Little Forrest (2018) dir. Soon-rye Yim

if i look back, i am lost
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@sujin2056
Little Forrest (2018) dir. Soon-rye Yim
ominous
         self-para for the 2056 event. before the storm.
something hadnât been feeling quite right the whole day. the heat was more unbearable than usual and it had this stickiness to it that sujin didnât exactly enjoy. but there werenât many thoughts spent on it as the humidity of the greenhouse was overbearing as usual.Â
but the heat wasnât what made her feel uneasy ââ it was the chill in a gust of wind she had felt as soon as she left her place of work. sujin hadnât felt cold wind in a long time and it made her look up at the sky, just as people around her seemed to do as well. fingers were pointing upwards and eyes were widening at the rare sight: clouds.Â
hanging heavy in the sky, seemingly getting darker by the minute, the clouds crowded together menacingly, slowly making their way over the city. thatâs when she heard all mobile phones around her go off ââ beep beep ââ from all directions. it was too eery to listen to and sujin wrapped her arms around her own upper body, trying to shield herself from the sudden drop of temperature.Â
she wanted to feel happy about finally being able to see rain again, but as the first drops hit the warm asphalt, she knew that this was not going to be an enjoyable little shower.
something big was coming.
coffee break
sunny2056â:
the botanistâs field seemed as important as the rest, but as sunnyâs craving intensified, it seemed to be the quintessential answer to the worldâs problems. growing in importance over other areas of expertise, including hers. there was no need to say that aloud. to be able to maintain the green life cycle seemed an almost divine talent. her godly vision took a 360-degree turn with sujinâs idea.
âluck? what your concept needs is an influx of money,â she stated in a firm voice. of course, although tempting, sunny was not referring to the dealing business, but sujinâs plants would not mind extra water, nutrients, and whatever they required to meet basic demands. she was willing to demonstrate the greenhouse project herself and give the other woman any support needed.
âno way! if it were to happen, i would personally escort the responsible out,â the thought of an accident happening seemed like a nightmare. she could almost noticed a shiver running through her spine. fortunately, for the well-being of all, the employees of her company followed the strictest rules and procedures. human tragedies were unwanted in their perfect city.
âthe usual. i will admit that many find my routine to be monotonous,â sunny shrugged and noticed she was halfway her salad. the consistency of her days gave her the imperative time and order to fulfill what she was intended to. naturally, she also had enough, precise leisure hours to not get distracted. sunny felt sorry to let down sujin with this information.
âdo you want us to find a new cup for you, or something?â
sujin almost wanted to seem surprised at sunnyâs âexpertiseâ on the topic of dealing with ... well, spinach ââ but in dire times anything was possible. she was sure that people who werenât living inside the city, who didnât have such a âgoodâ life as them both, were dealing with all kinds of things. spinach would probably be their last concern. sujin almost made a face at her thoughts â they really were privileged humans in this society.Â
âyou seem to be quite informed about how we could build our spinach empire, which i am not sure if i should feel surprised or not. but probably not. a smart woman needs to have a plan for anything nowadays.â and sunny seemed like one of the smartest women sujin had met, surely she could make something out of any situation given to her.Â
for a moment she thought about sunnyâs words ... âmonotonousâ. wasnât everything like that? âdonât we think that monotonous life is good and healthy? or more like... we used to think that. get up early, do some exercise, plan your day... so i think youâre doing just fine. yeah, we probably all crave for a more adventurous life, but is that really it?â sujin thought. she didnât really know, brows furrowing. maybe humans are just hard to feel content with something.Â
she enjoyed the womanâs suggestion and nodded, quickly trying to finish her plate. âi would love a new cup. iâm sure we could just steal one from around here, though... right? or would that be rude? i am not sure.â
influenced truth
eunjae2056â:
  it had been a while since eunjae had a nice evening off like this, without the stress of pleasing people who were gauging him for reactions, people who were looking to find even the tiniest mistake. jae clearly wasnât the closest with sujin, but from what he knew, she was certainly nice to be around, so he genuinely looked forward to having dinner with her, getting to know her better. it was possible that they have both heard a lot about each other, but it would be fair to say they didnât know each other personally, a least not like this.
  it had been a short while since they sat down, small chatter back and forth over the food that arrived, his hand around a glass of soju as it eased the stress of the day to the back of his mind. he was careful to be friendly, though not too forward, giving her proper distance as they sat down on opposite ends of the table. he was curious about her work, but wasnât sure how to start either â not wanting to make her uncomfortable. jae knew almost everything about ju and her relationship after all, and jae didnât want her to feel judged, for it was certainly not what he wanted to do.
  so when she spoke, he perked up a little, giving her a smile as he listened intently. a small laugh left his lips when she finished, not mocking, but liking the directness of her statement. âthatâs very true. i do my best â we do our best.â he amended, not wanting to change to his speech-giving voice, because he really wanted this to be a time between friends. âitâs surprisingly difficult to get people to believe the most basic factsâŚâ a little sigh, his shoulders moved up in a shrug before he smiled back again. âthatâs the way the world goes i suppose.â
  her words afterwards made him shake his head at first, trying to figure out a way to comfort her, to ease the awkwardness in the atmosphere. it was quite understandable, they didnât know each other well after all â âitâs okay, iâm sorry if iâm making you uncomfortableââ jae tried to fix, a hand going up to his hair to push it back. âyou can ask me anything you want. iâm an open book. or we can talk about one of your interests ?â
sujin let out a small sigh, finally trying to feel more relaxed with the whole situation. eunjae seemed so calm -- his way of acting and just listening to her seemed to be calming for others as well. no wonder people were voting for him. while growing up she never thought she would sit at the same table as an important politician and then proceeded to question herself if she was able to be in this situation because of her job or only because she used to date his brother? most likely it was a mixture of both, it would have just been a little bit sad if it was because of the latter.Â
âa lot of people donât care...â, she said, taking another sip of her soju. âyou know, as long as they are not inconvenienced ââ or at least donât really see any changes, they wonât do anything about it. even if the earth depends on it.â yeah, of course, there were some people who cared about the environment and all, but the bigger part just ... cared about themselves. like everyone did. after all, she did as well on some occasions.Â
eunjae looked softer; naturally, she could see the stress of his day hanging onto some of his features, but there was a certain clarity about him. she had always deemed herself as quite the boring person, so him asking her about her interests threw her off a little, not really wanting to be that person that had to think for two minutes to even come up with a hobby she didnât even really care about.Â
she was sure that eunjae was more interesting than her anyways, so she turned the question to him â âi am curious; what do you do all day? can you see improvements already? and ... are there many angry people out there trying to dethrone you?â, there was no malicious intents in her words, only pure curiosity.
"if you could erase one past experience, what would it be?
âwhy is this such a hard question?â, sujin slurred a bit, definitely trying to not let the alcohol influence her answer. she had a definite answer to that ââ something that was on her mind often; a mistake. a mistake she tried to never think about, something that never worked.Â
putting on a bit of a forced smile, she tilted her head back, staring at the ceiling for a bit.Â
âmaybe some drunken, embarrassing ramblings... yes, iâd like to delete those from my mind so that i can lay in my bed in the evening without thinking about the dumb words that i have spoken to others.â
what is something you hold dearly to your heart? a person, an object, anything.
sujin thinks for a bit, which in itself was already a sign; in this moment of her life there wasnât really anything to hold on to. nobody she loved, nothing of importance that she carried around, just sujin herself. obviously she had her friends, but that probably wasnât the answer the other would want to hear.
âi wish i could give you a more interesting answer, but the truth is ââ probably my plants. there nothing else i put more care in, and theyâre basically always there to listen and never complain, unless they donât have enough water.â
Kim Tae Ri in Mr. Sunshine, ep 5 (Korean tv series, 2018)
"did you love him? would you sacrifice your life for him if you had to?"
  âof course i loved him.â, sujin doesnât need to think much about that question, even though her mind if not the clearest at the moment. but love didnât always equal love. and she wasnât sure why sian had been like that to her all evening. he was no competition to her, neither was there a need to have a fight about or even for hyeonju for her. but she could understand his frustration. she shrugged her shoulders as she took another sip of the beverage, enjoying the burning sensation in her throat.    âitâs just that it wasnât the right kind of love. itâs not the same love as another man could give him. and he didnât have the right love for me either. that just happens sometimes.âsujin didnât want to feel bitter -- but every time she had to be reminded of the time she had âwastedâ. obviously, she had enjoyed her relationship with the officer as much as she was able to, but it just wasnât meant to be. the major reason: their sexualities. hell, if she could just choose to be straight, she would do that, life would be much easier.    âand i am glad that he can move on.â at least it wasnât a lie. she had no resentment towards him, at all. she let her tongue run over her lips as she furrowed her brows, looking at the male in disbelief;   âhonestly, sian, would you sacrifice your life for any of your exes? probably not... right? i know it sounds harsh, but -- especially if you havenât been in love with that person. i would never want anything bad happening to him, and if i would have to give him a kidney i would, but... weâre talking about dying here. would i even die for anyone? i donât know.â
beginning as the end.
kiyoung2056â:
( @sujin2056ââ )
   there have been a lot of instances where spouses want to kill their significant other. however, it is not surprising, not in the slightest. kiyoung has seen his fair share of dysfunctional families before, his previous gang mates having wives, children â or similar relations when it comes to his acquaintances on the street. his examples may be from lower-class families, but it is the same type of relationship after all, richer or poorer, money doesnât seem to be able to solve that problem. or well⌠it does. you can solve it by paying people like kiyoung to stage your husbandâs death.
  and thatâs where he exactly steps in, having done this many times before, his alias, jax, is very well-regarded to those who have enough money to spend affording him â and there is a hint of smugness when he thinks about people searching for him rather than the other way around when he started. this instance however, is slightly different for the wife is⌠prickly to say the least. kiyoung doesnât need to like his clients, but even she looks like the mean witch from an awful fairy tale, which is saying a lot considering who kiyoung himself is. then again, a job is a job, and he doesnât mind it as long as he gets paid. a hefty amount this time too, as it is fit for a woman of her position and wealth. and since the down payment has already reached his account, kiyoung has been making plans, trying to figure out the best way to get the job done.
  the other tricky bit when it comes to this is to make sure the manâs death is going to be through an untraceable cause. stabbing, shooting, drowning and so on â are seemingly out of the table. and so is a staged accident, which is a shame really, because it is one of his favourites to execute. this time, however, he needs a special poison, and after days of research to find the best place to acquire it, he stands in front of sujinâs garden, dressed as a customer of hers rather than yi kiyoung. itâs all about playing a part after all, and from what he has gathered of the girl â he wants to make a good expression, so that he can make her go through with her end of the plan.
  he steps inside the threshold and looks at the flowers with feigned interest before he spots her, another precisely faked smile on his face â a friendly one he has perfected along the years. god, iâd be a good actor, he thinks faintly, before focuses on the goal at hand. âhi there â i hope iâm not interrupting anything. are you kim sujin perhaps ? i have heard so much about your plants ! truly extraordinary, i had to see them myself as a potential buyer.â
sujin had been tending to her plants -- her babies, as on most days. it was really not a day that differentiated itself from any other day. she had gotten up, brushed her teeth and so on, she went outside, came to the greenhouse, had her coffee and then had been doing her work. oh, how dull life was. but she guessed that almost everyoneâs life had to be dull at some point. surely enough, she would soon witness the exact opposite of that thought.Â
as she had walked down one of the rows of potted plants, checking their soil and making sure that they were feeling good. she eyed the colorful rows of flowers -- some more useful than others, but pretty none the less. as sujin took in the beauty, the voice of the stranger approaching her startled her; how had he even gotten in? she was not used to visitors in the greenhouse. she quickly wiped the sweat off her forehead as she turned towards the unknown male.Â
slowly, she took off her gloves and pushed them into the front pocket of her apron while listening to his words. a buyer? now it made more sense -- usually, the people who came by were either politicians to make sure that their green campaign wouldnât fail or companies wanting to invest. he had to be the latter. or at least something similar. and still, it somehow irked her just the tiniest bit that he even knew her first name. sujin nodded with an âmhmmâ and took in the appearance of the man: slightly older but still handsome, well dressed, but he had something about his eyes and smile that she simply couldnât pinpoint.Â
âthat would be me, thank you!â, she showed him a polite smile as well. after all, her parents had always made her be extra nice to the men in suits. âmaybe theyâll be useful to you somedayâ, they had always said. but at that point of her life she felt like that wasnât really true -- she has had enough of men in general. she took a few steps forward to offer him a handshake.Â
âand you are mister...?â, she inquired, tilting her head. a deal was a deal and her boss would be happy if sheâd make one. âhow can i help you?â
"Did I ever hurt you? Or... disappoint you?"
her fingertips traced circles around the rim of her glass. the question didnât make much sense to her â they had obviously disappointed each other. or maybe the word to describe the situation better wasnât really disappoint but rather⌠used. they had used each other for many, many things. comfort; the comfort that they were just like anyone would expect them to be: a happy, heterosexual couple. it was almost like she could not explain it at all. why they had done it in the first place if both of them knew. sujin sighed;   âno, you did not hurt meâŚâ it was the truth. however, it might only be the truth because they just couldnât hurt each other. both had different preferences, different secret thoughts and maybe even lives they did not share with each other.Â
  âdidnât we disappoint each other?â, she asked back, shaking her head lightly. âlife isnât as easy as we thought it would be, and we thought we could make it work even though we are just not⌠not made for that. we both â itâs against our nature. we might be able to find comfort in each other but comfort will never be enough, right? there are more things in life that we can find; passion, love, hurt⌠all these things we canât have with each other, sadly. so, donât worry about it. we can move on.â
"do you have... bitter feelings towards ju hyung?"
sujin shakes her head a few times. âi would never.â, she spoke with honesty. there werenât really any reasons for her to feel bitter or angry at her ex boyfriend. âno, eunjae, i really donât. he didnât do anything wrong. you might think about the fact that we started dating even though he knew... but, you know... i knew about myself as well. and sometimes you just want something to work for the sake of it. because it is what youâre supposed to do. thatâs what has happened to us. but that doesnât make him less of a good man. you know his heart is pure.â
"do you regret killing him? do you fool yourself in thinking that it wasn't you who caused his death? you're a murderer too, darling. don't forget."
and even if she thought a thousand years about his vile words, there would have never been a single right truth produced. who was he to tell her what to forget or not ââ another entitled man, trying to force his unrequited opinion upon her - nothing new to her. â28 years on this earth, listening to absurd words like these, and he still thinks that whatever nonsense he feels the need to blabber out will make a difference?â
Insta- taurusqueer (C.B)(10.17.18)
Kim Tae Ri for 2019 SPRING FRONTROW DRAMA COLLECTION
influenced truth
@eunjae2056
from all the opportunities she has had before to meet eunjae â to actually meet him as a friend â it all had to wait until this moment. it was rather late, maybe around nine in the evening, and the restaurant they had chosen to meet at was buzzing with voices and laughter. after all, it seemed like a perfect, untouched and innocent world in the confinement of those walls. a society unaffected. Â
after a few greetings and pleasant smalltalk, sujin finally decided to stop tracing the rim of the small glass in front of her, which contained soju â probably thanks to damsu once again â and she looked at the male before her. for some reason she couldnât see hyeonju in him. but maybe she just never had really seen him or herself, for that matter. sujin wasnât sure, as she herself couldnât tell, but eunjae most likely was considered as very handsome and she could confirm that he smelled very nice; fresh, like he had just gotten out of the shower â something that made her mind feel clear. it suited him. and she was sure that he would do more than well in the future.Â
with a low sigh, she brought the little glass up to her lips, taking a sip of the alcoholic beverage. âletâs get business out of the way firstâ, she said. after all, lately all kinds of people were visiting her in the greenhouse and the labs â even his little helper minji. unconsciously, sujin bit her lower lip at the thought of the woman, debating whether she should ask about the woman or not. but there were many other things that she had to get out of the way.Â
âso... what we want to do is... you promote an ecological lifestyle, we try to save the plants â reintroduce them to the climate, and then again you try to convince the people to not trample them, basically.â obviously, there could have been better words chosen, but sometimes she was just tired of trying to put everything in a fancy way when it could have been said in a few, simple words.Â
âsorry, it is just a bit weird to... meet you like this, i guess.â, she blurted out, feeling the awkwardness spread just underneath her skin.Â
coffee break
sunny2056â:
âthey are quite the ephemeral plant,â sunny sighed and expressed agreement with sujinâs evaluation of the leafy green. she managed to receive the comfort she expected from her colleague. over time, the insufficiency of ordinary foods made cooking a difficult task. in particular, if you expected to maintain a complete and healthy diet, like sunny ridiculously persevered on. it was a matter of keeping the process creative, and of not losing patience â or hope, whatever seemed more at risk in their decaying world.
the botanistâs proposal resulted in a surprised gasp. sunnyâs head snapped back at her, ignoring the bowl she was holding. she almost felt tempted to shush the other woman. instead of her brain considering the offer, it was her stomach the one analysing it. sujin was in possession of valuable treasures because of her work. tiny verdant jewels sheltered in her greenhouse. they could all grow to be on her plate in the near future.
âthat might be a little unfair for everyone else, but i will think about it,â she concluded after a moment of reflection. the scientist could deal with her cravings just fine, even if she was dying to eat asparagus as well. in the end, absence makes the heart grow fonder.
âhow strange, or dare i say it, mildly interesting. you didnât get hurt, right?â sunny took a moment to look at her hands and check for any cut. she was not a person who believed in signs, destiny, omens. however, the occurrence experienced by sujin did classify as unusual.
âsounds like a defect to me.â
in all these years growing up, sujin had never imagined spinach being such a luxury. however, she also wasnât imagining the end of the world â and when she was it was almost always somehow related to zombies or something of the like. and even in the case of the end of the world she had never imagined that the apocalypse would be over rather quickly. but in the end, it would always be the most mundane things that would be missed.
sujin thought for a moment, squinting her eyes. she then shook her head, showing sunny a bright smile; âoh, no, no... i didnât get hurt at all. it was just a slightly weird, unlucky moment, i guess?â, after all, the production of all kinds of things had slowed down, maybe this cup was just a product of either too many years of use or a cheap replacement. a defect, as sunny had stated.
âand yeah, donât worry about that spinach. iâll try and see if i can get any to grow. maybe in the end we will just be spinach dealers. just... distributing spinach on the down low.â the thought was rather amusing to sujin; even though it was just complete bogus.
as she eyed the scientist, sujin got curious about her day â the beautiful woman must have had a better morning than her, as well as she must have more interesting words to speak than sujin had herself.Â
âhow about your morning? got any plans for the rest of the day? did anyone make anything explode in the lab?â
favorite shirt
2056juâ:
He closes the door after she walks in, a little bit slower than usual as he tries to compose himself in that little fraction of second when heâs not staring at her. He knew this situation felt awkward not only for him but also for her, and it was clear for him to see it: they didnât date for the longest time, they noticed their differences quite quickly, but it was time enough for Hyeonju to learn how to read her. And he immediately thought of how heâd always hold her hand a bit tighter or wrap his arms around her whenever he noticed she was uncomfortable with something.
Protective as he has always been, he almost gives in to the urge of holding her like he used to, just to reassure her that everything is alright. But all he does is smile, walking after her when she goes to the kitchen â it has been a habit of hers, sheâd always make them coffee whenever they met. In fact, she used the coffee machine way more than Hyeonju himself. He didnât think heâd have so many memories of their relationship after the broke up, and he was so wrong.
It seems like everything in his apartment has a story with her, has something to remind him of the good times they spent together either laughing at their own silliness or in comfortable silence as they watch some random show on his tv. âYes,â he finally responds to her question with a sweet smile on his face, his eyes drifting to the plastic bag she placed on the table. âI wouldnât mind if you stole one of them⌠Youâve always seemed to like them so much.â
Even if they have broken up, even if their relationship didnât lead them anywhere other than into more confusion, he canât help but still feel affection towards her. He cares, and always will.
âNot much, to be honest. I mean, other than work.â He says, crossing his arms and leaning against the table as he looks at her. âI havenât had the motivation to do anything else lately, I donât know why. What about you, though? Howâs the work with the plants going?â
with the loud âpurrâ of the coffee machine indicating that sujin had no more work to do, she turned towards hyeonju, showing him a smile. but she shook her head lightly, a low chuckle escaping her lips. âoh no... i wouldnât be able to keep them.â it was not like she didnât want to be reminded of him. it really had nothing to do with him as a person. it was just that it was probably better getting rid of anything from others; specially if those things were charged with emotional values.Â
âbut maybe i will change my style and buy some similar ones.â, sujin nodded, turning back to the coffee machine, replacing one cup with another. âmilk?â, she asked in between, even though she knew the answer. however, situations had changed. maybe this habit had changed as well. âeven though they probably wonât be this comfortable.â
as her eyes watched the hot liquid pouring into the second cup, she thought for a moment about his words. not having motivation sounded familiar to her, it was just a feeling of emptiness, but work was pulled her out of bed every day. it might have been similar to him. and still; she felt a little bit worried about him. she grabbed one of the cups and leaned against the counter, feeling the warmth seep into the palm of her hands. âno motivation?â, sujin felt like she had to ask. she didnât want hyeonju to have any reason to feel even remotely bad. with a sigh; âi guess i have been feeling kind of like that, too. i go to work, i go home, i sleep. and i go to work again. but lately thereâs a lot of people dropping by... you know, all kinds of vipâs.âÂ
a sweet laugh escaped her again as she had never dreamt of meeting these kind of important people; at least not because she enjoyed taking care of plants. âyour brotherâs campaign, people who work with him, people from damsu, even the ceo. suddenly plants are important, huh?â, she said, her eyebrows arching. âi bet you must be busy as well.â