I'm Sorry

This is a sorry blog. A few months ago I managed to hurt one of the most important people in my life. I tried to say sorry through a letter but I know that no amount of sorry could make him forgive me. So I'll just dump here all of my sorry ideas in the hopes that when he does find this tumblr, he'll finally revisit the thought of forgiving me. I am sorry.

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I think the song says it all. But it's so weird cause I don't have the right to even say this. I was the one who moved on. But I'm back and I'm sorry I came back. I should have let you be. I'm letting you be now. I think. I don't want to let you be forever.

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I thought that I want to fix you but I don't. You were perfect to me. It just took a long time for me to realize that. And by the time I realized it, you were really gone.

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I know this is a famous Christina Perri song but I’m posting this because it sums up my feelings at the moment. You have every right to be mad but sometimes I just feel like giving up. I’m really only human. I have my limits and I don’t know how long I can go on with you being unforgiving.

Credits to Agnes Cecile for the wonderful watercolor art.

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The song I was referring to in my previous post was actually the second song I've ever written in my life. So you can pretty much guess that it sounds like a TSwift song. I'm not proud of the recording btw, I just wanted to post it to show the lengths I'll go through to tell you that once I called you all these names but you didn't care and honestly, I'd rather be called these rather than you not talking to me at all. But I guess forgiveness doesn't come naturally to people who don't deserve it.

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So these are the lyrics I wrote for you back when I hated you for being such an insensitive ass on September 2013. Funny, how it backfired, turns out I'm the one who deserves this song.

Anyhow, I apologize for my Taylor Swift moment as I couldn't help it, and because I wrote you this song, I'll even upload a recording of the song when I can. That's how sorry I am. I know I'm being judged. But if being judged will get me one step closer to the goal of being forgiven, judge ahead.

Credits to Marion Bolognesi for the beautiful watercolor painting.

PS. There are 32 synonyms in the song. I wanted to remove the other two but I did write the word "approximately".

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You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly. -- Philosopher Sam Keen

I found this quote while reading Archie's Married Life issue. Who knew that a childish boy who can't decide between Betty and Veronica will eventually grow up and learn the meaning of love?

So why did I include this quote? Cause when I was reading Archie on my iPad, I took a snapshot of this quote, remembering the fact that you're imperfect and I accepted each and one of your flaws, save one, you're a coward when it comes to feelings. You'd rather spend time with other people just so you couldn't face the fact that I'm here, wanting to spend time with you. And because I couldn't forgive you for that imperfection, I abandoned ship even before it got the chance to sail away. 

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Truth is I felt like we're in a perpetual circular motion until I grew tired of it. I wished I didn't. How was I to know that breaking the 'perpetuality' of it all would make me lose you? But I actually did know. It just so happened that I took the risk. And after the risk comes the regret. Tagaytay, 2014

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This is a wonderful song and it would have been part of a playlist I'll always find an excuse to not make. That's who I am. I hate showing people the songs I treasure the most. But you're not just a random person. I've never been scared of telling you an unfamiliar band or an unknown song.

I know for sure that you're over it. And I guess I could live with that. What I couldn't live with is not being your friend. So here I am, still, saying sorry.

You're already over me

Take it down, settle down

But it's round, round, all around me

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I have decided to further humiliate myself by posting this. I recorded this on the last week of March. One day I was so tempted to send you a message begging for forgiveness so I quickly went to the nearest guitar place and bought a ukulele to forget about it. I thought myself how to play in that day saying that if playing an instrument while singing was the only way you'd forgive me, I'd swallow my pride and do so.

PS Obviously this is my first ever try to play this song. I'm just reading the chords and I didn't even know the complete lyrics. I just felt like you did take me the way I am before all the fights. But oh well. I guess that's in the past.

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'Nothing good happens after 2AM'. This is one of the many notes that I've screenshot-ed before deleting. Of course I didn't send you this note. Knowing you, you would have ignored it and I'd be left in pieces wondering why you really ignored it. Over analyzing is a bitch.

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I don't know what a perfect first sorry post should look like. I just had this feeling that ever since I met you, I always wanted to be by your side. And I think that selfishness made what we have crumble. I shouldn't have asked for more. Korea, 2014