Whimsy

[surajraja]

I’m Akasha.

I’m an occultist. I like reading.

Surrealism has my heart!

Also paraphilic. Femme.

- I like non cis males, sexually and romantically.

Random outlet to post my shame and arousal, both. Anyone’s welcome and I love talking about pretty much anything.

[surajraja]

Traditional “heteronormative” dynamics with a butch.

[surajraja]

I need someone to beat me up so I can be pathetic instead of sad.

[surajraja]

I want Daddy to pet my hair and rock me to sleep.

[surajraja]

“This is a love letter to a nightmare. For centuries they dressed up love for easy digestion in the body of a fat little boy with wings, pale blue bows and anaemic looking flowers. Behind this bland decoration Love snarled its rictus through the ages. With shrieks of adoration it flung itself on human breasts, “to crush you, to suck your life away. I cannot drag my own weight over the crust of the earth so you must carry me on your back so that in time you will be crippled with my weight”. These words are in every heart in mating season”.

- The Stone Door

I hate it all, I’m internally convulsing.

[papayajuan2019]

i wear desperation so well. i almost don't want to take it off

[7dmom]

I am pure of spirit and ready to be challenged

[surajraja]

Aa Rang Phullan Da Vi Hor Goorha Ho Gya

Paani Pyaar Wala Pattiyan Nu Dho Gaya

Ajj Oss Da Deedar Mainu Ho Gaya

Na Gall Mere Vass Di Rahi

Ho Laavan Ishqe De Ambrin Udaarian

Mainu Pyaar Dian Charhiyan Khumaariyan

Mere Pair Na Zameen Utte Laggde

Lakha Chashmein Mohabbatan De Vaggde

Raatin mein Mithe Mithe suphne vi thaggde

Na Gall Mere Vass Di Rahi

[surajraja]

I am drenched in layers upon layers of filth. I’m so ashamed and disgusted. There is no good for me. I do not get the warmth of fire, I’m left with the ash it leaves, I desperately cling to the heat and my hands are charcoal.

[surajraja]

A butch genuinely believing themselves smarter than me. Like I’m nothing but a hollow fuck toy. Groping me and slapping my tits and laughing in front of their butch friends. And making me suck their strap and call them daddy.

[scarlet-library]

Diagrams, sigils and charts from Liber Null by Peter J. Carroll.

[holy-mountaineering]

RIP Peter J. Carroll

[leatherdaughter]

One thing I really fucking enjoy is getting to co-dom. Getting to share the experience of hurting someone or making them feel good with a friend and/or lover is honestly so deeply gratifying. Getting to watch the (sometimes not so) subtle differences between how the two of us approach certain scenes and seeing the ways our styles complement each other is nothing short of a divine experience.

I also love contrast when working with another dom. The nice dom/mean dom act is so fun. Getting to provide pleasure, encouragement and gentle touch between bursts of some of the meanest and most sadistic behavior you’ve ever seen is such a privilege, and vice versa… god it’s so good.

Running a scene with two doms also has the added benefit of there being opportunities for one to bring different skills into the dynamic that wouldn’t be there otherwise. For instance, I’m pretty okay with rope, but it’s not my forte necessarily, but having a dedicated rope dom rig a scene while I work in areas where I have more experience is so much fun.

Lastly, when a scene is over, the sub or subs get to receive twice the aftercare; and all the same points about getting to see and experience differences in how it’s done and what needs can be met for everyone still apply.

[dizzykitten]

the patient is flatlining she needs married butchfemme patriarchal conabuse

[surajraja]

Oh my god I’m going to eat your flesh. I’m going to eat your fucking flesh. I won’t stop until there’s nothing.. but nothing can be created nor destroyed so I will be eating forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever. I’m sooooo famished.

[surajraja]

It’s just me here. The audience has finally dissolved? How long have I puppeteered my own suffering? Performing for someone that was never there. All I want is warmth. The rays of a gaze fixed on me. Praising me. Adoring me. Loving me. Accepting me. Knowing me. But you have to know me wholly. Every part of me. Even the bad parts. And it’s way too hard. So I’d rather continue suffering under a manufactured gaze. But I won’t. I’ll be brave. I’ll play the flute and catch up with the trees I foolishly fell out of contact with.

[surajraja]

Grinding on a butches bulge covered by their jeans.

[surajraja]

I’m so fucking miserable. I can’t believe it. It’s like. I’m watching myself rot away. There’s no hope for me. I’m so lonely and sad. And I despise Islam and its frenzied practitioners.