So long, farwell........ Peace out bitches!
Here it is, the end of the summer. I hope you all enjoyed following me on my crazy adventure through the world of online dating. I set out to see what this new forum of dating was about, what it was like, and how it was different. I can certainly say that I achieved this goal, and more.
I think it is safe to say online dating is not for everyone, just like spicy curry is not for airplane rides. Looking back on my experience it is clear online dating is not for me, at least not right now. As a researcher I do have to point out the limitation of this "study". I went into this without the goal of meeting a man, or obtaining a boyfriend, so that bias certainly could have influenced who I chose to go on a date with and how the date went. But despite that, I can say with certainty that my personality type and the type of partner I would be looking for right now just does not match with the dynamic of online dating.
We all grow up thinking of the fairytale story of meeting our match, telling guests at our wedding we met in the traditional meet-cute fashion, where my shoe fell off and he chased me down at midnight to give it back. Okay not really. More like he was walking blindly and ran into me and spilled his hot coffee on my new interview dress but when our eyes met it was magic. Okay not really again. But you get the picture.
I believe this kind of fate meeting does occur, despite the day and age we live in. Online dating does have a level of fate attached to it as well. Certainly you would have to be trying online dating at the same time, on the same app, happen to pop up in their feed...so there is this element too.
There are a lot of things that occur in both online dating and real world dating that are the same, of which I experienced this summer.
Chivalry, courting, whatever you would like to call it
Having to reject someone's offer to a second date
Bad sex
Really bad sex
Exchanging numbers
Having a bad date back up plan
Good kissing
Exs
Then there are a number of things that are not the same
Being able to search through a catalog of men (or women)
Knowing details about the person before the first date
Threat of stalking, rape, or kidnap (sorry but true)
Being able to portray yourself in a way which may not be authentic (purposefully or not)
Constant ego boost
Unlikely chance of running into the person again
There are a number of things for both of these categories and they can go on for days. Most of these I knew before this experiment but there are several things that you just don't truly understand until you try online dating.
First, it is exhausting. I mean truly exhausting. At first it is fun, getting a million messages and searching through endless lists of potential dates. But then it becomes overwhelming and time consuming to filter through the messages, write people back, keep track of who you are talking to and what you are saying, etc. Emotionally it gets exhausting as well. Every first date is almost like an interview because, unlike meeting randomly in person, you feel obligated to live up to your online profile or match that of your date's in person.
Secondly, the number of bad dates you go on is more than expected. Before this summer I would say that I probably never had a truly bad date. I really think meeting someone in person and getting a sense of their vibe before you give your number out or agree to a first date makes a big difference. Online, despite all the extra information you get from their profile, you still go on the date so blindly. It is very hard to truly get a sense of someone from their profile and online chatting.
Overall my experience was a mix of fun, exciting, confusing, scary, and a little scarring (remember thumb sucker? ya scarring) I don't think online dating is for me right now in my life and maybe down the line I will feel differently. For single ladies there is an underlining pressure that since we are single maybe we HAVE to do online dating to meet someone. Ladies, let me set the record straight. You DO NOT have to online date. And with online dating you are not guaranteed to meet someone, and if you do it is not necessarily "the one". Don't feel pressure to do it or try it if you don't want to. There is not much you are missing out on, really. I think even individuals who have meet their significant other can agree that online dating is a lot of work, especially emotionally. It is not all the bells and whistles it is sometimes made out to be.
With that said it is a great platform to meet new people if you've moved to a new city, a great way to get over an ex, a great way to try new things, and a great way to put yourself out there. Clearly a ton of people meet their significant others this way, but a ton of people meet their significant others in person too. It will happen, whether online or not. Don't try too hard to make it happen, with either platform. Let be and let live.
Peace.














