It upsets me to think that other people have the guts to make you feel like shit. Like, bitch, he was everything I've ever wanted but you're just treating him like nothing? If you only like me the way I like you, then everything could've been perfect. But then, perfect doesn't exist. We always want the people who don't like us back. We only always get too invested to the wrong people. We're too sucked up with the idea that maybe one day the person we like would change their mind and one day, they'll learn to love us back. But hell no, that's bullshit.
You know, I've liked you since 2014. I've never stopped liking you since then even though you never liked me back (the way I'd like you to like me). Idk, it's not just about your lovely hair, but for who you are. I find your sense of humor incomparable to others. You effortlessly make me smile, on all the jokes you crack to the witty puns you make. No wonder a lot of girls are rooting for you. You always call your self ugly, but damn Luis, believe me, you're so fucking cute. You're adorable, to be honest.
I've always wanted to know you so much more. What's your greatest fear, what makes you happy aside from dogs and hawaiian polo shirts, the secrets you've never told anyone before, where do you want to be after 10 years. All those stuff, I'd wanted to ask you. But you never really took the time to know me. I guess that's because you never really find me interesting at all. I get jealous of all other girls you talk with, like, how lucky can they be? You've always amused me.
It hurts me to know that you're hurting for someone else, that no matter what I do, even if I stay by your side and make all the effort to keep you entertained, I know I'm really not what you need. I wanted to be the one who takes care of you, the one who caresses your hair until you fall asleep and snore. I wanted to be the one who traces your tattoos with kisses. I wanted to be the reason you'll put down the goddamn phone and forget about Twitter even just for a while. I wanted to be the one who takes you out to out of town trips, and go on unplanned adventures. I don't want to be just someone you call or hangout with when you're bored. I don't want to end up just being your fuck buddy. I wanted to be yours. And I know that's something you can't give.
You know what, we kind of look good together, a perfect match in my own thoughts, You know why? Because you like thrift shopping, you like to dye your hair, you're so down to have make up on your face. You don't even mind going out in public wearing make up. You're everything I can never have. Damn, I wish you're mine. This feels all too familiar, falling for someone who'll never catch you.
You know what, you're the reason I cut my hair short last year, 'cause I remember how much you liked my hair back then. I got too depressed last year, I even cry at work all at random everytime I think of you. And here I am again, falling right back to you, and it's getting kind of a cycle. I always get looked over.
This will be the last time I'll write to you about how much you mean to me. I think I need to stop right here, as early as now. I don't want to break myself again for you. I'm not blaming you for anything, I just thought you should now how I feel before I totally get this over with. I wanted you not to feel bad about your self anymore and don't look down on yourself, remember that someone like me could've done anything to make you happy.
But as what you said "Dun tayo sa taong ayaw saten kasi dun naman tayo magaling." That hit me so hard and I think we're all just in one situation. I like you, but you like someone else, you like someone else who doesn't like you back. But I hope you find someone who's willing to be your everything, someone's who's going to put up with your shit, no matter what happens. I also don't expect you to respond to this message, I don't even want to hear you saying "omg, sorry friend lang talaga tingin ko sayo" 'cause that shit hurts like hell. The way you made me feel is enough for me to know that I have no place in your life. I'm literally tired of chasing you and begging for what little attention you could give me. I hope I don't find screenshots of this message on Twitter, 'cause this is really something personal that I've poured my heart out.
I hope you'll be genuinely happy soon. I'll miss you.
