[hanhae]

Guys, y’all should check out 2020 presidential candidate Andrew Yang. He is the only candidate currently addressing the issue of increasing automation and AI, which is a HUGE thing looming in the future. He is here to empower women, racial minorities, immigrants, LGBTQ, and poor people while also working to bring together the right and left by not focusing on identity politics and throwing hate at other candidates despite being under the Dem ticket. He’s here with legit SOLUTIONS!!! I was Sanders all the way but now fully #YangGang

[toxicyurienthusiast]

full offense but if my college professor can look me in my eyes while im wearing a "baby slut" crop top and mini skirt and explain the homework, high school teachers should be able to fucking handle a literal child wearing shorts smh

[just-shower-thoughts]

PTSD is spicy déjà vu

[hellbabyfromhell]

are you ever scrolling through tumblr and you have a thought and immediately lose it so you have to scroll back up to give your brain the conditions under which it originally created the thought so you can bring it back

[remade01-deactivated20200115]

but if i don’t have a hyperfixation i’ll die

[byecolonizer]

Love the response

[satomichi]

♥ ♥ ♥

[wayneradiotv]

me after watching this

[nge-deactivated20220127]

[trainthief]

I am so glad the peak of The Office predated the peak of tumblr bc I could not have physically survived my dash being filled with posts abt how Jim/Dwight was endgame

[iraffiruse]

[audrocur-deactivated20221128]

[catchymemes]

George-Washington.zip

[moved-strabius-strawberry]

Why is this so funny to me? I think it’s the quick little jumpcuts, and then the reveal feels like a punchline to a joke.

[ojalla]

my heart hasn’t nutted in awhile

[mysharona1987]

I feel bad for the scientists who spent years and years getting their degrees only to eventually end up dressing up rats in lingerie.

[lollydrag0n]

I feel jealous of the scientists who get to spend their time dressing up rats in jackets.

[isolinde-deactivated20150910]

who even thought it would be a good idea to put rats in lingerie

[mysharona1987]

Who are we to deprive rats of the right to be sexy?

[izzyzangwill]

Academics keep writing books about criticism despite the clear fact that things are just good when i like them and bad when I dont

[hilarioushumorfromouterspace]

[thebootydiaries]

The year is 2022. You’re driving home from work, wifey calls & asks you to get some diapers for the baby. You grab roses for her. Life’s good. She’s crying in the closet you forgot the diapers what’s she gonna do with roses idiot there’s shit everywhere this is why your parents never loved y

[thebootydiaries]

The year is 1351. You’re driving your ship home from work, wifey calls and sends you to the local store to get some rags as diapers for the baby. You grab a bouquet of flowers for her too. Life’s good. You both die from the plague

[thebootydiaries]

The year is 2020. You’re driving home in your tractor after voting for Trump, the man of your people. Your sister calls and asks you to get some diapers for the baby you bought from the Walmart parking lot last week. You steal roses for her on your way out. Life’s good

[thebootydiaries]

The year is 2068. You’re staring at the most beautiful stranger. She explains to you that she’s your wife. You have dimentia. You smile and take her hand as your grandchildren jump around the room. You’ve lived a good life. Suddenly you’re staring at the most beautiful stranger

[thebootydiaries]

Anyway I’m back on my bullshit

[thebootydiaries]

The year is 2019. Your fiancé just got you roses in your big house with 3 cars and 5 dogs. You did all this to tweet it with “We’re only 19, what are you doing with your life?” You got 5 retweets. He’s been buying roses instead of food for weeks. You can’t cook. You haven’t eaten in 3 days

[thebootydiaries]

The year is 2018. You’re scrolling through Tumblr and you see a post by none other than thebootydiaries. “Goals”, you think to yourself. Yes, this was it. What you’ve been waiting for. Your entire life has led up to this. Your fingers shake as you type your comment. “Goals.” You hit reblog as you’re trembling, the chair squeaking ever so slightly. “I can’t wait to forget diapers, and have dementia.” You sigh. “And buy a house, dogs, and cars. And…and…” goosebumps race through your entire body. “And get the plague.”