Chapter 1: Zuko tries to bond with Izumi as a baby
https://archiveofourown.org/works/29229954/chapters/76782611
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Organization for Transformative Works
Izumi was a loud baby, especially when she cried.
“Zuko, can you hold her for a moment? I need to get something from her nursery.” Mai shoved their 8 month old baby in his arms and Zuko freaked.
“M-Mai! You know I’m bad at holding her. I don’t even know how to get her to stop crying!”
“I’ll be right back!” Mai called out from the hall of the palace.
Zuko bit his lip and looked down at his daughter who was glassy-eyed and hiccuping, “Uhhh hi.”
Izumi’s face pinched up and she started bawling, squirming, and reaching out in the direction Mai was walking. Zuko’s heart sank.
“Please don’t cry.” Izumi wailed louder and Zuko cringed.
“Izumi please stop. I didn’t do anything.” Izumi started shoving at him and Zuko felt shame creep up his throat.
The thing was, Zuko had always been good with kids. He had experience when visiting the schools in the capital and the then colonies, Mai’s little brother, all the little Water Tribe and Kyoshi Island kids that would swarm him whenever he came to visit, and his little sister Kiyi. Zuko was just naturally kind to them, with a touch of awkwardness. He felt sympathy when they were scared or sad because deep in his heart, he never wanted a kid to feel the way he did all those years ago.
When Izumi came along, it was as if he took ten steps back. He was so afraid that he’d turn out like his Father or even worse and traumatize his own child. He’d try to hold Izumi when she started recognizing Mai as mom and him as dad but once she hit five months she didn’t want him to hold her at all.
Zuko panicked and raised his voice, “Izumi!” The baby stared at Zuko for a second , quiet. She got a look on her face that Zuko didn’t like, “Oh no. No no no. I’m sorry!” Izumi started wailing and hiccuping and Zuko felt awful.
He tried to plead with her to stop but she didn’t understand, “Izumi, I’m sorry! I’m a failure!” Zuko felt a lump in his throat as hot tears streaked his cheeks, “I don’t know how to be a father Izumi. I’m sorry you deserve better.”
Izumi settled down a bit and pouted as Zuko cried, cradling her perfectly for the first time ever. She reached her pudgy hand up to his cheek and wiped it, in a way, and stuck her hand in her mouth. Zuko stopped crying and stared at Izumi. She gurgled and Zuko smiled a bit.
He shudder and sniffed, chuckling a bit, “Hey, don’t do that! That’s gross.”
Spirits, emotions are crazy.
Izumi scrunched her face up and opened her amber, monolid eyes, smiling at Zuko. Zuko stared at her in disbelief, a half-smile creeping its way to his face, “I’m sorry, Izumi. I’m still figuring out how to be the best father to you. I promise that I’m trying my best.”
Zuko stood up with Izumi, “Where’s that thingy your mother always...here.” He picked Izumi’s baby blanket, a silk, red, blanket with a black border. He set the blanket down and laid Izumi down on it, “How do you swaddle a baby...I heard you small humans like that.”
Izumi squirmed and Zuko chuckled, “You know, you’re super adorable.” He swaddled Izumi, poorly, and tried to rock her around. It took him a bit, since he was clumsy, but he eventually got a good hold on her. Izumi squealed, which cracked a huge smile on Zuko’s face.
Mai had gotten back from the nursery five minutes prior. She stood by the doorway, watching Zuko and Izumi. She wanted Zuko to spend time with her since Izumi was always with her and not him. Firelord duties and fear got in the way of him making more of an effort.
“Hey!” Zuko cooed to Izumi, “Hmm, what would Mai do…” Zuko got an idea. He brought Izumi’s head closer to his and pressed her forehead to her. Izumi smiled which made Zuko smile. He started bopping her a bit, trying to get her to laugh. Izumi squealed and Zuko chuckled, closing his eye, “I- l-love you.” He stammered.
It shocked him a bit. How hard it was to say something that seemed so simple. Yet it made sense. The word love wasn’t something he understood growing up. He didn’t understand until he met his friends and grew up with Mai.
Him and Mai had to figure out together what love meant. When they were teenagers, they didn’t even know if they loved each other because they never had someone tell and show them it. They grew closer because they learned how to love together.
“I never want you to know a world without love, my princess.” He said in a quiet voice. Izumi was beginning to grow sleepy, “Your mother and I will try our best.” Zuko kissed her forehead and smiled, “I love you, my princess.”
“GAH! Mai! You startled me!” Zuko squeaked.
She rolled her eyes, “I was gonna play with her but it seems like she’s tired.” Mai walked over to Zuko and gave him a side hug, resting her head against his shoulder to look at Izumi.
“You know Mai, I think I’m getting the hang of this whole dad thing.”
She chuckled and said in her straight-toned voice, “I knew you would.”
