Surviving Narcissism

We have all been there. We’ve been dragged through the trenches of narcissism, and come out with our bleeding hearts still beating. We all have a story. Here’s mine.

[survivingnarcissism]

The Released Narcissist

After spending three long years in jail the released narcissist will believe he is reborn. He has spent those years reading books on consciousness, finding his sobriety, and obtaining his GED. He has a lot to be proud of, and he is so proud. So much so that he feels it necessary to lecture the woman he destroyed about being and doing better. He feels it’s his duty to criticize every move she makes. He’s been giving unwarranted advice about her parenting skills and more. She’s still healing and rebuilding the world that he destroyed. All while raising the children he left behind while on his narcissistic inebriated excursions. So naturally, she isn’t taking his words too well.

But the released narcissist is on his high horse. He believes that upon his release, his life will be transformed. You see, he has convinced himself that all the superficial work he’s done was enough to give him the life he feels he deserves. He expects to reconcile with the woman he destroyed. She should have gotten over all that he has done in the past by now. He has the right to be with the woman he loves even if she does not want to be with him. He has apologized numerous times, stopped calling her out her name. He has taken accountability for his foolish actions and should therefore be rewarded with the life he has always wanted. He conveniently forgets that once upon a time he had the love and support of his family.

He luckily still has her support. She reluctantly agrees to take him to his weekly released program. She wants him to thrive. She wants her children to have a father they can be proud of. But he is relentless in his conquest. During the rides he accuses her of being with men. He touches her hand, asks for hugs, blows her kisses. She sets boundaries and he crosses each and every one of them. He then blows up at her when she says she can no longer give him rides. He says, ‘this is about my freedom!’ Yet his freedom didn’t seem so important whilst throwing accusations and not respecting boundaries. And so he has lost what little support he had from her.

The released narcissist is shocked by what he finds upon his release. His children are neither here nor there when it comes to his presence. They ignore his phone calls and texts, and give one word responses on the off chance that they do respond. They are busy with friends and school activities. Fitting him into their schedule just isn’t a priority. Disappointed, the released narcissist blames the mother. He refused to acknowledge how the children have had to adjust to his absence. He doesn’t feel he should have to put in work and time to gain his children’s trust back. Instead he places the responsibility of facilitating a relationship with them on the mother. She responds with no contact.

The released narcissist hasn’t changed. All he has done is spend three years boosting his already inflated ego. He is now free with a sense of entitlement bigger and more audacious than before. He’s better than his peers that are drinking and doing drugs. All those books he read while locked up has him on a higher consciousness than everyone else. Everyone should listen to what he has to say. Everyone should support him in his endeavors. Everyone should give him whatever he wants. Including the woman he destroyed and the children he abandoned. It’s his world, and everyone else is just living in it.

[survivingnarcissism]

The Masked Narcissist

He will set his sights on you. He will seem attentive and charismatic. His attraction to you will be overwhelming. He will be everything you thought you ever wanted. And once he’s conquered his conquest, the masked narcissist will become his true self. He will be every self centered, absuive and diabolical narcissist that he had hidden from you. Waiting for the moment that he captured your heart. Waiting until he could let down his guard. As soon as he believes that you ‘ain’t going nowhere,’ the worst of him will come out. When you realize that you are with a lunatic, you flee. Oh, but the masked narcissist uses his disguise to reel what pieces of your heart he still has, back in. He will put the mask back on, making promise after empty promise. He is back on his conquest! He must win you over once again. He must do so and post to Facebook that he has his family back. Must show the world how stupid you were, once again. The mask often slips off during these campaigns. When you refuse to allow him back into your life he becomes enraged. When he sees that his lies are no longer working, he will quickly turn back into the monster that he really is, hurling insults at you. You become the bitch, whore, dick sucker that you were before when he had you. Just as quickly, he’ll return to the loving masked person, sending heart emojis while referring to you as Queen. This back and forth, masking and unmasking will go on for as long as you’ll entertain it. The Masked Narcissist is completely unaware of the mask. On autopilot, he’s acting on triggers of traumas from his past.

[survivingnarcissism]

Reminders

[survivingnarcissism]

Thanks for all the follows! I haven’t been too active on this account due to separating myself from the narcissist. However, I do still encounter the narcissist in many different forms from time to time.

Feel free to ask questions, for advice or to share your story on your experiences or on how you freed yourself from a narcissist.

[survivingnarcissism]

Ego/stagnation

You can give someone the exact blueprint on how to get what they want, and their EGO won’t allow them to hear you. They’ll be too busy getting ready to defend themselves against their own insecurities. When you bring this to their attention, they’ll vehemently deny it. They aren’t listening to you…they are waiting to disagree. Even when it makes absolute perfect sense. They will go against whatever it is you tell them.

[survivingnarcissism]

The Heroic Narcissist pt.2

The heroic narcissist has grown into a man. Somewhere in between the cracks of his toxicity, he has made a life for himself. He has gotten married, a car, home, consistency. He’s on top of the world. He is providing for his wife and elevating her to levels she’s never reached. His confidence is soaring. He’s staring down his nose at everyone. But then the anxiety of his wife’s elevation distracts him from his feelings of superiority. He begins to focus in on the nagging feelings of inadequacy her confidence elicits. In a panic, he begins to self sabotage.

Desperately searching for distractions from these negative feelings, the heroic narcissist will overwork himself. He will stay up all hours of the night knowing he has to work early in the morning. He will begin drinking to numb the feelings. He’s emotionally detached himself from everyone. His mother, his child, his wife. He’s trying his hardest to keep up his façade. All the while he’s destroying everything he worked so hard to build. His wife is being weighed down by his distance and short temper. It seems nothing she does is ever right. They are arguing all the time and she is becoming depressed. He sees this as his opportunity to drag her back down to where he feels comfortable. So he provides the drugs she needs to cope with her sadness and stress. After awhile things begin to get out of control. She’s struggled with addiction in the past, and he knew this. Subconsciously he knew she would fall quickly. But the heroic narcissist was not prepared for how far she’d fall. And once she realized it was him that needed to exit her life, he was left to sit in the chaos he had created.

But he was not done. Faced with the conflicting feelings of being made out to be the monster, he must now save his reputation. He goes around to anyone who will listen and tells the most horrible stories about his wife. He makes himself out to be the logical one, the righteous. Once she finds out, things escalate to irreparable levels. And the heroic narcissist is left to sit in the mess he has made. Nothing left to destroy. But he is not left to sit for long. Alas, his wife is at her lowest. Her codependency kicks in and she feels as though she cannot make it alone. She misses her husband. So returns the heroic narcissist, swooping back in to save his damsel in distress. He will get a new job, he will go back to paying all the bills, he will dote on her and be everything she needs to feel like she’s on top of the world. Everyone will be happy for awhile. Until he is triggered once again.

[survivingnarcissism]

The Narcissist as a Father

He will not teach his children anything. For the early years of their lives he will be absent. He will run the streets doing as he pleases. He will do only for self. And forget that he was supposed to get his two youngest shoes. He will expect the mother to educate, nurture, entertain and tend to the kids. As he only contributes less than half of his check. He spends the rest only on himself. He does not pay any bills. He does not make repairs in the house. He comes home and throws his shoes and clothes anywhere. Leaves his wet towel on the bed every day. He lays in the bed and looks through his phone for hours. Then complain about having nothing to do as his children look up at him with pleading eyes. He’ll take the one outside for ten minutes maybe. If the baby is crying he won’t budge. If they want anything they go to her. They know not to go to him. Because they know he won’t do anything. And through all of this he will criticize the woman holding down the fort. This is the narcissist father.

[weltenwellen]

Lindsay C. Gibson, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents

[survivingnarcissism]

[kushandwizdom]

I’m literally seeing the same man who has a history of psychologically abusing and beating on Black women delve into the BLM movement with some “Protect Black Women” shit on this site and it’s just crazy.

[snailygoon]

One of my many daily struggles from “living with” Anxiety

[greatbritishbombs-deactivated20]

wow I like this

[mamawritten]

In honor of Juneteenth I feel compelled to share a bit of whitewashed history with you. In the early stages of what was to become slavery, the colonizer went to Africa for a particular reason. Their fellow colonists, who would work seven years of indentured servitude, rarely made it through their contract. Working the the sugar cane fields was no easy task and they often died from disease and exhaustion. When the colonizers realized how strong, intelligent and resilient African people were, they switched their focus.

Now at first Africans were afforded the same rules of indentured servitude and were able to earn that which had been taken from them, their freedom. Some received it through work, merit or manumission. But the insecurities of the colonizer were ever present. Freed Africans would make their ways to areas up north where opportunity was booming in urban areas. Yet, though ‘free’ they did not receive the same treatment as the colonizer. Discrimination and oppression was rampant. The colonizers felt threatened by African success, and every effort was made to ‘keep them in their place.’ Even kidnapping Africans and selling them back into slavery. Eventually, the colonizer’s feelings of inadequacy in comparison to Africans overcoming such harsh conditions and thriving, caused them to make laws prohibiting Africans from gaining freedom after serving ‘their time.’ It was an insidious thing that was done, first making it illegal for Africans to bear arms, then own land. Finally came the law that all Africans were slaves minus a few exceptions.

Yet we have been indoctrinated to believe that we allowed our own enslavement. That we came here and didn’t fight back. That we immediately feared the colonizer. But it was all done insidiously. They knew once they got us to the colonies that we’d be at a disadvantage. And they used that as an opportunity to brainwash and instill fear in us. Africans that were first brought here were outnumbered, knew nothing of the land and had no army behind them. While the colonies had all of Europe on their side. But that didn’t mean that Africans didn’t fight. There were revolts throughout the land. The revolution of Haiti being a well known positive(I use the word positive loosely here) outcome to the African’s fight for freedom. This brought such fear to the colonists that they began brainwashing and instilling fear to an even higher degree than before, often turning Africans against one another.

But what the colonists failed to realize in their disgusting grasps for wealth, is how powerful a people that we are. And in this ignorance, they murdered us, they raped us, they tortured us. The very people that they brought here because of their strength, endurance and ingenuity they decided to treat this way. They worked Africans from sun up to sundown, training their bodies to be stronger, their minds to be more resilient. And these weak, mediocre colonists believed that they would be able to keep such a people down forever. They thought that the engineers, warriors, inventors, mothers, fathers, the masterminds would remain silent and obedient. That they could beat them into submission and they would not fight for that which they knew was theirs, freedom.

And yes, the African was brainwashed, knowing nothing but what was told to them to be true. But alas, there is no truth like one’s own truth. And freedom, or something like it was to eventually come. Unfortunately, the brainwashing has continued for too many of the African’s defendants today, living in a bubble that the colonizer has created for them since birth.

So when you ask yourself why the colonizer continues their oppression and hatred towards us, remember the history. Understand that their hatred comes from a place of trepidation. For centuries they slaughtered Africans, destroyed any attempts at them making something of themselves, or succeeded in ‘pulling up their bootstraps’ as the colonizer loves to tell us. And at times, the African became more affluent than the colonizers themselves had become off the backs of slavery. Imagine how the colonizer felt seeing freed Africans gaining wealth through nothing but hard work and ingenuity.

They do not want us in positions of power or affluence because it is a threat to them. It is a deeply rooted subconscious fear of revenge. Which is why during this time of racial unrest you will see the colonizer once again attempting to brainwash us. Companies are jumping on the trend of Black Lives Matter, and using it to push the ‘we all are one’ agenda. We must love one another and see the colonizer as a friend, not the enemy as they truly are. They’ll use any number of successful black people to negate from the fact that they still have their knee on our neck. And unfortunately there are too many descendants of enslaved Africans that are quick to latch on to this rhetoric. They condemn those who refuse to jump on the ‘we all bleed red’ train.

The colonizer needs for us to be their friend, but not so much that they will end this system of oppression and discrimination towards African people. Not enough to address the poverty, poor education and high prison rates that we face everyday. Not enough to stop cops from killing us. No, they will continue with keeping us down and justify it with made up stereotypes. They will tell the world through media outlets that black people are criminals, uneducated and lazy. While telling us to turn the cheek, they continue their attack. My question is, how many cops have to kill us? How many people have to get hanged, go missing or experience violence at the hands of the colonizer before we realize that we are at war?

Happy Juneteenth, my people. Stay strong, but mostly...stay woke.

[survivingnarcissism]

Epitome of narcissism...the colonizer

[endlesswanderingsstuff-deactiva]

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[endlesswanderingsstuff-deactiva]

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[survivingnarcissism]

[survivingnarcissism]

Watch how you talk to me...

See, I’m not the type of person who’ll be like, ‘fuck you, you piece of shit! I hate you!’

When you come up out ya mouth to call me a bitch and a whore, you better be ready for what’s coming. I don’t carry a repertoire of name calling. However, my mouth is loaded with a fury beyond your mediocre fathoming, and you will crumble beneath my scrutiny. I will pick apart every aspect of your being. Torture you with your own insecurities. Make you question every poor choice you’ve ever made in your life.

So watch what you say to me. The temporary release of rage will leave you with permanent scars. This, I promise you.

[survivingnarcissism]

[survivingnarcissism]

Do not be fooled by the narcissist’s attempts to reel you back into his madness. He will convince you that all he needs is your loyalty. Your devotion. All he needs is for you to love him through the process of healing. But it is a trick, set up by the narcissist to keep you trapped within his web of lies. For things to get better, all you need to do is love him alittle harder. Beware of this false narrative. The narcissist has no intentions of changing his ways.