darling @sunficwer - Tumblr Blog

i just want to be over it. i can not tell you how exhausting it is to still be sad over you. to still sit in my room every night trying to process your lies and cringing at the thought of your love and let me tell you about the time i fell to my knees screaming about how i loved the way you broke me in half and how i would let you do it again just to feel something and i want to know how you feel nothing when i feel everything; sometimes never and other times all at once. and why do my bones ache as if i have been thrown down the stairs why can't you make up your mind you are here or you're not it is not both i promise you one day i will stop waiting for you to fix this because i know it can't be fixed and soon I'll believe it and your hands will let go and i will breathe just fine

tell her about the time you carved my name into your wrist. tell her about the time you begged me to stay. tell her you're still talking to the girl who has lips you wanted to kiss until you couldn't breathe and tell her about the girl who's heart you ripped out of her chest and how you keep it in your back pocket next to your cigarettes because sometimes you can't remember which one you're addicted to.

tell her you love me

i wish i had seen your face when you realized i was living in your lungs and that there's not enough cigarettes in the world to get me out.

e.l

you say you lost motivation but when did my eyes become such a task to look at and when did my laugh become such an overplayed song and why was my pulse not the anthem to your fire

e.l

maybe you were thousands of miles away but you were the only one who was ever really here and doesn't anybody realize that his heartbeat kept me alive more than my own and i fucking needed you

1:16am

1. you don't have to write everything in cursive when you're a grown up. 2. a lot of people are focused on themselves and are in no way concerned for you. people will see you trip over yourself thousands of times and a few will help you up, but in the end you're the only one who can move your legs. 3. your heart is your most vital organ, that's why everyone always points their gun at it. 4. a promise is a promise except when it's not. 5. you can actually feel sadness in your bones. 6. you are never too old for a night light because darkness is consuming. 7. people drift apart. you can try to reach for them, but sometimes your arms aren't long enough. 8. life moves fast and it does not care if you are out of breath, you have to keep running. 9. your beliefs taste differently to other people; take your hand out of their throat. 10. I can assure you that you will never forget the sound of your first loves laugh.

10 Things I've Learned in 10 Years

at the bottom of your ocean i realized that i can't sink if i've already sunk.

e.l

I'm not going to eat either, then. but you'll tell me to eat because you know it's so damn harmful to go too long without eating. and you love me. you love me so much that it keeps you up late at night thinking about how i am shriveling away to nothing. and what are you suppose to do when my body shuts down? you'll shut down too. but that's not you, it's me. I'm the one who sees your skeleton in a casket every fucking time i blink.

he wanted me to eat, i wanted him to stay

you told me you always took pictures of the sky because it looks different everyday and it took me a long time to realize that this also applies to people

e.l

sometimes i really hope you wake up and you just miss me so much you don't know what to do. and how dumb is that right? my dad says that false hope is the worst kind of hope. because you know what you're hoping for won't happen, but you hold onto it because you just need something to hold. and im sorry that things fell apart and i can never hold it together and im sorry that i do this but some days are just really messy and i crave you in every way and I don't know when that stops or how to stop it or maybe it stops on it's own maybe someone else stops it for me maybe it never stops i just will grow use to it. I wonder if you you ever regret it. any part of it. me, loving, leaving, hating. I hope you smile. i hope you smile and your dimples take over your whole face and I stopped making you smile months ago but please smile for me. does our song ring in your head and you tug at your ears and bounce around like you're trying to get the water out after a swim but you can't because it's stuck our song is stuck on repeat in my head. right now it's the only think keeping you here.

the text he never replied to

but that is how life is, right? they tell you that boats float, but they sink. that hearts are made to beat, but they break. reality is that you know your legs can carry you, but you also know they can't.

e.l

the mail didn't lose your letter you lost your courage and i lost my way and we both lost our grip because neither of us had much to hold on to

e.l

mothsjpg

I’m sorry that I smell like cigarettes and that I’m not with you and some days I feel full and others I feel empty I’m glad that we share the same moon it’s almost as gorgeous as you are dear

I guess part of me thought the alcohol would make me forget you, even for a moment. It must of been because I was constantly told how alcohol impairs your decisions; makes you forget how to do things. And that may be true, because it made me forget how to walk down the. It gives you this numbing feeling a lot of people look for, but it doesn't last longer than that eighth shot. My slurred words were still about you and that is what I am trying to get across here, that every thought in my head can be drowning in alcohol but your laugh is giving me a headache and my veins can't tell the difference between blood and vodka but they are stinging for your hands. tomorrow you'll still be gone and I will remember everything.

e.l

"if you love something, let it go" let it go let it go, why in gods name would you let it go? why wouldn't you want to hold it so tightly against you? if you let me go does that mean you love me? when you told me that you had to leave because i romanticize pain and breathe sadness was it because you loved me? or was it because you are a coward? because god knows that you inhale sadness, thats why you smoke cigarettes to fumigate me out of your lungs. because you love me, right? so why the hell can i not let it go? do i not love you? is this constant pit of regret in my stomach not love or what about the bags under my eyes from constant sleepless nights or my journal that has your name scratched into so many times i forget who i am you can not tell me that that is not love. so let it go.

e.l

you broke my spine trying to get to my heart so now i will always fall back on you and im scared because i can still taste you and your lies but i can't seem to tell the difference between the two

e.l

Trending Blogs

Recently Viewed Blogs

darling