All Parts: HERE (My links on the page are broken right now I apologize)
Summary: A twenty year old dancer, Elizabeth Payne, is recovering from a traumatic past with the help of her older brother, Liam. The two of them have been yearning for peace for quite some time, and when a good friend comes to live with them for the summer they start their journey towards finding it. Through ups, downs, relapses, and two albums- Liz fights through her own mind to get better.
Warnings: There are mentions of abuse, PTSD, and anxiety throughout every part. Also- mature content. One of the guys doesn’t turn out to be so great- this story is not intended to give him this image. This is all purely fiction.
Part Eight
Three days had passed since Harry and I spent a day out together, and since then I had driven myself out once to grab coffee alone and then once more with Liam beside me. Nothing more happened with Harry and I except for a few winks and lingered hugs. My brother seemed to always be around and there was no possible way to not be obvious. Harry and I hadn’t even talked about it since that night. When it seemed that Harry and I could be in a situation, my brother conveniently left the room, but nothing happened.
It was the third night after and I was laying on my bed talking to Kens on the phone.
“You can tell me again,” She teased. I was laying on my back with my head nearly hanging off the edge.
“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to bore you with it,” I cheesed and covered my eyes with my hands.
“Never! Give me some excitement in my life,” She said eagerly. I took a breath.
“We walked into the park and it was like the world stopped turning, Kens. Nothing existed but he and I in that moment. He held me so gently, and when he kissed me it was as if it was built up for years. My fear was, like, washed away and my heart just...” My voice trailed off.
“You still alive over there?” Kens joked.
“Yes!” I squirmed and smiled, “I’m waiting for him to say something about it, though.”
“So why don’t you say something?” Kens suggested. I bit onto one of my fingers and thought to myself. That was certainly something I could do, but finding the right words would be tricky.
“I’ll do it,” I decided. She told me how exciting it was, then we said goodbye and hung up the phone.
Sitting up on my bed I hopped to the floor and stood in front of my mirror. I only put on mascara today and my hair was not done, it was just hanging at my shoulders naturally. My poor excuse for freckles were popping out courtesy of the sun, and I felt good. It was the end of the day so I was lounging in a white tank, dark joggers and black socks. Nothing spectacular but I didn’t feel there was a need to change. Liam and Harry were in the kitchen, I could hear their voices from the hallway so I made my way out there.
“Hey,” My brother smiled at me. Harry smiled too, his eyes scanning me up and down. Liam was in his spot and Harry was on the end of the counter leaning over scattered pieces of paper. I peered my head between them both to catch a peek.
“What are we doing?” I asked. Liam told me it was plans for Harry Styles 2 and gave Harry the floor. I looked at him intrigued.
“Well,” He began, “It’s a plan so nothing is set in stone yet. I don’t set anything in place till the last minute usually.” Liam laughed and chimed in agreeing with him.
“Guys I’m gonna head to bed,” He said getting out of his seat. He ruffled my hair and pushed my head lightly. Harry and I both shouted a goodnight to him and he was off down the hall.
“So what’s your plan?” I stepped a little bit closer to him messing with the papers a bit. Harry looked at me and then at the scribbled writing. He told me he had written two songs already that he knew for sure would be on the album.
“Lights Up, and Adore You,” He said with a small smile, “Quite happy with them.” He spoke from his chest and I felt a chill run through my veins. It hit me hard and goosebumps rose on my bare arms.
The next moment flew by at light speed.
“Ooo!” I held my arms in, rubbing them together.
“Are you cold?” He asked, reaching for me.
“No,” I shook my head looking at him, “Can we talk?” And before either of us could say another word he reached his hands behind my head, through my hair and pressed his lips against mine. I slid my hands around his back gripping onto his t-shirt. We moved together with such greed it was clear that we were both waiting for this. He was the first one to pull away and I let out a soft noise expressing my disappointment.
“Liz,” He whispered.
“Stop,” I brought a hand around to his front and grabbed a fistful of his shirt and pulled him back in. He pulled away once more.
“Harry,” I whined.
“You wanted to talk,” He laughed, his hands sliding their way down my back. I reached up to hold his face and squished his cheeks and pecked his lips.
“This does it,” I whispered against them.
His arms grasped my body and he picked me up with ease. I shouted, surprised, but it was muffled by his lips. He carried me to the living room and laid me down on the couch, hovering over me. He placed a hand beside my head and his other was still moving up and down along my side. My hands held behind his neck and moved to his shoulders every few moments. Within the sound of our breaths and his touch I could feel a fire start to burn in the center of my body. I pulled my knees in, both of them resting on the sides of his torso. He smiled on my lips and paused.
“Talk to me, please,” He whispered and started kissing along my jawline.
“Harry,” I sighed, my eyes closed, “What are we doing?” His lips traveled down to my neck.
“We’re currently on the path to a destination we should not reach...” He said between kisses to my skin, “...tonight.” He whispered, and I sighed giving him a silent laugh I knew he felt. I held his face once more and pulled his lips back to mine and I kissed him slowly, and then did it again even slower. He placed a hand to my chest and gently pushed me down as he tilted his chin up with his eyes shut.
“Fuck,” He mumbled under his breath, teeth grinding together. I smiled and bit my lip watching him, even though I was in the same predicament. I just had the convenience to hide it.
After a moment of him taking a deep breath he sat up and pulled me with him. He kissed me once more and then pulled away completely but still kept his arms around me. We looked at each other and laughed sheepishly. His hair was fluffed up, his lips were pink and a bit puffy and his t-shirt was giving me a glimpse of the strip of skin just above his pants. My hair was a mess, that I already knew, my lips in the same state as his and my tank hung a bit too low on my chest, giving him a small taste of what was under it.
“We can’t be there yet,” He said after a minute of composure, “That can’t-“
“We can’t,” I agreed quickly. My heart was soft and I knew that was a step I had to really think about. At this point I already knew where Harry and I were, and I know that he knows I’m not ready for it, but my god I wanted it so bad.
“I know,” He whispered to me as if he could read my mind, and studied my face, “I’ve waited so long for just this moment alone.” He said softly, reaching a hand up to brush against my cheek. I grabbed onto his hand and held it there against me.
“I love you,” I whispered and kept my gaze to his eyes. His flickered back and forth between mine and he smiled.
“I love you, too,” He kissed me again and we fell into it, the weight lifting off our shoulders, complete relief, “We should go to bed.” He whispered disappointingly. I shook my head slowly. Our foreheads came together again and we shut our eyes. I opened mine up and snuck my lips under his jaw, kissing him gently. He sighed, groaning at the same time. He pushed my shoulders back with his hands and looked me dead in the eyes, his intention lustrous.
“You’re dangerous,” He smirked, “We aren’t playing that game, and I won’t let it happen.” I bit my lip, nodding my head slowly and turned my face away from him. He placed a finger under my chin and turned it back toward him. His eyebrows lowered, but his voice remained soft.
“Is that all you want?” He genuinely questioned me. My heart sank a bit.
“No, Harry!” I reassured him, putting my hands back to his cheeks. Pausing to kiss his lips, I spoke against them, “I’ve just been craving you for a really long time,” His breath became uneven as I whispered to him, “And I just want to be as close to you as I can. I want to feel that… with you.” His eyes were completely drawn into mine, and he was holding on to every word.
“Harry?” I yearned, begging for a word.
“I want to be with you,” He drew across the side of my face with his thumb, “I want to hold you, love you, take you out and show you how truly breathtaking you are. We have that connection.”
“Harry,” I slightly disagreed.
“I know,” He smiled with a small laugh, “That takes it to a whole other level of love and I want it to. When it comes from love there’s no better feeling.” My eyes parted from his as I looked to his chest.
“What?” He asked.
“I don’t think I’ve had that before,” I mumbled. Harry took his finger to my chin once more and brought my eyes back up.
“Me either,” He said to my surprise, “But I can feel it here.” His voice turned to a whisper.
“This conversation isn’t helping,” I nearly whined to him.
“You’re telling me,” He shot me a slick smile and we both fell into laughter. I glanced over to the clock on the wall. It read a little last midnight.
“We should really go to bed,” Harry said and I gave in. We walked down the hall hand in hand giving playful jokes back and forth. When we got to my door he lifted my chin and kissed my lips lingering there for a moment. I pressed a hand to his chest and pushed him away gently.
“Goodnight, Harry,” I smiled and turned into my room.
“Goodnight, love,” He said and slipped into his room leaving us both to ourselves.
-
The following week was magic. July was beginning and the sun was out nearly everyday. Harry spent most of his time during the day in the studio, and I would catch Liam in there every now and then working with him. He was creating an album and the process was in full swing. I popped in there for a few minutes, whenever they were there, and I watched them work.
Liam began to tell me he had thoughts of putting an album together as well, that Harrys process had brought back the feeling and inspiration of creating music. He explained it to me one night over dinner. He and I went out to the Italian place we had a space for ourselves in, and he went on a passionate rant. I listened, excited for him, but also felt a tad guilty. He was spending so much time taking care of me, and being there for me that I was taking time away from his true love. After that night I began to leave space between my brother and I to give him his musical freedom. I never intended to be a burden on him, and even though Kens explained to me the reasons why I wasn’t, my mind was drawn to the past few years of my life and I struggled to realize it.
With my brother's mind being taken over by something other than me, that left a lot of time for Harry and I to have together.
We never pulled moves in front of Liam, in fact we barely touched each other when he was around and if by mistake Harry's hand slipped down my back a little too far or I got caught trying to play footsies under the dinner table, Liam, I assume, pretended not to notice.
Wednesday, Harry took me out again and we spent the day buying new clothes for both of us. We came upon a thrift store and spent most of our time there. Harry had multiple button downs in his arms with hideous patterns on them that only he could pull off. I held onto two sweaters and an old Aerosmith t-shirt. Harry took it from me and held it up.
“Your style?” He raised a brow.
“Yeah,” I said confidently. He gave the shirt back to me.
“What made the change?” He asked, his hands running over the different fabrics laid out on the table in front of us. He circled around the round table as he listened to me.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Your style changed,” He said innocently.
“Oh,” I said aloud and thought for a moment, “I don’t know. I like the way I dress now,” I shrugged, “It feels the most... me.” Harry smiled.
“I feel like the past was me trying to find who I was. There were so many outside influences affecting me. Between dance and Kiera and...” He and I made eye contact when that name left my lips and he pulled a face. We both laughed, “God, what even happened to her.”
“I don’t really seem to care,” He brushed it off, messing with necklaces hanging on a jewelry box.
“Anyway,” I continued, “With the time I’ve spent with myself and the music I’ve been listening to, it speaks to my soul.” Harry smiled again and nodded, his eyes not on me.
“Who I was back then was not me,” I admitted.
“Yeah, I knew that,” He mumbled under his breath.
“Huh?” I cocked my chin toward him. He made a full circle around the table and ended up next to me again. One of his hands rested on top of mine and he drug a single finger up my arm, over my shoulder and ended on my face. He pulled his trick of turning my chin to look at him.
“I knew it wasn’t you,” His lips moved slowly.
“Really?” I shut him down.
“Really,” He shot back, his serious tone not faltering, “I know you better than you think, doll.” He relaxed and placed his lips to my temple for a soft kiss. My eyes squinted toward him.
“What’s truly my favorite song?” I asked quickly.
“Do I Wanna Know by Arctic Monkeys. You liked to dance to it,” He said without hesitation as he walked away from me toward the wall covered in old magazines and posters. I stood there in shock but then hurried after him. That was something I never admitted to anyone.
“My favorite books to read!” I exclaimed trying to slip him up.
“Anything by John Green,” He shot me a sly look. I turned away defeated.
“Try me,” He laughed arrogantly.
“Favorite color,” Speed round, I thought to myself.
“Green, although recently it’s been yellow,” He spoke without a care in the world.
“Drink?”
“Hot coffee, babe,” He turned past another rack in the store as I still trailed after him. Despite my love for iced flavors, he’s was right.
“Artist?”
“Zeppelin.”
“Sports team?” I asked, and he only shook his head knowing full well I didn’t pay attention to any sport.
“Underwear brand?!” I nearly shouted. He whipped his head around and shushed me as I bumped into him.
“First of all, I’m not a creep. Second of all, not the time to shout about your underwear,” He stifled his laughter and I giggled.
“Why do you know all this?” I asked, holding onto his arm as we continued our stroll around the shop. He stopped every now and then to hold something up in front of me, but I didn’t care to pay attention.
“Let’s just say you were crushing on the wrong guy for a really long time,” He said, “My little ol’ heart was yours.” He admitted. I sighed and shook my head in disbelief.
“Harry, I never knew that.”
“Eh, he was too pretty,” Harry scrunched his nose. We both faked a small gag at the same time and laughed out loud.
Once we left the thrift shop Harry and I strolled to Scoops for Two for their chocolate ice cream and we took a seat at a table outside not minding the eyes on us, although normally I would.
“You really liked me, huh?” I playfully nudged my foot against his leg. He took a spoonful in his mouth and held up a finger. I waited patiently as he obnoxiously took his time knowing he would irritate me on purpose.
“Yes,” He finally spoke, “I think I still do?” I kicked his leg this time and he jumped. We shared a playful grimace.
“I feel so stupid,” I rolled my eyes scooping up a chunk of chocolate and eating it, “I’m sorry.”
“Oh don’t be” He waved a hand at me, “We’re grown now.”
“Yeah,” I sighed, “But you knew me. Like, you knew me, knew me.”
“Knew you, knew you?” He teased. I kicked him again, “Oof!”
“Remember when you kissed me?” I raised a single brow staring toward him. He blushed and ran a hand across his forehead.
“I sure do,” He said sheepishly.
“That was great,” I laughed as he shook his head. We looked to each other and I knew what came after that kiss crossed through our minds, and our cheesy grins faded away.
“So much happened,” I nearly whispered.
“We don’t have to talk about it,” Harry stopped me before I started to go deeper.
“Right,” I agreed, setting my cup on the table. Across the street from us a group of teenage girls was flocking. They had their phones out, pointing their cameras towards us or pressing them to their ears speaking frantically. Watching them for a second, I turned back to Harry who only looked at me.
“You wanna go?” He nodded, knowing the answer to his own question.
A few days later it was Friday and it was a lazy day. Laying out by the pool in my bathing suit in the sun I had the radio playing music in the background. My eyes were shut and my hands tapped along to the beat against the lounge chair. Feeling my skin getting warmer and warmer I was ready to flip to my stomach when Harry came from behind me and kissed my neck, his curls tickling my chest.
“Whoa!” I jumped opening my eyes. He came around the chair and drug his eyes up and down my body.
“Mama mia,” He spoke dangerously, biting his bottom lip between his teeth. He placed his right knee between mine and leaned over me to kiss my lips in a hurry. Kissing him back quickly, I then pushed him away.
“Harry, not right now,” I hushed.
“Relax he’s working,” He reassured me and tucked my hair behind my ears kissing my jaw, “He’ll be in there for hours I just checked.” I laughed.
“Why, so you could nail me on the patio?” I joked. He pulled back looking at me offended.
“No, I just want to kiss you a little. We haven’t really done that...” He nearly pouted at me. I sat my upper body up and snaked my arms around his neck pulling him back into a slow kiss. He was right. Between him working on his album, and him and Liam working together, Harry and I hadn’t been this close in a few days even though we had plenty of alone time.
I slipped my hands into his hair and gently tugged on his curls, but not for too long.
“Mmm,” He sang against my lips. He parted his lips a bit and daintily danced his tongue over my bottom lip. My hands were still twirling his curls as I let him in and gave it back to him. His right hand behind my back slid higher and he moved it under the strap to my bathing suit. Our lips moved slowly and our breath was heavy, the both of us holding each other tighter. I tugged his hair rougher than I was before and he pulled his lips away and turned his head while I pressed my lips to his jaw.
“Get up,” He spoke quickly and picked me up just the same. He sat himself in the chair and laid back putting me on top of him, all our bare skin coming together for the first time. I let out a shaky breath and smiled to his lips, letting my hands travel to his chest. He pressed his chin forward go catch me in a needy kiss. I brought my hands back up, one to his neck and the other to his shoulder and I gently gripped onto his skin. I softly bit his bottom lip and he hummed to me, his hands gripping my hips. My knees were on either side of his leg, so I shifted my weight and put both over his hips, straddling his waist. He hummed against my lips once more.
“This isn’t fair,” He whispered and then pulled my bottom lip between his teeth a bit harder than I had before.
“Perfectly fair,” I whispered after pulling away with a smack of our lips. I pressed my upper body against his, his hands sliding down around my thighs giving them a squeeze before dragging his fingers along the line of my bathing suit bottoms. My turn to hum to his lips.
“That’s not fair,” I shot at him. He smiled devilishly.
“Perfectly fair,” He teased, lifting the seam of my bottoms and letting them go with a snap. I gasped audibly and sat up staring down to him not letting my fingers leave his body, sliding them gracefully down his torso. I was about to pull the same trick on him and pull on the strap to his suit, but my eyes shot to the back door. Liam was stepping outside.
“Shiiit,” I sang high pitched, and started to stand up. Harry sat up quickly and covered his hands in his lap looking up to me in a hilarious panic, “Few hours?” I whispered and swatted at his leg. He pulled both his lips into his mouth and winked.
“Oof, I’m sorry,” Liam took a step backwards and reached for the door to go back in.
“No!” I exclaimed, “Liam it’s okay, you can come out.” Harry looked to me in a real panic this time and shook his head for only me to see, his arms sinking forward to cover below his waist. I laughed under my breath watching him. Liam was rounding the chair and Harry jumped up facing away from him.
“I’ll be right back,” He said, waiting for Liam to turn away from him before he rushed in the house. I held my hand over my mouth covering my smile and sat down in the chair.
“Really sorry,” Liam said with a slight cringe sitting down in a chair beside me handing me a bottle of water, “Need this?” He joked. I finally let out my laughter and snatched the bottle taking a swig.
“You suck,” I teased, shaking my head.
Saturday evening I was on the patio with Harry again but we were sitting in lounge chairs across from each other. Neither of us were laying down, we sat criss cross near the edges. We spent the day swimming and sharing snacks, this time around swapping slices of watermelon listening to music from the seventies. Harry took a bite from a piece and handed it to me, bouncing his shoulders to the beat David Bowie. As he finished what was in his mouth he watched me take my bite. It was way messier than I expected, and I jumped as the juice dripped onto my chest and onto my legs.
“Oh no!” I shouted, trying to scoop it up with my finger. I got some of it and licked it off, tried again, but ended up pushing it around more, “Ugh,” I groaned looking at Harry who was staring, his jaw open a bit. I raised an eyebrow and smirked.
“What?” I asked purely.
“That was sexy,” He didn’t hesitate. Taken by surprise, my jaw fell open next.
“Styles,” I sang, dragging it out, “Really?” I spoke quietly with a motive in mind. I bit into the piece again and quickly brought a finger up to catch the juice off my chin and placed my finger in my mouth, pulling it out slowly, maintaining my gaze on Harry.
“Don’t start,” His stare didn’t change, instead his voice turned stern. I broke a piece of watermelon off with my teeth and held it there for a second before pursing my lips to pull it in.
“Mmm,” I hummed, closing my eyes to enjoy it. I tilted my head back and ate it slow. Opening my eyes to look back at him, I licked my lips and smiled.
“Want some?” I asked innocently on purpose and held out the slice back to him. He sat forward and grabbed it back with force, shook his head and sat back taking a harsh bite from it.
“You kill me,” He mumbled with his mouth still full. I bat my eyelashes.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I teased, shrugging my shoulders.
Sunday morning I got ready at my mirror in my bedroom. Kens and I were getting together soon and I was happy. I hadn’t seen her in days and we’d only talked a few times since our last meeting.
Pulling my hair in a bun my heart sank to my stomach. On the left side of my neck close to my ear I found a purple spot and pressed a hand to my forehead.
Harry knew better, it was something we didn’t do. Last night by the pool was incredibly heated. It must've surpassed our thinking, yet we were still weary of taking it too far.
I showered last night and everything, I thought to myself, how could I not have seen it then. Pulling open a drawer in my table I grabbed the concealer I never wore anymore and covered it the best I could, but that sucker was dark, so I had to wear my hair down.
I left the house around eleven taking the car keys from Liam. He told me every time how proud he was of me for going out by myself. I smiled at him and said goodbye.
Walking out to the car I couldn’t help but feel a bit discouraged. Since my thing with Harry started I hadn’t felt the need to have constant validation anymore and when I got it from Liam, only from Liam now, I was reminded of my truth.
“At this point now I feel almost like a child,” I explained to Kens as she listened to my feelings on Liam, “I get why he does it, but all this week barely seeing him because of his work, I feel like he’s not seeing me.” I emphasized the ‘me’. Kens bobbed her head, her strawberry blonde hair brushing against her shoulders. We sat in the coffee shop across from one another.
“So you haven’t talked to him about it,” She stated, “Maybe it’s time to.”
“But how?” I asked, “He’s my brother. He’s always going to worry no matter what, and we’ve been attached to each other for years now. The space is strange to me, it feels good, but I don't want him to be upset.”
“If it’s a part of your...” She steered away from the word recovery, and she didn’t even need to say it. I already knew what she meant, “He’ll understand. This is a growing process for you both. You’ve become accustomed to this life now, but it’s time to take the next step.”
I looked down at my coffee and took a deep breath.
“Speaking of taking the next step,” I began. Kens tilted her chin to the side in question. I only brought my eyes up to look at her.
“You’ve been having a good time with Harry, yeah?” A smile creeped to her face.
“How’d you guess?” I scoffed under my breath and faced her completely. She raised her eyebrows and tapped the side of her neck. My hand shot up covering the spot on mine.
“I covered it!” I defended myself.
“I’m a mother,” She giggled, “Nothing gets by me anymore.”
“I used to be a pro at covering them,” I rolled my eyes and pulled my hair further over my shoulders. I then remembered what else I used to be good at covering up, “I guess I’ve lost my touch.” I shook my head looking away from Kens.
“That’s a good thing,” She said sternly, placing a hand on the table toward me.
She was right. Forgetting how to cover marks on my skin, forgetting the clothes I had to wear and the way I had to act was a step I never thought I’d reach. I gave her a soft smile and changed the subject.
“There’s one thing I don’t know if I’m ready to do,” I said quietly, afraid to speak too loud about it. This topic was never easy for me to talk about with someone who wasn’t on the receiving end of it. Kens squinted her eyes at me.
“I know what you’re about to say,” She took the floor from me, saving me the scared feeling, “Have you talked about it with him?”
“Yes, we have multiple times and we’re on the same page,” I watched her shoulders relax as if she was waiting for a different answer, “He and I both know it can’t happen until I’m sure I’ll be okay.” My hands gripped onto my cup tight, Kens’ eyes flickering from them to my eyes. She and I have talked about the past and this same topic. There were plenty of great times, but in the end they were all horrible. Moments a girl should never have to endure.
“I know why you think you won’t be,” She said, “One situation, Harry is smart. Second situation, I’m sure he wouldn’t treat you in that way.”
Three years ago I was a few months into my last relationship. We were about to leave the country when I realized how late I was. At eighteen my brain didn’t understand the details of it yet and he and I both assumed the worst without having answers. When it turned out to just be a scare we were relieved, but stayed jumpy for days after. Months after, those moments that were supposed to mean something took a sharp turn and became something I didn’t want to experience. Nights of saying no, but dealing with it anyway.
“I know he wouldn’t either,” I agreed, “It’s just the last time I did it, it was terrible. I was crying,” I closed my eyes and cringed, “I hid it so he wouldn’t see.” Kens reached out and put her hands on top of mine. We sat in silence for as long as I needed it.
Summary: A twenty year old dancer, Elizabeth Payne, is recovering from a traumatic past with the help of her older brother, Liam. The two of them have been yearning for peace for quite some time, and when a good friend comes to live with them for the summer they start their journey towards finding it. Through ups, downs, relapses, and two albums- Liz fights through her own mind to get better.
Warnings: There are mentions of abuse, PTSD, and anxiety throughout every part. Also- mature content. One of the guys doesn’t turn out to be so great- this story is not intended to give him this image. This is all purely fiction.
Part Seven
Laying down across my couch the tv played meaningless sitcoms as I scrolled through my phone. Twitter was alive as I interacted with some of my fans, and I watched the trending hashtags closely like I usually did.
Some people were tweeting questions about my sister, about my sister and Harry and about my sister again.
Her name hadn’t been out in the world this huge since it happened. She was posted all over social media, her face across nearly every magazine in the world with trashy articles written about her left and right. There were a few that steered away from it and supported her, and I personally reached out to those companies to thank them and to help them work on any future projects.
Now that Elizabeth had been spotted three times in the same month, the world didn’t know how to act.
What happened to my sister didn’t die down until a year after it happened. She went into hiding, we put her into hiding, and made sure she was completely out of the public eye.
A new tweet popped up to the top of my feed.
@julesstevens798: your sister sure knows how to run through your group of friends huh. #liampayneqanda
I stared at it for a moment and watched as a few replies followed it.
@onedxalways54: Shut up!!! U dont know her or them!! Leave her alone. She went through serious shit.
@julesstevens798: so she gets to whore around again with another one direction guy?! seems messed up to me. isnt she fucked up in the head anyway!?
I wanted to block her and throw my phone away, but instead I refreshed the page. Torturing myself some more.
@camcam_ryannn: @julesstevens798 And Harrys entire album was about Kendall who are we kidding. One D Always can shut her mouth. Harrys just looking for a fuck. #liampayneqanda
@julesstevens798: @camcam_ryannn and easiest way to get it is to use someone mentally unstable!!!! LOL!!!!
@camcam_ryannn: @julesstevens798 I bet she knows what shes doing too. How long has it been shes had sex am I right?!?!?
@julesstevens789: @camcam_ryannn lol girl, who knows where shes been and who shes been with!!!! they probably all slept with her when she lived with them before!!! probably why she moved in!!!
I stopped myself from reading the thread between those two girls and tossed my phone to the side. I buried my face into my hands and let out a scream. Something I could only do when I was completely alone. My heart was on fire and I could feel it through my entire body. I jumped up and paced around my living room. I tried reminding myself that those people online really have no idea what they’re talking about. They don’t know what's on the inside. They don’t know how many nights I held my sister as she cried herself to sleep.
How two years ago I found her lying on my kitchen floor in a ball screaming that she did this to herself with tears streaming down her face. I couldn’t get her up on my own, I could barely hold myself together. I knew I had to for her sake, so I called Harry. By the time he got to my house Elizabeth was sitting up with her face against my kitchen cabinets still sobbing as I tried to hold onto her. Harry ran through the front door, leaving it open behind him, and threw himself to the ground in front of her. He tried to grab onto her hands and she fought him away.
“Don’t touch me!” She shouted at him, “Don’t come near me!” Harry sat back and watched her. He looked all over her and closed his eyes.
“Elizabeth,” He said in a soft voice. She didn’t acknowledge him, “Elizabeth.” He said again, opening his eyes.
“Stop!” She shouted covering her ears. I sat back leaning against the cabinet next her and covered my face trying my hardest to hold back my tears. “Go away,” She demanded, “Go!”
“I’m not leaving,” Harry said in the same tone he spoke in before.
“Please! Leave!” She shouted, sliding her body down to lay completely on the floor where she was before. “You shouldn’t be here,” Her voice got quiet but still she cried. I looked up to Harry who was looking at me with a sad expression and he quickly returned his attention to my sister. “I shouldn’t be here,” She said quickly and stopped her crying abruptly.
“What are you talking about?” Harry asked, maintaining his gentle voice. Normally I could handle myself in a situation like this, but it never got this bad. My hands were shaking as I sat beside my sister unable to comfort her. She sat up and glanced around the room, not looking at me or Harry.
“I shouldn’t be here,” She whispered. Her lips were red, her eyes were bloodshot and her skin was pale and washed out. Her cheeks were stained with tears and her hair was in the same bun it's been in for weeks. It’d been a month since we’d been home from the tour.
“I don’t... deserve this,” Her hands started to shake. She tucked her knees into her chest, “I don’t deserve him, he’s so much better without me. I ruined his life. I don’t deserve to be here, to have you or anyone,” She looked to me with sad eyes, “Why is life worth it, why should I even try?” I reached over to hold onto her hands a bit too fast and she flinched, jumping away, pinning herself to the cabinet with a crash. She stared at me with her eyes wide open. My hands, still out in the air, fell to my lap and I cried.
“I’m not going to hurt you,” I said clearly, “You know me, you know who I am. I’m not going to hurt you.” She stared at me, her eyes still wide, and she watched me cry. We sat that way for a minute.
“No,” She said and swiftly stood up and hurried away from the both of us. Harry jumped up and chased after her. I took a deep breath and got up to follow them. When I turned into the bathroom where they were, Harry had my sister in his arms. He had his back pressed against the shower with Elizabeth facing away from him sobbing into her arms mumbling something I couldn’t even understand. Harry, still somehow staying strong, nodded at me and closed his eyes for a second.
“We have to take her,” He whispered and she sobbed again clearly shouting and disagreeing with him into her arms. I let more tears fall, swallowed my pride and left to grab the car keys.
Harry carried her out to the car clearly strong enough to resist her fighting and he held her against him in the backseat. No one spoke until the car was in park. Liz had stopped crying and uncovered her face to look at Harry. He gave her a soft smile. She sat up, looked out the window and let out a staggered breath.
“You should just leave me here,” She sniffled and wiped her face with her sleeves.
“We won’t be doing that,” Harry said firmly. She looked at him, then to me, then to Harry and began to cry again.
“Come on,” She fell back toward his chest and with that we brought her out of the car and into the hospital and stayed with her there overnight.
I fell back into the sofa and sunk into the cushions directing my attention to the TV. I did tap on my phone once to check the time. It read 8:07. I frowned at it, crossed my arms over my chest and looked at the TV again. Tapping my right foot against the floor I did my best to fight the urge of calling Harry. He and my sister had been out since about 10 o’clock this morning. He told me they’d be home before the sunset, but that timeframe was quickly coming to a close. I hadn’t heard from either of them all day. I had actually planned for nothing to do for the sole purpose of being free to answer my sister's calls, but I assume she’s fine. The moment I reached for my phone ready to call him, the front door swung open. Harry waltzed in with my sister under his arm and they were laughing. I watched them quietly. Elizabeth twisted herself around and wrapped her arms around Harry's back, her face in line with his chest. He was incredibly taller than her. Her chin was tilted up and she was smiling at him. His arms fell around her as he smiled back and touched his forehead to hers. He whispered something to her and she blushed. He whispered to her again and she grinned. Their eyes never parted.
She said something to him and he took a second to answer. Whatever he said to her made her frown, but he quickly said something right after to make her laugh. She pushed him away shaking her head.
“Harry!” She nearly snorted. I clicked the TV off and their heads turned to me in shock, both their mouths fell open.
“Hi,” I said happily and a little uneasy. Elizabeth hesitated a moment but then she hurried her way in the living room to hop on the couch beside me. Her face was glowing and her smile was beaming. Her hair and makeup weren’t as done up as they were when she left this morning, but she looked beautiful. She leaned into me for a hug. Pulling her in I saw Harry over her shoulder watching us with his hands in his pockets. He gave me a small smile, and I pulled away from Elizabeth before I thought about returning it back to him. My mind still influenced by Twitter.
“How was your day?” I asked giving her my full smile and attention. Harry looked unsure to me as he slummed his way around the other couch to sit down. My eyes didn’t deter from my sister. Elizabeth talked for fifteen minutes about the day they had, Harry chiming in now and then to answer her questions and to clarify things for me. The coffee they had, the records they bought, the hats they tried on, the drums that she played, the ice cream and the dinner they ate.
“I asked if we could walk the rest of the way home once we turned the corner to our neighborhood,” Her eyebrows raised.
“You know where that is?” I questioned pulling a face. She nodded.
“Course I do. I don’t forget Liam,” She poked a finger to my chest, “We got out of the car and walked,” She sighed, her eyes closing, “The air was wonderful. To be outside at that hour surrounded by nothing but green.” Glancing to Harry, his elbow was on the arm of the sofa with his head resting in his hand. He was gazing at her with a smile.
“It was so... ethereal.” She let out a breath as if she’d been holding it in. Harry and I were both surprised by her choice of words.
“You’ve been spending too much time with him,” I joked pointing to Harry. Elizabeth covered her mouth and laughed. She looked over her shoulder at Harry, the two of them smiling, and she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth. I cleared my throat gently to break the silence and Elizabeth turned to me.
“I think I might go call Kens, is that okay?” She asked. I looked at her confused.
“You don’t have to ask,” I told her, “Are you okay?” My mind trickled back to Twitter.
“Yeah!” She breathed, “I just want to tell her about today that’s all.” Her smile was still on her face. Harry and I both let her go off to her room. Harry watched her all the way until she turned the corner of the hallway.
“So,” I started and waited for him to look back at me. I took a much needed deep breath, “It was a good day, yeah?” Harry sat forward, elbows to his knees, and looked me in the eye.
“You have the greatest sister,” He said, his voice quiet, “She and I had the best day I’ve had in a long time. Unbelievable to think of where she was just last year, mentally.” The use of that word threw my mind for a spin. I looked down at my feet and continued to listen.
“She went a lot longer than I thought she was going to. I thought after the record store we would’ve been done and coming back,” He scoffed, “I was very wrong.” I nodded along my eyes looking at him again.
“Liam,” He leaned forward a tiny bit more, “She was singing in the car, she was dancing to the music in the car, she was acting like she was when she was eighteen.” His voice was low. A smile snuck onto my face.
“I couldn’t tell you what’s happening,” I said truthfully, “She’s...” My voice trailed off.
“Getting better,” Harry finished my thought. We looked at each other with a smile before his fell. He sat back on the couch and looked at his lap. He looked like he had something to say. Now was my time to lean forward, elbows to my knees. His eyebrows were low as his eyes flickered to find mine.
“What?” I asked softly with a hint of big brother in it. Harry licked his lips and took a breath.
“We kissed in the park on the way home,” He spoke guiltily softly. I felt a tinge of anger. As a brother you don’t really want to hear those things about your sister especially from one of your good friends, and with the situation we’re in here at home I didn’t know how to take it. We sat in silence. The sound of Elizabeth's feet came barreling down the hallway. Harry and I both sat up straight to see her. She hightailed her way into me and nearly fell on top of me.
“Kens!” She exclaimed, “She’s so happy! She’s calling you tomorrow, Liam. I feel so great,” She held her chest breathing heavily, “Gosh, I can’t catch my breath.” She groaned, immediately looked to Harry and the two of them shared a laugh.
“Alright, well tell her I’m looking forward to it,” I grinned. She said goodnight to Harry and I, and popped her phone into my hands without thinking twice about it and walked back toward her room.
“I was on twitter not too long ago,” I started. Harry's head turned to me, “And I read some things I didn’t need to read.”
“Oh no, Liam,” Harry giggled a bit, “Don’t you remember the first rule from media training!” He joked and I could remember those days of sitting in a room for hours learning the ways. I talked over my laughter.
“I do, trust me, but as a brother I had to forget that rule.”
“How long ago was it on there?” Harry asked, pulling his phone out.
“Harry, you don’t have to-“ I started to say but he found it quick. He pulled a face.
“No, no,” He stated. His eyes continued to read and they shot open wide, “This is disgusting!” He shouted. I shushed him for Elizabeth’s sake.
“I know. It’s terrible,” I agreed. Harry tossed his phone on the coffee table not even bothering to lock it.
“Alright Liam Payne Q and A,” He scooted to the end of the couch he was on to get closer to mine, “What do you have to say about them, because I know something is coming.” Harry squinted his eyes. I know he’s waiting for me to get angry, and for me to throw a fit. He’s waiting for me to blame him. To put all of this on him as if he wrote those tweets himself because that’s how I used to treat this stuff. I brought my hand to the back of my neck and shook my head.
“It’s not her’s, nor is it your fault those tweets were written,” I said. Harry scoffed, telling me I was right, “It just makes me upset that people could think those things about her... and you.” Harry shrugged.
“That’s been our lives, Liam,” He explained, “Every person we’re seen with, every place we go, everything we say. All of it is always twisted, always pulled out of proportion. Everything everyone knows about us is not even half true.”
“Yeah,” I bobbed my head.
“Don’t let teenagers on twitter affect you or your life. You’ve come so far with your sister and you know her heart. You know who she’s been with and where she’s been. Right?” He schooled me.
“Right,” I answered.
“Right!” He exclaimed, “I kissed your sister, but I swear I won’t do it again nor will I lay a finger on her until I know you’re going to be okay.” He stated looking me straight in the eye. I could see the heat in his face, the passion behind his words. He spoke from his heart, he always has. With everything in me I trusted him. He’s stuck with us for so long, and he keeps coming back. He comes back to see her. He came back to help me take care of her on multiple occasions. Looking at our past it was clear his heart was always there at the frontline. He was just about to leave me and I stopped him in his tracks.
“Harry,” I said, lifting a hand to make him pause. He sat back down and waited. Folding my hands together I held them on top of my forehead, “I think... you need to...” Harry shook his head and shot me a crazy look.
“What?” He asked in a funny voice.
“I think you need to let it happen,” I said looking him in the eyes. He stared back at me in shock, and I could tell he had a smile in there somewhere.
“Really?” He whispered, not making a move.
“Yes,” I answered swiftly ignoring the darker side of my mind, “It’s clear you’re both... in love.” I thought of another word to use but there wasn’t one.
“She is?” He was still whispering and had barely moved.
“Oh, she hasn’t said anything?” I questioned, but smirked, knowing what I just did.
“No, neither of us said anything.”
I ran a hand under my chin and nodded.
“Interesting,” I said mysteriously. Harry still sat there frozen staring at me, “Harold, get it together.” I laughed, clapping my hands together. He didn’t move but his smile grew larger and larger.
“Thanks Liam,” He said, and with that he left the room and started down the hall to his room. He and Elizabeth both turn left at the end of the hallway to get to their rooms, and I’m the only one who makes a right. Letting that information marinate in my brain for a moment, it actually didn’t bother me as much as I thought it was going to. He got to the end and I’m pretty sure I watched him fist bump himself a ‘hell yeah’ as he turned the corner. I found my phone and held it up to unlock it. I quickly swiped out of twitter and went into my messages where I had two waiting for me from Kens.
K-Evening! It seems as though our girl has had a lovely day. I’d like to call you tomorrow for you and I to chat a bit about it.
K- Elizabeth told me you were okay with a call. I’ll be in touch tomorrow!
I didn’t bother to explain why I hadn’t answered, she knew I was home with Elizabeth and Harry. I sent her a thumbs up, locked my phone and started for my bedroom. Glancing to my left when I got to the end of the hallway, Harry's door was shut but my sisters was open. She always left her door open at night. I stepped to it quietly and peeked my head in. Instead of curling up into a ball like she usually did, she had both her hands over her head and she was laying on her back with her knees tucked in. She looked insanely at peace. I blew her a kiss and went to bed.
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