the most souper of them all

anything and everything

[polishwave]

[sozvezdiyay]

Obsessed with the idea of Shane randomly encountering Bad Bunny at a bar just like he encountered Rose. (Because he has the BEST luck.)

But he doesn't know who Bad Bunny is, and Bad Bunny doesn't know who Shane is... So they're both just making small talk with this hot guy they met at the bar while they wait for their drinks. They're enjoying talking to someone who doesn't know their celebrity status. And Shane is getting a little flustered despite being married, because damn if this guy isn't his type, and Bad Bunny is lowkey flirting with him.

And then Ilya shows up and has a heart attack. Alternating between fanboying over Bad Bunny and wanting to fight him. Just standing there frozen with this bonkers expression on his face.

And Shane is completely oblivious. "Hey, you're back! I ordered you a beer. Oh, and this is Benito. Benito, this is my husband Ilya........... Baby, are you okay? Why do you look like that?"

[koobiie]

i feel strongly about this

[ailurinae]

[paintedwingz]

saw this meme and thought of them so i HAD to sraw it the demons in me forced me to sorry

[self-loving-vampire]

It turns out that actually standing by "men and women are not inherently very different" is a reliable way to bother absolutely everyone. Left or right, cis or trans, feminist or misogynist, all cling to the binary for dear life.

[sorcerornobody]

From the replies on this post:

[literallystarfire]

rewatching wildhood and travis lowkey reminds me of the homophobic dog

[thistle-carduus]

wildhood art

🤲💖✨💖✨

[reallyfunnyreallycool-deactivat]

the bros only one click away

[itwashotwestayedinthewater]

RIP to this blog that made this singular post and then deleted

[mrsterlingeverything]

[firethekitty]

top 5 me posts of all time

[oknotgood]

i think Carter Vaughn would react to being propositioned for a gay threesome by hollanov the same way he'd react to someone asking him to help them move, like "yeah sure no problem. you're buying the pizza and beer haha. what day?" and they're like, "do you actually want to?" and he shrugs and he's like "sure, why not? if i'm free." and they're like, "but like, are you attracted to us?" and he's like "of course man, you're a couple of fucking beauties" and they're like, "but are you gay..? or..bi?" and he's like, "OH! no. no i'm not, sadly. straight as an arrow ahaha but i'll still do the threesome if you want me to! i've done it before. it was a good time!" and hollanov would just blink at him like wtf do we do with that

also, crucially, i believe that if they did actually go through with it, the whole time he'd be like "fuck yeah bro! nice!" and really mean it (and the extreme straight jockbro-y-ness would probably really work for shane)

[mo-mode]

Autistic Shane has echolalia which is why he likes to randomly switch to a Russian accent and repeat back all the little Russian phrases and accented words Ilya says. At first, Ilya thinks he’s making fun of him like some weird form of chirping, but he eventually realizes Shane is just Like That TM (being his cutie patootie self.)

Shane: *sounds progressively more Russian during a conversation*

Ilya, thinking Shane’s making fun of him: that fucking asshole?

Ilya: neveroyatnyy

Shane, whispering in a perfect Russian accent: ✨neveroyatnyy✨

Ilya, clearly wasn’t supposed to hear that: ????!!

Ilya drops several Russian curses while they fuck once, and Shane just moans them right back. (Maybe Ilya fucks Shane three ways to Sunday afterward, and maybe he starts speaking Russian more during sex, but that is NO ONE’S business!)

Shane speaking to JJ during warm-ups: *unconsciously copying his accent*

Ilya, eavesdropping: No, that’s our thing >:(

Shane has genuine difficulty staying quiet and not echoing when Ilya gives his monologue over the phone, but he thinks it would upset Ilya if he did. (And Ilya will never admit it, but each time he said “I love you” in Russian, he hoped Shane would say it back in his little echo, even if he knew Shane didn’t mean it. (He would.))

Shane in the hospital, high as a kite, in a Russian accent: bye bye :)

Ilya, heart eyes 15000%: fuck this, fuck you, nurse I am having heart attack

This is also why Ilya believes Shane could learn Russian in two weeks because SOMEHOW (with his echolalia) Shane is really good at replicating the proper pronunciation.

[liminalmess]

so this post by @fractally made me think about a convo I had inspired by a tweet where someone quoted with “this is jj and Shane” to a tweet that was like “my bro came out to me and i was like ok let’s hit the club and find u someone bro im not gay but you’re never alone” and there’s another tweet response by the same person saying “put on ya mesh shirt we outside”

and i think ally JJ and out Shane could have so many fun misadventures like

imagining he does actually convince Shane to go out bc he always has fun with him and for some reason JJ has associated mesh shirts with gay guys because he’s seen them wearing them at the clubs he goes to in Montreal with it being a p queer friendly city and is like where’s your mesh shirt how’re they gonna know you’re gay and ready to get dicked down??

Shane: *starting to doubt himself and wondering if he SHOULD be wearing a mesh shirt* 🧍‍♂️ idk and also please don’t say dicked down

JJ: ok ok don’t worry Hollander we will find you a hottie to grind on

Shane: do what now???

Shane gets really drunk and mostly ends up dancing with JJ because he’s not actually looking for anyone obv and he looks really good and JJ’s having a bit of a crisis at one point like umm am i gay?? for my capitaine??

[oknotgood]

at some point down the road after hollanov has been married for a while they'll be doing their thing where they joke about having a threesome and it turns to MLH players and they're both like, 'yeah there's only one MLH player i'd probably have a threesome with' and they're both giggling and blushing like 'i'll tell you mine if you tell me yours' and ilya expects shane to say scott hunter and shane expects ilya to say cliff marleau and they agree to say it together so they count to three and then in unison, they both say 'carter vaughn.'

[foxesjostens]

something about ilya realizing shane was going to leave and desperately trying to stay cool but also desperately trying to get shane to stay. him trying to take it all back because even though he PLANNED for this almost down to the minute, one little slip up and shane’s just gone. he’s gone and in ilya’s mind it’s his own fault.

[falafels]

fighting for my fucking life in the work gc because nobody else has curly hair. freaky ted why have you done this to me.

and that marg was good because my boss made a comment i didn’t care for on the monday of that week so i overserved everybody by at least a shot to haemorrhage stock. there was no skill involved i out enough tequila in that to end Your bloodline freaky ted

[redpandarascal]

Freaky Ted is living up to his name.

[superbruder]

took a gamble on slightly cheaper tape and it’s already peeling after 1 day and too thin? woe is me