You started a war when I only wanted peace

ryan they/them writer poet and occasionally a songwriter

[sunday-vomit]

Green and Black

Green and black A band a wear around my arm To remind me I’m never alone One day it broke And I realized I was always alone

[sunday-vomit]

W H O R E

You’re a whore of thought tempting my mind with all that shall naught stealing my happiness and light for the loving sight of the ghastly night

hiding in shadows of my mind lurking; waiting to cross the line into the existance of my thoughts You’ll be there until my insides rot

Come and go and go and come I always knew you weren’t the one A small price I shall pay Your silent tormenting shall haunt me every day

[sunday-vomit]

Yellow.

   The sky was gray, dull. It was winter, yet there was no snow. A teen lied in the brown leaves that covered the ground. Violent thoughts filled the mind. The sky calmed it. She was on top a hill with a tree whose bark was a deep, almost  black, brown. It was old and most likely dead. A single brown leaf clung on to the tree. All the others fell to the ground. There was never a strong wind in the graveyard.

    The head of the teen turned to stare said tree. It seemed always dead. Everything always seemed dead in the town.    The crunching of leaves caused panic in the teen's mind. And then bliss replaced the sudden anxiety. Her lover.    "I knew I would find you here," The other teen said. She sat next to the teen on the ground.    "...Yeah, you know me well."    "You're always at the graveyard."    "Always."    The teen turned away from the tree to looked at her girlfriend. Light blue and yellow streaks appeared from her hair.    "You changed your hair again." She said to her girlfriend.    She twirled a blue strand on her finger and said, "Thanks, I just did it. I was inspired by Halsey's badlands promo shoot and some paintings I saw."    They both smiled.    The sadder teen sat up to look at their lover. "Tell me a random artist fact." She told her.    The other teen thought for a moment and then drew inspiration from their hair. "Do you know how to tell Van Gogh's pre-crazy art from his post-crazy art?" The sad teen shook her head no. "It's in his brush strokes," Her girlfriend explained, "Crazy Van Gogh has swirly-er strokes."    She nodded.    "And they're actually two starry nights," She explained more. "Pre and post crazy. Starry Night over the Rhone is the original."    There was a pause. A long pause.    "That's cool."    "Are you even listening to me?" Her girlfriend asked.    "I- yes I- God damn it- I'm depressed okay?" The teen spat out. "I'm not always going to be happy and able to talk!"    "Vincent was depressed too, you know."    She didn't make eye contact again.    "He ate yellow paint because he believed it would make him happier. Oil paint was made with lead. That's what made him crazy." "I think you're my yellow paint," the sad teen told her significant other. A tear rolled from both of their eyes. A crow could be heard in the distance. Darkness. The depressed human then awoke in an empty bed. It was early in the morning. She was dead.

[sunday-vomit]

T R U S T

Do not trust me For I am not human I'll push you away only to drag you back Into a continuous hell Call me a monster That's what I am For I’m a living hell And trusting one is not wise

[sunday-vomit]

A W A Y

she's a liar an angel of light stay away go away she's trouble she's a stalker

[sunday-vomit]

P A I N

You hurt me

Not because you faked your love for me Not because you’re obsessed

Because you thought the best option was cheating

[sunday-vomit]

I G N O R A N C E

Do you want me to rip open my chest? do you want to see all the horrors of my mind flood out? at this rate, you will you ignorant bitch

Depression is a state of mind Not an excuse for your laziness You have no purpose That’s why you’re life is a spiral of despair

They say ignorance is bliss But not with your shit

[sunday-vomit]

B L A Z I N G C O M E T

The thought of her makes me vomit The obsession of us goes both ways One’s a hatred hotter than a burning comet The other’s an absent love of a blaze

Understanding is not found within the mind Of the naive girl’s head The absent soul’s heart isn’t as blind As the naive one’s bleeding dread

[xlluminations]

I Want

I want to be with you forever In a fantasy where that forever could last until tomorrow

I want our hands to hold Like they were sculpted to fit in one another perfectly

I want lay next to you As if this was the last moment we have until our inevitable death

I want you Yesterday Today Tomorrow Forever Until never

[xlluminations]

C R E D EN T I A L S

Give into those intrusive thoughts They only want the best for you

Death, destruction all the credentials for a sad, miserable, pointless life  

ouch.

[xlluminations]

S U N D A Y V O M I T

Lying off my bed Sunday vomit

I need the taste of smoke From yesterday’s dance To cure the ache of tomorrow

God blessed america With the hatred of people And killing ruthlessly in the streets

I shall vomit my insides out A fresh start To something dreadful

Yet I’ll stay dead For those who are

[xlluminations]

M A L I C E

A metallic taste Inside my pink lemonade

I sip as I look outside at the colorless snow All I think about is woe

Woe is me She still won’t leave

Jealousy destroys her as malice creates me

[xlluminations]

C R O W N

A deadly disease We call it humanity

All they do is frown For it is not I who wears the crown

The only crown I wear is that of thorns They ruin my pride

The crown of thorns will incase my body Causing me the pain and horror like nobody