close your eyes and imagine your perfect man, one whom you desire sexually or one who you do not, either is fine. this man - does he wrap his arms around your neck, or his hands? is he smart, or brave? many say you cannot be both. Those people have not met Hunter Clarington. Hunter Clarington is the or and the and. He is rock hard gold and liquid silver. He is mercury rising in your seventh house. why is he in your house? you invited him in of course. your eyes gleam with his radiant beauty and intellect. before you, such power, such unadulterated power you could faint. you do faint. Hunter Clarington is the son of Lawrence Clarington and the distant nephew of God. He is the wonder of the universe incarnate. touch Him - stardust. Hunter Clarington once had a dream that he was the Best and he woke up to find it was true. He was the Best. He is now. He is now attending Waldron Island University with the interest of attaining a Pre-Law degree. He will also be on the soon-to-be-coveted wrestling team, likely as their perfect and only champion. He has wrestled all of his life, not with poverty or hunger or the desacration of world peace as so many do, but with men. strong men. in the courtroom, on the mat, perhaps even on this website. Hunter Clarington.
I feel the only person feeling unsettled about these baseless accusations is you. Is it worth suing someone because your feelings are hurt? I think everyone knows these are untrue and laughable rumors.Â
My feelings are not hurt, Ms. Berry. In fact, I hesitate to acknowledge that they exist as I haven’t experienced the better part of them even in the slightest.Â
Even so, it’s not a matter of my feelings, it’s a matter of my good name being tarnished by memes.Â
 Did you ask to take all your exams by mouth or something? That’s kind of a hilarious rumor though.
I have not. It is not. And if I find out that you have had anything to do with the development of this conspiracy, there will be severe consequences, Mr. Evans.Â
Well then, I’ll make sure to remember this information…though this rumor never made it to me. I’m not sure if I should be grateful or offended!Â
You should be grateful. It’s a baseless accusation put together by cowards and heathens, no doubt. Trying to sabotage the development of Catching Up With The Claringtons, perhaps. The perpetrators will be found out, and they will be sued for defamation of character beyond repair.Â
 I’m sorry, I thought that’s where that whole thing was going..my mistake. So you’re literate. I get that much but why would there be a rumor or talk about you being otherwise?Â
That is the very question I have been asking myself all week, Adam. Why would there we a rumor about me being an illiterate? What on earth have I done to deserve that sort of treatment?Â
 Well, I’m certainly surprised. I thought you would be flattered that so many people are thinking of you.Â
People are thinking of me no matter what, Mr. Hummel, it just so happens that I would not like them to be thinking this specific thing about me. Would you like people to be speculating about your literacy?Â
A gentle reminder not to believe everything you hear. Consider this my putting an end to the short-lived and overwhelmingly false narrative that I, Hunter Clarington, am illiterate. I can read. This has been a baseless accusation; just because I have a talent for memorizing facts and figures, that does not mean I am incapable of reading them off of a sheet of paper. I find this underground movement to be, frankly, preposterous and would like it to be over now.Â
 You’re a gentleman, Mr. Clarington. Pleasing to the eye, too. I don’t know how you feel about cheek kisses, but I plan to give you one the next time I see you in class.Â
You’d be surprised. Reading people is a talent, while knowing what to say is a skill. It’s rare to meet someone who possesses both.
In that case, I certainly won’t protest.Â
And now we both know at least two of those people.Â
Apology accepted, Mr. Clarington. Well, in that case, I can’t exactly fault you for forgetting mine, even for just a second. Just know that second chances are rare, and I don’t take too kindly to repeated mistakes. I knew you were formal, but I had no idea you could flatter so well.
And knowing just the right words to say, too.
Color me reformed, then. I’m pleased to have flattered you, Ms. Fabray. After all, any associate of the law is an associate of mine.Â
Growing up in the public eye will do that for you.Â
Either I’m not worth remembering or you haven’t been paying much attention in class. So which is it, Mr. Clarington? Â
As much as I resent the implication that I may have dozed off in my studies, allow me to apologize, Ms. Fabray. I have seen many faces and have heard many names. The Claringtons are a busy kin, after all. Nevertheless, it would be incorrect if I were to suggest your face and name was attached to the same mediocrity most others tend to suffer.Â
Want to rebel with me, babe? I can think of plenty of things we should do.
It’s not that I wouldn’t appreciate the time itself. My main complaint is that I firmly believe I should be able to choose when and if that time is allocated.
Ha. Haven’t you found some other pound of flesh to be the docile recipient of your dull perversions?Â
Curfews happen. Egypt, Iceland, shopping malls. The important thing is that we learn to act in our own interest. Which is often in accordance with the law. Smart people are in charge of policy-making bodies. Does this surprise you?Â
I wanted to give everyone an official hello, since I am once again on campus.Â
Just in case some of you don’t recognize me without the dreads, it’s me, Joe.
If you’ve texted me at all in the last month and a half, I didn’t get them, and I’m so so sorry to everyone who has put time and effort into worrying about me. There’s a lot I can’t talk about – whether it’s because I have to speak to authorities first, or because I simply just…don’t know what happened – but I can answer everything that I am able. I prayed I would make it back to you guys every day for the last two weeks, and I am so happy to see all of your smiling faces.Â
I will have a new phone shortly, so thanks for all of your patience. I have missed all of you so much. How is everyone? Fill me in on everything that’s happened since I…disappeared.
Well, allow me to be the first to relieve you of your regret; I did not spend any time or energy worrying about your wellbeing, Mr. Hart. In return, you needn’t pretend that you’ve missed my face. Although I can confess to being abnormally attractive, I rarely smile, and our interactions, few and far between, have been utterly standard in nature.Â
