Supposed Domesticity

My thoughts, hopes, dreams,interests- inspired by my mania, depression, obsessions, and intrigues.

[supposeddomesticity]

Learning to Let Go

Learning to Let Go - Trying not to freak out as I wait to hear about my son's school admissions.

I am going to be honest with all of you.

I am a control freak. Having a child is possibly the single most difficult thing for a control freak to do. It means giving up control of your body while pregnant. It means having to change your priorities and learn to go with the flow on things. It just means learning to let go of control of all the things.

This is a constant struggle for me.

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[supposeddomesticity]

Favorite School Supplies

Favorite School Supplies! Never too soon to start thinking about getting organized.

Disclosure: This content may contain affiliate links, which means I may earn a small commission on items purchased through links. Thank you for your support! Click here for our full terms.

Yesterday I signed Sullivan up for school for this coming fall. So of course I am already thinking about what school supplies I want to get for him!

Since we are switching his school I am looking at…

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[supposeddomesticity]

How to Select the Right School

How to Select the Right School

Working full-time means childcare or preschool is a necessity. The reality of selecting a facility that I can feel confident leaving my child in all day is a super anxiety inducing feat of mental acuity.

I feel like I am extremely picky, but the reality is these are the people my child is with for sometimes 9+ hours a day. Plus being a librarian and having previously studied and worked in the…

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[supposeddomesticity]

Post vote coffee voter #159 at 7am now all that is left is to hope for change <3 #vote https://www.instagram.com/p/Bp15C7GhR_2/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1bvny9ui7l57p

[dustoid-deactivated20181014]

in the makeup aisle

Rational brain: Not only do I not wear nail polish, but even when I did, I only ever wore black and just hoarded the other 20 colors I owned without using them. It’s a complete waste of money to buy any

Crow brain: Buy pretty shiny, bring home put in nest

[supposeddomesticity]

Spicy shrimp and chard :) tomorrow is #csaday #omnomnom

[supposeddomesticity]

My goal last night was to get up and go for a 30min walk. Anyone who knows me, knows how impressive this is. I got up put my shoes on and did it! I ignored the voice saying I should turn around after ten minutes because my calves were sore and my lower back hurt. I set a goal to get to the end of the street and back and I just kept walking #goalcrusher #wellness

[supposeddomesticity]

M-W meal prep on deck! Quinoa romanesco quiche, Soba noodle Buddha bowls with our local organic produce from @mcforganic #nofilter #omnomnom #mealprep

[supposeddomesticity]

Caldo Verde...not really soup weather but last week's vegetables needed to make way for this week's #omnomnom #mattawomancreekfarms

[supposeddomesticity]

One is fiction one is a cookbook both are over 500pages both of them were holds I had at the library...it always happens like this...Children of Blood and Bone was awesome highly recommend!

[supposeddomesticity]

Vox by Christina Dalcher *This book was provided to me as an ARC from Netgalley, all opinions are my own…

[supposeddomesticity]

So excited for this upcoming book release. Vox tells the story of a world where women can't say more than 100 words- y'all I would die! #arc #vox #dystopian #bookstagram

[youngbadmanbrown-deactivated201]

pretty much every vegetable you hated as a little kid would taste better if you roasted it with salt and olive oil instead of boiling it

[generalbriefing-blog]

The truth shall set you free

[leggyboyjohnson]

also sometimes if you just try it again with an adult palate because this is also a developmental issue little children are far more sensitive to bitter and metallic flavors it’s an evolutionary defense against poison

reblogging for science and culinary advice.

[sourpunchfuck]

shit who the fuck was trying to poison their kids so much that we evolved into a species that kids need a mechanism against poison?????

[quoth-the-ravenclaw-deactivated]

Richard III

[smiththeteacher]

I really like it when the scientific and historical / literary sides of Tumblr come together.

[no-more-ramen]

damn

[supposeddomesticity]

Getting back in the kitchen- homemade Whole Wheat bread turned into fresh croutons, lettuce, potatoes, and turnips from @mcforganic and oven baked spicy camembert #omnomnom #itswhatsfordinner

[supposeddomesticity]

I guess they both got my back today first try on #maxinesbackcarry #shortdayslongwraps #toddlerwearing #babywearing

[spookyloop]

That feeling when you spend all morning putting together the perfect outfit only to go outside and realize the blacks don’t match:

When Halloween things come on sale:

When Halloween is over and you know you have to wait until next October to do home decor shopping:

When you try tradgoth make-up for the first time:

When you hear the first notes of This Corrosion:

When the weather forecast is nothing but rain and storm:

When someone dares to say The Cure is overrated:

When someone asks you if you ever wear colours other than black:

[tophatandboots]

When you see photos of your embarrassing babybat self

[supposeddomesticity]

Parasthesia

I have been lying to myself for a few weeks now, but this week in particular I admitted to myself that I was manic again.

I don't know why I continuously self-sabotage or I do know. I am your typical person with bipolar disorder. I hate being medicated. I hate the idea that I need to be medicated. I don't think I need the medication, this time will be different. I can handle this, I am strong...

I am strong, but this thing is beyond my control.

It is a slow transition, I think I know how it started. Life was chaotic and I forgot to take my medicine on and off for a few days, and then I broke my habit and couldn't get back on track. Then I started to wonder if the medicine even did anything.

Well it most certainly did.

It started in small ways. This creep into mania. Not sure in what order it happened but some of the changes...

I am not tired, I do not need sleep, if or when I need it, it doesn't come anyway...Sleeplessness...I have so many ideas and new interests and passions. I am couponing obsessively. I am obsessed with French cooking and the language and customs. I am researching alternative schooling and parenting styles like Montessori, waldorf, RIE, attachment, etc. I started planning home renovations and shopping for tile. I pulled up carpet to look at floor underneath and would have started pulling it all up if DH had not stopped me. I started crosstitching. Bought a bread machine and a sous vide tool. I am obsessed with planning and organizing...Yet I can't slow my thoughts down enough to make any plans or organize anything. I bought the ingredients for a sous vide recipe but I can't remember the recipe. I made one loaf of bread, it was terrible and nearly inedible. I never started the crosstitch though I purchased all the supplies. I sit down to meal plan and make a grocery list and I can't. I open the cabinets to figure out what to make for dinner and it feels like a math problem I can't solve. I struggle to make lunch for my son. We don't have the money to eat out but I can't find the mental acuity to do anything. I am also constantly hungry and nothing seems to satisfy me. I have gained 15lbs in the last month. I feel paranoid at work and at home, I don't trust anyone. I don't want people to see how poorly I am doing so I have withdrawn. At work I struggle to stop my thoughts, speech and actions. I have so much to do and I can barely piece tasks together without constant reminders and prodding. I am off the rails. The worst feeling in all of it is this disquieting unease, this kind of inward pressure. I feel like my brain is pressing into my skull trying to break free and my skin is crawling and my eyes can't rest on one fixed spot. And my breathing feels rapid and I can feel my heartbeating and it is like I can't escape my body a quiet kind of tremor and pins and needles keeping me anxious and unsettled.

This is my mania. This is bipolar. I am not ok. I feel like I am falling apart and I want so desperately to be whole and the more badly I want to get better the harder I relapse each time. This is holding me back from so much and it has a stranglehold on me.