FEELINGS

Maude / 23 / mes petits écrits/poèmes/trucs.

[surlechemindelaguerisonblablabla]

Maybe the end

There is something so odd and strange at the same time,

when it comes to reviving your past wounds.

I found love seven months ago,

And I can assure you I know how dumb it may sound,

But temporarily, this tall dutch guy, managed to grab the right needle and stitched what was bleeding way too much half of a year ago.

I do still struggle with my emotions and my past traumas,

But for the first time in a while, I feel happy. 

Real happiness. 

I might go back to writing my little poems and silly things one day,

For now on, I lost inspiration, but I found my soulmate.

[surlechemindelaguerisonblablabla]

voices

The hardest part of having evil thoughts is that you can’t never fully turn it off. I can tame it, with good moments, alcohol, drugs. But they always come back at some point. I could be living the best time of my life, and suddenly this voice in my mind will always pop out and tell me ‘’do you think you really deserve this ?’’

As if, I will never deserve to be happy. 

And that’s the hardest part, living with this roommate you never chosed. 

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rejection

It is so hard To not feel like a burden all the time It is so hard To not bother your entire planned life It is hard  To feel like I deserve a place in it It is so hard To not push you away It is so hard To let you breathe away -from me It is so hard To not feel rejected all the time.

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Ready

Ready to let you in,

Ready to dive in,

Ready to be happy,

Ready for you,

Ready for this,

Ready for a lifetime.

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Achievement

Before I met you, 

All I wanted was to be as free as a bird.

Then I realized that you didn’t came into my life to tie me to the ground ; in fact, you helped me to fly away.

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Self worth

I don’t need your negativity,

I don’t need your nasty words,

I need to realize how much I’m worth.

You had a precious flower in your hands,

and you let it dry, fade, you burned it in a minute.

I’ve always wondered why you acted like a prince,

when in reality, you’ve always been just a silly frog.

Starting from today,

I’ve realized something good for myself,

I don’t need you,

and I never did.

[surlechemindelaguerisonblablabla]

Radiator

Six degrees, it has always been six degrees

up there.

But since I met you,

it’s getting warmer.

Didn’t know that feeling

Could be so pleasant.

Please,

Don’t let it turn back to ice,

ever again.

[surlechemindelaguerisonblablabla]

Lethargic

Is it right

To feel so cold all the time 

It used to be a warm space, filled up with melody and flowers

Now, it’s empty, cold and my flowers died

How do you make all of this mess come back to life ?

What if once it’s buried it can’t grow back 

What if the melody disapeared forever 

What if it is sanitized, plain and grey even during summer

What if you just can’t feel happiness anymore 

[recaption]

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Half of your heart

We’ve known each other for so many years

Growing up together

Laughing together

Looking at each other, that way

You know what way

But you’re with her

And when you’re not

You run back to me

Cause you know that I’ll be here

Waiting for a call, a text, a sign from you

I’m such a fool for you 

I wish I was more than a side dish that you order

When you’re not craving her

Anymore.

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Outgrowth

Here we are again You and me You’re already introduced to my family You took my brother away, and sooner or later, you’ll have my grandmother I don’t understand why you’re so greedy Death already took five of us within two years I’ve never felt so helpless, I wish you could let us rest

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Lovescared 2/05/19

Today, I was contemplating my love life, as I do at least two times a day.

First, when I wake up and see all my Tinder matches. 

Second, at night, when I do the same before I fall asleep.

Then I realized, I have more than six hundred matches. A few conversations. But still, no one to cuddle at night. 

It has only been six months since I’ve been single, and the desperate need to be with someone won’t go away. It’s like I’m addicted to love. 

But the truth is : I’m just afraid of being alone. I’m afraid to wake up one day and to be ‘’used’’ to the feeling of being single. 

I’m also afraid love will hurt me. 

Love scares me now. Everytime somebody is trying to be close to me, I push them away. I avoid situations that will involve some potential romantic interactions, like dates. 

In order to love someone else, maybe I should embrace loneliness and self love first. And maybe after that I’ll be ready to jump right into it.

In order to love, I need to heal first.

Okay this one is veeeery personal and I can tell you almost a year later, the feeling is still there lmao

[surlechemindelaguerisonblablabla]

🐢 16/05

Here you come

Running all day

In my head

What is left to say

I promised myself

I’ll stop falling so deep and quickly

But it’s already too late

I’m addicted to the daily texts

I’m addicted to the thought of you

And I know I won’t be disapointed

Because I’ve never seen

A cute little turtle being mean

THAT END IS SHITTY

Keep in mind this one was just a first try, I never got back on it bc I thought it was cute like this aha

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7/09/19 (Double locked)

I hate the way you make me feel

Thought I learned the lesson

But you’re making me feel something

Something so strange but pleasant

And it breaks my heart

Knowing I have trust issues

Knowing we will never be ‘’us’’

Maybe I’m overprotecting myself

But that’s the only way I won’t get hurt

No feelings, no heart breaking

I wish I allowed myself to fall in you

But it’s too late

It’s locked and won’t open anymore. 

[surlechemindelaguerisonblablabla]

16/05/19 (in love with love)

Like stars and the sky Like the sun and the moon Like you plus me makes us You complete me I was always looking for a fool Then I understood All I needed was someone as peaceful as you You come and with words you heal my soul You might say I’m rushing it All I’m thinking about right now is when I’ll get to taste You. 

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17/03 (it’s a match!)

Are you the one

Or is it just another mistake

Are you going to screw it

Like so many did

Only time will know

I have to let myself go.

[surlechemindelaguerisonblablabla]

29/03

Sometimes I have happy days

But it always quickly goes away.