A Surgeon’s Fantasy

[surgeonfantacy]

The first time i cry since my first pill.

[bibliophilebooks]

“ كيف يمكن أن تشرح للغير أنك ما عدت تصلح للأحاديث اليومية السطحية .. و أنك مستنزف لدرجة أنك تحتاج فسحة من الوحدة كي ترمم ما دمرته الحرب في داخلك ..كيف يمكن للجميع أن يحترموا أنك ما عدت قادرًا على الإجابة عن سؤال عادي أو روتيني او تجاذب أطراف حديث طبيعي و تافه …”

دويستوفيسكي

[surgeonfantacy]

كيف نموت بسرعة

[surgeonfantacy]

Iam a disappointment, failure , a burden , i dont deserve this life , i should die.

[surgeonfantacy]

At some point we need to accept the fact some people are lonely . Just lonely, not lovable , not approachable, not friendly, not needed , not wanted , just lonely.

[qvotable]

“I’ve never been very good at leaving things behind. I tried, but I have always left fragments of myself there too, like seeds awaiting their chance to grow.”

— Joanne Harris

[surgeonfantacy]

[depresion-quotes]

-C

[depresion-quotes]

-C

[sykothoughts]

[surgeonfantacy]

I never wanted to die, i wanted to live , to change the world, to help people, to be a surgeon , but i guess the world doesnt want me , its rejecting me, my body and mind are forcing me to die, the pain is infinte , my thoughts are uncontrollable, iam drained of emotiones, everytime i go through a mental break i just say every one goes through mental breaks and they get out of it and life is not always a happy land , but the time between a mental breakdown and another, is meaningless, like iam not alive, i dont feel , i dont speak, i just cry endlessly, suffering from my thinking , waiting for something to pick me up , iam thriving for help , but i guess it better to leave , iam just a burden, iam sick and sad , i bring darkness only , i was never a happy child , i was born depressed , and maybe life was not meant for everyone , i dont know how to die , i hope it doesnt hurt.

[surgeonfantacy]

Ive consumed all my feelings , thoughts and words, my soul is so empty and light , it might fly by its own.

[asking-the-death]

You need a private talk? Just send me an ask!:)

[surgeonfantacy]

Why iam never enough ? Why people hate me ?

[fuck2everything]

[surgeonfantacy]

People think being depressed means wearing black and weeping at the corner of the room, when depression actually is waking up everyday and going to work, eating lunch, interacting with people and going back home, the difference you feel nothing while doing everything , like you are some kind of robot asked to do orders , you cant find a meaning to what you’re doing neither why you’re still alive , but you still do it , the thoughts of no one needs me, no one wants me , i have no drive to live anymore , iam responsible for every misery and every fault and iam the reason why everybody hates me , and blaming myself for every missed up relationship, feeling like i should apologize for being alive ,you might live for years with all these thoughts and feelings and get used to them and it becomes part of your personality, but at some point all of these ideas will get out of control and exceed your capacity of handle, and you cannot ask for help beacuse you feel like who cares ? then what comes ? Suicide?

[surgeonfantacy]

كصحراء قاحلة ..

هجّت منها كل مخلوقات الأرض ..

رغم وسعي .. لا أحد يأتي إليّ.