Alice (she/her) / 20-something / 🏳️🌈 / Fanfic addict and writer / Gwyneth Berdara is my Goddess / pro Valkyrie, Gwynriel, Elucien, Elorcan, Ruhnlidia, etc
Below you will find the links to everything I post - fanfics, moodboards, memes and more. I write all sorts of stuff - fluff, smut, angst, bloody cliffhangers which make my lovely readers question why they still read my fics...
I also take suggestions and requests so feel free to dm me or send me an ask if there is anything you'd like me to try. Or if you'd just like to say hello 🤷♀️
but between me and u……. i didnt even have a favorite color until she yelled out yellow!! she was hella excited n smiling like a little kid. so i told her she was right and i havent seen yellow the same since, its in everything. i could probably live in it now.
write. write. you need to make mistakes to learn from them. you don't become a master carpenter by shutting your eyes and thinking hard about dovetail joints
For the holiday season I really wanted to commission Elain and Lucien enjoying Starfall at the Night Court 🩵
@cedarcia thank you so much for creating this exquisite artwork! Elain & Lucien look so happy and captivated by all the shooting star-spirits!
All the details in this artwork are lovely! From the snow covered roses, the shooting stars, the night sky, the snow covered balcony —everything is perfection!
@cedarcia thank you so much Kat for taking this commission! Thank you for being so kind during this commission process! It’s always a joy to work with you 🩵
Holiday season is in full swing, so @lulufoxlainfawn and I are sharing our second festive commission!
Here we have Gwyn and Azriel exchanging gifts in a quiet, intimate moment! This solstice, Azriel doesn’t have to just imagine Gwyn’s teal eyes lighting up; he gets to experience her joy in person as he gifts her a special snowglobe. The shadows are quite pleased with the Shadowsinger this time!
Thank you jae.sketch for yet another wonderful commissioning experience! It’s always a pleasure working with you, Rachel, and your talent is a sight to behold.
Gwyneth Berdara is putting the final touches on the gingerbread house she's working on with a special someone when a little playful encounter begins due to some strategically placed icing on her nose. She isn't one to back down from a challenge.
Azriel Shadowsinger ends the encounter as the true winner, though, with his mate wrapped in his arms, smiling and laughing. He's content and at peace with his shadows dancing around them in delight 💖
Many, many thanks go to @bluenefelibata for this stunning, gorgeous heartwarming holiday piece! Her creativity and attention to detail is seriously mind-blowing!! Working with you was a dream come true for me, and I am so happy we got to do this together 🥹🥰
The ultimate sapphic vampire crossover. Carmilla from Castlevania and Carmilla from the 1872 gothic novel by Le Fanu. It came to me one evening when I was chatting with @belciiboo , after my reread of Carmilla, that I needed to see these two in each others arms, dripping with blood, a scene of beauty, gore, intimacy, and a dash of horror.
Summary: How can he pace himself- how can he trust himself- when she is here, alive and laughing that melody?
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Word Count: 1166
Warnings: azzie in his feels, kinda angsty? question mark? i dont think so but yayy reincarnation winkwink
A/n: hehehehe part 2 to my gift for the loml @sunshinebingo. ily SO much and u make me so happy heheheh HOPE U LIKE THIS LIL THINGY🥹
@acotargiftexchange
ANYWAYS, ENJOYYYY!!!🥳🥳🥳
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If, centuries ago, Azriel had been told that humans and fae would one day become allies and live intermingled, he would have laughed his way to the grave.
Now, as he sat in a predominantly human bar with his two friends, scanning the dimly lit room filled with humans and fae alike, he thought how it wasn’t that impossible after all.
"Anything else for you gentlemen?" Questioned the middle aged human, smiling at them sweetly.
Azriel glanced up, then at his friends before shaking his head, reaching out to grab the drink he had ordered. He resisted the urge to swallow it all down in one gulp as Cassian popped open the whiskey bottle.
He had only opened his mouth to speak, but Azriel heard none of it, because the moment the first sip of his drink had touched his throat, his ears started ringing.
Close by. They whispered.
He could hear his shadows, always. Even when he didn’t want to, but especially when he couldn’t hear anything else.
And he had figured out the information they had delivered before they even spoke. Because the ringing… it didn’t happen out of nowhere. It happened when she was near.
"Az? Az?"
He blinked out of his stupor, finding himself watched curiously by his two friends.
"It’s happening again?"
He sighed. Nodded. "Think she's close."
They shifted, eyes moving away from Azriel to scan the bar while Azriel fixed his head.
Since that day… that fateful day when Azriel had lost everything, the day when he was so ready to give up his life, when he was begging to end it all, when he was told to wait. To have patience, because those who waited got what they wanted.
And Azriel would have ignored that piece of advice had it not been for the soft, nurturing but indecipherable voice. Male or female, Azriel couldn’t tell, but he knew what it said.
Wait for her.
She will come back.
Remind her.
Be hers.
And despite every nerve ending telling Azriel to end everything when all was numb and bleeding, he pushed through. He fought his brothers, he bled through nights, yet he stayed, in hopes that she would come back.
The love of his life.
His mate in every universe.
He waited and waited for two hundred years. No sign of her. Yet he still waited.
He even went to priestesses, asking if this was some sort of mental ailment he suffered from, but even they, with their magic and knowledge, told him to wait.
If he was being honest, he would’ve waited if he were six feet under ground too. Until eternity if it meant he would get one more glimpse of her smile.
He had never thought he would ever get his hopes again, but then one night, a few months ago, he had felt it.
The tingling in his chest. Exactly like it had been when he had looked over at Gwyn smiling up at the starfall stars and felt the bond click into place two hundred years ago, except this time it was way more intense.
He had gotten up in a sweat that night, chest hurting from the feeling so foreign, so familiar. And then he had jumped out of his window, gliding through the air trying to follow the tugging.
In the end, he hadn’t been successful, but he knew that she was close, and maybe that was the salve his wounds needed.
Since that day, he had doubled his efforts in her search.
And now, as he sat in a dark booth, scanning the room as the pain in his chest tugged him nowhere insistently, he found what he had been looking for for ages.
The same eyes, he noticed first.
Glittering, glinting, even under the barely shining lights.
Her smile just as glowing, wide and carefree.
And her hair, still the same burnished fire it had used to be, cascading like a waterfall.
He had stopped breathing, but maybe he was beginning to inhale for the first time ever.
"Az, do you see her?"
He glanced over at Cassian, who stared in an opposite direction entirely. "How do you not?"
Cassan followed Azriel’s line of sight, and his mouth dropped open. Rhys’s brows shot up.
But Azriel didn’t look at either of them.
He couldn’t.
His entire world had narrowed to the woman stepping through the bar’s doorway, laughing at something her friend whispered in her ear. That laugh — Mother above, he hadn’t heard it in two centuries, yet it hit him like a blade to the ribs. Sharp. Familiar. Devastating.
His chest seized.
Not the tugging. Not the guiding pull he’d grown used to.
Just pain.
Raw, unfiltered pain.
His glass slipped from his fingers and shattered on the floor.
“Azriel,” Rhys said sharply, alarm clear in his voice.
Azriel didn’t answer. He couldn’t.
Because Gwyn — his Gwyn — was walking toward the bar counter, eyes bright, alive, alive, alive—
And she didn’t know him.
His vision blurred. His shadows curled tight around him, whispering frantic, overlapping things he couldn’t decipher.
She’s here.
She’s alive.
She doesn’t remember.
Don’t scare her.
Don’t break.
Don’t break.
Don’t break—
“Az,” Rhys murmured, placing a steadying hand on his shoulder. “Breathe.”
But Azriel couldn’t breathe. Not when she turned slightly, giving him a clearer view of her profile — the same soft nose, the same freckles dusted across her cheeks, the same lips he had kissed only hours before she d-
He couldn’t even think it without his heart cracking open.
Cassian whispered, “Mother save us… it really is her.”
Azriel swallowed hard. “I need a moment.”
They remained quiet, a steady presence in the face of the chaos in his heart. The organ climbed its way up his throat, trying to get to her- or maybe away from her, he didn’t know. But he did know that he couldn’t miss this, the chance to have her.
But how?
How would he approach her, when he never really even knew how to function in her presence? What were the right words, the right pace? Because he knew that if he approached her too fast, he’d fall apart. If he approached her too slow, he’d lose her again.
And he couldn’t survive losing her again.
Not now that she was here, not now that she was real, not now that she was laughing, the sound tasting like life and love and memories.
“Go get her, Az.” Cassian mumbled quietly.
Azriel nodded shakily, eyes unmoving from her figure as he built up the courage, told himself that this was the moment he had been waiting for for centuries.
“Do you want us to leave?” Rhys asked quietly.
“No.” His voice was too quick, barely a breath. “Just… stay close.”
Azriel wiped his palms on his pants, forced his legs to move, and stepped out of the booth.
SORRY FOR THE DELAY @overobsessions... An engine exploded at the factory hence the delay 😪 I hope you enjoy this one too I'm nervous ngl 🙂 Merry Christmas people 🎄 and thanks again to @acotargiftexchange 🎁❤️
Dividers by @tsunami-of-tears
Synopsis: They are best friends and work partners. Until their duties to the court pushes them to become more than what they are to each other. But Azriel and Gwyn will soon understand how cosy it is to act as the lover of the one you already love.
Read on Ao3 or below the cut
Chapter 2 - First Date!
Gwyn didn’t know what kind of courage had taken her when she had agreed, confidently so, on doing this. A dose of fear had rushed through her, when the courage had subsided, the moment she had been alone in her room last night. So much that it had made her question her sanity.
But then, looking at her reflection in her bathroom mirror, the changes her body had gone through after almost two years as a Valkyrie, walking around the room that her found family and the House had so carefully prepared and gifted to her... she had allowed the fear to fill her, and had let it go. Like waves crashing against a solid rock. Retreating and crashing back again. But never breaking the rock in half.
She had felt even more content in her choice - yet another of her brave ones - when her nightly reading time had gotten distracted by the memories of the long day spent with Azriel, especially those little changes which they had discussed over breakfast. Things that, when put in practice, had made her heart race and which, at the same time, had felt so natural. Like walking into a place that you had longed for and with one step in you already felt at home. Sitting just a little closer to each other, holding hands for a little longer, fixing each other’s hair with more slowness than before. A kiss on the hand which hopefully people would read as “this is my lover.” It had all felt like a manifestation of Gwyn’s dreams, where the friendship between Azriel and her morphed into something more.
Maybe she was getting in over her head. Maybe she should tone down her own feelings and be pragmatic about it. But she didn’t want her fears and doubts to compromise their duties to the court. Besides, this might be her one and only opportunity to experience this with him. So why not enjoy it, even if it was just for the few weeks they had left to do it. That was the thought that she had fallen asleep to last night, and the one that she had told herself again when she had opened the door to her bedroom and had found a bouquet of white and yellow daisies waiting for her in front of it. The little Shadow acting as a bow on the card that it had come with was perhaps her favourite detail about it.
As I told you yesterday, I will be away for the whole day. I will be back and ready at 7pm to take you out on our first date! If my fake Valkyrie lover still agrees and has not yet rejected me for the wrong choice of flowers, of course. If so, then please send your complaints with one of my shadowy assistants who I know will sneak away from me to be with you. See you tonight,
– Your fake Shadowsinger lover
And 7 pm it was when a knock came at her door.
“Coming!” she shouted from inside as she rushed to organise the mess that she had made.
But not a second later, everything disappeared before her eyes and reappeared in their rightful place. The discarded clothes and shoes were back in the wardrobe right before its doors closed, the jewellery, makeup and perfume were all neatly placed in the cupboards and on her vanity. Gwyn smiled at the ceiling and sent her thanks to the House.
Perhaps it would have been easier if Nesta and Emerie had stayed until the last minute to see her leave after they had helped her get ready. But Gwyn had needed those last minutes to be her own, alone with her thoughts – which consisted mostly of the advice and encouragement she had gotten from her sisters – and her buzzing emotions. Although, she had another friend that had stuck to her all morning and which was now twirling between her fingers and pulling on them like it was dragging her to the door. Gwyn laughed at the little Shadow and followed its lead.
She took a deep breath in, adjusted her black skin-tight midi dress and the short white sweater she wore on top. Gwyn then opened the door to what seemed like something that had been plucked right out of a romantasy novel. The tall, dark and handsome male all dressed in black, standing among his swirling shadows, looking at her with his deep honey eyes and a smile that spread on his lips at her sight. His amber and musk scent made him even more divine.
“Hi,” he said.
“Hi,” she replied.
He extended a hand to her.
“Shall we?”
She took it, waited for him to kiss the back of hers, and followed him to the nearest balcony. She got ready for him to hold her so they could launch into the sky. But Azriel paused. His hands moved but not to take her in his arms yet. Instead, he touched the ribbon that she had in a bow at the base of her ponytail, the same white silk ribbon that was holding this morning’s bouquet together before she had unravelled it to place the flowers in a vase on her nightstand.
“Thank you. They were perfect,” she told him, and kissed him on the cheek.
Gwyn couldn’t hear the voice of the shadows. But she had always been able to feel not just their touch but their intention and their energy. So, she didn’t have to look away from Azriel to know how excited they currently were.
“Not so bad of a lover after all, huh?”
He could try to sound assertive all he wanted but Gwyn saw his nerves in his eyes, his slightly flushing cheeks – although not as bad as she suspected hers were – and also in the twitch of the hand that he still had laced with hers.
“Don’t puff your chest yet, Shadowsinger. You still have the whole night to prove yourself.”
“The whole night?” he smirked and raised his eyebrows.
Gwyn smirked back.
“I have no curfew,” she said with a wink.
She swore then that she could feel the Shadows shouting in his head but had no way to prove it. It didn’t matter anyway as they finally flew to their destination. A few minutes was all it took before they landed on the small rooftop of the tallest building in Velaris. A single table covered in a white sheet was set in the middle, underneath a clear gazebo canopy that seemed to have been enchanted to keep the slight flurry of snow away and that was decorated with greeneries and faelights. The empty space around the table was decorated with plants that didn’t seem bothered by the cold temperature. But what really took Gwyn’s breath away, was everywhere she looked around that rooftop. Velaris expanded around them in its full Solstice glory. The lights, the people, the laughter and music rising from everywhere at once yet still soft enough to her ears that she could still hear Azriel whispering.
“Do you like it?”
How could she not? They were in the heart of it, yet in a bubble of their own. She turned to him with her brightest smile.
“Alright, I will never doubt you again.”
She never had, in fact. He laughed, the sound seeping through her clothes and skin and making her shiver for reasons that had nothing to do with the cold.
“We should mark this day in stone, Berdara,” he said as they walked to the table where he pulled her chair and waited for her to be comfortable before taking his own seat.
She didn’t need any stones to remember every moment of this night. From the place to the exquisite dinner, the endless talks with Azriel that were made even better when they had their hands in each other’s across the table and the tips of their shoes touching underneath it. Gwyn had never been on a first date, real or fake. But after experiencing this night, with him, she knew that nothing else would compare. She was already almost certain that no other male would ever compare to Azriel in her eyes and heart. Her saviour and friend, the one she fantasised about and trusted with her life.
How would she ever be able to sit next to him without touching him? How would she be able to date someone who didn’t have any Shadows that would play in her hair and tickle her nose? Who was she kidding when she thought that she could get into this and go back to normal after? But she would have to, didn’t she? What if…
She forgot about those words on their flight back home and when they landed on the small balcony well past midnight. Gwyn felt like the hard floor of the House of Wind had been turned to clouds when Azriel accompanied her to her bedroom door and left with a goodnight kiss on her cheek. Her mattress and pillows felt especially soft too tonight. She raised her hand to smile at the little Shadow that had stayed with her. And when she turned on her side and looked at her bouquet before she closed her eyes, she once again thought… What if?
This year, @lovelymoonflower1 and I wanted to celebrate gwynriel with a tender moment with each other, before present time! Of course they had to wear their matching PJs. They are so in love with each other and are finally at peace with the world around them.
No matter how you celebrate the holidays, we hope you have a good one!
The lovely @tomandosal it was so wonderful working with you! Thank you so much for creating this warm & cozy beautiful art of Gwyn and Azriel for Kels and I. We love it so much! The sweaters and details are everything 🫶
‼️PLEASE NO REPOSTING WITHOUT PERMISSION FROM US THE COMMISSIONERS‼️
