KIAN

d1 hater

[surgeonirl]

"LET ME BE THERE FOR YOU, PUSSY!"

KIAN / ISHA

HE / ITS / XIR

MINOR

GAY + POLY + TRANS MASC (i love my boyfriend, 9/11/2024)

BPD + DEPRESSION

[more info under the cut!]

MORE ABOUT ME ;; i'm irish, currently doing my 3rd year of secondry school. i play rugby, am learning the bass guitar. i'm also a pretty shitty fanfic writer. i also think i have misokinesia (it's a hatred of movements. ask me about it and ill happily explain more)

INTERESTS ;; as of late, i've been incredibly into jrwi (more specifically riptide and blood in the bayou), along with saw, breaking bad / better call saul, mythology, collecting, pokémon, daybreak, the mandela catalogue, minecraft, and a lot more!

OTHER BLOGS ;; so, i run other blogs.

@scouties - gaming blog... i do dnd and stuff, so character sheets and the likes will be on there.. along with actual games!

@badgemanwrites - writing blog... poems and fics and stuff its very cool i prommie

@capnprice - roleplay blog for the infamous reuben price from riptide i love him BAD but i hate him but ohhh i love him...

BOUNDARIES ;; so i'm really funny about this. i'm pretty okay with a lot.. however if you suck as a person or make me uncomfy in any way, i will block you.

i also have a really short temper. do watch out for that lmao.

DNI LIST ;; same as the boundaries. i'm not too nitpicky on this. there's the obvious dni (trans/homophobes, terfs, racists, trumpies), and there's a few specific things.

do not, whatsoever, interact with me if you take a characters canon sexuality/identity and disregard it for some fucky ship/fantasy, if you shit on people for their interests/headcanons, if you ignore someone's diagnosis for anything (self diagnosis included; you don't know what somebody is going through, they might not be able to get a diagnosis. it's okay if it is educated.), and finally, do not interact with me if we have a bad past.

i have grown as a person, i don't need a constant reminder of something i have overcome.

USERBOXES ;;

{ last updated : 3/2/2025 }

[surgeonirl]

GENO SEE HE’S OK! HE’S ALIVE PLZ DONT KILL YOURSELF ;4;

whos geno and no i am not killing myself ive just permanently moved to my ravishinglyrenwraith blog so like.. yeah!!!

[surgeonirl]

yeah shameless new blog drop

[surgeonirl]

GENO SEE HE’S OK! HE’S ALIVE PLZ DONT KILL YOURSELF ;4;

whos geno and no i am not killing myself ive just permanently moved to my ravishinglyrenwraith blog so like.. yeah!!!

[ambershousefire]

The ableism goes hard

Kian go suck an egg, you being told that your actions have consequences and that just because you don't think before you act isn't ablism, you whant to know why because everyone around you can actually control themselves rather then just saying "I'm not responsible for how people feel from my actions"

[surgeonirl]

this shit aint me bro i have a life outside harrassibg people through asks believe it or not

[surgeonirl]

Hay I won't speek to you till you apologise, you have to put in any effort now

@raptor-claw ho is this your ride or die?? this who your ass insists loves me?? this who you value defending more than our friendship??? yall drive me nuts dni

[ambershousefire]

Suck an egg I defend you every time roos thinks you hate him, me asking for an apology after how you treated me is not so fucking hartld to understand

[surgeonirl]

how i treated you... you mean me refusing to accept your bullshit "critism"

you demanded i get over my struggle with communication when i am in mindsets not ideal for conversing in so as to not hurt you as if doing so wouldnt hurt me in extension because it is an uncomfortable and horrible position for me

you called my own coping mechanism wrong because it hurt others and told me to stop it just to appease you once again

instead of concern for a friend who is fucking struggling you fucking hounded me for COPING. so no, i will not apologise, especially when you basically cut me off the same way.

i am sorry for coping and i am sorry if my coping fucking hurt you but jesus christ you can't pull this holier than thou act after all that fucking shit you just said to me over discord, which i screenshotted and will fucking public drop if you don't leave me alone.

[surgeonirl]

Hay I won't speek to you till you apologise, you have to put in any effort now

@raptor-claw ho is this your ride or die?? this who your ass insists loves me?? this who you value defending more than our friendship??? yall drive me nuts dni

[surgeonirl]

shout out to that guy who gave me mayo and ketchup packets at work? we're suppoded to be puttijg screws in wood but sure condiments

[surgeonirl]

Why don't you talk to people when you're upset

because when im upset i worry more about how others will react to what i have to say and what i presume or guess what theyre going to say back to it. i dont want to bother anybody esp if theyre happy at the moment or if theyre sad

[ambershousefire]

So insted of doing anything to help the situation you would rather make everyone scared and feel like you hate them?

[surgeonirl]

literally what are you hoping to do by saying that?? make me feel guilty for not expressing an emotion to others????

[ambershousefire]

Dude what do you expect to happen when you stop talking to everyone, I don't know what I did to upset you, I might not even be at fault for anything but I'll be caught in the cross fire, your acting like your doing this to not upset anyone but you're self but your doing the opposite, there a different between guilt tripping and calling you out for hurtful actions

[surgeonirl]

i expect people to take the hint and leave me alone until i want to be spoken to but if you really want to know genuinely why the fuck would i tell you? so you can go parrot it back to root?? so then you too can just discuss my emotions as if im a fucking conversational topic?? no thanks!

[surgeonirl]

Why don't you talk to people when you're upset

because when im upset i worry more about how others will react to what i have to say and what i presume or guess what theyre going to say back to it. i dont want to bother anybody esp if theyre happy at the moment or if theyre sad

[ambershousefire]

So insted of doing anything to help the situation you would rather make everyone scared and feel like you hate them?

[surgeonirl]

literally what are you hoping to do by saying that?? make me feel guilty for not expressing an emotion to others????

[surgeonirl]

Why don't you talk to people when you're upset

because when im upset i worry more about how others will react to what i have to say and what i presume or guess what theyre going to say back to it. i dont want to bother anybody esp if theyre happy at the moment or if theyre sad

[surgeonirl]

how do i tell bro that i want to gatekeep fandom from them because im worried that they're just going to lust over characters (which they're already doing) while disregarding lore and start acting like they know said fandom better than me when it was literally my childhood

[surgeonirl]

like okay im not mad at them for wanting to be in the fandom and liking it but i know i will GET mad about them being in the fandom and i'll end up either upsetting them or just hurting them. i can't gatekeep it without upsetting them or making them mad, but i can't healthily acknowledge them being in the fandom BECAUSE OF THOSE REASONS.

[surgeonirl]

how do i tell bro that i want to gatekeep fandom from them because im worried that they're just going to lust over characters (which they're already doing) while disregarding lore and start acting like they know said fandom better than me when it was literally my childhood

[surgeonirl]

wyd when me and parent figure match susie and lancer on the dis of cord.

[surgeonirl]

angry and sad tgen angry again nd its killkng my ass

[surgeonirl]

i want to gatekeep a fandom from my friend but only so i don't freak out and lose my shit which might like. the gatekeeping would upset them, but so would me losing my shit, so i don't win here and i KNOW for definite i'm going to lose my shit so. like. hrm.

[justquotewithit]

#deacon: what about you, arthur? are you racist?

[surgeonirl]

he hates his volume,

he shouts, he screams.

"look at me, look at me!"

in hopes that he will be seen.

he hates his volume,

many others don't like it either.

they call him names.

"childish"

"loud"

"annoying"

and the worse of all,

"a headache"

he hates his volume.

forever meant to be ignored,

never meant to be heard, no matter how loud he

screams and cries,

begs and pleads,

yells and whines.

he hates his volume.

many disregard it,

"he's always loud," is what they say,

when people look at them strangely.

he hates his volume.

it's the one thing he can't control.

those around him do not notice it,

and prefer him when he says nothing at all.

he hates his volume.

will he ever be truly heard?