Scarlet letter daily @sun4eto - Tumblr Blog

The Reretun

Much like Ted rereturns to Robin repeatedly; so, do I to this blog, forgotten more times than used, but that is the irony of the human focus. But once you start writing it's incredibly hard not to come back to it again and again. In times of joy and times of sorrow, writing always provides a singular comfort of putting a piece of one's soul between the letters and allowing oneself to get lost far away from the simple pettiness of a mundane existence.

For me it has been just another day and just another cocktail for a while now and I have had this thing that i need to write inside of me. almost burdening me at times as it begs to come out but if it were only that easy, as every time i sit to write the muse seems to avoid me.

maybe this rereturn will be different. may be after all the best is still yet to come.

only-bulgarian-things

sun4eto

А дали но на дали.

Morphine

I can't be friends with you any more. I'm sorry. I'm not being an asshole about this I promise. You didn't do anything I promise. This is not your fault I promise. You're just unhealthy for me and if I don't do it now I won't have the strength further down the line. You're an amazing human being. In fact you made me feel human after ten years and I never thought I'd feel that way again. I needed you even if I didn't realize it. But you were also the person that is meant to teach me to say enough. Thank you. It hurts more than you will ever know but I have to walk away now or all of this would've been meaningless. Than you!!!!

And how scarlet it is...

Another sinus infection delightfully complimented by bronchitis but that's just a day in the life I guess. Something's just stop shocking me after awhile for I always get sick in the least opportune moment. And as the little champ that I am I went to work pulled off my shift and gave myself a pat on the back for being professional. The evening continued with a hockey game between my brilliant red men and the Rangers. The result was not exactly what I hoped for but I spent a delightful evening with my friends so I'm blessed even with a loss. Could've used a win after losing Skrtel but I'll live. Worst tragedies have happened in human history. So sprain wrist, cough, spitting up nastiness and all I take myself home looking forward to quiet 48 hours well deserved. Little did I know the plan was not going to go as I expected yet again for you know they always come in threes. My drunk room mate that brilliant blue basterd is sitting on the kitchen counter half naked as I walk in the house to which my reaction is as comical as the scene that reveals itself in front of me. "What the..?" Seemed like an appropriate question. Answer: I just chopped the top of my finger off... I didn't know if I should laugh or cry as I started taking in my surroundings. A box of bandages scattered all over the counter accompanied by a bottle of purell. Anyone that knows me even for five minutes can foresee my reaction. "Stop! Bitch I got this!" A gauze pad antibiotics past and waterproof tape later crisis was averted and I was left wondering if these things happen to me only or to anyone else...scarlet it was.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

The loss of Hope

Someone once said "The loss of Hope is the biggest tragedy in Life." I tend to disagree. Hope is a disease. It prolongs the human suffering and doesn't let the soul to die. It keeps you going even when you realize perfectly that the battle is already lost. Once the soul is dead you are free of all emotional pain and let me tell you something about pain. A broken heart is the worst pain one can ever experience yet we keep at it and suffer again and again until there is nothing left inside. Until you find yourself laying in bed staring at the wall day after day waiting for God knows what. The minutes thick by slowly as you drown in dreadful silence hoping you'd either lose your mind or life. At that point it really matters not which for either one will do. I met a man in my travels. A shadow of a man more like. He lost his children and his wife to a land mine. Watched as they perished in front of his eyes. He carried that pain with him for three decades before he finally passed on in his sleep not long after I met him. As we shared a drink and a smoke midst of the wreckage of his home he told me the story of his misfortune. I won't bore you with it but something always stuck out in my mind. "It's an incredible thing." Thing he said. "The amount of pain the human heart can take before it finally breaks." I heard later that he died for no apparent reason. His heart just stopped beating in the middle of the night. He felt no pain, no anguish. He just departed in the same dignified and silent way he lived his life. Sometimes I wish I would be so lucky for I hold on to hope as dog does to a bone. I see what is right there in front of me and refuse to recognize it, swallowing the pain again and again, never uttering a word. Note from the author: This is fictional work and it should be read as such.

The Gray area

The struggle for balance is as old as the world itself. Black or white? Bad or good? Wrong or right? It easy to get lost in between but that's where we all live in the land of in between. I struggle to be better then yesterday, smarter, prettier, funnier, nicer...It took me a long time to realize that it doesn't matter how many times you fail what counts is that you try. The insecurity of not being good enough can ruin your life. I take everyday as a test and hope that i did better than the previous one. I'm stubborn which works out in my favor most times but i still wonder sometimes if it's enough. i guess what i am trying to say is if you feel the same way i do it's alright. Better things will come. The sky will be blue again even if it really doesn't seem like it sometimes. The best we can all do is stay strong and remember doesn't matter how hurt we are and how much we've lost hope there is always someone out there waiting for us to find ourselves and then find them. Fear and anger just paralyses us and dulls our shine. Whoever you might be that's reading this if you take one thing away let that be that you are special and beautiful and worth it.

Look at this thing! It's mutant!!! #fatfrie (at Mickey's Bar & Grill)

#fatfrie

fcukyeahmartinkelly

So it looks like I may be losing my boy :( gutted is not the word right now.

It should be Glen Johnson going not Kells.

I know I’m a Liverpool fan and I support my team no matter what but they will now be losing me for quite a few games this season because I refuse to watch shit like Johnson - I will be watching Kelly at Palace.

(Still hoping it all falls through or is rumours but still I can’t help how I feel!)

lastyoungrenegade89

Completely agree!! Will be doing this too !!!

sun4eto

Don't b sad it's a good thing. He's better off playing at palace then sitting at our bench wasting his career. Plus I have a feeling we haven't seen the last of him at Anfield ;)

Breaking point

I feel this darkness growing in me deeper and deeper. I'm lonely and I feel sick. I don't know what to do about it. My head is not right and my body is starting to go with it. I've drank most of new jerseys liquor supply and than some. I fucken hate life. I just want it to he over already because I'm sure it's not suppose to be this hard and heavy. Today for a first time I actually considered ending it. What do I do?

Ranger Danger #rangerselfie #rangercrew #lgr #blueshirts #webleedblue @danstagram32 @jenn1015 @sunnyskagger (at Mickey's Bar & Grill)

#lgr #rangercrew #rangerselfie #blueshirts #webleedblue

A question that sometimes drives me hazy; am I or are the others crazy

Is it suppose life suppose to be this complicated or am I doing it to myself. The things that bother me are they really that big of a deal. Is my moral compass gone totally out of control along with my sanity. I feel like I question my life and my surroundings too much. I overthink or underthink but there has to be a balance i just can't seem to find it. I feel like i am a fraud and everyone is out to get me. Depression overlaps paranoia and it keeps going on and on in a vicious circle that I struggle to break but seem to be unable to. I see what happiness is and it an arms reach away but I can't seem to grab it and on the rare occasions that I get there in turns into ash in my hands the second i touch it. Sometimes I wonder if this is possibly a punishment for a previous life in which I have under achieved. And it somehow seems like I am the only one that struggles with those things. My head is a mess and I keep throwing the blame onto myself and my obvious lack to focus and take things seriously but then I stop and I take a deep breath and I keep going. Are we all suppose to be this miserable or is it just me. I do have some dramatic tendencies we all know this but lately I've been growing more and more afraid that it might be more than that. Am I insane ?! Is that why daily life seems so uneasy. Some days it takes me hours to get out of bed. Smiling hurts because it's not real. It's just a facade carefully designed to calm my loved once and avoid worrying them. I don't remember feeling this way when I was younger and the older I get the worst it seems to be getting...

I look around and see people that all except something and want something from me. I am sad to say that I think I possibly know four people in this world that are my friends just to be my friends rather than to get something out of it. It's so depressing. I feel like the walls are closing in and I can't breath. May be I am clinically insane that's what the problem is. I feel like Atlas and man is that globe some beast of burden...