GONÇALVES , 𝘽𝙇𝙔𝙏𝙃𝙀 . ( introduction . visage . musings . )
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@sundrifts
GONÇALVES , 𝘽𝙇𝙔𝙏𝙃𝙀 . ( introduction . visage . musings . )
♡ “ i wouldn’t , ” georgia insisted . “ you know me. you’re supposed to know me better than that. ” the certainty in her voice replaced with a desperate plea. supposed to. wanted her to. it wasn’t as simple as she made it sound, but georgia had always been heart over mind. “ i wouldn’t. i don’t. ” even with the part of her that blythe held, more than she had kept for herself, fractured — she couldn’t. “ i know how great he is. okay, i get not telling liza when she, like, hated him. or yourself if you were someone different. for the same reason. ” or pretty much anyone. “ but me ? maybe, ” she started, stumbling over her own shaky breath. “ maybe if you had talked to me about it, you wouldn’t have had to feel like that. it didn’t have to be a big thing with el and amelia. ”
amelia. a year ago. best friend . . . ex. “ and it would have been fine, “ she repeated, like if she saying it enough times would make it so. “ and maybe you guys could have actually become really good friends from it. you guys wouldn’t have had to keep being mean to each other and you wouldn’t have been mean to eliza tonight — ” this week ? timeline unconfirmed. “ because you feel bad. ” musa, however, well that was something she couldn’t wrap up in a neat little bow.
a problem for anthony, if you asked her. not because georgia was picking any side. both of them had hurt her. betrayed her each time she said the other’s name and received nothing but coldness. small, unnoticed. at least, explained away with good faith. all hitting her at once. death by a thousand cuts. but musa was anthony’s best friend. he owed him the explanation more so than an ex. “ i know, ” mumbled in response to the apology. she didn’t. how could she ? she had to beg for it, but blythe had granted her request, georgia couldn’t argue.
blythe’s shoulders slumped even further, if that was possible, as georgia’s words washed over her. the pain in her friend’s voice was a physical ache, a mirror to the one in her own chest. “ this is like the worst thing that i’ve ever done,” she confessed, her voice barely audible. “ i thought that if i felt this way, you would have to too. that you’d see me as... as someone disgusting. ”
quickly, she threw her hands up in frustration, a sharp, jerky motion that spoke volumes about her current state - she’s jumping from one emotion to the next. “ i’m not being mean to eliza because i feel bad ! i don’t care what she thinks about me ! ” the words were a bitter, angry snap, a defensive reaction to a pain she couldn’t quite articulate. “ i’m angry at eliza for lying to me. ” the betrayal was a fresh wound, one that stung almost as badly as georgia’s disappointment in her.
she doubled over, one hand clutching her stomach, which was still doing somersaults. the combination of alcohol and emotion was a toxic cocktail, and she could feel the contents of her stomach threatening to make an appearance. “ you should head back. i want to be alone when i heave. ” the confession was a pathetic, miserable thing, but it was all she had left: she wanted to be alone, to wallow in her own self-loathing without an audience.
♡ CAMILA MENDES wired
musa took in a breath, humming, "i still love you too, blythe." it was impossible not to, after all they'd seen each other through, after how in love he had been. he was afraid that he may never feel that way about someone else again. "liza and i are close, but not like that." he told her, "i've just been trying to be there for her with all this shit." and being around her made him feel better, safer, but that wasn't something he could say out loud ( especially not to blythe ) or even just to himself.
"it's not stupid." when she moved closer and squeezed his arm, he wrapped his arm around her shoulders — first of all, she was probably pretty cold in just her pajamas. "i don't think i've ever looked at anyone the way i looked at you." musa murmured, "our relationship is... it's the only serious romantic relationship i've ever been in. i don't know what love even feels like outside of a what we had." it was his only point of reference. and even if he fell in love again, he knew it would be different than his relationship with blythe. you never forget your first love, that much was true, but it was especially hard to forget when your first love was blythe gonçalves. "and, for what it's worth, a relationship is the last thing on my mind right now," he admitted, "too much other bullshit keeps comin' our way."
musa’s reassuring words settled over her, spreading neosporin on a wound she hadn’t realised was still open. his arm around her shoulders was a familiar weight, a comfort she hadn’t known she needed until it was there, pulling her back into his gravity. she leaned into him, letting her head rest against the solid warmth of his chest for a moment, her eyes closing as she absorbed his confession.
“ so what you’re saying, ” her fingers, which were now intertwined behind his back, began to trace idle patterns against the fabric of his shirt. “ is that i’ve completely and irrevocably ruined you for everyone else ? that i’ve set the bar so impossibly high that no one else will ever compare ? ” she tilted her head back to look up at him, grin wide. “ i think i might just want that on my tombstone. ”
the second blythe spoke, nic could not help the way their eyebrows raised. possibly in judgement, definitely in surprise. while nic was often not one to turn down a drink, this didn't feel like the kind of night to be drunk off your ass. clearly, whatever had happened earlier was too much, and blythe needed a bit of a distraction. "nice." nic said, watching as the plastic cup was tossed into the fire.
okay, so it was going to be that kind of night.
"yeah, seems like dionysus is favoring you tonight for sure." standing up, nic walked over to blythe and held her hand out for the girl to take. she may feel warm, but that didn't meant she was warm. in fact, she was probably the least prepared out of them all. "it's black. which means it matches anything, so you don't have to worry about it clashing. come on, we'll get it together." nic wasn't exactly the most stylish person in town, but who cares. hopefully not blythe. they really couldn't handle a text in the morning with her complaining that nic forced her into some ugly, uncle looking hoodie.
dark lashes fluttered against blythe’s skin as her head lolled to the side. a pout, plush and dramatic, bloomed on her lips at the mention of the greek god. “ ew, no, not him ! ” she allowed nic to pull her up, fingers laced through theirs with a surprising, loose-limbed trust. “ dionysus is all, like, about crazy parties and then you wake up and you’re, like, a dolphin or something. ”
“ persephone is way better ! ” she insisted, her voice swelling with a tipsy passion. “ she’s, like, the queen of the underworld for half the year, but she’s also, like, the goddess of spring ? goals. ” she swayed, a dance of inebriation, her free hand gesturing vaguely toward the star-dusted sky. “ or aphrodite. i mean, she’s, like, the literal goddess of love and looking super hot all the time. so iconic. ” her heel caught on a gnarled root hidden in the grass, sending a little tremor through her frame as she stumbled, yet she still tries her best to keep her pace. “ i like black, so thank you !!! ” the exclamation was a bright, bubbly burst of sincerity. “ honestly, if i knew this was gonna be a party, i would’ve worn something a little better… i look like a two-year-old.”
♡ “ a y — a year ago ? ” georgia didn’t really know what she had been expecting when she asked, but a year had been so out of the realm of possibility until it had left blythe’s lips. it pre dated all of this. the excuse she had been ready to give them. everyone is a little crazy right now. maybe they had been told to do it on new year’s eve like other people had been given tasks. pretty weird of tag, but so was murder ! or if it had been something they chose to do, they were under strict instructions to not tell georgia. nope ! every out she had tried to give them crumbled. “ you’re meant to tell me when you make a mistake. it’s what best friends are for. ” georgia told blythe everything. told anthony everything, too. assumed they were doing the same. had no reason to believe they weren’t. “ it would have been fine. ” maybe even something they could laugh at later, if it really had been under the circumstances blythe described.
valentine’s day, when he had taken wren on a date. georgia sat on his bed and they spoke about nerves for their first dates like they were sixteen again. how long had it been since blythe was in it ? did wren know ? it almost made georgia feel bad for being upset. until the sound of blythe’s voice saying his name hit her between the ribs. not just his name, formal like he was on trial. or someone meeting him for the first time reading his name off a sheet of paper. ant. a familiarity to it. of course, it was just georgia spiralling. it sounded no different than any other time she had said his name. “ you could have had anyone. ” the both could have. “ you’re smart. and gorgeous. and funny. you could’ve had anyone. why, blythe ? why him ? ” she had considered musa. at least, after a year and a few weeks, she had.
but georgia ? even standing in front of her, “ you haven’t even said you’re sorry, ” she pointed out, the last word catching in her throat. “ you’ve lied to me for a year, you can’t do it one more time ? ”
each word was a precise hit that chipped away at what little composure she had left. georgia’s hurt was a palpable thing, a suffocating blanket of disappointment that made it hard to breathe. blythe looked small, utterly deflated, her shoulders curling inward as if she could make herself disappear into the dirt.
“ i did want to tell you, ” she claimed, her voice cracking, “ but i felt so bad about myself over it, i didn’t want you to feel the same way. ” yeah, which is why she went back for round two ! “ i felt like a total whore and i didn’t want you to see me as that. that would fucking kill me, gia. ” the confession was a desperate plea for understanding that she knew she didn’t deserve.
georgia’s question, ‘why him ?’, echoed in the hollow of her chest. why him, indeed. she didn’t have an answer that would make any sense, not to georgia, not even to herself. but before she could come up with an excuse, the final, devastating observation hit. you haven’t even said you’re sorry. blythe’s head snapped up, her eyes wide with a panic. “ of course i’m sorry, ” she choked out, the words thick with a fresh wave of tears. “ god, i am so fucking sorry. ” the apology was a frantic, messy thing, tumbling out of her with all the grace of a car crash. “ i should’ve trusted you. ”
blythe's refusal to look at her stings, even if she had started the conversation doing the same. she doesn't understand how things got so fucked up, why it felt like everyone in her life was slowly slipping away, why some of those closest to her found it so easy to believe the worst over the truth. first, the castros with the funeral video. now blythe. who would be next?
"it's not an act," she turns to look at the other woman, a tiny shake of her head, "so is this it, then? you've just made up your mind about not believing me? nothing is going on between musa and i. nothing happened."
her jaw tightens, a subtle shift in the architecture of her face. she finally turns, her eyes finding eliza’s. “ don’t start, ” the words are firm yet quiet, trying not to draw attention. “ i don’t want to think that you’re a liar. ” she looks away, toward the other partygoers who look like they’re worlds away from blythe and liza’s drama. “ but right now my vision is, like, all shark. everything is red and i just want to bite. so trying to convince me of anything is honestly... pointless. it’s a total waste of your breath. ” blythe runs a hand through her own hair, a soothing motion. “ so, we can talk about it another time. ” in reality it means eliza’s next call will go to voicemail, the next text will sit on read. she takes a step back, creating distance. “ honestly, you should focus on something else... like maybe not dying tonight. i mean, this whole thing was thrown for you, wasn’t it ? and i’m assuming by you know who. ”
he kept his gaze trained on the side of her face, illuminated by the orange glow of the flame and the light seeping from the cabin behind them, "yeah. yeah, i definitely get that. all the valentine's bullshit and this fucked up surprise party... whatever the catch ends up being." it was enough to keep him on the brink most of the time, teetering on the edge of his fear. he felt like sometimes the stress was practically seeping out of his skin.
musa frowned and furrowed his brow then, shaking his head, "i don't think you're stupid, blythe, why would you say that?" her tone made him stand up straighter, shoulders tensing. he relented just a little, not outing what he knew or how, but acting as if he was simply picking up on context clues, "if this is about... me holding liza's hand, we're just friends." though, the words somehow felt wrong on his tongue, "we thought we were about to get murdered or something inside. wouldn't be the craziest twist."
“ it just made me feel a bit shitty, is all. ” blythe admitted, “ i don’t know... i know we’re not together and we’re not in love, but i still love you, y’know ? ” she gave a slight, helpless shrug. “ like, obviously you don’t owe me anything, but it still feels like a slap in the face seeing you all close with one of my best friends. ”
a beat of silence stretched, taut and humming, filled only by the crackling of burning logs and the distant whisper of wind through the trees. then, the smile returned to her lips. she leaned in just a fraction, reaching out to give his arm a gentle squeeze. “ it’s stupid, i know. but my brain is a mushy mess right now. ” she took a small step closer, sighing heavily. “ i just don’t think my nerves could take it if i saw you looking at eliza the way you used to look at me. ”
closed starter for @sundrifts location near the campfire
humming to herself softly, paige looked up from her small notebook towards the fire. fire was always interesting to draw. sometimes she liked to imagine it like a dancer. the flames moving in ways that were like a person across the stage. smiling, she looked back down to her page, smoothing the flames out like they were a skirt.
soon enough she began the familiar curve of legs when she heard someone shuffle near her. looking up again, she caught sight of blythe. earlier the older woman had left the party quickly, anger trailing after her that had left paige a little confused. they may not have talked in years, but there was a time they were at least friendly. she could remember the brunette’s laughter ringing through the halls of their house when the two would study together.
paige didn’t hesitate for a moment, “blythe!” she called out but didn’t yell, just enough to catch her attention. moving to stand, she closed and put her little pencil and notebook back in her small bag before moving towards the other woman. “is everything okay? you seemed unhappy earlier..”
the alcohol she’d consumed was a dull thrum behind her eyes, softening the world’s hard edges into something more manageable, something almost beautiful. she was just beginning to feel the knot in her shoulders loosen when a familiar voice cut through her thoughts. “ paigey ! ” blythe opened her arms and closed the distance between them, wrapping the younger woman in a hug that smelled of woodsmoke. she held on for a moment longer than necessary, drawing comfort from her presence. when she pulled back, her hands lingered on paige's arms, hues sweeping over her with an appreciative glint.
“ don’t you worry about me, i’m fine ! ” a well-practised lie that sounded convincing even to her own ears. she waved a dismissive hand, “ i probably have cabin fever or something. but look at you ! my god, you look frickin’ pretty tonight. ” her head tilted, the tipsy curiosity taking over. “ how long are you back for ? don’t tell me you're just teasing us with a quick visit. ”
♡ the physical tether she had kept to blythe all night snapped in one sharp move . georgia stepped back, removing the hands from her shoulders. she stared at her best friend. waiting for a gotcha ! moment. or for the actual words to catch up to her ears. to fix what had gotten lost in translation. stared until the person in front of her eyes had become something unfamiliar. the way that a word starts to lose meaning when it lives on your tongue for too long.
georgia hadn't even processed the confession before mentions of their relationships with musa hit her ears. “ he’s my friend too ! ” she didn’t have the chance to muster a casualness to her voice. the raw whine held every bit of emotion that she would normally cover with a joke. “ my friend, ” she repeated. “ mine. you didn’t even like him. ” it wasn’t the act that georgia cared about. there was another universe where her arms wrapped around blythe with a squeal. two of her favourite people ! “ i couldn’t have you guys in the same room without worrying about you guys being awful to each other. ” which wasn’t ideal when they were the only two that had been voluntarily told about her family.
“ and then you were what ? just meeting up behind my back ? ” her own words taunted her. i know everything about you. between this revelation and the fight with eliza — did georgia know a thing about blythe ? “ how long ? ” she asked, as close to a demand as she could muster in her pathetic tone. “ you guys just spoke over my head like you think i’m stupid. ” a common opinion, but not from them. “ you owe it to me to tell me how long you’ve been doing that. ”
georgia’s words were a series of sharp, precise cuts, and with each one, blythe seemed to shrink. the frantic energy drained out of her, replaced by a cold, heavy shame. her hands fell from georgia’s shoulders, limp and useless at her sides. the bravado, the drunken certainty, all of it evaporated, leaving behind a girl who looked small and lost. her voice, when it finally came, was barely a whisper, as quiet as a mouse. “ it wasn’t like that… ” she insisted, her gaze fixed on the ground. “ it only happened twice. ” she shook her head, a miserable, defeated gesture. “ first time was maybe a year ago. we were drunk and it was a stupid fucking mistake. it meant nothing. ”
she swallowed hard, the memory of the second time a blurry fog of loneliness. “ the other time was... was before valentine’s day. ” she hesitated, trying to grab onto a detail, any detail, that made it sound less calculated. “ ant told me to come over, so i did. ” did he ? or was she the one who instigated it ? in her current state, she couldn’t be sure, but this version sounded better. “ it was fucking stupid, ” she repeated, her voice cracking. “ but i was feeling lonely. and i know that isn’t a valid excuse, but fuck - i made a mistake. ”
♡ georgia watched blythe’s hands gestured towards herself rather than their general surroundings at ‘ this ’ . okay, maybe not about tag and the weird dollhouse ( them ) it seemed to be playing with. naturally the only other conclusion. “ no. ” not a scold or harsh correction. “ no, honey, no. you and musa were happy together. don’t say it like that. you’re not stupid. ”
blaming a relationship for existing in the past as a reason for pain now, it wasn’t the strangest conclusion that georgia had jumped to before. “ and, yeah, maybe it does do thing like this. it also does really great things. we’re like little puzzles. ” like she had just been talking about with william, how he’d always make smores the way charlie had taught him. “ and the people we love get to paint all the pieces. this is happening but so many good things happened too. ”
and would two of their dearests painting a few pieces for each other be the worst thing ? possibly not, but georgia knew better than to say that.
“ do you still love him ? like, in love love. ”
you were happy together. do you still love him ?
the words hit her like physical blows, each one completely missing the mark. georgia’s kindness, her attempt to frame this in the neat, understandable box of a past heartbreak, was so utterly wrong that it short-circuited blythe’s drunken brain. the sobbing stopped for a second, frozen by sheer disbelief. then, with a surge of desperate energy, blythe grabbed georgia by the shoulders, probably a tad too hard, as she forced her friend to look at her, to see. her own face was an overflowing river, a flood. “ georgia, ” she gasped, her voice a ragged, desperate whisper that felt louder than any scream. “ i fucked anthony. ”
the confession didn't bring relief, only a fresh wave of panic that crashed over her, making her tremble. “ you can't tell anyone, ” she pleaded, her voice cracking. “ you can't. it'll ruin his relationship with musa, and it'll ruin my relationship with him, too. god, gia, i don't even know how it happened. ” the words tumbled out, a jumbled mess of self-pity and terror. “ you can't say anything. promise me you won't tell anyone. please ! ”
PARKER POSEY as VICTORIA RATLIFF THE WHITE LOTUS SEASON 3
"hands full? with what?" he played dumb, having told liza that he wouldn't let slip that she told him about blythe's feelings about their friendship as of late, "like work...? i would call off work for you, if you needed me." he would do a lot for blythe if she needed him. even all these years later, there hadn't been a romantic relationship that had come close to what he'd shared with her. still, among everyone he surrounded himself with now, she knew the most about him — his brother's death, his family's inability to process things related to his brother, his crippling self-doubt and self-consciousness, some of the lies he told to climb the social strata. it scared him how much she knew about him, how much of himself he had trusted her with. those weren't things he had taken lightly and her feelings weren't something he would ever take lightly. he just hadn't anticipated that she still cared enough to be upset over the idea that he could have something going on with liza. "what's going on, blythe? are you alright?" he repeated, head tilting a little.
“ i'm fine. ” she turned her gaze back to the fire, letting the flames lick at the corners of her vision. “ just... stressed over all this shit going on. ” it was a convenient excuse, a blanket to throw over the real monster at the party. amelia's death, the messages, the constant, gnawing fear - it was all real, but it wasn't the reason her heart felt like a clenched fist. “ i just feel so wound up. like, so on edge. it's making me feel fully psychotic. ”
her attention remained fixed on the flames and the smile that had been a fragile shield dissolved completely, leaving behind only the raw, unvarnished landscape of her bitterness. “ you know, i wish you wouldn't treat me like i'm stupid. you're totally adding to my cortisol levels, babe. ”
for @sundrifts by the front stoop of the cabin
"hey," he approaches blythe, hands in his pockets, he can hear the buzz of the party behind the front door and the quiet crackle of the fire out in the yard, "are you alright? you ran out and i didn't get a chance to check on you then... i wanted to see if you were okay." of course, he knows it was due to the fact that he and liza walked in holding hands, but in their defense, they had thought they were walking into a murderer's plot. they're just friends. just like musa and blythe are supposed to be just friends these days. as if he needs more to be confused about. "y'know, that's why i came out here in the first place — to the cabin earlier, i mean. you — well, fake you — texted me and said we needed to talk." the message was cryptic, but enough to make him drive all the way out to the woods to make sure blythe was safe.
she should hold him to a higher standard. that was the truth, wasn't it ? he wasn't eliza. no, he was the one who had traced patterns onto her skin and whispered love yous into the dark. he was the one who had known the architecture of her heart, every beam and joist, the precise location of every fault line, every crack that ran deep beneath the surface. he had been inside the house of her soul. and yet, she couldn't blame him. this was simply what men did, and she couldn't fault him for being so terribly, achingly predictable.
the fire in their view crackled, a living thing breathing sparks into the velvet dark sky, and she watched it for a long moment, trying to ignore the presence behind her, a gravitational pull she both resented and craved. finally, she turned and a wry smile touched her lips. she raised her gaze to meet his, and one brow arched in a curve of disbelief. “ i'm surprised you made the trip out... i would have thought your hands were full. ”
a closed starter for: blythe @sundrifts location: in the cabin
hanging out in the cabin wasn't the most appealing of options, given that randy porter was once again dj'ing and loud music was not good for william's concussion, but... even the fear of worsening a concussion (again) couldn't stop his investigative spirit.
everything had come together. he had connected most of the dots (minus some specific involvement), and he had the promise of even more answers at the end of the night. but as someone who had always benefitted from actually seeing things laid out (thus the conspiracy board), it felt wisest to spend some time exploring the cabin that night.
of course, that also meant he needed to socialize.
finding that most of his friends were elsewhere, it was a near run-in with a glaring tilly that had him turning towards blythe. a friendly face, and someone he'd been meaning to connect with since the night of the valentine's dance. he didn't say anything at first, though, as she seemed a little busy. instead, he watched as she raised her phone (had it been on the whole time?), clearly looking for service out in the middle of nowhere. it was only when it seemed like things weren't going to work out for her that he spoke up.
"do you want me to try?" he asked, gesturing to her phone. "sometimes being higher up can help."
she had drifted through the night like a moth to a series of bright bulbs. the bonfire had drawn her in to have a mini breakdown, and then randy had tempted her with a dance, and then one tilly martin endulged in a whispered conversation about the sacred laws of friendship. now, in the quieter hum of the cabin, she found herself chasing a different kind of light: the signal bars on her phone.
she held the device against the wooden beams of the ceiling, her arm extended in a gesture that was a bit of hope, and a bit of resignation. it was a foolish attempt - searching for connection in a place designed for its absence. the screen remained stubbornly blank, a void where her instagram feed should be. a sigh, soft and almost soundless, escaped her lips. just as she was about to lower her arm, to surrender to the digital silence, a voice cut through her thoughts, gentle and observant.
blythe turned, and the frantic energy that had been propelling her all evening seemed to settle, like dust motes in a bright sunbeam. it was william. georgia really liked him, which meant by law she had to like him too, but looking at the other now, blythe thought she might have arrived at that conclusion on her own. “ god, yes, please, ” she breathed, the words a puff of air. she extended her hand, the phone a small offering in her palm. “ i was trying to upload an instagram story, but, like, i'm getting no bars… do you think that's why we're here ? so we can't call for help ? ”
𝐂𝐋𝐎𝐒𝐄𝐃 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐎𝐑: @sundrifts 𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄: the snacks table
liza has been having a difficult time wrapping her head around the whole blythe/musa situation. the more people she'd consulted (aka william and anthony), the more she'd felt validated that she wasn't doing anything wrong. musa is her close friend, he has been since their first summers home from college, and they'd only gotten closer when he returned to wrensted full time. him sleeping over didn't seem weird to her, nor did holding hands when they were walking into somewhere unfamiliar and potentially dangerous. and while she hadn't actually witnessed blythe's blow up, the look in her eye when she left the cabin told liza everything she needed to know. even before she spoke with anthony.
"i think i have some leggings or something in the car if you're cold," she says when she spies blythe out of the corner of her eye. she's studying the table full of drinks and snacks she wasn't planning on touching in a futile attempt to remain casual, maybe it was best not to be the first to bring it up. "definitely a sweatshirt."
blythe didn't turn, just kept her eyes fixed on the arrangement of snacks and red cups. the colours blurred together, a meaningless landscape. she scoffed at the mention of a sweatshirt - as if the cold was the problem. as if her skin wasn't already crawling with a heat that had nothing to do with the night air. “ i'm not cold. ” her voice was a flat line, a shoreline with no tide.
she picked up a bag of pretzels, the crinkle loud in the small space between them. she turned it over in her hands, studying the nutrition facts as if they held the answer to some of life's unanswered questions… but the numbers were just numbers. sodium, carbohydrates. nothing actually important. she finally let her gaze shift, just enough to see liza out of her periphery. “ you don't have to do that, ” she continued, her tone still devoid of inflection. “ the whole 'concerned friend' act. ” she placed the pretzels back down, precisely where she'd found them. “ but thanks for the charity. ”
— SUGGESTED FOR YOU ... BABYBLYTHE
instagram inspo for blythe gonçalves.