oh sugar, my sweet sweet sugar! Im so ecstatic youre back! i hope youve been good despite your work, crossie itself has been struggling with uni. and its business, but anyways im so happy to see you!
-crossienon âïž
Crossie, oh my gosh! It's been so long! I hope you're doing well... uni was a struggle for me too, but I know that you've got this!
SUGAAAAR KISSIES did oreo tell u i miss u and we must talk ab the shu au together... bc its true even if he didnt tell u. and if he did LIETENE AGAIN . also open discord đȘ
Yes, Oreo has been keeping me updated and even showed me all the Doll!Shu drawings you've done đđ I love them so much! And I promise I will open Discord uh..... now
Hello, hello! Just a little update because I haven't given up on this blog (surprise!)!!
I hope everyone has been doing well in our new year 2023, I can't believe it's already March!
I've been incredibly busy with work and trying to find a new position so most of my time has been spent pouring all my efforts into that...
In other news, I'm planning to work on the Doll!Shu AU miniseries that my friend and I have discussed in the past, and over the next few months hopefully I will actually upload something.
In the meantime, please feel free to discuss characters or ideas with me. I probably won't be publishing full fics for another while, but I am totally down for discussions and headcanons!
As always, thanks for the support! You are all wonderful people.
ME WHEN I SEE SUGAR ACTIVITY ON TUMBLR REAL NOT FAKE (also why i decided to send this as an ask here and not a dm) ive been wondering whats been up w/ you given you were away for so much everywhere, but do not worry about it, i supposed it was probaaably personal problems w/ your work and stuff â('ïœ`;)â stay safe and good luck !! and if you ever need someone to talk to yunno im always here (or well oreo may be a better person to go to but yeah) ăŒdarlingnon
DARLINGNON MY BELOVED I am so sorry for not reaching out... yes, a lot has been going on. (And I kinda forgot the password to my discord and got too lazy to send an email to reset it AHJFSHGH) I hope you've been doing well! I miss talking to you, I'm hoping things will calm down eventually at work so we can talk again <3
(in seriousness tho pls dont feel pressured abt not posting, take ur time just miss ur posts ejdjfn)
Ahh, I miss you guys too! I promise I'll be back eventually but work has been so busy,,, I have so many wonderful asks in my inbox I have to share with you guys!
Hey anon! I've been busy. Work is really overwhelming so I haven't had time to write especially with the winter holidays that just passed đ How about you?
synopsis â theyâre drawn into this daring challenge, all hoping to win. but who really has the guts to do so? [various enstars! x gn! reader]
featured characters â kuro kiryu, hiyori tomoe, shu itsuki, mika kagehira, mao isara, izumi sena, niki shiina, madara mikejima, adonis otogari, jun sazanami, tsumugi aoba, rinne amagi (phew a mouthful haha)
content warnings â nsfw, mdni. rough sex, jealous sex, cunnilingus, use of toys, penetration (both reader and character recieving), some hard dom! chara some reader, reversed role, sexual frusturation, teasing, degradation, face sitting, crack in some, fluffy sex in some, all of them being absolute whores (including me lets not lie)
authorâs note â CROWD CHEERING IM BACK TO SMUT YâALL (tbh i failed the challenge like a week in but never actually opened that up bc⊠yeah.) and special thanks to all my mutuals for the characters, lol (these skanky-ass whores are kinda⊠mmm)
anon did you read my mind I was just thinking about him and breeding?? well congrats you get a response in record time from me
Rinne Amagi Breeding Headcanons
-you might think heâll take control immediately, but no, heâs in it for the long run
-has you ride him endlessly with him just relaxing on the bed. it feels great at first, feeling his seed trickle into you, but you quickly get overstimulated two orgasms in, and realize heâs not letting you stop
-he mocks you, asking why youâre slowing down, and keeps thrusting his hips up while egging you on, to the point you collapse on top of him
-laughs once youâve worn yourself out, because now itâs his turn. flips you over onto your hands and knees and starts plowing into you
-all you can really do is bury your face into a pillow and take the endless amounts of cum he shoots inside you. Rinne doesnât care that most of it pours out, all he wants to do is make you feel absolutely filthy
I love it when anons/guests find my works and kudo/leave reviews, but given the new revelation that Elon Musk is using bots to mine AO3 fanfiction for a writing AI without writer's permission, my works are now archive-locked and only available for people with an AO3 account.
DAY FIVE - ROUGH SEX. Kanata Shinkai x GN!Reader (Originally posted Oct 11th)
Contains : Hair pulling, mentions of blood & bruises, Brat!Reader, GN!Reader, kinda mean Kanata, spanking, slight aftercare, not proofread
Word Count : 2.2k
18+ content underneath the cut. By clicking 'Keep Reading' you are knowingly reading content made for people over the age of 18. Read at your own discretion.
You expected this, in all honesty. It was the exact reaction you were hoping for, having Kanata push you up against a wall after he had enough of you pushing his buttons. The grip he has on your wrists is bruising, and you smirk to yourself as you think of what else heâs capable of behind that hidden strength of his. His glare cuts through your soul - he knows this is what you want, and he canât believe he fell so easily into your conveniently laid out bait.Â
Your chest is to the wall heâs pushed you up against, hands twisted behind your back as Kanata keeps them in between his own. Your head is turned to look behind you, right at your annoyed-borderline-pissed-off boyfriend. Giving him an innocent smile, you notice his eye twitch as he tries to maintain the rest of his composure.Â
Your teasing has gone long enough, the blue-haired man thinks to himself. That mischievous look on your face has to be wiped off - and he knows just the perfect way to do it. Kanata fists your hair, yanking your head back so he can smash his lips against yours. You moan at his assertiveness, feeling warmth in your lower belly, and he takes the opportunity to shove his tongue into your mouth. Your head swims from the feeling of his lips and the tight grip he has on you; the sting on your scalp just burns so good.Â
However, youâre not done with your plan to be a complete brat towards Kanata. He separates from you to catch his breath, before going in for more, and you take the opportunity to bite his lip - hard. The taste of iron lingers on your tongue as he pulls away suddenly, and his glare from before turns downright evil.Â
Suddenly, you find yourself over his shoulder, and the world is upside-down for you.Â
âHey!ââ You exclaim, your arms wrapping around his waist to make sure he doesnât drop you.Â
Kanata stays quiet, and you start wondering if you actually took it too far. The excitement you feel clouds over any doubts you have, however, as you realise that maybe this is the day where he wonât treat you like glass, where youâll see another side of him nobody else could ever see. The thought of him, constantly calm, air-headed, and easygoing, finally snapping and losing it makes your brain go haywire. With that in mind, one arm unwraps from his waist to raise your hand in the air before coming down and slapping his ass with all the force you can muster. The sound rings out, and Kanata immediately stills.Â
Oh fuck.Â
His hands grip your thighs tightly, and youâre sure youâll find bruises there tomorrow.Â
âOw, ow! Kanata, relax!âÂ
He sighs, exhausted and annoyed at your attitude, and opens the door to your room before literally tossing you onto your bed. At the back of your mind, you know you should be worried about the frame breaking, but his display of unusual strength sends shivers down your spine, keeping all your rational thoughts at bay.Â
âYou just have to continue being a brat?â He nearly damn growls, narrowing his green eyes. Thereâs blood on his lip from where you bit him, but itâs obviously the least of his problems - his biggest problem is you.Â
âWhatever could you possibly mean?â You smile, batting your eyelashes at him. You knew you were fighting a losing battle, but you werenât going down without a fight.Â
You feel hot, your clothes heavy on you as you just want Kanata to say fuck it and punish you for your unusual brattiness - and he mustâve heard your thoughts, because he finally makes a move to get on top of you, one of his hands gripping your chin to force you to look at him.Â
âYou know exactly what I mean.â He says before pulling you in for another painful, heated kiss. You nearly consider submitting to him then and there - after all, youâre desperate to feel his dick fill you up - but your little experiment would come to a disappointing end if you didnât continue this.Â
You lift your hips to grind against him, pathetically attempting to gain some sort of control (that you know you donât even have in the first place). The delicious pressure of his clothed dick pressing against your sex makes your eyes roll at the back of your head, but itâs still not enough.Â
âThatâs enough,â Kanata pants through your rough kisses, âyou know Iâm in control here.âÂ
âAre you?â You pull away from him, gazing into his eyes. His pupils are blown as he looks at you, and you know heâs enjoying this just as much as you are, even if he wonât admit it. âReally? Because I think what youâre doing is a pathetic attempt at dominance. Let me take over, baby.âÂ
The hand he has on your chin moves to squish your cheeks, his fingers digging into them as your lips purse out. Kanata is downright angry, and you try to kiss him, but he keeps you in place. Against your better judgement, you whine, squeezing your eyes at his defiance.Â
âLook at me.â He orders, and you refuse. âI said, look at me.âÂ
The tone in his voice is hard to ignore, and you finally open your eyes. Your arousal throbs at his words - heâs trying so hard to be mean, and god, youâre just eating up everything he has to offer. He visibly relaxes at your compliance, but quickly hardens his face again.Â
âHands by your sides. You canât touch me or yourself.â What? If Kanata thinks youâre going to stand for this, he has to think again.Â
âThe hell are you talking about? If you think-âÂ
âNow.âÂ
You know he isnât playing around. You follow his orders, hands promptly resting at your side.Â
His own move to undress you, taking each article of clothing off one by one, and he chuckles as he sees the mess youâve created in your underwear.Â
âSo pathetic - youâre seriously getting turned on by this?â You frown, shaking your head - however, you both know that youâre lying. Kanata grips your hair again, moving his head so his lips are right against your ear. From the position heâs in, his cock presses right against your sex, and you have to remind yourself to keep your composure, unless you want to seem like a needy submissive to him.Â
He tugs your hair, and you moan, feeling your hole clench around nothing. âSo youâre telling me that this isnât getting you going? You, acting like a dumb brat, and me, getting so pissed off I want to fuck you stupid?âÂ
Thatâs the first time heâs ever sworn in your presence. That told you everything you need to know - Kanata has finally had enough.Â
Here you are, laying on your bed, body naked and on display while your partner is still completely clothed. You feel vulnerable underneath his hard gaze, and you rub your thighs together, trying to stimulate yourself as best as you can without using your hands. Kanata notices this, and clicks his tongue.Â
âStop that.â He says. Your stupid smile spreads across your face again as you continue, going as far as to shut your eyes and moan softly, whispering all the things you want him to do to you.Â
He obviously isnât happy with your disobedience, as he quickly turns you around, one hand pressing your face into the mattress as the other raises your ass in the air.Â
âWaitâ whatâre you doing?!â You try to move your body, unsure of what heâs going to do next.Â
âDumb brats get punished.â Following those words, you feel a hand come down on your butt, slapping you hard as you had done earlier. The sting hurts at first, then morphs into delicious pleasure - you feel more of your arousal coming out of you, and a drop of drool starts forming at the corner of your mouth.
âFuckâŠâ You mumble into the mattress.Â
Kanata hungrily drinks in the view in front of him - your arched back, quaking thighs and red, irritated skin make his pants feel tighter, and he feels a blush spreading across his face. You look so perfect underneath him. He can see the angry outline of his handprint on your asscheek, and itâs finally his turn to smile.Â
Heâs not done yet.Â
âStart counting.â You barely have enough time to process his words before his hand comes down to spank you again, and you yelp from the shock. Kanata clearly sees you clenching around nothing, and at the back of his mind, is comforted to know youâre still enjoying this more unhinged side of him.Â
âO-oneâŠâ You mumble, your hands fisting the duvet, knuckles white from the grip you have on it. The pain and pleasure mixed together makes your brain go numb as all you can focus on is him, him, him.Â
Kanataâs hand repeats the movement, a sharp crack sounding out. âTwoââÂ
Three, four and more come along, and you stutter out your words as you finally reach ten, and youâre finally given a moment to breathe. The green-eyed man soothingly rubs his hand on your irritated ass, a stark contrast to what he had done moments prior.Â
Your arousal is practically leaking onto the bed underneath you, and Kanata notices, gathering your juices before teasingly rubbing his fingers around your hole, slipping a finger inside. Your body tenses as you finally get some kind of stimulation, but your moment of reprieve is ripped away from you as he retracts his fingers from you.Â
âKanata, please!â You exclaim, mind still foggy from earlier - youâre too out of it to remember why you had been so stubborn earlier.Â
âOh, whatâs this? Are you finally going to be good?â His tone is the lightest itâs been ever since you started this game, and you finally snap back to reality.Â
Wiping any trace of neediness, you try to gain the upper hand, rubbing your bare ass against his clothed crotch. A disappointed sigh makes its way past his lips, seeing that youâre not backing down anytime soon. With one last aggressive squeeze to your behind, Kanata pulls away, and you hear the sound of a zipper, followed by the rustling of clothing.Â
Not long after, you feel the head of his dick pressing against your hole - not penetrating, not yet, just resting there, as if Kanata is waiting for something. The silence is agonising, each second passing by feeling like a century, and you feel yourself growing more desperate - what does he want?!Â
âWhatâre you waiting forââ Kanata grabs your hips, and suddenly rams his length inside of you. You choke on your spit, the unexpected sensation making tears prick at the corner of your eyes. The feeling isnât unwelcomed by you, in fact, the satisfying burn sends a thrill of pleasure to your core, and Kanata feels you tightening up around him.Â
He immediately starts thrusting his hips, his movements forceful and aggressive, and you brokenly moan out his name, small tears leaking down your cheeks as his thighs smack against your still-sore ass. But everything feels so good at the same time - Kanata is absolutely feral. You can feel the bruises his hands will leave already forming on your hips as he continues fucking you. Your tongue lolls out of your mouth, drool leaking out of the corner of your mouth as your body moves back and forth to the rhythm of his thrusts, the bed aggressively creaking underneath you. You feel like youâre on cloud nine, eyes rolling to the back of your head as you try and feel him deeper inside of you.Â
âSo greedy, nothingâs ever enough for you, hmm?â Kanata says through his pants, lightly slapping your thigh. You whimper from how sensitive your body feels, his cock rubbing right against your most sensitive nerves, and you finally come.Â
Your orgasm washes over you, legs shaking wildly as your juices cover your thighs and Kanataâs cock.Â
âFuck, fuck Kanata!â He keeps pistoning into you throughout your orgasm, trying to chase his own, and all you can do is lay there and take it.Â
Youâre impossibly tight around him, and seeing your juices drives him to his own peak, filling your hole with his own come. By the time he pulls out, thereâs a dumb, fucked-out smile spread across your face as your body drops completely onto the bed. Kanata laughs quietly to himself, seeing that the two of you are completely spent.Â
Your entire body is sore, but you feel completely satisfied. You roll around to face your partner, whoâs already looking at you. When did he get a towel? His soft touch feels familiar to you as he reverts back into his calm state, and once heâs done cleaning you off, he gets up to put it back in the bathroom. He returns not too long after, laying down next to you, his hand resting on your hip.Â
âI wasnât too rough, was I?â He asks you, and you shake your head. Kanata visibly relaxes at your words, smiling sweetly at you. However, the gears start turning in your head as you come up with a new plan.Â
Next time, youâll know to piss him off even more.
DAY SEVEN - PRAISE KINK. Kaname Tojou x GN!Reader (Originally posted Oct 12th)
Contains : GN!Reader, fluffiest smut ever, more fluff than smut, obvious praise kink, Reader & Kaname are both insecure, angst at the beginning but nothing too heavy, not proofread
Word Count : 1.7k
18+ content underneath the cut. By clicking 'Keep Reading' you are knowingly reading content made for people over the age of 18. Read at your own discretion.
Ever since youâve known him, you and Kaname have gotten along like a house on fire. The second your eyes locked that fateful day, you knew, deep down in your heart, that heâd be important to you. When he first opened up about what he had gone through - most notably his coma - and you had been his shoulder to lean on when things got rough for him. He truly appreciated everything you have done for him.Â
However, sometimes Kaname thinks you know him too well. Your watchful eye immediately notices when he gets lost in his thoughts, his stare turning vacant and almost⊠dead. It worries you, but you choose to keep that to yourself - but lately, youâve noticed that look on his face more and more often, making it difficult for you to keep your concern for him at bay.Â
You notice that same look on one of your weekly movie nights; youâve taken it upon yourself to invite him over to your place and watch the most ridiculous things you can find, treating yourselves to your favourite snacks while unwinding on your couch from your usually-stressful weeks. It usually helps the two of you to relax, but one glance at Kaname and you can immediately tell how tense his shoulders are, the knit in his brow more obvious from the dark room casting shadows over his face. Usually, you have to coax your partner to be honest about his feelings, and it seems that tonight is no different.Â
Taking the remote control, you pause the movie, which pulls Kaname out of whatever thoughts he was having. His head turns to look at you, one eyebrow raised in question, but the serious stare that you give makes him pause.Â
âIs everything okay, Kaname?â You ask.Â
You say his name so sweetly, a soft tone in your voice - it wasnât judgemental, by any means - no, it was comforting, just like every embrace the two of you have shared in the past. Kaname notices the loving gaze you give him, so innocent and heartfelt, and he feels the walls he built crumble down. His shoulders sag, and he lets himself lean against you, forehead against your shoulder.Â
âI just feel so weak compared to others,â He says quietly, but you hear him loud and clear. âIâve lost so much weight since the coma, and I still havenât gotten it back, even after all these months of rehabilitation.âÂ
Kaname nearly cries when your fingers card through his hair, a comforting touch that he didnât know he needed. He sniffles - he knows your patience with him is endless, but he wants to tell you whatâs been plaguing his mind, and if he pauses, he might back down and close himself off from you once more.Â
âYou could be with someone strong-willed and healthy, compared to my pathetic self. My hair feels so greasy, my skin feels weird, everything is just wrong.âÂ
âOh, my love,â you coo, your other hand rubbing his back up and down, âyouâre too hard on yourself.âÂ
Kaname finally lifts his head, his yellow eyes locking onto yours. He can see the tears forming in your eyes, and nearly panics, opening his mouth to apologise, but you silence him with a gentle, loving kiss. He immediately melts into it, the feeling of your lips interlocked bringing him solace. You pull away after a moment, pressing your forehead against his.Â
âYou donât see yourself the way I see you.â You say. Your hand cups his face, turning it sideways so you can press small, gentle pecks against his cheek, your eyes closing as your eyelashes flutter against his cheek. Kanameâs face turns a light shade of red, a smile finally cracking at his lips as he gives you a quiet, light laugh. You give him one in return after pulling away from his face, and you place your head in the crook of his neck.Â
âIf weâre both being honest here, I feel the same way about myself.âÂ
Kaname stills. He knows that everyone is some level of insecure, but for some reason, itâs so hard for him to picture you feeling bad about yourself - youâre just beyond perfect to him, he canât see a single flaw in you (...maybe besides you stealing his snacks, but thatâs besides the point). He feels your eyelashes tickling his neck, pulling him out of his thoughts.Â
You continue leaving delicate kisses along his jawline, throat, and any exposed skin you can find, until Kaname gently takes your face in his hands, making you look directly at him. You give him a small grin - one of your favourite features of his are his enticing eyes, the most beautiful shade of yellow youâve ever seen.Â
âDarling, youâre the most beautiful person to me.â He genuinely says. His eyes shift for a second before locking onto yours again, and he gulps before speaking again. âCan I⊠show you?âÂ
You immediately understand what heâs trying to say, your eyebrows raising in surprise. âAre you sure? Weâve never done anything like this before.âÂ
âYes, Iâm absolutely sure, as long as youâre okay with it too.â Kaname confidently answers. You nod, replying with a soft âyesâ as well, and just as your lover goes to lower you on the couch, you press a hand against his firm chest.Â
âWhy donât you lay down?â You ask him. âLet me make you feel good.âÂ
And so instead, he lets you push him down against the couch. You straddle his waist, already feeling his hardness poke against you through your clothing - youâre not much better, feeling your underwear dampen with your arousal.Â
Kanameâs hand tugs at your shirt, a silent question. You raise your arms, and he takes it off, throwing it behind the couch and into the darkness of the room. His own shirt follows soon after, and he struggles against the urge to move his arms to cover himself up once he realises his torso is exposed to you.Â
His eyes follow your hand softly tracing the lines of his skin, sending pleasant chills throughout his body. He glances over to you and nearly chokes on his spit - the look on your face is absolutely love-struck and he has to do a double-take; how can someone as perfect as you look at him that way?Â
And then he remembers; you feel the exact same way about yourself.Â
His hands trace your curves, and he feels himself choke up at how beautiful you are. Your body stills, and it registers in Kanameâs mind that heâs spoken out loud. You give him a nervous chuckle, one hand coming up to hide your wide smile.Â
âNot too bad yourself, handsome.â You tease him, and he canât find it in himself to be embarrassed. His hand grasps your wrist, moving your hand from covering your face.Â
âI love your smile.â He confesses, and you feel yourself throb even though his words are completely innocent.Â
You lean over, trailing your kisses from his cheek to his neck, latching your lips around his pulse point and sucking. Kaname gently moans your name, his hand instinctively grasping your ass, the other gripping your waist tightly. Your teeth graze against him as you continue biting and lapping at his sweet spot, pulling away to show a developing hickey - nothing he couldnât hide, of course.Â
âSo prettyâŠâ You mumble, mostly to yourself, but Kaname still hears you, face flushing a deep red. âCan IâŠ?âÂ
Your hands are hovering over his belt, and he nods - maybe a bit too quickly, but you donât notice that, instead moving to take it off. He takes your pants off as well, and not long after, your underwear follows.Â
His dick twitches, hard and ready, and you suck in a sharp breath seeing your partner on full display for your eyes to take in. Seeing his hair splayed out underneath him makes him look angelic, the most perfect being.Â
âAre you ready?â Heâs the one to finally take initiative, snapping you out of your loving - borderline lustful - thoughts.Â
âOf course.âÂ
Your heart rate picks up as you feel the tip of his dick press against your hole, slowly lowering yourself down on his shaft. Your walls suck him in immediately, and Kaname gasps from the pleasing pressure, hands tightening their grip around you.Â
âShit, so goodâŠâ He swears - and youâre pretty sure thatâs the first time heâs ever sworn in your presence - eyes scrunching up from the feeling. âYouâre perfect, baby.âÂ
His praise shoots straight to your core, and Kaname feels your body react to his words. A rare burst of confidence washes over him, and he looks up to you, a smug smile on his face.Â
âYou like that?âÂ
You can barely speak, instead opting to give him an aggressive nod, your mouth going numb as you feel him fill you up in ways you couldnât imagine. âFuck, youâre makinâ me feel so good, KanaââŠâÂ
He nearly whimpers when he hears you moan that out, his hips thrusting up into you out of desperation. Both of you are absolutely drunk on the pleasure and words youâre sharing. You grind down on him, feeling his cock rub against your walls, tightening up as he utters more praise.Â
âSo beautiful, just wanna make you realise that, want you to knowââ Kaname interrupts himself when his dick rubs right against your g-spot, making you keen and mewl pathetically. The sensation of you around him makes it hard to stave off his impending orgasm, and his hand moves to rub your sex, intent on making you come. âPlease, come for me, please, I wanna make you feel goodââÂ
The sound of his begging and the feeling of his shaft fucking up into you finally makes you reach your peak, and you climax suddenly with a wanton moan, followed by a broken cry of his name. The look on your face makes him follow in your steps, but he quickly pulls out, cumming on your stomach instead. You whimper, feeling so empty but so good, and his essence spread on you makes you feel dirty in the best way possible.Â
Kaname babbles mindlessly of how good you are and how amazing he feels, finally coming down from his high. You collapse against him, and he wraps his arms around you, leaving a kiss on the crown of your head.Â
âLet me clean you up, hm?â He suggests to you, and you nod, absolutely exhausted. He moves to get up, but your hand wraps around his wrist, grabbing his attention.Â
Your tired eyes gaze up into his own as you give him a dopey smile. âI love you.âÂ
âI love you too.â He smiles, finally feeling content.
The wind blew through Kanameâs hair as he walked through ES Square, his eyes scrutinising his surroundings. This is the first time in years that he steps into what will lead him towards his dream, and along with that, towards you. He learned over social media that you worked as a producer - his childhood best friend had attained their dream that the two used to talk about all the time!Â
He couldnât imagine how much time had passed and how much the both of you had changed. Kaname shakes his head to get rid of the lingering nervousness that weighs his shoulders down, gripping his bag tighter. A producer was supposed to be meeting him here, at the glass doors of the tall building, but they were nowhere in sight. He was about to text them once again to let them know that he had arrived, until his eyes settled on a figure through the doors, talking to a certain blue-haired man who looked exactly like him.
âY/N?â He mutters to himself. As if you heard him, you stop midway through your sentence and turn to look through the glass doors, locking your gaze with Kanameâs. He sees your lips mutter his name, your eyes widening before you make a mad dash towards him.Â
Kaname feels frozen in place as you swing the doors open, launching yourself into his arms as you yell his name.Â
âOh my god, youâre alive! Youâre awake!â Youâre rushing your words out at lightning speed, and Kanameâs mind has just registered that youâre real, and youâre in his arms. One of his hands slips to the back of your neck and the other against your back as he pushes your body against his even more - he feels you against his fingertips and everything is so real. âHow long have you been back for?! When did this happen?âÂ
He chuckles, burying his face into your hair. His response is muffled but you can still understand him as he says, âFor a few months.âÂ
You finally calm down after a bit, letting your hold on your lifelong friend go, and you finally look him in his eyes. He smiles down at you, the hand at the back of your neck playing with a few strands of your hair. The moment between you two is broken as someone behind you clears their throat, and upon looking up, itâs HiMERU.Â
Thereâs a moment of awkwardness before Kaname breaks it, greeting his brother. âHi.â They had both seen each other previously, talking together when Kaname had woken up from his coma. HiMERU had helped him back onto his feet, but now that the both of them were in ES Square, how would things work out?Â
âHiMERU!â You exclaim - you sounded nearly hurt. âWhy didnât you tell me about this?âÂ
âHiMERU thought itâd be better to let Kaname take things at his own pace.â He explains, not breaking eye contact with him. âHiMERU didnât want him to overwhelm himself.âÂ
You nod, and look back to Kaname. After so many years of laying in that damn hospital bed, heâs skinny and out of shape due to such a long period of inactivity, but he still looks like the most beautiful man youâve ever laid eyes on. Taking his hand, you shake him out of his stupor and smile up at him.Â
âWhy donât we catch up? Iâll take the day off.â You suggest, then turn to the other man. âCrazy:B will be fine without me for a day, right HiMERU?âÂ
âSure.â He says.Â
Kaname nods, intertwining his fingers with yours. It feels natural. After saying goodbye to his brother, the two of you set off for a nearby cafe, sitting down at one of the outdoor tables and drinking in the sunshine.Â
The light hits you at just the right angle, a golden halo on top of your hair, making you seem like an angel in Kanameâs eyes. A small blush forms across his cheeks and he covers the lower half of his face with his hand, desperately trying to cover his lovesickness up. Even after all these years, nothing has changed. To distract himself from his overflowing feelings, he decides to ask you about something on his mind.
âSo, you produce Crazy:B?âÂ
You take a sip of your smoothie and nod. âYes, have been for a bit now. Everyone,â and he swears he hears a mutter of an âexcept Rinneâ in there, âhas been cooperating very well. Working with your brother has been a pleasure.âÂ
In your mind, you meant those words as a polite courtesy. In reality, working with HiMERU had been quite difficult for you - sure, he was kind and mature and a lot of things, but he reminded you too much of your friend, the man you loved desperately.Â
In Kanameâs mind, he thought that he was being replaced by his brother. Did you fall for HiMERU insteadâŠ? He canât blame you. His brother had been a constant presence in your life, unlike him. There was no way he had a chance with you.Â
For the rest of the evening, the two of you talk about everything and nothing - mostly you talking about your experiences as a producer, and Kaname talking about his rehabilitation experience. As the day came to an end, you two went your separate ways, promising to see each other the following day.Â
And so you did, and the day after that, and then the day after that too.Â
But every time Kaname met up with you, you were always around HiMERU, always standing next to him too close for comfort. He always caught you talking to him in hushed whispers that he could never catch - were you talking about him?Â
He hated this feeling - the pure jealousy he felt when he looked at the two of you together. He was green with envy and he despised it; you deserved happiness, and if HiMERU makes you happy, thenâŠÂ
âŠThen youâll never know how Kaname feels, and itâll eat him up inside forever.Â
But he canât risk your friendship, so he lets it happen. However, you know him well - too well, sometimes.Â
âWhatâs wrong?â You ask him one day, sitting back at the cafe where you first took him out to when you had your reunion. He nearly chokes as he realises you can see right through him.Â
âWhat do you mean?â He gulps nervously, setting his drink down.Â
âYouâve been acting off lately. Every time HiMERU and I meet up with you, you go so quiet or you glare at some poor piece of garbage on the ground until itâs just theâŠâ Halfway through your sentence, it finally clicks in your mind, â...the two of us- are you⊠jealous?âÂ
Your smirk nearly kills Kaname because god, who let you be so attractive and unfortunately perceptive? He tries to continue playing it off, but you stand your ground.Â
âI have no clue what youâre talking about.âÂ
âOh, câmon, youâre jealous of HiMERU and I, arenât you?â At this point, youâre leaning over the table, your head resting on your hand as you try not to laugh.Â
âIâm not-â You give him an eyebrow raise, â-okay. Fine, I am.â He sighs sadly at the end of his sentence, frowning at the cup in his hand, and your smirk drops and all hints of playfulness evaporate suddenly.Â
âKaname, please look at me.â He keeps his gaze on the cup, âplease.âÂ
His eyes snap to yours, and you smile sweetly at him, thinking to yourself that those are the exact same eyes you fell in love with all those years ago.Â
âTalk to me, whatâs going on?â Your hand rests on the table, inviting him to intertwine his fingers with yours once again. You both think to yourselves, the feeling is natural.Â
Well, Kaname thinks to himself, itâs now or never.Â
âI donât really know how to say this.â He says, looking over to your hands. âI just⊠seeing you and HiMERU together reminds me that things have changed and will probably never be the same ever again, that I missed my shot to tell you my feelings- I feel like everything is messed up.âÂ
You listen attentively as he continues, but not without giving him a comforting squeeze of your hand.Â
âSeeing you stand so close to him, I always think that it couldâve been me.â Kaname finally musters the courage to look you in the eyes. âI- I just- I want you all to myself. I want to be the one close to you, I want to hold you and spend time with you always.âÂ
The invisible weight on his shoulders is lifted as he finally confesses, but another is added as he awaits your rejection.Â
âYouâre right, things have changed and nothing will be the same,â you start to speak, and he feels his heart nearly shatter, âbut my feelings for you havenât.â
And just like that, his heart is pieced back together, little by little, and you continue.Â
âHiMERU and I are close because besides Kohaku, heâs the most mature and easy to talk to about plans of Crazy:B to. But that has nothing to do with my feelings for him- fuck, seeing him with the same colour of hair and the same colour of eyes hurt so bad because they werenât your eyes. I could get lost looking at them forever.âÂ
âTo keep it simple, HiMERU and Iâs relationship is strictly professional. He doesnât want anything with me, and I donât want anything with him, I want it with y-â
Kaname nearly knocks over his chair as he stands up abruptly and leans over the table to cover your mouth with his free hand, the other tightening its grip around your own. You blush at the sudden contact and it feels like his eyes are boring into yours, looking deep into your soul.Â
âI love you.â He says before you can even properly confess. âIâve loved you for years, I want you so badly.âÂ
He can feel your smile spreading across your face, and he lowers his hand so he can see your entire being brighten up.Â
You suddenly grab the neckline of his t-shirt, pulling him down to connect his lips with yours in a desperate and clumsy kiss - but everything is still perfect. His lips feel like they mould perfectly into yours, like they were meant to be there, and when you finally feel your lungs desperately begging for air, you break apart.Â