How to make the best food in the world, Tabbouleh
3 bunches of Curly Parsley
1/2 bunch of Italian Parsley
3 bunches of Green Onions
1/2 cup of cracked wheat bulgur
At least 1 cup of olive oil
Step 1. Put 1/2 cup of bulgur in a bowl. Add hot water. I don’t know how much, like enough until it’s submerged. Maybe you boil the water. Maybe you microwave the water. I don’t care. Eventually that water is going to disappear and your bulgur will be fluffy and hot and soft.
Step 2. Put that bowling hot bulgar in the fridge so it can cool down.
Step 3. Dice up 2 tomatoes. It’s up to you how small or how large you want those bits, but I like them like them fairly small, like the size of a thumbnail.
Step 4. Cut up the curly parsley. Don’t use a machine! It’ll cut it too much. But also, don’t be a lazy idiot and cut it up not enough. Cut it right. Which is like medium.
Step 5. Cut up the italian parsley. Same deal as the curly parsley.
Cut up the green onions. You can’t have enough green onions so if you want to add more more add more.
Step 6. Add all those veggies to a bowl.
Step 7 Start juicing lemons. You’re going to need at least 3, but the more the better. It’s pretty tiring though. Maybe do three and then supplement some bottled lemon juice? Who’s gonna know?
Step 8. That bulgur is probably not as hot as it was. Remove it from the fridge and add it to the bowl.
IMPORTANT: The final bowl should look like this this: Mostly Green, then red, then white. Too much bulgur is really a dish killer. Also, you can always add more if you disagree.
Step 9. Toss that shit real good.
Step 10. Maybe add some mint? Not too much though. Just a little. Like a clove or whatever.
Step 11. Pour some cayenne on this baby. Don’t be a pussy. Add enough. You can always add more so maybe not too much.
Step 12. Pour some olive oil on it. I don’t know how much, but again, don’t be a pussy.
Step 13. Now add all that lemon juice.
Step 14. Make sure the juices mix together, then stir it so it’s all wet and tasty with tabbouleh juice.
Step 15. Eat it. Unless it’s still warm from the bulgur, in which case put it back in the fridge. It should be eaten cold.
Step 16. EAT IT ALL. DON’T SHARE
This is the best food ever. If you don’t like it, I don’t know what to tell you.
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