@feanorianethicsdepartment please know that your tags have SENT ME
#further highlights include: #just what the end of the hobbit needs: a son of feanor in full ‘why am i the only person in this room with a braincell’ mode #maglor going on this long nigh-incomprehensible rant about terrible dwarvish forging techniques #which ends in him shoving the arkenstone in thranduil’s face screaming DOES THIS LOOK LIKE TREELIGHT TO YOU #he then throws the arkenstone at gandalf’s head when the wizard starts chortling #it rapidly becoming clear that literally the only bit of background information he has about the upcoming rock war #is the dead dragon in the lake he saw on his way in #he refuses to explain how he knew shit was about to go down. seems to think it’s blindingly obvious #bilbo and bard doing some hurried comparative mythology trying to guess who the hell this is #(actually wait he’s the first fuck-you tier calaquende either of them has ever seen isn’t he? certainly the first they’ve seen this mad) #(oh that’s gotta be fun. turn your back and suddenly there’s an inexplicable glowing hellbeast you have to deal with now) #anyway bilbo - the shire is really isolated from… everywhere so he’s basically guessing random mythological beings/boogeymen #bard’s people have more contact with the world in general and the dwarves in particular so he’s able to come to an actual conclusion#he’s the nightsmith!!! … a figure who’s 50% eol 15% curufin 5% feanor and 30% assorted avari who ain’t in the silm #mags refuses to correct them. he’s a murderer not a history teacher #mags generally comes to the conclusion that bilbo is the most responsible person around #and thus ends up delegating a lot to him #bilbo: actually i was. ah. hoping to use the arkenstone to stop the war - #mags: :plonks it into his hands: #when the time comes to talk to the dwarves bilbo is sent to handle negotiations #(maglor’s presence provokes a frantic iglismek argument between the company’s three loremasters) #(the secrecy of which is somewhat undermined by the guy translating for bilbo) #*somehow* mags manages to finesse the situation into everybody fighting the goblins instead of each other #mostly through use of the patented maedhros method of looming ominously at people until they do what you say
Maglor has a sixth sense for ‘bullshit wars over rocks’
“Does this look like tree light to you” is spoken in Westron, followed up by “Or are you blind and dumb” in perfectly accented Doriathin Sindarin. (The rest of the time, Maglor speaks with a distinct Fëanorian lisp, no matter what language he’s speaking, because it makes Thranduil’s face turn red)
Bilbo thinks he might be whatever the Hobbit’s interpretation of Orome is, since he’s glowing and probably wearing (at the very least) a fur cloak. (Like, I’d believe he’s prissy enough to trade for normal pants and shirts, but he’s making his own cloak out of some warg he killed himself, thank you very much).
‘He’s a murderer, not a history teacher’ (except he’s literally in the middle of giving Thranduil a history lesson, because he’s also a hypocrite)
By saying he wants to use the Arkenstone to end the war, Bilbo has just been elevated into Maglor’s list of “Five Smartest People I’ve Ever Met” (in no particular order: Nerdanel, Finarfin, Bilbo, Elrond, Fëanor)
Someone finds Maglor actual clothing to wear to negotiations, but he keeps the dramatic cloak.
The guy translating for Bilbo is obvious Bofur, who gives zero shits about anything ever.
They agree to work together 1) because it sounds like a good idea when you put it like that, and 2) that terrifying glowing man who is either a god or a mass murderer depending on who you ask will possibly kill us if we don’t.
Maglor takes one look at Bilbo’s Mithril coat and recognizes that it was originally made for Celebrimbor. He keeps that knowledge to himself because Bilbo seems like the sort of honorable person who would feel obligated to return it to Maglor.
Someone shows Maglor the swords from Gondolin and Maglor takes the opportunity to tell everyone that “the King of Gondolin was my dumbest and most annoying cousin. His death will be forever remembered as completely unnecessary.”
One of the elves cracks a joke about Tauriel’s red hair making her a Fëanorian. She’s not, but Maglor adopts her anyway.
The dwarves teach Maglor ‘far over misty mountains cold’ and he teaches them Quenya war songs that haven’t been heard in 8000 years.
Gandalf is having the time of his life.
Maglor appoints himself Bilbo’s bodyguard during the battle. Bilbo still gets knocked out almost immediately, because he’s Bilbo, and thats how he rolls. Maglor is utterly terrifying on the battlefield, and a good number of the goblins just decide the treasure isn’t worth it. Maglor doesn’t even have a weapon, he just Sings at anyone who gets too close to the Hobbit and laughs in the face of all the goblins.
Gandalf finesses Maglor’s affection for Bilbo (there’s a fifty percent chance Maglor is trying to add Bilbo to his collection of dubiously acquired children) into getting Maglor to travel back to the Shire with them.
Beorn knows Maglor, which surprizes absolutely no one. Apparently he met him several centuries ago while trying to steal honey from one of his hives. As they’re leaving Beorn’s home, he gifts Maglor a jar of honey that Maglor eats with his fingers, much to Bilbo’s horror.
Bilbo doesn’t know why Gandalf told him not to mention Elrond, but he keeps his mouth shut anyway. He wants Maglor to hang around as long as possible, because Maglor tells great stories and is teaching him elvish (yes, Maglor teaches Bilbo to speak with a Fëanorian Lisp. Yes this amuses him greatly)
Maglor doesn’t realize he’s been tricked until they hear the elves singing ‘oh tra-la-la-lally’ and at that point he’s too offended by “what passes for good music these days” to care. Of course, its not until they’re standing in the courtyard that Elrond comes out, and Gandalf smiles and puts his hand on Maglor’s back (and grabs his shirt so he can’t run) and says “I believe you two know each other” with the biggest grin on his face.
Maglor of course, quickly argues that he kidnapped Elrond (while trying to subtly escape Gandalf’s grip), and he’s actually a terrible person, don’t you know? Bilbo, tell them I’m a terrible person.
Bilbo: Kidnap? Did you say kidnap???? Well, uh- his table manners are terrible, I can tell you that, and well, he stopped a war over a magic rock?
Elrond can’t decide if ‘Maglor was involved in ANOTHER rock war, although he was trying to prevent it’ is a good thing or a bad thing, so he just opts to hug him instead.
