Forever in public bathrooms..
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Forever in public bathrooms..
excerpt from john greens âan abundance of katherinesâ
this is something i think about a lot because.
do i really need more of what Iâm feeling? do i need that addition? is crying really going to help or just give me wet tissues and a headache?
âAnybody can look at you. Itâs quite rare to find someone who sees the same world you see.â
â John Green, Turtles All the Way Down
You donât remember what happened. What you remember becomes what happened.
John Green;Â An Abundance of Katherines
Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives Iâm not living.
Jonathan Safran Foer; Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
Pain's Like Cold Water Your Brain Just Gets Used To It
No Complaints - Noah Kahan/That Funny Feeling - Bo Burnham/Ask Polly: Help I'm The Loneliest Person In The World - Heather Havrilesky/Ladybird (2017)/Tennessee Williams/unknown/No Complaints - Noah Kahan/Perks of Being a Wallflower (2012)/Ask Polly: Help I'm The Loneliest Person In The World - Heather Havrilesky/That Funny Feeling - Bo Burnham/No Complaints - Noah Kahan/That Funny Feeling - Bo Burnham/Unknown/Perks of Being a Wallflower (2012)/'Ectesy' - Georges Bataille/Warsan Shire/Ladybird (2017)/How to Cure a Ghost - Fariha RĂłisĂn/That Funny Feeling - Bo Burnham/No Complaints - Noah Kahan
Sylvia Plath, aged 17, journal entry #1, from "The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath" (dated July 1950)
â Richard Siken, Portrait of Fryderyk in Shifting Light (via letsbelonelytogetherr)
â Mary Lambert, Shame Is an Ocean I Swim Across
â Nikita Gill
so soft it hurts
Franz Kafka, 1912
Youâll always be my favorite ghost.
Florence + the Machine;Â Big God
i went from explaining myself to just saying âokayâ cause itâs a waste of time
Things I Know For Sure (and the Things I Don't)
There are truths I hold firmly. Truths that have anchored me through storms, through stillness, through all the moments of doubt.
I know that rest is sacred. Itâs necessary, but it doesnât always come easily. I still wrestle with guilt when I slow down, as though Iâll be judged for not doing enough, for not being enough. Even in moments when my body begs for reprieve, the weight of expectation holds me in place. Itâs a battle to unlearn the idea that my worth is tied to my pace, to my productivity. I know that rest, true rest, is not a luxury... itâs a lifeline.
But I donât know why it feels like I have to earn it first.
I know that love should feel safe. There are times when Iâve allowed myself to stay in places that felt uncertain, unsure, because somewhere in the back of my mind, I thought love was supposed to be difficult. But love should be a place where youâre seen, where youâre held.
But I donât always know how to let go of the fear that safety might disappear the moment I settle into it.
I know healing is not linear. Itâs never as simple as "getting better." There are days when I feel as though Iâm moving forward, making progress, only to be pulled back into old wounds. And yet, those setbacks teach me something too. That healing is not about perfection. Itâs about showing up, again and again, with the broken pieces, and allowing them to be enough.
But I don't know how many times I'll start over before I finally feel whole.
I know that some people are meant to be temporary, but it doesnât make their absence any less significant. The spaces they leave behind are felt in the quiet moments, in the milestones they wonât witness, in the emptiness of their chair at the table.
But I donât know why we lose people when we do, or how to stop missing them in the moments they mattered most.
I know that my body holds wisdom I often ignore. It tells me when itâs time to rest, when itâs time to fight, when itâs time to let go. But I donât always listen. Instead, I push it to its limits, ignoring the warnings until I canât anymore.
But I don't know why I keep treating it like something to overcome instead of something to honor.
I know that being soft in a hard world is a kind of strength. Itâs not about being fragile or weak, itâs about allowing yourself to be vulnerable, to show up with an open heart even when the world feels cold.
But I don't know why that strength is so often overlooked, or why we feel like we have to harden to survive.
I know that I am not the same person I was a year ago, and Iâm not the same person I was five years ago. The changes are subtle, but theyâre there. And I know that Iâll keep evolving, keep growing, and keep learning.
But I don't know who I will become or how to be at peace with the parts of myself that I will leave behind.
I know that I want to be present. I want to show up fully in my life, in my relationships, in my work.
But I donât always know how to let go of the fear of the future, the anxiety of whatâs to come.
I know that joy and sorrow can exist side by side. That they are not opposites, but companions. They intertwine, each one making the other more profound. I know that they are both parts of life, parts of me, and I will continue to carry them both, even as I navigate the space between them.
But I donât know how to hold both without feeling like I might break in the balancing.
I know that I am still becoming and that becoming isnât always beautiful. Iâm learning to trust the unknown, to trust the unfolding. To trust that I am enough, even in the moments when I feel like Iâm still figuring it out. We talk about growth in glowing terms, about how we should embrace the changes life brings with open arms. I know that sometimes becoming is painful. Sometimes itâs messy, and sometimes you feel like youâre falling apart before you can come back together.
Maybe the point is never to know it all. Maybe itâs enough to keep going, to keep listening, to keep learning. Maybe itâs not about what I know or donât know, but about the willingness to stay with myself through all of it. And somewhere in the middle of the knowing and the not knowing maybe thatâs where I find who I really am.
Reflective Question: What if the not knowing isn't a flaw to fix, but rather a path to follow?
Source: Things I Know For Sure (and the Things I Don't)
âItâs simple. Donât start something you know you canât finish and donât make promises you canât keep. Be consistent, mean what you say, and let your actions speak for you. All else will fall into place.â
â R.M. Drake
âDonât think. It complicates things. Just feel, and if it feels like home, then follow its path.â
â R.M. Drake