen how did you get in here?â Nozel replied back, still upset by the development.
âYou didnât do it?â
âNo!â
A confused look flashed on Dorothyâs face before her mouth turned into a line. She seemed angry and somehowâŠdisappointed? Nozel didnât quite understand that. Someone must have recommended her for the place, otherwise she wouldnât have gotten it. Though he was young, he knew that much. The only other person who had that power and knew Dorothy wasâ
âMotherâŠâ Nozel muttered suddenly.Â
Dorothy looked at him for a little while, then down to the floor. The sharp look in her eyes was fading into a duller colour. He could recognize the signs of her slipping away to her dreamworld. Sometimes when Nozel looked at her, he felt like at any moment she might disappear. She was like a dream herself; something you were only half-aware of, but chased after nonetheless.Â
âI need to go,â she said lightly, and turned away.Â
Nozel didnât stop her.Â
The two were pushed even closer when tragedy fell upon the Silva family. Acier Silva, Nozelâs mother, fell gravely ill, and eventually passed away. Nozel was in the maelstrom of the events, having witnessed it, but cursed to not be able to talk about it. Fortunately he did not grieve alone. Though he couldnât explain to Dorothy the situation, she seemed to have an almost instinctual feeling that something was wrong. It would be several years later that she would take him to her Dream World and let him unburden his heart. For now, the two teenagers grieved together, holding onto each other as the world crashed around the Silva family. The first few nights were restless for Nozel. He could not sleep, so desperate he was to have his mother back. It was only when Dorothy sat by his bed, holding his hand and speaking to him quietly that he was finally able to fall into a restful sleep. The sweet scent that permeated her somehow made the situation feel safe. Her soft voice helped him relax. Whenever heâd start to fret during the weeks, heâd remember that moment, and it would give him strength when his family could give him none. He made sure she knew it too. In fact, he told it to her multiple times, insistent on her knowing that she was important. After having lost his mother, he couldnât bear the thought of losing Dorothy as well. She became his first love.Â
The two of them became lovers very soon after. Whether it was to heal their hearts or of long-budding feelings, the outcome was the same: a secret relationship that consoled them in their time of need. Though they grew in different directions throughout the year, they stuck together like two lonely leaves on an otherwise barren tree. They understood each other on a level they couldnât describe to others and took care of each other. There was only one problem: no matter how much Nozel kept telling Dorothy how important she was to him, and no matter how much he could see that she enjoyed being near him, he couldnât shake the feeling that something was off. He felt like she wasnât quite happy with the situation. She never rebuffed him and would even seek him out as she had in their childhood, so he was certain he wasnât forcing her to be with him. Yet a part of her felt like it wasnât quite there, not quite in the moment. When he questioned her, she often blew it off with a laugh. It didnât ease the anxiousness within Nozelâs heart. As a new member of the Magic Knights and the heir of the Silva family, he became increasingly busier and busier - perhaps this was why he never realised that Dorothy was in fact dissatisfied with her position in the house. It was only when he realised he himself was dissatisfied with it that he approached her.Â
âI donât want our relationship to be a secret anymore,â he said carefully, measuring the expressions on her face.
Dorothy, eyes closed and in her dreamworld, tilted her head towards him. The silence seemed to speak of her unhappiness with his words.Â
âI know itâs not that simple and thereâs lot to consider,â Nozel continued.
He hoped that Dorothy would open her eyes soon. He felt silly talking to her like this.Â
âI just want them to know that I have you - and that you have me. That we are together. Iâm not ashamed of you.âÂ
âI am your servant, Nozel, it wouldnât be appropriate,â Dorothy answered bitterly. âYou want them to know that we are together, because your father wants you to marry. You want them to know that you are not alone, that they canât gossip about you. Well, theyâre going to do so nonetheless.â
âI donât want to drag you to gossip with me,â Nozel insisted. âI would feel like I am letting them take advantage of you. In any case, thereâs an imbalance between us - marrying like this, when you work under me, wouldnât feel right. I wish I could give you some amount of status beforeâŠâ
His voice trailed off, as he considered his options. With a teenagerâs optimism, he was certain he could fix this somehow on his own. He failed to consider that him giving everything to Dorothy might make her feel worse. He considered multiple options out loud, before Dorothy had had enough.Â
âAlright, Nozel,â she said with a crisp voice.Â
It felt like it was cutting through everything he had said before.
âI have given you anything I could. I come from a meagre background, but I offered it all to you. Could you spare a little thought for me and how I might feel about this? I donât want to become yours like this. I can stand on my own two feet. Iâve stayed here because of you, but I think itâs time for me to do something for myself. It was wrong of me to think we could be happy if I catered only to your needs. It was a silly fantasy that only worked in the dreams I conjured for you. Itâs time for me to follow my own path.â
âWhat do you mean?â
âIâm going to leave. Not indefinitely. Weâll be separated for a while, but Iâll be back.â
âWhat?â
âThis is one thing I am asking from you, Nozel. The one thing. Let me go, and let me return. Dream of no one else meanwhile, give no one else your heart. Trust me.â
Nozel stared at the girl in front of him with a dazed look. It had been a long time since he had seen so much energy in her eyes, so much determination. Yet he didnât understand what she meant, and he wasnât sure if sheâd explain. She was asking him to trust her. He could do that. He nodded, at first slowly, as if he didnât quite understand - and then again.Â
âIâll trust you,â he whispered, barely able to squeeze the words out.
He didnât know what would happen, but he knew there could be no one else in his heart.
The next day, Dorothy was not seen in the estate any more. Nozel was left to deal with his slow rise in the ranks of the Silver Eagles and looking after his family all alone. The one light of those days, when he seemed to make more and more mistakes, were the pink letters that appeared every week. In them, Dorothy always asked her to keep his faith in her, and always wished him sweet dreams. He responded to them with reassurance, never directly asking where she was or what she was doing. He thought that perhaps she didnât want him to know. He was too caught up in the Silver Eagles and advancing to become the squadâs captain to really search for her, though he occasionally went back to the streets where they had met. He never saw her there.Â
Several years later, Nozel heard a rumour that the Coral Peacocks had a new captain. For a little while now, he had started harbouring a guess that Dorothy might have entered the Coral Peacocks, but he had been unable to prove it. This new captain had apparently advanced rapidly through the ranks due to her special constitution and magic. A strange burning erupted in his heart the moment Nozel heard the news. His reputation might have painted him as cold and stone-faced, but at that very moment, an overwhelming curiosity took hold of him. He had not paid attention to the other squads all that much, but now he gathered all the rumours he could about the previous vice captain - now captain - of the Coral Peacocks. A mage with determination, strength and peculiar character. He told himself he was doing it just for information, but he looked for a confirmation that perhaps - just maybe - it was his Dorothy. As the Captains prepared to welcome the new captain to their fold, Nozel couldnât help but keep looking at the door. He couldnât stop this strange sensation of anticipation. Then, the door swung open.Â
When a woman in pink clothes and closed eyes stepped in, Nozelâs heart forgot to beat.
Those two brilliant eyes opened, and Dorothy Unsworth smiled at him.Â
Hello!! â€ïž I am really well, my friens have dragged me here and there and I've been busy now mostly with fun real life things đ„°đ„°
It's a little sad that BWHI is going on hiatus, but I'm excited to see what you'll do meanwhile!! I was hoping to write a little longer comment on the story like you did for My Father Told Me, because I remember how happy I was when I got that đđâ€ïž
I want to request Vanessa x Finral in a complicated relationship because Finral keeps flirting with girls and Vanessa with other men and they both fight nonstop. Then they agreed to be friends with benefits but their feelings wonât let them go.
A little bit angstier piece this time! I left it a little open-ended, I hope you like it đ„°
Status: It's Complicated
Words: 1363
---
âThere will always be women flirting with me!â Finral shouted in frustration.
He held his head as if it hurt, but really he just wanted to hide his face away from Vanessa.
âItâs different if you start flirting or responding to them!â Vanessa retorted, her arm outstretched to the side as if to make a point. âYou are in a relationship, for fuckâs sake! With me!â
âWhen has flirting meant anything in this relationship?â Finral shot back, his face darkening at her words.
âSince always?âÂ
âSo whatâs the deal with that - that man in the tavern flirting with you like you two wouldâve known each other for years?â
âMaybe because we have known each other for years?!â
âMaybe you should be in a relationship with him, then!â
âDonât be ridiculous!â
Finral bit back the hurtful words that rose up to his tongue and turned his back to Vanessa. He really needed to calm down. Behind him, Vanessaâs shoulders slumped, and she shook her head a little. This was another argument about a topic that had surfaced way too many times recently. It wasnât that they wanted to argue, but for some reason, even if they buried the hatchet, someone always picked it up again. They were both sociable people that were used to being single. They were used to flirting with others. They had gotten together impulsively, and it had been a rather tumultuous decision so far.Â
âWhy did you bring this up again?â Finral sighed, his voice shaking a little.
He sounded exhausted.
âHavenât we beaten this dead horse to the ground already? Didnât we agree that we were free to reply to flirts as long as we made sure the other party knew we were together with someone else?â
Vanessa looked away with guilt in her eyes. They had promised that to each other. Only, she had not realised how jealous she was. She had thought she could accept Finral flirting in a light way, but the moment she saw it, she had seen red.Â
âI donât like it,â she muttered.Â
âBut you agreed to it!â
âYes, but I only flirted with him because you flirted with that woman first!â
âSo it was some insane revenge?â
âIt wasnât âsome insane revengeâ, I flirted with him because I wanted to.â
Vanessa knew she had changed her mind on it rather suddenly, and so her voice was snarkier than she meant. She felt hurt, and she just wanted him to hurt the same way. Even if she knew that was wrong. She shouldnât want that. Why was she being this horrible to him whenever she got angry? She couldnât admit that she was prideful and jealous, and kept digging a hole for herself.Â
âWeâve had a fairly open relationshipââ she started, but a scoff from Finral stopped her.
âWhat open relationship? I didnât even flirt with her, you just assumed I did! I thought we had a fairly closed relationship, and I wouldnât overstep those boundaries!â Finral argued.
They both knew he was lying. He had flirted with another woman, just like he flirted with many others, because that was who he was. Thatâs who they were. Vanessa had tried to make peace with it, but she couldnât anymore. She wanted him to put more effort into stopping before she would do the same.
âWhatever,â she sighed defeatedly.
Finral, also feeling guilty of his lie, didnât continue. Together, they decided to take a pause from the argument, and return to the Black Bulls. They promised to not let the others know to avoid an awkward atmosphere, and plastered tired smiles on their faces.Â
The next morning they woke up next to each other, both looking at the dishevelled and sleepy person next to them and wondering where the argument would go today. Though the conversation began calmly, it soon again erupted into a very hushed argument. Neither of them wanted the other Black Bulls to know about the trouble in their paradise. Yet the arguments were circular: they wanted the freedom to flirt, but didnât want the other to flirt with others. They were both deeply insecure about the other person. Finral not only had commitment issues, but feared Vanessa would find someone more ready for herself. Vanessa feared Finralâs commitment issues and that heâd find someone who could make him happier, someone who could make those issues disappear. Flirting with other people became the crux of this dilemma. If they could stop the other from flirting with other people, maybe they could trust that theyâd stay together - but at the same time, neither wanted to stop, because it was a way out in case there would be no commitment. It was a way of socialising that came naturally to both of them. In short, it was a mess. After another argument in the morning, a tense breakfast, and a break from seeing each other in the guise of a mission, the two decided that a traditional relationship wouldnât work out for them. It was better to take the commitment out. They wouldnât date, so they couldnât argue who the other was allowed to meet or flirt with, but theyâd still stay intimate.Â
It felt like it should have been a more peaceful resolution to the murky relationship.Â
If only it had been.
On one end, Finral found himself still anxious. The more he thought about it, the more he didnât want this break up. He knew their relationship had problems, but he also wanted Vanessa to only be romantic with him. He felt more jealous than he had before and conjured all kinds of exaggerated scenarios in his head. He had at first accepted the break up, because it felt logical: their problem was an issue of trust, which hadnât mattered when they were friends, but did when they tried to become lovers. Now he wasnât sure he could accept it. He yearned after her too much, especially since their nightly activities kept them close. Perhaps this was another situation where he was just too much of a coward. He kept trying to come up with a way to fix it all, but he wasnât a fool. A lot of the issues were because of him, and until he knew how to fix those, it would keep influencing their relationship. If he gave it time, perhaps Vanessa would accept him later on. Maybe they could both trust each other more.
On the other end, Vanessa kept to herself. She wished that Finral would have an easier time committing to her. Had she not shown herself to be reliable enough? Why would she have to change the way she spoke for Finral to trust her? No, even she knew that she couldnât put it all onto his shoulders. She was too vindictive when they started arguing, with a false need to pay back all his actions. If she had been a little more understanding, perhaps things wouldnât have escalated this much. Truly, she felt like she was the worst. Would self-blame help? What if she apologised to Finral? Would it just repeat again? She wanted to go to him and just apologize, but going back to a vicious circle of blame and hurt would just ruin everything between them. She wanted to preserve at least the little they had now. She told herself falsely that she could live with just the closeness of the other, even without a commitment. Surely she wouldnât grow bitter, seeing him with others, when she yearned to be the one he held!Â
Neither of the two really knew how to fix such a problem. Both of them still had growing up to do, but they wanted desperately to be together. They werenât incapable of change, but the timing wasnât right. The two of them, however, didnât think of such things. All they could ask from their friends and from themselves was: were they destined to be unhappy? Was there nothing to be done? Couldnât they just be together? Why was it like this?Â
Life wasnât that simple, and no answers were given to them. The two of them would have to choose on their own what to do.
I have finished writing it yesterday, but I am still making edits & proof-reading. Please be patient. It will likely be posted either today or during the week, depending on my availability đ„°
